It Takes a Lot
by ADA-AprilMorgan
Summary: Emily sank against the wall resigning herself to the fact that she'd have to wait for the team to find her, for Him to walk through the door, for something to happen. She'd be fine. She just had to hold Him off. They'd get to her. She'd find her. She had to believe that, even if she wasn't going to come out of this unscathed. They'd come for her.
1. Unscathed Planning

**Edited and reposted: November 8**

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><p>Emily groaned and her forehead creased as she slowly came back into consciousness. She was lying on her side, on a hard ground with loose rocks pressing against her uncomfortably under her body weight. Her clothes were still on, so that was something at least. She had no idea where she was; well, she had a theory but hoped with all her might that she was wrong. She gently reached around to soothe the dull sting in the side of her neck. She didn't even have to open her eyes to know that she wasn't where she last remembered herself being. The drugs made it hard to focus her mind and remember what had happened. Hotch had sent her to check out a possible lead on a follow up to the case they'd just closed and she had driven to a house way out of town that looked completely abandoned and her instinct had told her something wasn't quite right but she had to check it out because she'd gotten invested in this case, she drew her gun as she got out of the car when she felt a sharp pain in her neck. Her grip on the gun loosened and she heard it hit the ground, and everything quickly blurring into darkness before she even felt herself falling. Slowly, she opened her eyes, but the ground tilted and her head pounded with whatever it was she had been injected with as nausea churned through her stomach. She took slow, unsteady breaths, and waited for it to pass; throwing up wasn't going to do her any good.<p>

Eventually her head cleared enough for her to slowly sit up and take in the room. It was bad. There was only one door, no windows, and it was empty. There was nothing she could use as a weapon when the time came. The wall farthest from the door and, to her worry, the ceiling were adorned with thick metal rings and heavy metal shackles, bolted into the cement. She carefully walked to the door and was unsurprised to find it locked. Adding to her apprehension, she realized that the door opened out from the room she was in. She knew that her best bet for getting out of here on her own was to overpower the first person that came in alone. But, in order to do that she needed to be able to take them by surprise, and the door opening out instead of in took away her best option of hiding behind it.

She circled and crossed the dim concrete cell a few times to get a feel for how much room she'd have to maneuver in a fight. There was no doubt in her mind as to where she was, as much as she was terrified to accept it.

The last case that the team had worked had involved a cult in the rural area of DC that had just recently become public knowledge. The unsub had been follower of this religious cult, they called themselves The Sons of Malkira, and had been killing single mothers with sons in the name of cult leader and his message. Through the course of the investigation, Emily had met Levi, the leader of the cult, who thought that he was a descendant of the archangels and the messenger of God. He expected to get what he wanted and when he couldn't have it, he'd take it. A person's life meant very little, if anything at all to him. Emily had gone with Morgan and Reid to talk to him about the possibility of one of his members being the unsub. When Emily would ask a question he wouldn't answer, but he'd stare at her with rage and vicious want burning in his eyes. Emily refused to back down and Morgan got alpha-male on him. A man like him, a lying, power-abusing, violent, unstable man, did not get to ignore her authority and belittle her for being a woman. She knew that she would find a way to take this guy down.

Armed with her gun and with two of her teammates backing her up, she could stand up to Levi with no fear of what he could do to her, but here, like this, Emily knew she was in trouble. And right now there was nothing for her to do but wait, wait for the team to find her, for Him to come through the door, wait for something to happen. Picking a vantage point where she could jump someone when they came into the room, she lowered herself to sit against the wall. She knew that unless the opportunity to escape presented itself her only option was to hold Him off and stay alive until her team could get her out of there.

Her body was tense with the readiness to pounce, unable to relax, even as the first rush of adrenaline wore off and she felt the weariness of the case and the stress of this dangerous predicament taking hold. They had to have realized that she was missing by now. She didn't know how long she'd been gone, but surely the team knew something was wrong. Emily couldn't let these people catch her off guard and take control from her even further; she could not stand the possibility of Levi forcing his power over her. She could hear people on the other side of the door, but now they were getting closer. Emily stood, ready to fight. The lock clicked back. She was prepared to strike first, fast and hard.

The door opened, swinging back hard. And Emily knew it was Levi, his narcissism needed that attention grabbing entrance. He wore khaki pants, a black silk shirt, and a crimson robe. He was pale and tall, and thin but she could see a muscular build. He was an average looking man, not ugly and not strikingly attractive. The door closed behind him. He looked for his prisoner before him.

Emily struck out as he turned towards her, delivering a powerful punch to his face. As he stumbled she kicked his legs from under him. She dove on top of him and they struggled. Levi threw her off with an elbow to the face. It knocked her onto her back and left them both scrambling to their feet. She got behind him and locked an arm around his neck. Levi struggled to breathe. He drove his elbow into her ribs and her grip loosened enough for him to get a breath and he cried out as she choked him again.

She was grabbed and pried off of him, and thrown against the wall. Before she was on her feet again a hand wrapped into her hair and slammed her head into the cement. She was thrown to the ground. She cried out, curling into herself as a heavy boot landed a kick in her side.

"Enough," Levi ordered. The two men that had overpowered her stepped back and she gasped, and her body rebelled in pain to rising to her knees. "Do you know who I am?" he asked her, wiping blood from his nose.

"Yeah," she hissed. "You're a psychopath with egomaniac tendencies," she used the wall as support and struggled to her feet. "And a following of fanatics."

He smirked and moved to stand before her. "I am Levi, and you will address and greet me with the respect that I deserve from you," he ordered. She continued to glare at him and didn't move. "Bow to me."

"Excuse me," she scoffed.

"Bow before me," he repeated.

"No." Logically she knew that it was a bad idea to defy this kind of delusional unsub and that taking this course of action she probably wouldn't get out of here unscathed, but challenging him, making him prove his dominance could buy her team more time to find her.

Levi motioned toward her and the two other men advanced on her. She fought them tooth and nail as they pulled her away from the wall. They eventually got a hold of her, each of them grasping tightly onto one of her arms. She felt a hand on the back of her neck trying to guide her into a bow. Emily resisted and the hand pushed harder, until the hand was clutching the back of her neck painfully, and she was shaking with the effort to resist the pressure. Without warning a knee connected with her abdomen, knocking the air out of her, dropping her to her knees, and bending her over in pain and shock.

"On second thought," he thought out loud, as he stalked the few steps between them, she was sickeningly aware of where eye-level was to her. He continued around to stand behind her and the sole of his boot contacted between her shoulder blades and pushed her forward. She barely caught herself on her hands. "I like you better like this." She struggled against his foot holding her there and when it lifted she made to stand up. "This will go much easier if you don't fight me." The next kick landed just above her hip. "Do you know why you're here?" he asked. She coughed and struggled to breathe despite her desire to insult Levi again. "A prophecy has been made of a child which you will bear to me."

"So, basically, I'm here because you've got the hots for me?" Emily spat out the words as she stood up.

He back handed her hard across the face, splitting her lip, knocking her still precarious balance off and sending her falling into the wall behind her. "You can accept your destiny now or fight it." She spat blood in his face. "Leave us," he ordered. The door closed with an ominous sound behind them. "Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss," he paced in front of her. "You think that you know me? You have no idea what I am capable of." He grabbed her by the jaw and hair, and held her face close to his own. "One way or another you will submit to me." Levi forced his lips upon hers and Emily bit his lip and fought him hard and got in a few good shots until he slammed her into the wall. Emily's head connected with the concrete with a horrible crack and her vision swam. "You will pay for that," He hissed in her ear. He ripped her shirt down the front, sending buttons flying, and roughly pushed it off her shoulders. He pushed her to the ground and popped the button off her pants and pushed them down. He pulled off her shoes, socks, and pants in one violent motion, which tore the black fabric.

She laid there, stilled dazed from the blow to the head, as he stepped away from her. Emily did her best to cover herself as he turned back to her. He climbed on top of her, holding a bundle of cotton fabric, straddling her abdomen, he pried her hands away from her chest and started to put them through a hole in the cotton. Then she realized that he was redressing her in a rough, cotton shift, that was held together up the back with strings that tied. "I can do it myself." she insisted, fighting to free her hands and buck him off of her.

"You lost that right," he told her. Her mind whirled, thinking through her options. She stopped fighting, but wasn't helping him with the task. He got her arms through the sleeves and her head in the hole. He started pulling the material down, his hands lingered on her sides, her stomach, her hips, her thighs. Her skin was crawling as he stood up. Emily was angry, furious at him.

He grabbed her by her arms and pulled her to her feet. She struggled to free herself, she wanted to hit him, to beat him to a pulp; but the harder she fought the tighter the grip on her arms became, and the closer she came to being pinned against the wall by his body. She stopped fighting to get away and started pushing him away. He raised her arms above her head, trapping her against the wall with his body as he worked to lock her hands into a set of cuffs.

She pulled against the metal, fighting to get free and escape as Levi walked over to the clothes he had torn from her body. He turned around with her blouse in his hand and used it to wipe the drying blood from her face and neck from her split lip and bloodied nose. "Now, that's not nearly enough," he said disappointedly. He brought his hands to her face, resting his thumbs on her lips. Without warning he pushed her split lip apart, tearing it open again. He continued to bleed the wound until he was satisfied with the blood stain on her blouse. "I thought your friends might like to know how you're doing."

Her eyes glistened with tears from his actions, but if looks could kill the daggers she was glaring would have imbedded in his skull. "You'll be fed regularly," he told her. "I want a bit of a fight out of you before you give up," he taunted her. "Or do you still think that you can fight me?"

She was breathing heavily, beaten up and bruised, but her voice was steady as Emily swore, "It takes a lot more than you to break me."

Levi turned away from her, walking towards the door with her destroyed clothes tucked under his arm. He grinned, "We'll see."


	2. Holding On

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>At first she wasn't too uncomfortable, except for the occasional twinge from her lip or the bruises marbled along her body. Soon though the chaffing against her skin from the shift she was forced into began to bother her. The small rocks and rough floor of the cell had been annoying at first but now they cut into her feet. And no matter how she tried she couldn't find a position that didn't hurt. She alternated between holding her arms up and allowing her wrists to take the weight in an effort to keep them for going numb, but her shoulders started to ache and her fingers began to tingle. Emily's body felt tired and heavy.<p>

Emily didn't know how much time had passed but by now her clothes had likely been delivered to the team. She didn't doubt Levi's intention of taunting her friends if he could. He was the type of sadist that thrived on that control. She could just imagine what was going through her teams' minds. Garcia would be completely distraught by now. And Reid was probably so worried that he'd have trouble concentrating. Morgan would be furious on the outside but inside he would feel incredibly guilty. He was her partner, he was supposed to have her back, and he probably felt like he'd failed to do that. Rossi and Hotch were more than likely both mad and worried, but Hotch would hide it better and keep them all together. And JJ, she was always the one that was there for everyone else, she would keep Garcia from breaking down, Reid from giving into his worry, and support Hotch, while working just as hard as the rest of the team to find her. And Emily knew that none of them would give up.

The two men came back into the cell. One of them carried a tray. "Are you going to cooperated?" he asked. Emily stayed silent and glared at him. He drew a knife and her heart dropped as the cold metal met her neck and froze her in place. The other one set the tray on the ground and unlocked her wrists before leaving. Hitting one of them had crossed her mind, it would have given her the satisfaction of fighting back, but it wouldn't have done her any good. Emily massaged her arms as she made her way over to the tray. She noticed that the water bottle was still sealed and set that aside for the moment. She inspected the small amount food carefully before deciding to eat some of it.

Sometime after she finished she heard movement outside the door and stood up. She planted her feet beneath her hips in a defiant stance, stood up straight and held her head high as she waited for Levi's next move. As the door opened, she caught a glimpse of another room. Levi came into the cell with his two minions. "How are you adjusting to your cell?" She hated him for saying that, it sounded so wrong. Emily had never thought of this place as her cell, she had to believe that she wouldn't be here long. "Are you going to be respectful today?" He took her silence as a 'no.'

Levi left the room and the other two came forward. They dragged her back to the wall and locked one of her hands into a restraint, and pulled her free arm out in front of her. She instinctually started to try and pull out of their grasp. Levi came back into the room carrying a wooden bowl. "You know, if you would just accept that you are mine, we could move you to a nicer room and avoid all of this." He came to stand directly before her and told her, "You have brought this upon yourself."

He started to pour the contents of the bowl onto the delicate skin of her inner arm. Emily realized what it was a moment before it hit her skin. She squirmed and tried to free her arm from the men again as her skin blistered under the molten wax. She was breathing heavily through her nose with her jaw clenched and forcing herself not to scream, determined not to give Levi that satisfaction. She pulled against her restraint, her hand clenching and relaxing as he continued his way up her arm. He finished his work on her first arm after what felt like forever. She yelped as the blistered skin was shifted when her arm was placed into the restraint. Levi poured the remainder of the wax onto her other arm and watched it slide down, all the way to her shoulder.

She was left panting, trying to clear the tears from her eyes. Emily could feel her skin burning and blistering under the solidifying wax. She did her best to keep her arms still, but they shook and pulled against the restraints. Sick sadist bastard, she thought, chewing on her lip to try and block some of the pain.

By the time Levi came back her arms had fallen asleep and every movement felt like pins and needles under the burning sensation. She was dreading what this visit would bring. He was carrying a black collar of some kind in one hand and a small remote in the other. He walked up to her without a word and opened the collar and latched it around her neck. "I thought you might want to know your options this time," Levi told her. She was terrified. His eyes bore into her own as his hand slid up her leg, found the bottom of the shift and started to drag it up further. Emily snarled and drove her knee forward and up. She only caught his thigh, but was satisfied by the way his hand retreated to grab where she'd hit him. "I will enjoy this," he promised as he backed away. Emily was shaking, knowing what was coming next, but she made no sign of submission.

His finger moved to the button on the remote, in what seemed like slow motion to her. No matter how much she braced herself, she couldn't stop the ear splitting scream that shattered the air in the concrete cell as the electricity tore through her body. As she convulsed, her hands pulled against the restraints. When he let up the first time she was gasping for air, the fifth time she was sobbing. Emily lost count of how many times he had shocked her, but when he let go of the button she leaned to the side, as far as she could, and vomited as her pain-filled shrieks echoed in the cell.

"Learned your lesson?" he asked.

"Go… Go to Hell," She gasped out between tortured, whimpering breaths.

He didn't respond to her, only removed the shock collar, and released her from the restraints. She couldn't support her own weight on her shaking legs, and she collapsed onto the floor, barely missing the contents of her stomach. Her wrists were bruised and torn up from pulling against the cuffs. She curled into herself. Everything hurt, her body felt like every muscle was cramping, and the burns on her arms seared at the sudden jarring of her injuries. But as she lay there, her mind showed her something to hold onto and fight for, and she didn't understand it, but it was hope. Emily welcomed the painless dark that engulfed her.

Emily was brought back to consciousness by her screaming burns. Once she fully regained her senses, she found herself restrained. Her wrists were encased in solid metal shackles bolted directly onto the wall holding her torso and face in place. Her arms were stretched straight over her head, which strained her blistered skin. Her feet couldn't fully reach the ground and she had to support her weight on the balls of her feet, the small cuts and cracks being pulled. Emily was losing her mind, losing her grip on logic. She ignored the pain as she pulled, and strained, and struggled to free her hands until her wrists were almost bleeding. Her breathing was labored when she stopped, her heart beat against her ribcage.

When the door opened, she strained her head, trying to catch a glimpse of what Levi had brought with him this time, at the same time she was glad she couldn't. "Shall we try again?" Levi asked directly behind her. Emily steeled her mind and will, keeping quiet again, willing her body to go numb. "Fine, maybe this will loosen your tongue." His voice was different this time. The menacing growl told her that she was running out of time. Despite her best efforts, her body was hypersensitive. Emily felt the cold steel tearing through each tie down the back of the shift, cutting into her back. He pushed the fabric off her back. She struggled against his hands on her skin, undoing her bra. Her back was completely bare to him.

She wasn't ready when the first blow landed. The leather marked her back again and again and again. She screamed and cried and cursed at him in every language she knew, saying and doing anything but begging him to stop. Eventually she just cried and whimpered when the whip fell against her skin, raising welts or breaking skin; occasionally a short scream would follow the crack of the whip. He stopped and asked her, "Do you want me to stop?" She didn't reply. He brought the whip down diagonally across her body, making her yelp. "Answer me!" he roared. "Have you had enough?" He showered her back with fast strikes. Her legs shuddered and gave out. "Give up. Submit to me." Emily couldn't find her voice, but she shook her head.

The whip fell to the ground and Levi was silent. Emily's breathing hitched with broken sobs. The sound of tires, speeding up the gravel road, and sirens broke the quiet air in the cell. "You're out of time," she told him, hate dripping from her voice.

He grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her head back. She could feel his breath on her ear, and then his tongue, "Beg me to stop." She shook her head. His free hand slid all the way down her abused back causing her to whimper at the contact. "All you have to do is beg and I'll stop." His fingers played with the lacey band at the top of her underwear. She bit her lip and shook her head again. His hands wandered, under the shift, to her front, skating up her torso, stopping just short of her breasts. "Beg." Emily's body shook with tears and she turned her face up, sending up a silent prayer that someone would help her. She shook her head again.

She could hear people just outside the building, help was so close. One hand stayed in place, the other slid back down her front, over her ribs, past her bellybutton, over the fabric of her panties, to the seam at the inside of her thigh.

"You think that they're going to find us? They won't," he whispered, bringing the knife back to cut a piece of the shift off. "This room is hidden." He shoved it into her mouth as a crude gag. Her chest was heaving and she held onto her remaining control by a thread.


	3. Painful Truths

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>The door was flung open and he spun off of her. Three shots rang out in the cell and Levi dropped to the ground. Emily finally broke down as she lost the last of her control.<p>

"Oh, god, Emily." JJ's voice was just louder than a whisper. She quickly made her way over to Emily, assessing her friend's visible injuries. Realizing she needed to free Emily's wrists, she searched Levi for the keys, finding them quickly. Her hands however started to tremble once the adrenaline wore off and she saw the state Emily was in. JJ gently removed the gag from Emily's mouth and slowly lowered her arms from the restraints.

Emily locked her arms around JJ's neck as soon as her hands were free, and she clung to her like a lifeline. JJ could feel her body trembling with heartbreaking sobs and her own eyes burned with tears. Emily's legs gave out and her weight fell onto JJ. JJ couldn't hold both of them up so she lowered them onto the ground, away from the vomit on the floor. JJ pulled Emily onto her lap, loosely cradling her teammate as a tear slipped down her cheek. She wanted to comfort her friend and hold her close and let her know that she was safe, but she could see the injuries on her arms and the blood soaking through the fabric on her back. Not wanting to cause anymore unnecessary pain, JJ carefully ran her free hand though Emily's hair, whispering reassuring words softly in an effort to calm Emily's sobs.

"JJ, are you ok?" Rossi's voice was laced with worry.

Emily clung to JJ, startled by Rossi's sudden appearance. She was beyond crying now, she was tired, and relieved, and scared, and overwhelmed by pain. JJ wiped the salty tracks off her face. "Yeah, I've got her," she called out to the team. Someone moved outside the door. She quickly called out to stop them, "Don't come in here," her voice trembling, "You don't need to see her like this guys." There was a moment of silence.

"Do you need anything?" Hotch called.

"Tell the paramedics that I'm going to bring her out." She paused, knowing what her next words would do to the team. "I need something to cover her up with."

"Damn it," Morgan's curse was quiet, but his voice was so full of sadness and hate. The sound of something crashing against the wall resonated in the cell.

The loud noise made Emily jump and tremble in JJ's arms. JJ closed her eyes against the emotions and continued to try and soothe her.

A few minutes later, a female officer walked into the cell with a blanket and some clothes. She put them down next to JJ and left to tell the paramedics what to prepare for, giving JJ a sad look as she passed through the door. "Emily," JJ said struggling to keep her voice in check. "Do you want to put on different clothes?" Emily nodded against her shoulder. "Do you think you can stand up?"

Emily took a shuddering breath and sniffled. "I don't know."

"Ok, let's just try. Hold onto me." Slowly JJ helped Emily up though she still leaned heavily against JJ, but they were standing. JJ carefully pulled the back of the torn up shift away from Emily's body. She held back a gasp at the sight of Emily's tortured back. Her bra was digging into the swollen welts and cuts that seemed to cover her skin. "Is this hurting you, Em?" she asked quietly. Emily's head jerkily nodded. "Do you want me to take it off?"

"Yes," Emily begged.

JJ got the bra off of her and her feet into a pair of sweatpants and started pulling them up. "Em, this is going to hurt." Emily nodded, and JJ pulled the waistband up over the marks that stood out on her pale skin. Emily closed her eyes and hissed at the pressure. "There's not going to be an easy way to do this, but we've got to get you covered." Emily nodded again. "I can either help you into a jacket or a blanket, which one do you want, Em?"

"Both," Emily insisted, shaking her head. "No sleeves."

"Alright," JJ assured her. "We'll get it off as soon as you're in the ambulance. Ok?" Emily nodded. "Here we go." JJ started to wrap the blanket around Emily's torso. Emily gasped as the fabric covered her abused skin. "Do you want me to put the jacket over your shoulders?" Emily nodded, harshly biting her lip. JJ winced, seeing the tears trailing down her friends face, and felt her own eyes mist up at the guilt of causing them. She could have thought of another way, something that wouldn't have caused her anymore pain.

"Em, can you walk?" She asked. Her voice cracked a little, she was glad that Emily didn't seem to notice.

"Where's the rest of the team?"

"Probably just in the next room."

Emily nodded. "I can walk."

She did walk, all the way to the ambulance, leaning heavily on JJ. She was even able to hide her fear and pain, managing to only look exhausted. Once they had gotten past the men, JJ leaned into Emily and said, "You didn't have to be strong for them." Before Emily could respond, the paramedics swarmed them, focusing on treating what they could of Emily's injuries. JJ got pulled away from Emily, and could only watch as she winced and grimaced when the jacket was pulled away and every time one of her injuries was disturbed. She tried to tell them over and over that they needed to get the blanket off of her, that it was hurting her but none of them would listen. "Hey," she called out, after being told, once again, that she needed to let the paramedics do their jobs. Most of them stopped and looked at her. "Get her into the ambulance and take that blanket off of her. There is severe trauma to her back." One of the paramedics pulled the blanket away from the top of Emily's back and immediately complied.

As they helped Emily into the back of the ambulance everything was spinning. They took the blanket off, though it stung when it pulled off scabs that had formed from the bloody places the material stuck to. They laid her face down on the gurney, and she reached her hand out to JJ. The darkness started to wash over her again; the last thing she felt before she welcomed it was JJ's tight grasp on her hand.


	4. Terrible Images

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>JJ felt Emily's hand go limp in her own. "Em, are you alright?" Emily didn't respond. "What's wrong with her? Is she ok?"<p>

The paramedics had everything under control, but one of them was nice enough to stop and check that she really was alright, and help calm the nervous woman down. "She's fine, she's just unconscious." JJ's face must have been showing the panic she was feeling because the paramedic continued, "None of her injuries are life threatening, but this was a very traumatic event. Her body is just coping with it." JJ just nodded, she held onto Emily's hand with both of her hands.

JJ was lost in her own thoughts, replaying the events of the last hour. Finding Emily, holding her, the pain she was in, seeing all of her injuries, seeing her with Levi's hands on her, killing him for hurting her best friend, wanting to comfort her. "Ma'am?" a paramedic addressed her. "I need to see her hand." JJ looked down at the hand she was holding in both of hers. She relaxed her grasp and let the paramedic inspect it. She saw why her hand needed to be looked at, four small crescent shaped cuts on both of her palms. JJ's mind started spinning images of the terrible things that could have happened to Emily, her face contorting in pain and horror at the unspeakable acts causing her to clench her fists so tightly that her fingernails cut into her skin.

She focused on the steady beeping of the machine giving Emily's pulse a voice. She let it ground her in the present, here with Emily right in front of her. Her hands were covered in Emily's blood and she couldn't tear her eyes away from them. Her mind continued to replay the scene she'd witnessed when she'd burst into the room. The next thing she knew the ambulance doors were thrown open and she was running to keep up with them. They went through a door and stopped JJ, telling her that she had to wait there.

"No!" JJ whispered. Her eyes darted around the room landing on every hospital employee. She hurried up to front desk. "Where are they taking her? What are they doing?" She remained as patient as she could while the woman looked up the information for her. Even though the woman was incredibly kind and as helpful as she could be, the moment JJ had what she needed, she ran from the desk and to the third floor waiting room.

She couldn't sit still, her mind kept racing and her body had to follow it. She finally noticed the vibrations coming from her pocket, pulling out her phone she saw multiple missed calls, text messages, and voicemails. She answered the call but couldn't make her voice work. "JJ?" Reid's voice drifted into her head. "JJ, are you there?"

"Yeah." Her voice sounded hoarse and quiet.

"Where are you?" She could hear Hotch saying something about not hacking into hospital systems in the background.

"Um," She felt her control starting to slip. "St. Mary's." Her voice wavered. She swallowed the lump in her tight throat. "Third floor." Reid said something but all she heard was the sirens screaming in the background. They would be here soon. The line went dead. JJ sank into one of the chairs. Emotions that had built up over the past few days washed over her, led by the wave of relief. She put her head in her hands and tears ran down her face. JJ reigned in her emotions, and raked her hands through her hair.

A few minutes later the team came into the waiting room. She could see the worry on all their faces. "How is she?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know, they just took her back and told me I had to wait, but the paramedics said that none of her injuries were life threatening. But… God, her back and her arms… and sh-she. He was. Her… I couldn't." She wasn't sure if she couldn't find the right words because the memories so fresh and painful or because her tears were threatening to fall again and her breath kept catching in her throat. "When I unlocked her wrists she held onto me so tightly, and she completely broke down, she was crying, so hard." She couldn't see the others faces, but they were all a unique mixture of horror, distress, and worry, "but there was nowhere on her back or arms that I could put my hands to comfort her. And her hands…"

She drew in a deep steadying breath. "I shot him," she breathed out her confession. "He pulled a knife and went towards Emily." She felt the tears pooling in her eyes again. JJ's face was eerily calm. "I killed him."

"You did good Jay." Derek assured her. JJ nodded and gave a halfhearted smile.

"Oh, JJ!" Garcia yelled, shocked from the doorway. "Is that your blood?"

For the first time since finding Emily she noticed her appearance. Her shirt and hands were smeared with blood, her eyes were probability red and puffy, and she must have looked as tired as she felt. "I'm, uh. I'm going to go and clean up." She got scrubs from the nurse at the desk and headed for the bathroom.

"What's wrong with her?" Garcia asked, hurrying into the group. "What happened?" She gasped. "Was that all Emily's blood? Is she ok?" She looked around at all the guys, her face etched with panic.

"Come here, Baby Girl." Derek led her over to the chairs and sat her down. "JJ was the one who found her, and it shook her up pretty bad." He could see the sympathy in her face. "We don't know much about what happened, or how Emily is."

"But she's alright?" She glanced around at her guys.

"She's alive," Derek assured her. Garcia looked in the direction that JJ had gone. "She's going to be ok."

"What happened in there?" Reid wondered out loud.

"We'll find out soon," Hotch said.

Rossi stood up. "I'm going to go and get JJ some of her own clothes." They all agreed that it was probably a good idea.


	5. It Helped

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>Dazed, JJ pushed into the bathroom and the door swung shut behind her. She quickly stripped off her shirt and started to remove her pants when she caught a glance of herself in the mirror. The blood had seeped through her shirt and colored her skin with crimson blotches, there was a streak across her face, and even a small amount in her hair. JJ's eyes focused on what she was doing; turning on the faucet, gathering some paper toweling, still feeling the warmth of the now dried up blood. Letting down her ponytail, she washed off all the blood, making sure to remove it all from her body.<p>

Every time her eyes saw Emily's blood, snapshots of everything that happened in that cell flew through her mind. She repeatedly tried to push them out of her mind but it was no use. Instead they flipped by faster and faster until it was like the reel of film on an old projector. Her mind filled in the gaps, showing her hideously vivid images of the bruises being made on her pale skin, her lip being split, Emily's flesh being mutilated, her inability to get away, Levi's gaunt hands assaulting her body as he climbed on top of her, ignoring her yelps of pain, Emily trying to twist away while not giving Levi the satisfaction of begging him to stop. JJ felt her stomach churning and stumbled into the first stall, falling over the toilet and violently retching.

Rossi knocked on the door and waited for JJ to respond. He listened closely to the silence from the other side of the door and heard her being sick. Without waiting for an answer, he slowly entered the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He found her holding onto the cold, white porcelain, as her stomach heaved again. He knelt down behind her and pulled her blonde hair out of the way, rubbing gentle circles up and down her back.

She leaned back and wiped her mouth. Before Rossi could do anything more than let go of her hair, JJ wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest as she broke down. She cried from the stress and the fear of her friend being taken, from the pain of seeing her bloody clothes delivered to the team. She cried for Emily, for every second of pain she had gone through, and the guilt of not finding her earlier. She cried until the tears stopped and all that was left were her shaking sobs.

Her breathing evened out, but JJ didn't move away so Rossi continued to hold her. "She was so broken," She started. "When I went into that room I didn't… I didn't take it all in at first, not until after I'd killed him. At first I noticed the smell of vomit, later I saw it on the floor. The first thing I saw wasn't Emily, it was a whip, tossed on the floor. That's when I looked at her." Rossi felt her shudder. "She was cuffed, with her face against the wall, and her back was a bloody mess, there was so much blood. Her arms were covered in something, it was when I got closer and unlocked her hands that I could see it was dried wax. She had this bruise on that back of her neck and it was so clear that it was caused by a hand, and some other marks, I don't know what made those. I'm not sure I want to know." She was talking fast and paused for air. "The last thing I saw was this god awful, shapeless cotton sack that he'd put her in that was so torn up that it was barely covering her. It was like my mind was catching up to my eyes; I remembered the very first thing I saw when I opened that door. He was behind her, pressed against her, and he had both of his hands on her. I don't know what he did to her, but he really broke her."

"The second her hands were free she clung to me like, like if she let go I would disappear and she broke down. And she couldn't stand, we had to sit on the ground, and she still clung to me with her arms around my neck and cried so hard. She was crying Rossi, Emily, _our_ Emily was holding onto me and crying. And it broke my heart to see her like that. I just wanted to hold her, and let her know that it was ok, that everything was going to be alright, and that she was safe now, but I had seen her back and her arms and I didn't want to hurt her anymore. I just held her as close as I could and tried to calm her down." She plowed through her story, letting Rossi draw his own conclusions about what she was saying. "I had to get her covered up, I figured she wanted to be covered again, but all of it just hurt her more. She could barely walk. But she did it for you guys. In the ambulance they found cuts on her hands from clenching her fists so tight that her nails dug into her skin, and I just keep seeing all these terrible things happening to her." JJ stopped and took a deep breath. "What happened to her? Why did it have to be her?"

"JJ, we got to her as fast as we could, you know that right?" He felt JJ nod. "The fact that you were there for her was what she needed. You comforted her and got her out of there. You took care of her." JJ sniffled. "What you did for her in there, it helped her heal a little bit, right there in that room." Rossi leaned back to look at her. She wiped at her eyes and cheeks. He nodded and she nodded back with a small smile. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I brought you some of your own clothes." He pointed to the bag he'd dropped just outside of the stall. "So I'll let you change." He stood up and helped her up, then backed out, heading for the door.

"Hey, Dave." JJ called from around the stall door. "Thanks." He nodded.


	6. Moments

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>JJ emerged from the bathroom and saw a doctor walking away from the team. She hurried over to them, dropping her bag into one of the chairs. "What did he say?" The glance that they exchanged didn't go unnoticed, and Garcia's pale face didn't inspire much hope despite the watery smile she offered.<p>

"She is severely dehydrated so they're pumping fluids. They treated everything, and it will all heal without too much trouble," Reid volunteered. "For the most part everything just needed to be bandaged, except for a cut on her back. It required stitches. They said it came from a sharp instrument and not the whip," he trailed off, his face paled at his first verbalization of what had been done to his friend.

"She was asking for you," Garcia chimed in.

JJ opened her mouth to ask where she was, Hotch cut her off. "We can't see her yet."

"Why not? You just said that everything was fine and that she asked for me; why can't I see her?" The words flew out of her mouth the second they formed in her head. She looked around the group for an answer, but not pausing long enough for anyone to try.

"JJ, they had to sedate her." She stopped, about to say something, and looked at Hotch. "Emily woke up and started panicking, they couldn't calm her down and had to sedate her. She's still asleep."

"Oh," She sat down. "Ok." She nodded. "What did he tell you about her other injuries?"

"She has some small cuts and abrasions on the bottom of her feet, probably from sharp rocks on the ground in the cell. They stitched up the cut on her back. She has welts and cuts covering her back from being whipped. There are cuts in the palms of her hands. Her arms have second degree burns, but they managed to remove all of the wax without much trouble," Reid listed. He tried to stay clinical but his hands shaking told them all how much he was struggling with this.

"They think that they can minimize the scaring on her arms and back," Garcia interjected.

"She has a minor concussion, a deep tissue bruise on the back of her neck, and electrical burns on four places around her neck," Reid finished. "And she's covered in bruises."

"Electrical burns?" Reid just nodded to the question, unable to look her in the eye. "From what?"

"JJ," Morgan looked into her eyes. "You know what they're from." The sadness showed plainly on his face but anger burned in his eyes.

JJ felt like she'd just been punched in the gut as the true extent of what had been done to her friend really sank in. "My god," she whispered as she cradled her head in her hands. She looked up and locked eyes with Rossi. "I need to see her."

He shook his head. "When she wakes up."

JJ closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh, leaning back into the uncomfortable chair. They all settled in to wait. Dave and Hotch sat mostly still, across from JJ, occasionally shifting in their chairs. Derek sat next to JJ and Garcia sat next to him. Garcia held onto Derek, deriving comfort from his warm arm around her shoulders, telling her that it was ok, telling her that Emily was ok, and it wasn't that bad; when she woke up they would go in there and she would smile, and engage in witty banter with Derek, and start planning her breakout from the hospital. She knew deep down that the second that she actually saw her that the delusion, that her beautiful friend wasn't broken, would be shattered.

JJ leaned away from Morgan in her chair, staring at the nurses' station, waiting. She just wanted to hold Emily's hand again and make sure that she's ok, that she's going to come back from this. She was growing restless, and twitchy, and started to twist her hands and tap her foot, losing the others in her own mind. She jumped when Derek put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to get coffee, did you want something?"

"Oh," She quickly gathered herself, planting her mind in reality. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll come with you."

"You should stay here," He insisted. "You should be here if she wakes up."

"No, I can't sit her anymore," she voiced what had probably been obvious to everyone in the waiting room. "Besides, she'll want to see you just as much as she wants to see me. You're her best guy friend. She adores you." JJ stood up.

"Alright, we'll be fast." She nodded and the two of them walked down the corridor in a tense silence. "How is she doing?"

She looked over at him, he was pointedly avoiding her gaze but openly concerned for their friend. "I don't know. I haven't seen her since..."

"Is she trying to compartmentalize this?" His voice was soft. "This isn't something that she can fit into a box and burry it into the back of her mind, and open it slowly to deal with a little bit at a time when she feels like it."

JJ thought about it for a second. "She's trying to be strong." She stood with her arms crossed.

Derek nodded and placed the order for five coffees at the hospital's cafeteria counter. "I don't want her to shut us out and try to go through this on her own."

JJ nudged him with her elbow. "Hey, you must not know those people up there in that waiting room very well." Morgan looked over at her, they both flashed little smiles. "Anyways, we both know that you'll never let her go through it alone."

Their order came to the counter and Derek pulled his wallet from his back pocket fishing out the money to pay. As he handed over the cash JJ noticed bruises and scrapes splayed across his knuckles. "What did you do?" She reached out, taking his hand to examine closely.

He pulled his hand out of her tender hold. "It's nothing, Reid made sure nothing was broken." He took his change and the tray of coffees.

"Ok," she followed after him as he started to weave through the tables, towards the door. "How'd it happen?"

He glanced over at her and then back down the hallway. "I hit the wall." Her head snapped around to give him her full attention. Derek stopped and faced her. "I punched through a wall. When you were in there with her and said that you needed something to cover her up with, I just couldn't take it." He was deliberately looking down at his hand. "Just knowing how exposed she was to him." he looked up again, looked JJ directly in the eyes, there was so much raw emotion displayed on his face. Sadness. Pain. Worry… Guilt. "I knew when we got her clothes delivered to us that we'd probably find her like that. But," he let out a frustrated sigh. "I should have gone with her when she left," he made his confession. "This should have never happened."

"I know. But you have to think about here and now. We got her and she's alive." She put a hand on his shoulder. "What did we just talk about? It doesn't matter what happened to her, we're all going to be there to help her."

Derek nodded. "You know we all adore that woman in there. I hate that she got hurt so bad and I couldn't stop it."

"I know," JJ said again giving him an encouraging smile. He didn't say anything. "You had better get a hold of yourself Morgan," JJ told him seriously. "Because Emily will take advantage of you every opportunity she gets if you keep this up." He smiled a little grin that reached his eyes. "You know it's true. We'll all be at her beck and call as soon as she wakes up and you know it."

He looked better with that reminder that Emily was strong. Derek wrapped his free arm around JJ's shoulders. "Thanks Jayje."

"No problem." He started to walk away. "Hey," she stopped him. "It's not your fault."

"I know." He said looking down at her, his arm still around her shoulders. "Now, let's go and give those people their coffee." She ducked out from under his arm as he tried to hug her and continued towards the waiting room. "Woah! Hey now, what's that about?"

"It's nothing personal Morgan," she pacified as they entered the presence of the rest of their friends. "You just smell."

He feigned hurt, placing his free hand over his heart and throwing her his puppy dog face, as he handed out the coffee. "Now you know you don't mean that." JJ gave him her best disapproving, skeptical face. "You just can't be that close to me without putting your hands all over me."

"Oh, please." She playfully pushed him away after taking her coffee. He pouted like a child, and slinked over to Garcia.

"Oh, no." Garcia cooed, when he sat down next to her. He leaned into the awkward embrace in the chairs and put his head on her shoulder. She pet his head, baby talking. "Did the big, mean JJ hurt your feelings, Sexy?" He nodded, looking up at her with wide-eyed innocence. "Don't worry about her, Gorgeous. She's just jealous that you're prettier than her."

JJ rolled her eyes, playing her part, all in good fun. They all shared this light-hearted moment and sank into the relaxed atmosphere. But just like every moment, it passed. They fell back into the anxious silence; Garcia held Derek's hand and occasionally wiped a tear off her face, Hotch and Rossi settled back into their chairs and continued to wait, sitting still but readably as worried as the others, Derek comforted Penelope, mostly to keep his own mind busy, JJ held her coffee in both hands and fidgeted with the cardboard holder around the middle of the cup, pushing it up and down, spinning it around the cup, the whole time she stared down at the warm, disposable cup lost in her own mind.

A doctor walked into the waiting room. He approached the small group of people. "Emily Prentiss?"


	7. Feeling Bad

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>They all stood up, eager to hear any news on their friend. "I'm Dr. Hale and I'm going to be the one overseeing Special Agent Prentiss' case." Hotch took the time to introduce each member of the team. "I'm glad that Agent Prentiss will have a good support system but I hope she's not here long enough for me to commit all of those to memory." JJ was quickly getting anxious and agitated by the lack of information and just wanted the doctor to tell her how Emily was doing. "She's waking up from the sedative. Currently our biggest concern is getting her re-hydrated. We cleaned the burns on her arms. They weren't too severe and should be completely healed in one to two weeks. I also had an EKG done to see the extent of the damage the electrical burns to her neck had on her heart but everything came back normal. I don't expect her to have any problems from that injury. The swelling on her back should go down by the morning, it will still be sore, probably even painful, for a few weeks."<p>

Dr. Hale had barely finished her sentence before Derek asked, "Can we see her?" voicing what JJ was thinking

"She's still not completely lucid and we don't want her to get overwhelmed. We have her on strong pain medications which will make her drowsy and not completely coherent while she's awake." Both JJ and Morgan's faces fell simultaneously, both wanting to see how Emily was really doing. Dr. Hale couldn't help but feel sorry for them all. "But," All eyes were back on her. "A few people can go in as long as it doesn't upset her."

The team exchanged a quick glance and then their attention fell on Hotch. He nodded. "JJ. Morgan."

"Give our girl a kiss for me," Garcia told them. They both forced small smiles and followed Dr. Hale down the hallway, their emotions running rampant. A feeling of happiness that Emily was going to be all right and relief at finally getting to see her. But also apprehension and fear of seeing their friend laid out on a hospital bed.

They stopped outside a door. "Emily needs to rest," Dr. Hale told both of them. "Don't push her too much, you need to make sure she stays calm." She walked away, leaving the two of them standing outside the door. JJ looked at Derek, who was looking back at her. They both saw a deep sadness reflected in the other's eyes. After a moment, they each gave a small nod to each other that they were ready to go in.

JJ opened the door, the lights were off and the curtains were drawn leaving the room dim. Emily was lying face down on the bed. She looked so small and fragile with the bandages covering her arms and neck. She pulled the chair up right next to Emily's bed, Derek followed suit with another chair, sitting next to JJ. They could both see her split lip and bruised face. JJ reached out and took Emily's hand, in both of hers.

"JJ?" Emily's eyes sluggishly opened, her voice was tired, tears started to slide down her cheeks.

"Yeah, Em" she said softly. "It's me. Derek's here too."

"Hey, Princess," his voice was gentle and sad. He put a hand on her head, slowly stoking her hair. "Hey, now, it's ok." he wiped the tears off her face. "No tears. You're supposed to be resting." He caressed her face and pet her hair. "It's ok."

JJ held her hand, feeling the scabs in Emily's palms against her own. She rubbed the back of her hand in soothing patterns with her thumb. Emily clutched onto her hand, JJ gently squeezed it comfortingly and moved her other hand to rest on the back of her head.

There was still no were that JJ could put her hands to comfort her. They couldn't hug her, they couldn't hold her, they couldn't rub her back or arms. All they could do, was hold her hands, pet her hair, wipe away her tears, and mutter reassuring words in her ear. It proved to be enough. Emily's tears subsided and she drifted back to sleep, breathing out a quiet apology.

JJ leaned back into the chair, still holding Emily's hand in one of hers. She covered her mouth with her hand, looking sadly at the broken woman lying before her. Derek reached out and brushed a few of Emily's dark locks off her face. A stray tear hovered on her pale cheek, glittering in the faint light, he used his thumb to wipe it away. "Oh, Emily," he whispered. JJ turned to look at him when she heard his voice crack. A single tear single tear slid down his face.

"Derek," she sighed sympathetically, putting a hand of his shoulder.

He couldn't pull his eyes away from Emily. "Do you think she's in a lot of pain?"

She looked back to Emily. "She's on pain killers, I doubt she's in pain," she whispered. He nodded.

JJ had placed her hand under Emily's and interlocked their fingers, Derek put his hand on top of Emily's, wrapping his fingers around both women's hands. And they stayed like that for hours.

Derek noticed JJ's eyes starting to droop and her shoulders sag. "Hey, you should try to sleep too," he suggested.

She shook her head. "Mmmm-mmm. I'm fine," she mumbled insistently.

"Uh-huh," he chided. "Come on." He stood up.

"No, I'm going to stay here." She was more awake now. "I'm not leaving this room."

He looked at her as if she were being unreasonable. She looked at him the same way. "You're not leaving the room. I'm not asking you to. I was going to switch places with you so you could lean against the wall."

"Oh, ok." They moved and settled back into their positions next to Emily.

JJ leaned against the wall, her chair pushed up against the bed. She put one hand on Emily's head and held her hand with the other. Derek moved around to the other side of the bed, and took Emily's hand in both of his. A few minutes later a knock on the door broke the silence in the room.

They both looked to the doorway where Hotch stood. "I just wanted to let you know that we're all going to go home and get some sleep."

"That's probably a good idea. I don't think she'll be up to doing anything until tomorrow." JJ approved.

He walked into the room to stand next to Emily's bed. "How is she?" His voice was gentle and muted.

"Traumatized," Derek answered unenthusiastically. "But she's being her usual self."

"If she wakes up again, you can tell her that the team's thinking about her. And we'll come by tomorrow."

Once again, they were left alone to settle into the hospital room's calm atmosphere. JJ ran her hand over Emily's hair in a tender gesture that soothed her as much as it did Emily. Derek watched her eyelids getting heavier and her fingers slowed to a stop in Emily's hair. Her breathing evened out and he knew she was asleep. He leaned forward in his chair, so that his forearms rested on the edge of the bed. Her hand was still embraced by both of his. "I am so sorry." His head came down to rest lightly on their joined hands. "You shouldn't have been alone. I should have gone with you." He felt the tears falling from his eyes. "He should have never been able to get to you."

Emily grasped his hand as she turned her head to face him, wincing noticeably with the movement in spite of her efforts to hide the discomfort. "You don't have anything to apologize for," her voice was groggy.

"Hey," he looked up and smiled a little. "I didn't know you were awake. How are you feeling?"

"Derek," she started movingly. "Don't cry." She reached up to wipe the tears off his face, trying to ignore and hide the pain moving her arm caused.

He stopped her, leading her bandaged arm back down onto the mattress. "Does that hurt?" She didn't respond. "Then don't do it." Emily dejectedly avoided his gaze. "Emily," he called softly, holding her hand again. She pulled it out of his grasp. Their eyes met and she could see the sadness.

She reached her hand up, unstopped this time and wiped the tears off his face. "Don't blame yourself," she told him, her eyes still locked with his.

"You didn," he started.

"No," She took his hand. "Listen." She wanted to move so she could look at him properly. "I know you and JJ both feel like you should have been there and stopped them from taking me," she was choking up again. "But they would have killed you. And where would I be now if that had happened?" A tear rolled down her cheek. "I would still be with him and he would have," her voice broke.

"Shhhh," he consoled. "Don't think like that." Derek wiped away her tears like she had just done for him. "It's alright." He rested his forehead against hers. "He can't hurt you anymore."

"I need you here," she breathed and lightly squeezed JJ's hand.

"I know," Derek sighed as her breathing evened out again. He brushed her hair off her face and kissed her forehead. He sat back up and took her hand in his again, drawing feathery, lazy nothings on the back with his fingers. He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, he thought she had fallen asleep again, but was surprised when he looked at her and found her staring into space. He gave her hand a small squeeze. "You should sleep."

She shook her head a little. "I can't. Nightmares."


	8. Begging

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>Derek stayed up with Emily, watching as she would let her eyes close but didn't allow sleep to take her. He could feel her hand flexing and stretching and occasionally she would slip into a very light sleep for a few minutes but her eyes would always fly open again, glossy with wild terror until she found his eyes. It was almost dawn and he thought she might have fallen asleep for really this time. A few minutes passed her breathing still calm and Derek started to relax.<p>

He sank back in his chair and JJ started to stir in hers. She looked around, momentarily disoriented, and then Derek saw all the emotions in her eyes as she remembered everything that happened and what she'd seen. Her eyes fell on Emily. "She woke up?"

"Yeah." He raked his hands over his face. "A little after you fell asleep." JJ ran her hand through Emily's hair. "She just fell back asleep. She's been having nightmares."

"Is she ok?" JJ looked between Derek and Emily.

He sighed and shook his head. "I think she's doing as well as we can expect." JJ rubbed her eyes lightly before taking Emily's hand again. "Are you feeling better?" He asked, watching her closely.

"Yeah," she admitted. She had a feeling his profiling abilities had already told him that she doing better. "The sleep really helped."

"Good," he looked back down at Emily, who was still, apparently, peacefully a sleep. "I need some coffee or something." He massaged the back of his neck.

"What you need is sleep," she told him, noting his slouched posture, lazy eye lids, and tired movements.

He stood up, stretching his stiff muscles. "Do you want something or not?" She nodded and he left to get their caffeinated beverages.

Letting out a long breath through her nose she stretched as best she could before taking Emily's hand in her own. Emily was still facing away from her as JJ stroked the back of her hand with her thumb. "He's worried about you. We all are." She didn't know what else to say. "I need you to be ok. You're the strongest person I know. You're my best friend." JJ wiped a tear away from her eye. "I'm not ok Em. I need you to be ok if I'm ever going to be ok." She sighed, leaning forward, and blinked back more tears. She wished that she could just hold her.

It took JJ a while to realize that Derek was taking a long time to get the coffee. She moved her free hand to her phone, dialing Derek's number. "What happened? Is Emily ok?" He answered on the second ring.

"She's fine, nothing happened." She told him quickly, easing his worry.

"Are you ok?" He asked quickly. She smiled a little, knowing that he had heard the tears in her voice. It was nice to really know he was there for her too.

"Yeah, I'm ok," She promised. "I was just wondering what was taking so long with the coffee."

Derek started to explain his delay, but JJ wasn't listening anymore. She was concentrating on Emily's hand in hers. It was shaking. "I've got the coffee, I'll be up soon," he told her. JJ didn't say anything; the silence on her end was broken by a soft noise, it pulled at his heart. Emily whimpered, the soft sound pierced the air and hung in his head. "JJ, what's wrong?"

"She's having a nightmare," JJ expressed the worry she felt. She leaned over the bed to see her face. "Emily," she called softly, tucking her friend's hair behind her ear. "Wake up, honey." She cradled Emily's deathly pale face in her hands. Fear ghosted across her face and she whimpered again. "Come on," she pled and hurried around to the other side of the bed. She pushed Emily's bangs off her face, and continued to run her hand through the dark hair hoping to wake her up. JJ put her other hand on Emily's face. "It's ok, wake up."

JJ hadn't even realized that she had dropped her phone, but Derek rushed into the room, pushed the coffees onto a table, and joined her next to Emily. "No," Emily's voice was full of conviction but it wasn't anything more than a breathy whisper. Her breathing hitched and her face contorted with pain. All of a sudden, both of Emily's hands tensed into tight fists, one clamping around JJ's hand.

JJ winced at Emily's iron grip on her hand. "Come on Emily," Derek urged her to wake up. "Come back to us." Both women gasped at the same time, from various levels of discomfort. The sleeping woman had squeezed JJ's hand even tighter, causing her nails to dig into the blonde's skin. Derek and JJ were both horrified by their inability to wake their friend up, and stop her from having to relive whatever torture she was so vividly experiencing in her sleep.

"No," Emily repeated. Tears poured from behind her tightly closed eyelids. This time her voice had no conviction in it, it was just a broken sob.

"Em, wake up," Derek implored while gently tapping her face. She whimpered again.

"Emily, please wake up. You're safe, you're not there anymore." JJ tried, still stroking her hair.

"Come on Princess, open your eyes for us," Derek pleaded.

"Get off of me," Emily begged her unseen assailant. "Stop."

JJ's eyes teared up, hearing the beautiful woman in front of her begging someone to stop hurting her. "Dear god," she prayed. "Emily," she called again. She used her thumb to stroke the back of Emily's clenched hand. "We've got you. I've got you. Wake up. Please. Look at me."

Emily's eyes flew open, her chest was heaving with her rapid breaths, and she had broken out in a cold sweat. Her eyes were wild and panicked until her brain caught up with her body and brought her back to reality. Her brown eyes met matching chocolate eyes first, and then bright blues, both carrying matching looks of concern.

"Em?" JJ asked when Emily didn't say anything.

"I'm ok," she said.

"Yeah?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah," she insisted. "Can we talk to the doctor about me lying on my back?"

Derek and JJ exchanged a look. "Sure, I'll go get her," he told them. "I'll be right back."


	9. Healing and Heartbreaking

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>Emily shifted in the bed trying to relieve some of the pressure on her newly aggravated injuries, only to wince when the motion caused discomfort to others. Dr. Hale had come in and checked over all of her bumps, bruises, cuts, burns, and scrapes while the bandages were being changed, which proved to be a painful process. She also warned Emily that lying on her back was going to hurt, but that she could do it if she was sure that was what she wanted. Emily had, of course ignored the warning, and been helped back onto the bed.<p>

"Do you want some more pain meds?" JJ asked her when she shifted again.

She glared at her. "No, I'm fine. I just need to get comfortable."

"Ok," she accepted her response. They fell back into silence. They both looked over at Morgan, who had fallen asleep in his chair. It had been like this since she'd woken up from the nightmare, JJ and Derek both knew that she was starting to shut down. "The team's pretty worried. They want to see you." JJ told her. "You feel up to that?"

Emily's face actually brightened a little. "Yeah." JJ pulled out her phone to call and let the team know. "Hey, can I call them?"

JJ smiled, "Sure." She handed her phone to Emily. "You might want to call Garcia first. She wants to be the first to know that you're ok."

"Good plan," Emily said holding the phone up to her ear.

The team's technical analyst answered on the first ring, "JJ, how's our dark haired beauty doing?" Her words were sprinkled with worry and sadness.

"Hey Garcia, I'm alright." Emily smiled at the little happy squeak her friend let out when she heard her voice.

"Hold on a second sweetie," Garcia said. In the background she heard her yell, "Reid, it's Emily!" There was some commotion and undecipherable words. "Ok, the whole team's here, go."

"Hey guys," Emily's smile was evident in her voice. JJ couldn't help but smile seeing Emily like this, she was so relaxed, and almost genuinely happy. Almost.

"How are you holding up?" Reid asked.

She moaned, frustrated, "I'm in pain." Her relaxed and typical conversation made the team feel better. "Other than that I'm great." Emily's voice was convincing, but the lie was clear on her face.

"We miss you here baby doll," Garcia sighed.

"That's actually what I was calling about. I'm losing my mind here," she laughed a little. "Do you guys think you could come visit?"

"We're already on our way Emily," Rossi told her.

Emily's smile spread a little further, "Thanks guys. I'll see you soon." She ended the call and handed the phone back to JJ. "They're on the way."

"Suppose we should wake him up?" JJ asked.

"Probably. Let him clean up a little." Emily agreed quietly. "Here," she handed JJ a cup of ice.

"Oh, now that's just mean Princess," Derek smirked with his eyes still closed.

"You think I would have let JJ do it if I hadn't known you were awake?" She came back. "Besides, it's not like I was going to throw it down the front of your shirt, hoping it got stuck in your bra."

"You know I've never done that to you," Derek told her with an air of joking. "It's a good idea though." He picked up his go-bag and started to back out of the room, giving Emily a mischievous look.

"Don't you dare," Emily warned. "Derek Morgan, I will sic Garcia on you without a second thought."

"Go make yourself presentable," JJ ushered him out of the room. She turned back to Emily and saw her wince as she shifted again. "Maybe you should get that looked at," JJ suggested, hoping, against the odds, that Emily would give in and tell her what she strongly suspected but hoped that she was wrong.

"Dr. Hale already told me that my back will stop hurting in a few days, until then all I can do is be gentle with it and wait," she avoided eye contact with her friend.

"Right," JJ said. She sat down next to Emily again and was a little surprised when Emily took hold of her hand.

"I'm alright," she insisted, trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince JJ.

Derek walked back into Emily's room only minutes before the team arrived. Each member came in carrying something brightly colored, fluffy, shiny, or deliciously sweet. Hotch set down a bouquet of flowers in a vase next to the window while Rossi set an array of chocolates and baked goods down in front of her. Reid pulled a bunch of floating balloons in and set them at the head of the hospital bed, and then Garcia came into the room, toting a huge teddy bear, more balloons, and another pot of bright flowers. The room seemed brighter but to Emily it had nothing to do with all the happy colors.

"Oh, just look at you," Garcia cried, hurrying to Emily's side.

"Thanks guys," Emily gushed, taking the teddy bear from Garcia.

"Don't thank us," Reid told her, sitting on the window sill. "It's all from Garcia."

"Baby Girl, what are you doing?" Derek asked, clearly amused at the lengths Penelope had gone to. "You're making the rest of us look bad."

"That's not true!" Garcia cried out defensively. "The card is from everyone."

"Garcia, it was your idea," Rossi laughed.

"That's not the point," Garcia whined.

"Hey," Emily took hold of Garcia's hand. "Thank you."

Garcia sat down on the edge of Emily's bed. "You're so welcome sweetness. You deserve it."

"Guys," Emily looked around the room, her eyes gazed into each of her teammate's faces, one at a time. "Thank you."

Everyone nodded and smiled sadly. "It's what we do," Rossi told her.

They all settled into the room. Derek and JJ at their regular posts, at Emily's sides, Reid sat on the window sill, Rossi pulled a chair up at the end of the bed, Hotch sat back a little, but still in the group, and Garcia sat next to Derek, on the edge of Emily's bed. It was good; Emily was happy, relaxed, the team was helping her heal. They got lunch, watched a movie on the tv, and everyone, except JJ, went down to get coffee when the nurse came in to change Emily's dressings. None of them said anything about the worry and guilt they felt, instead choosing to support Emily and help her in any way they could. Soon it was time to leave again, so everyone stood up, slowly migrating, reluctant to leave. Emily pushed herself up, into a sitting position and she hugged each team member before they left.

"Walk me out to my car, hot stuff?" Penelope asked Morgan.

"You got it," he said and left with her.

Reid and Rossi were next, they were both gentle and compassionate. And then Hotch; Emily wasn't sure if he would want a hug, but he leaned in and allowed her to wrap her arms around his neck. "Take the pain killers," he told her before leaving.

Emily leaned back on the bed and grimaced. JJ bit her lip, not sure if she should push Emily to talk to her. When she noticed the pained expression on her face, and how for one second her entire body tensed, the way her eyes were distant; she made up her mind to find out what had happened to Emily in that cell, to do whatever she could to help her through it, and be there for her whenever she needed. "Emily, talk to me." JJ's voice was quiet and pleading, "Tell me what happened."

JJ watched Emily shield herself. "You know what happened. He hit me," she motioned to her face. "He shoved me into a wall," she motioned in the general direction of her head. "He burned me," She held out her arm. "He electrocuted me," She touched her neck. "He whipped me. You showed up and got me out of there."

"That's not all that happened is it, Em?" JJ's voice was still gentle and she was forcing back tears.

"What do you mean?" Emily was great at playing dumb and hiding any emotion this conversation was dredging up, or maybe JJ was wrong and nothing else had happened.

"I heard what you were saying in your nightmare last night," JJ's confession made Emily's mask falter for the smallest moment. "You should be treated for that. Something could be wrong, you could be hurt." She reached for Emily's hand but she pulled it away.

"That was nothing," Emily insisted.

"Nothing?" JJ''s voice was an angry whisper. "Does this look like nothing?" She held out her hand, showing where Emily's nails had bitten into her skin in the midst of her nightmare. "You did that while you were begging, in your sleep, for him to get off of you and to stop hurting you." JJ couldn't hold back her tears anymore.

"JJ," Emily pushed JJ's hand away and begged her not to do this, her eyes filling with tears of her own.

"Please, just tell me." Her voice cracked, "Let me help." Emily shook her head, looking down. JJ put her hand under her chin, bringing Emily's eyes to look into her own. "Emily?" She started, her voice soft and full of concern. Her voice faltered, causing the question to choke out in her throat. Emily's eyes fell downcast to her own lap. "Did he rape you?"

Emily's eyes slowly came back up to meet JJ's, swimming with tears, her lower lip trembled, and they flowed down her cheeks.

She nodded.

Emily's arms flew around her friend, begging for comfort.

A broken cry caught in JJ's throat. She held onto Emily, trying to take away the pain from the heartbreaking confession.


	10. A Monster's Guilt

Edited and reposted: November 8

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><p>"Emily," JJ leaned back from the embrace to see Emily's face. "I'm going to go and get Dr. Hale. Do you want to call Morgan?"<p>

Emily shook her head, "Let him go home."

"What are you on about woman? I'm not going anywhere." Derek walked back into the room, almost stopping in his tracks when he noticed the tear stained faces of his embracing friends. "What's wrong?" he approached the vacant bedside.

"I'm going to go and get the doctor," JJ told Emily. When she nodded, they carefully extracted themselves from the other's arms.

JJ left the room, Emily turned her attention to Derek. His eyes were so gentle and full of concern, leaving her to blink back tears that threatened to spill over. Her shoulders slumped further and her eyes dropped away from his, ashamed. "Hey," he said softly. "What's wrong?" He cautiously climbed onto the side of the bed.

Emily didn't care anymore; she threw strength and appearances to the wind and leaned into Derek. He carefully put his arms around her and held onto her shaking figure. "He raped me." Her voice was so small as she whispered the words that none of them wanted to hear for the first time.

Derek was glad that Emily's face was buried in his chest, he didn't want her to see the anger burning in his eyes. He got little comfort from knowing that the monster who had dared to do this was dead. He knew she didn't want her to see the sympathy of the tears, she didn't want him to feel bad for her, she wanted his support. It wasn't long before Dr. Hale walked back into the room, following JJ. Emily raised her head to look, Morgan took her hand and she met his eyes. "I'm going to be right out in the hall." She nodded and let go of his hand at the very last second as he walked away.

At Emily's broken and vulnerable request, JJ sat with Emily as they did the exam. She kept her hand on the bed next to Emily's offering her that support if she needed it as she answered the doctor's basic questions about the assault in a dull and empty voice. She kept her eyes downcast. The shame was rolling off her in drowning waves. Her broken and tattered fingernails were clipped after scrapings were taken from under them. They documented her torn up fingertips, the cuts in her palms, and the damage to her wrists from the restraints, the swollen bruise on her forehead, her black eye, the fat, split lip and bruised jaw and cheekbone, and then the injuries to her neck.

At the doctor's apologetic request, Emily stripped off the hospital gown with trembling hands to have her battered body photographed. It was then that the first tear fell from her black eye. She flinched at the sound of the camera. JJ eased her hand into Emily's, desperate to do something to comfort her. She realized that she had done that same thing for many rape victims from past cases*****. It all was so much clearer under the bright lights of the exam room. The bruises stood out against Emily's naturally pale complexion, the burns along her arms were covered in discolored blisters, and the lashes on her back were a deep and angry red. With Dr. Hale's permission Emily struggled to get the flimsy hospital gown back onto her trembling body. JJ reached out slowly and paused to wait for Emily to give her a sign that she could help her. Emily nodded and JJ brought the fabric back up her body as she cried softly and kept her face turned away. JJ gently tied the gown closed in the back and Emily took her hand again as the doctor pulled a tray over and asked her to move to the end of the table and get into position for the pelvic exam. JJ averted her eyes from Emily as pictures were taken between her legs. Emily's breathing pitched with sobs and she gasped at something Dr. Hale did, JJ squeezed her hand softly. Dr. Hale told them that she'd give them some time before letting the Special Victims cop in to take Emily's statement. JJ whispered a promise that she'd be right back and stepped over to where the doctor was hovering by the door. She just nodded when she was told the results of the exam in a hushed tone.

The door closed, leaving them alone. JJ took a moment in the quiet to gather herself before turning back to Emily. She had curled up on her side facing away from the door. JJ made her way around the table and could see the silent tears streaming down her face. She gently eased her hand into one of Emily's that she had fisted into the hospital sheet covering her body. Her face contorted with her emotions and her body was wracked with intense sobs. JJ swept Emily's hair out of her face and smoothed her hand over her head while she gave Emily's hand soft squeeze. Emily's eyes slowly opened and sat up so she was facing JJ. Without a word she leaned forward and let JJ hold her softly as she broke down. It took a while for Emily to calm down. "We have sat with countless victims of sexual assault during these evidence collection procedures and we could never _really_ imagine what they were going through," her voice was hoarse and low. "All of the classes that we have to take through the Bureau and everything we know about people and behavior can't help us understand what it's like to be the one laying on this table."

"Em…" JJ started helplessly as Emily laid back onto the table and just stared at the ceiling.

"You're already feeling so vulnerable, and then you have to go through an exam to collect evidence to prove the horrible things that someone did to you. It's humiliating and invasive." She turned her face to look in her friend's gentle blue eyes, "JJ, it was like being violated again."

JJ felt like Emily's eyes were searching her for the answer of how to make this better, but she couldn't think of anything to say. Before JJ could do anything a knock on the door announced the arrival of the officers that were going to take Emily's statement. JJ assumed that they were partners, the woman introduced herself as Amy and the man said his name was John. The entire time Emily alternated between eyeing John wearily and avoiding eye contact all together. JJ was painfully aware of how uncomfortable she was. The Special Victims team must have picked up on it too, because Amy asked Emily if it would be easier if John stepped out. Emily shook her head determinedly, and reached for JJ's hand as she said that it was fine.

And then it was JJ's turn to be uncomfortable as Emily gave her statement; telling them everything that Levi did to her, every sensation, every word he said to her, every painful second of torture she endured. She told them about being forced to bow, being backhanded, her head hitting the wall when he kissed her and she had tried to fight him, being stripped, her skin being coated in hot wax, the shock collar being placed around her neck, the knife cutting through the cotton and into her back, the way she heard the whip crack a split second before she felt it against her back, Levi telling her to beg, hearing the sirens, the gag that he had cut from the shift being shoved into her mouth, his hands molesting her body, hearing people just in the next room. His hand clamping over her mouth so she couldn't cry out and alert her friends-

JJ felt like she was going to be sick as the realization washed over her mind, numbing her to Emily's description of the attack. She was in the house when it happened. Emily had been sexually assaulted and they had all been only feet away from her. She didn't even realize that she was crying until Emily squeezed her hand. She quickly moved to pull away and leave the room to deal with her emotions away from Emily, because she didn't need that.

But Emily held on. Her gaze was fixed on their joined hands, she turned them over, running her fingers over the little marks that she had left on JJ's skin. "I'm sorry," she said, slowly caressing each of the marks with her fingertips.

"Don't be," she whispered. She stilled Emily's hand with her own free hand so that both pairs of hands were intertwined. She grasped her hands firmly and looked her in the eye, "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"JJ, don't do this," she told her. "Please, don't-."

"I'm going to," she swallowed, "bring Morgan back in here, before he starts panicking." Emily nodded. JJ stopped at the door, not seeing him out in the hallway she turned back to Emily. "I'll be right back."

"JJ," Emily stopped her. "Can you make sure he doesn't tell the team? I want to do it." JJ nodded and went to find Morgan.

As JJ left, she let her own mask slide. She furiously wiped at the tears, but the more she tried to suppress them the more they formed in her eyes. Angry tears. She slowed to a stop, let out a shuddering breath, and slammed her open palms against the wall. Emily's voice tore at her very being and she couldn't get it out of her head. Her shoulders sagged, closing her eyes as the tears tracked down her cheeks. God, she had hoped that she was wrong. She had never wanted to be wrong about anything more than she'd wanted Emily to tell her that she was wrong about this, that it hadn't happened. The doctor's description of the results from the pelvic exam echoed in her head. Her hands clenched into fists and pounded the wall; once, twice, three times, on and on until they ached and she didn't have the will power to continue; she let the wall support her weight, her head falling forward to rest against the cool surface. She heard Derek call her name, rushing up behind her. She lifted her forehead from the wall, tilting it back in desperation to control her emotions. She ran her hands through her blonde hair and turned around, looking down.

"We were looking for her," she told him. "Morgan, if we had just found her faster."

"I know, Jayje. We never stopped looking for her," he tried to comfort her. She only got more agitated.

"We were on the compound, WE were in THAT house," she motioned between them, "for almost an hour looking for her," she raised her voice. The tears continued to slip from her eyes and she swallowed back a frustrated cry. Derek looked at her, waiting for her to explain. "We were there. We were right there and he was in there with her. He was raping her, and we were in the house," she choked out. "We went through the rooms and she heard us all around her. And she knew we were there but there was nothing she could do." The tears overwhelmed her vision. A sob broke through her voice. "We were there."

"Hey, come here," he pulled JJ into a safe embrace and she collapsed against him, sobbing out guilt and anger and sadness and horror for the brutality inflicted on the woman that brought her through the darkness of the world that they saw every day.

"We were there," she gasped with labored breaths. Her legs seemed to just give up on keeping her standing and Morgan caught her when she fell against him.

The way he was supporting her was awkward and uncomfortable, and JJ was crying so hard that Morgan could barely understand her. He scooped her up and settled her into a chair.

"I should have found her. I could have stopped him. I should have saved her," she cried harshly.

Morgan kneeled in front of her. "Don't go there, Jayje," he told her. "You can't do that to yourself. You did save her, JJ." She started to protest and he cut her off. "She is here, and she is alive, and he can't hurt her anymore, JJ. You saved her." She breathed heavily, slowly calming down. "You cannot blame yourself for this. You can't be there for her through all of this and have that weight on you too, you can't do both."

"I don't feel bad that I killed him," she admitted quietly.

"I wish I had been the one to do it," he told her.

They stayed like that in silence for a long time until JJ wiped her face clean and massaged her eyes. "She's strong Jayje, the strongest person I know," Morgan said. "She's going to be ok." JJ nodded. He nodded back. Taking in a deep breath, JJ gave Morgan a small smile and stood up. Morgan followed and they went back to Emily's room.

"Hey, what did Dr. Hale have to say?" JJ asked as she sat down in her chair. She placed her hand on the side of the bed again.

Emily moved her hand and took it. "Nothing," her smile was empty. "She was just letting me know when I can expect the results from the blood tests back."

Both of her friends knew that it wasn't the full story. "Did she say anything about when you can leave?" Derek asked.

Emily grabbed onto the new topic, "A few days," she said with a hint of whining in her voice. "As long as everything looks good, I can go home." She winced as she shifted. "I can't wait until I can be in my own place again, away from everyone watching me."

"Oh no," JJ interrupted her. "Uh-uh. You're not going to be alone."

"Oh Jayje," Emily started.

"No, way," Derek cut in. "Someone is going to stay with you until you are back at work."

"Guys," she sighed.

"Nope," JJ said.

"Don't argue Princess," he said. "We've made up our minds."

"Fine," she sighed.

They kept the conversation light, talking about unimportant things, until Emily's eyes started to droop. "Hey," JJ said softly. "Why don't you go to sleep?"

Emily shook her head. "I'm not tired."

"Liar," Derek called her out playfully. "We're going to be right here, don't worry about it."

"Can you guys…?" she asked sheepishly and motioned to the bed.

It was hardly big enough for the three of them, but they found a way to make it work. Derek pulled his chair up right next to the bed so that he could rest his arm along Emily's side and held her hand. JJ lied down on her side in the bed with Emily. Emily pulled her arm over her waist and held her hand where it rested at her side. JJ's free hand went to work petting Emily's hair, and Derek stroked the back of Emily's hand until she fell asleep and well after.


	11. Avoidance

**AN: You all learn fast, flattery will get you everywhere. I put in some long hours for such a short chapter. And I apologize for it being so short, I just couldn't get this chapter to do what I wanted. I now have quite a few (12) slightly different steamy scenes, that are completely usesless for this story, between Derek and Emily, at least one of which takes place in the shower. But that isn't what needed to happen at this point in the story so I changed what I was doing in this chapter to involve a little more of the team and cover some important information, and manage to not write Emily/Derek smut. Because that's not what you all want, and I am going to give you what you want whether my imagination likes it or not.**

**You know the drill. Show me some love. Reviews are encouraged and rewarded with faster updates because they make me write the next chapter faster because I want more reviews.**

**I make no claim that any of the medical content of this story is accurate.**

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><p>Over the next few days, Emily got stronger and more like her normal self. The team came to visit her often, usually more than once a day. Garcia came by every chance she got, always bringing a new gift for her friend. Either Derek or JJ were with Emily at all times. They took turns going home to clean up, change into clean clothes, eat actual food, and rest a little. They were all relieved that Emily didn't try to shut them out. They all knew that she was a strong, stubborn woman, and were glad that it worked in their favor this time. She was determined not to let this change any part of her life, including her relationship with her friends.<p>

Derek swaggered into the room and over to her bed, he bent over and kissed her on the head. "So, you're getting out of here today. Excited?"

Her head fell back and she groaned, "God yes!"

"Mmmmm, that's what they all say," Derek said cheekily.

"Morgan!" JJ reprimanded as she started to head for the door.

"What?"

She smacked his arm as she walked past him. "Behave." She paused at the door. "I'll see you at you're place tonight," she told Emily.

Emily nodded, happily smiling at the blonde in the doorway. "Is that my go bag?" she asked. "Give it to me."

"See, you can't wait to get your clothes off." He said, handing her the bag.

"Oh please." She smirked, walking into the bathroom to change. "Go get my release papers," she called from behind the door.

"Bossy," she heard him chuckle from the other room. She smiled knowing that he would do it no matter what she said.

Emily changed into her clothes carefully. She was off the painkillers, for the most part, but some movements still irritated her back and arms. And while that pain was tolerable it was still unpleasant and she preferred to avoid it. Mobility, she thanked god that she had regained it. Being confined in the hospital bed had driven her absolutely mad. She slowly pulled the baggy shirt over her head, grateful that it covered most of the gauze that engulfed her body. She pushed the thought of what was under the gauze out of her mind. Emily sighed in frustration, looking at her unruly hair. She wanted to pull it back but knew it would be hard. Smiling a little, she rolled her eyes; of course JJ wasn't here to do it for her. And there was no way she was going to ask Morgan to do it. She sighed, settling for just tucking it behind her ears. She quickly folded everything and packed it into her bag, ready to go home and sleep in her own bed.

She settled back onto the bed waiting for Morgan to come back. A knock on the door drew her attention. She turned, expecting to see a nurse or Dr. Hale, but was surprised to see Hotch standing there. "Hey," she greeted. "Come in. What's up?"

He took a seat in a chair facing her. "How are you doing?" He asked.

She took a breath, turning her eyes to the ceiling, searching for words. "I'm alright," she told him looking back to him. "I'm ready to go home."

He nodded. "I talked to Dr. Hale, she told me that it'll be at least a month before they can take the stitches out of your back. And after that you have to keep it taped for five days to a week." She knew where this was going and wasn't happy about it. "I don't want you coming back to work until after that."

"Hotch, that's not fair," She protested. "She said that my back should be completely healed in a few weeks, and I won't have to keep my arms wrapped in two to three weeks."

"You're not going out in the field until you're cleared," he maintained. "You won't be cleared until after you're stitches have been completely healed."

"Ok, so no field work until then," she relented. "But what about office work?"

"Emily, I don't want you using work as a way to not deal with this." He reached out and took her hand.

"I'm not trying to avoid it," she told him. "I just," she huffed. "I don't want my life to stop because of this."

His expression was so serious and compassionate at the same time, she couldn't bring her eyes away from his. "What happened to you was traumatizing to the whole team, so I can only imagine what it was like for you. And I trust that you're dealing with this in your own way. You're resilient and you're strong, I know you can heal from this, but I don't want you to push yourself and end up doing more damage." He gave her hand a small squeeze.

She didn't know what it was, his words or the warm gesture; but she was crying again. He moved to sit next to her and gently pulled her into an embrace. She gratefully accepted the relief it brought. Hotch held onto her and whispered to her that it was ok. She didn't pull back until Derek came back into the room, even though she'd stopped cry a few minutes ago. "I'm sorry," she said, moving to clean the salty tears from her face.

Hotch reached out and stopped her hand. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he told her firmly as he used his thumb to wipe the wetness from her cheeks.

She smiled a little, genuine smile and another tear fell from her eye; he wiped it away with the knuckle of his finger. "Thank you," she said, not ashamed of her own tears.

"I'll meet you in the middle," he told her. "You take two weeks off, if the doctor clears you to come back to work in the office, you come back. If you don't think you're ready I want you to stay home. I'm going to be watching you and if I decide you're not ready I'm going to send you home."

She nodded, accepting the terms. "So can I get out of here now or what?" she asked Derek.

He nodded, an amused smile gracing his face. "Let's get you home, before you argue with anymore of the medical staff." He pulled a wheel chair into the room, and watched her face change from happy to annoyed. "Let's go."

"Fine," she sighed. Hotch walked next to her to the chair, then carried an armful of Garcia's presents down to the car with them.

"Get better," he told her before closing the passenger side door. She gave him a small nod and an appreciative smile.

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><p><strong>How much dramaangst do you guys want in this story? Because currently I can go a couple of ways. A few of you might already have an inkling of where this might go. But I want your opinion. Do you want some super drama with lots of angst? Or do you want some minor drama with lots of angst. 'Cause lets face it, we all know there's going to be more angst.**


	12. Peaceful Hospitality

**AN: I'm so sorry that it took me so long to get this chapter written and posted. I forgot to let you all know that I was going to be on vacation for two days. But here it is! I think this might be the last major appearance of Derek Morgan do to all of your requests for more JJ/Emily. This is officially a JJ/Emily story. But there will be some Morgan, Garcia, and team influences in later chapters. Reviews are begged for. Show me some love. I love you guys. **

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><p>Emily opened the door to her condo and dropped her bag just inside the door. Derek followed her in pushing the door closed behind him. "Thanks for walking me up," she told him. "But you don't have to stay here and wait. I'm a big girl, I'll be fine by myself until JJ gets here."<p>

"Just wanted to make sure you're ok, and you get settled in alright," he told her. He followed her into the kitchen, snooping through her cabinets as she got herself a glass of water. "Do you have any food in this house?" he asked.

She turned around and huffed, "We just got back from a case when we caught the last one and I didn't get a chance to go an get anything before…" Emily trailed off, suddenly avoiding Derek's gaze.

"Alright, take out tonight it is," he replied quickly, trying to relieve some of the tension.

Her arms remained crossed over her chest. "The menus are in the drawer next to the sink," she told him and brought one hand up to rub her forehead. He nodded, looking guilty and sad. "I'm kind of tired," she broke the silence. "I'm just going to go and rest." He nodded again. "You don't have to wait. JJ can let herself in."

"Yeah right," his serious tone made her look up. "So that JJ can come and find you here by yourself and then kick my butt, and have Garcia mess with my credit scores. I am going to order takeout for you, and you are going to go and sleep while I sit right here," he plopped down onto her couch. "And watch tv."

"Alright," she accepted and turned to head up the stairs.

"Hey," he said to stop her at the foot of the stairs. She turned around looking at him expectantly. "I'm just one call away if you need anything." Emily smiled at him. "Ever." He stood up and walked over to her.

"Thanks," she said, gladly drowning in his embrace.

Emily made her way up the stairs and into her much missed bedroom, carefully closing the door behind her. She collapsed onto the perfect mattress, pulling the familiar comforter up to her chin, reveling in all the comfort surrounding her. She relaxed, waiting for her body heat to warm the sheets engulfing her body. Even with all of her things surrounding her, she couldn't ignore the darkness creeping around in the back of her mind. The closer to sleep Emily got, the more present the darkness became. Flashes of shadowy figures in her head. Memories playing behind her closing eyes. Dark dreams of her nightmare that she couldn't escape even now that it was over.

The sky was just starting to turn sky various shades of pink when JJ pulled her car into the spot next to Morgan's. Slinging her bags over her shoulder, she walked up to Emily's condo and unlocked the door with her key. "Hey," she greeted Morgan as she pushed the door closed behind her. "How is she?" She dropped her bags not far from Emily's.

"She's up in her room resting, probably asleep," he told her. "I'm pretty sure she just wanted to be alone."

"Is she ok?" JJ glanced up the stairs while voicing her concern.

Derek looked up at her from his position on the couch. "I check on her, she seemed fine." She nodded, still looking towards the stairs. He stood up, gathering his coat and keys. "She doesn't have any food so I ordered takeout for you two, it should be here soon," he held up some cash. JJ took it. He leaned forward and kissed her on the head. "Take care of our girl."

"I will," she told him. He smiled supportively and left.

JJ set the money down on a small table next the door and wandered back into the living room area. She looked at the stairs again before settling onto the recently vacated couch, deciding that if Emily was sleeping she should just let her sleep. She settled into the couch and flipped through channels on the tv until she found something mindless that she pretended to watch.

JJ would stare at the screen, biting her lip, as she tried to focus on whatever the characters on the sitcom were saying, but her mind kept drifting to the woman sleeping up stairs. Her eyes would flick to the staircase and then back to the television set. She sighed, wanting to go and check on Emily; just to see that she was ok. But she didn't want to risk waking her up if she was really sleeping. A knock on the door pulled her from her fretting thoughts. She unfolded her limbs and made her way to the front door with long strides. The delivery boy exchanged the bag of food for the cash, JJ thanked him, telling him to keep the change. She set the food out on the table and her eyes went to the stairs again.

JJ hurried up the stairs quietly, pausing outside of Emily's door. She could hear Emily through the door, fighting off memories and through terror. JJ opened the door and moved carefully to the bed, not wanting to startle Emily. She was tangled in the sheets and blankets, trying to get free, muttering things JJ intentionally tried not to hear, she was scared, her skin shining with a cold sweat, her hair plastered to her face. JJ climbed onto the bed next to the slowly panicking woman. She started untangling Emily's arms from the sheets. She pushed Emily's bangs off her forehead, resting her hand on her cheek. Leaning in closer, she whispered soothing words, petting her hair.

Emily calmed down as the dream faded. She could feel a hand on her cheek, the thumb caressing her skin impossibly softly, and another in her hair. She felt her muscles relax as she realized that her arms weren't restrained. Her breathing evened out as she slowly woke up listening to the gentle voice telling her that it was ok, that she wasn't alone, she wasn't there anymore, she was safe. Emily turned into the hand on her cheek, bringing her hand up to intertwine their fingers and pulled it down to her chest holding it close.

Emily's eyes finally opened finding a pair of painfully beautiful blue eyes looking directly back into her own. Her body was calm but deep inside she still felt the terror from the nightmare that hadn't once left her since she had woken up in the cell. She closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, pushing Levi's voice out of her head. She opened them again finding those eyes. "Jayje," she breathed, slowly sitting up.

"Jesus, Em, you're clothes are soaked through. Come on," JJ headed over to Emily's dresser, pulling out a new pair of clothes for her. Looking back, she noticed Emily hadn't moved from her position. JJ knelt in front of her, taking Emily's hands from her lap. "Are you ok?" She met Emily's eyes looking deep into them, trying to see past the blank expression on her face. "Emily?" Her eyes became present, focusing on JJ's face.

"Yeah," Emily swallowed. JJ wanted to make it all stop. To just hold onto Emily and take away all of it. "I'm alright, it was just a dream." JJ lead Emily off the bed and to the master bathroom, running the shower for her. "Thank you," she said as JJ checked the temperature.

"Do you need help with anything?" She asked. Emily shook her head. "Ok, there's food down stairs when your done."

JJ started to move toward the door. "I'm going to need help rewrapping my arms and back when I'm done," she told the blonde, who stopped and turned back to face Emily. "The gauze and cream that the Dr. Hale gave me are in my bag downstairs."

"Ok, I will go and get that and then I'll wait for you in your room," JJ told her. "When you're ready, I'll come back in." Emily nodded. JJ turned and left the now steamy bathroom.

Emily stripped her shirt off and started to carefully unwind the gauze from her torso, wincing as it pulled free. According to Dr. Hale she had been lucky with the burns on her arms, all of her blisters had popped before she had been released for the hospital, so she wouldn't have to go back to get them cleaned. She chanced a glance in the mirror and immediately diverted her eyes from the sight of her tortured skin. She checked the water before stepping under the warm spray. It stung her back at first, but eventually the warmth soothed some of the tension in the muscles under the traumatized flesh. She hissed as it fell onto her arms, the warm falling water did nothing for her burns. After Emily had rinsed the remnants of the dream off her skin, she adjusted to water temperature and let cool water run down her body.

With a sigh, Emily turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She pulled a large fluffy towel and dried off quickly. Gingerly, wrapped the soft fabric abound her body and moved to open the door. She froze with her hand on the doorknob, suddenly very self-conscious about all the marks on her skin. She didn't want JJ to see her like this. They actually looked worse than they had when she woke up in the hospital. Before she could do anything, JJ knocked on the door and asked, "Is everything ok?"

Emily took a deep breath before answering, "Yeah, come on in. Let's get this done so we can eat."

JJ slowly opened the door carrying the rolls and pads of gauze and the cream. She lead Emily over to the toilet and put the lid down. Emily sat down and JJ got to work on her arms. She apologized the first couple of times that Emily winced, until she told her to stop apologizing. They moved onto Emily's back. From this position, where Emily couldn't see her, she allowed herself to feel sorry and guilty. Her eyes misted up at the sight of the healing marks. "There," JJ said when the last of Emily's injuries had been covered.

Emily moved stiffly over to her clothes, "Can you?" she asked motioning towards the clothes sitting on the counter. JJ nodded and helped Emily into the sweatpants and t-shirt. "The doctor said that it should all loosen up in a few days and I'll be able to do it on my own."

Emily walked out of the bathroom and into her room, digging around in her closet looking for something. JJ grabbed Emily's hair brush and followed her out into the bed room. Emily pulled back from the closet with a zip-up hoody. "Come here," JJ beckoned Emily over to the bed. Once she sat down, JJ slid up behind her and eased the brush through her dark hair, carefully pulling through a few knots. When JJ was finished, Emily pushed her hair back from her face. JJ gathered all of Emily's hair into a ponytail for her. Emily turned and smiled at JJ as thanks.

Emily pulled the sweater over the bandages on her arms as they made their way downstairs. "What did Morgan order for us?"

"Chinese," she told her. JJ was happy Emily was showing interest in the food. They settled into each other's presence, both were a little surprised by how comfortable it was. They talked about what the team was doing, JJ told Emily what everyone was planning on doing with their breaks, they talked about having Garcia over for a girls night, and the fact that they needed to get food. After they finished eating, Emily packed up the leftovers and JJ did the dishes.

Emily lead JJ back up the stairs, carrying her bag up to the guest room. The guest room was attached to the master bedroom by the bathroom. Emily sat on the bed while JJ unpacked. "Do you want to watch some tv?" Emily asked as JJ put her bag at the foot of the bed.

"Yeah," JJ agreed and followed Emily back into her room. They settled onto the bed, against the pillows. A romantic comedy played on the tv and as the plot played out Emily slid farther down into the bed. The closing credits played and JJ climbed off of the bed. She pulled the blankets over Emily's sleeping form.

The television clicked off, pulling her out of her light sleep. She opened her eyes to find the room dim and JJ's form tip-toeing out of the room. "Jayje," Emily called out, her voice quiet with sleep. "Stay?"

"All right," JJ said. She climbed back into the bed with Emily and they fell asleep finding peace in the other's presence.


	13. Removing Bandages

**AN: There are no words to express how sorry I am that it took me so long to get this to you guys. I got so frustrated trying to write this, I didn't know what I wanted to write in this chapter or were I wanted it to go. I wanted to write something new but I can't seem to write anything different. And then something personal came up and I didn't have as much time to dedicate to writing. And everytime I sat down to write I just couldn't seem to get anything written. I've decided to call it the dreaded curse of chapter 13.  
>But it's here now, and again I apologize. I hope it was worth the wait. I'm trying to move the plot onto the next important hintevent. **

**Please review. I really love getting reviews. I'm begging you to review if you're reading this story, because it is as impossible to descibe how much I appreciate reviews as it is to tell you all how sorry I am about the delay in the update. So, please review. Please?**

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><p>JJ woke up slowly, stretching her sleep tensed muscles. Her eyes fluttered open to the empty side of the bed where Emily had been the night before. She scanned the bedroom, her eyes never falling on the form she was looking for. Stumbling out of the bed, she hurried through the bathroom, the bathtub was empty and the shower not running, into the guestroom, dark and empty, the bed untouched, and back into the hallway. As time passed without a sign of dark hair or pale skin a dreadful feeling started to rise from the pit of her stomach. "Emily?" She called into the silence of the house. Her ears strained for any answer but were only met by a smothering silence. "Em?" she called out as she hurried down the stairs. "Please, answer me." JJ rushed through Emily's condo, seeing it completely undisturbed; but her mind overlaid scenes of chaos and damage. She'd mad it full circle and standing at the base of the stairs, she was on the verge of calling Derek in a panic, if her shaking hands would allow her to grip her phone.<p>

JJ started backing up the stairs when a small movement in the kitchen caught her attention. In her mind, as she approached the corner, she saw Emily as victims of unsubs. Each picture her mind conjured up was worse than the last; her body posed for shock, mutilated and desecrated, thrown on the ground; her eyes open, the normally burning brown, cold and dead.

When JJ finally did see Emily it was almost worse than anything she had imagined. Emily was sitting on the floor, tucked back into the corner, with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. In her hands she held a glass of amber liquid, which worried JJ more than the fact she was sitting on the kitchen floor. JJ knelt down in front of her, Emily didn't seem to have any realization of JJ's presence. JJ reached out and took the glass from her. A few strands of dark hair had fallen loose from her ponytail and into her face. Emily's eyes were tearing at JJ's heart; they were open and unfocused. They were almost empty, the sparkling chocolate fire was barely burning deep behind her eyes.

"Emily?" she said softly. The brown eyes didn't focus. "Emily," she said again, this time putting her hands on Emily's. Emily jumped at the contact, but it brought her back to the present, not that it made JJ feel any better. "You scared me," she told her. "Didn't you hear me calling you?"

Emily shook her head. "I'm sorry," she brought her eyes up to meet JJ's and let go of her knees, allowing them to fall, pretzel crossed, on to the floor. "The mornings are just," she trailed off. Her eyes fell away from JJ's to her hands folded in her lap.

"Harder," JJ finished knowingly for her. "Is that why you got this?" she held up the glass of booze. Emily nodded. "Emily," JJ breathed. "You're on painkillers."

"I know," Emily insisted. "I didn't drink any of it. I'm not stupid."

"I know," JJ sighed, "Ok," she stood up, "Come on." She helped Emily up off the floor. Emily leaned heavily on JJ, her movements stiff and measured. Once Emily was on the couch JJ went back into the kitchen and brought two glasses of water back. She sat down with a fair distance between herself and Emily, giving her enough space to be comfortable but close enough that her presence was tangible to the other woman. They booth sipped at the water, the silence decently comfortable but both of them avoided the other's gaze.

Emily finished off the water and leaned forward to put it on the table. The movement caught her off guard and a hiss escaped her careful defenses. She groaned to herself as JJ's eyes immediately started burning her skin. "I'm fine, my back just pulled when I leaned forward and it stung."

"Did you pull your stitches?" JJ asked worried.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's just all the scabs and bruises," Emily said with a hint of an ironic smile.

"Ok," JJ relented. Her shoulders slouched at the memories her words surfaced in her mind. "Well, we have got to get food. Did you want to come with me to the store?"

"I'm ready to get outside," Emily told her pragmatically with an air of signature Emily smugness.

JJ verged on smiling broadly at the common place air of the whole thing or breaking down because she knew it was a rare event now. "Let's go and get ready then," she suggested. The forced happiness and the fact the smile didn't reach her eyes didn't go unnoticed by Emily.

Emily showered first, the same routine of warm water to clean the wounds and then cool to sooth them. She wanted to wash her hair, but god her arms were so sore. There was no way she'd be able to get through it. She'd just have to wait. Or maybe talk to JJ about it? The idea of the blondes hands gently working through her hair was exceptionally appealing. She turned off the water and stepped out into the slightly steamed air of the bathroom. She dried off slightly and moved to let JJ in. Her reflection in the translucently fogged mirror, caught her notice. Even with the partially obscured images she could see enough of the marks that riddled her skin. Emily only looked at it for a few seconds. It was the longest she could look at it. Her brow crinkled and her nose scrunched at the sight of the ugly healing mutilations. Sure, according to Dr. Hale the scaring should be practically invisible when it all healed, but they would all still be there for anyone to see. Emily sighed and called JJ in.

JJ gently set to work bandaging Emily's torso. She started at her friend's wrists, the deep bruising and small tears stirred conflicting feelings. She was proud of Emily for fighting so hard but sad that she had. She followed the intricate burns up one arm, and then the blotchy one that snaked the length of the pale skin of her arm. JJ started at her shoulders, focused on the back of her neck. The deep purple handprint standing out against the porcelain, the tips of the fingers and the edges of the palm had started to fade to yellows and greens. She took in every bruise, and red mark left from the welts, and scabbed over cut and tear on Emily's back. She catalogued every mark that marred the perfect skin. After she finished, JJ came back around to face Emily, their eyes met and it took everything she was capable of at the moment not to take Emily's face in her hands and try to kiss the pain away from those stunning eyes. It was those eyes and the sadness drowning the fiery spirit behind them that reminded JJ of the injury that she couldn't see.

"Thanks," Emily expressed after JJ gave her a small smile to signify that she was done. JJ nodded and moved aside so Emily could go to get ready.

As the door closed, JJ let out a ragged sigh and raked her hand back through her hair. She turned around and moved to the shower, turned the water on. She stripped her clothes off as the water warmed up. She put her clothes on the counter, looking at her hand, her finger drifted over the little faint marks that Emily had left the first night in the hospital. She fought off thoughts, but one pushed through; Those little marks were probably identical to the ones Emily had given herself. She didn't want to think about that, she couldn't let the emotions control her. JJ stepped into the shower and the warm spray flowed over her body. She closed her eyes and let the water run over her face. Behind her closed eyes, JJ could hear Emily describing how she'd fought him and tried to find a way to alert the team, the way her pained scream was muffled by his hand when he pushed into her, and the feeling of the tears falling from her eyes even though she had slammed them shut. She could see Emily's haunted eyes as if they were right there in front of her, looking into her own. JJ didn't even realize that she was crying, the tears mingled with the water and washed away, until a sob broke from her throat.


	14. Clean and Safe

**AN: It's short. But I promise you will like it. I'm working on really starting to move the plot along a little faster so that you won't have to deal with as much of the fluffy filler chapters. I think I have a more solid idea of where this story is going to go.  
>EmilyJJ romance starting in this chapter.  
>Also, you guys are all awesome. And I appreciate you reading and supporting me through this crazy story ride.<strong>

**Review! You know that you want to. I want you to. I'm begging you to.  
><strong>

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><p>A few days past uneventfully. The two women found a rhythm that worked and they both stopped tip-toeing around the other. Still both of them had solid walls around the deepest feelings. Emily was doing a lot better, and under much duress and well meant nagging they had invited Garcia over for a girl's night. On Emily's insistence, part of the agreement was that Garcia would not fuss over her. But she made it abundantly known that she was excited to see Garcia, she missed the whole team.<p>

Emily was sitting on the couch waiting for JJ to finish bringing all the supplies in. She pushed her dark hair off her face and grimaced at the dirty feel of the strands between her fingers. "What's up?" JJ asked noticing the face as she walked back into the condo with an arm load of groceries.

"Nothing," Emily told her, mostly to ease the worry she knew the other woman was feeling. "It's just my hair's gross."

"Oh," JJ said, glancing up from the groceries. "Well, how about you go and hop in the shower before Garcia gets here."

"Yeah," Emily stood up and made for the stairs, she hesitated. "My arms are still really sore I'm not sure I can…" She bit her lip. "Could you…" she sighed. "Do you thing you could…"

"Yeah, Em. Sure," JJ cut her off.

They finished putting away the groceries and made their way upstairs to the bathroom. Emily set the temperature of the bath, added some bubble bath, and allowed it to fill up. She turned back around and JJ approached her slowly. The blonde's fingers took the hem of her shirt and gently pulled it from her body. Those same fingers began to unwind the bandages on her arms. Emily diverted her eyes from JJ's as the burns were revealed.

After the bandages were taken off of her body, Emily turned back to the tub and turned off the running water. She hooked her fingers in the waistband of her pants and shimmied out of them. Emily sank herself into warm, bubbly, bathwater and sighed as the hear engulfed her body. JJ removed her own pants and perched herself on the tub behind Emily. She gently lead the other woman to lean back and dip her dark hair into the water. She let her hands play through the hair, soaking it through. She leaned down a picked up the first bottle and squeezed some of the cool liquid into the palm of her hand. With her free hand, JJ guided Emily to sit up and started to massage the shampoo into her hair. The sweet and slightly tangy smell of red vanilla wafted up to JJ's senses, she recognized it as part of the sent that was Emily.

Emily reveled in the feeling of JJ's hands working her scalp. It felt better than she had ever imagined and it was enough to submerge the ghosts of her nightmare beneath the sensation of fingers kneading her hair. Her eyes slid closed and she leaned into the touch. Emily followed JJ's lead back down into the water, the water smoothing through the soapy strands as JJ's soft hands worked all the soap out. A small hand cupped the back of her head and helped her sit up. JJ smoothed the conditioner through her hair and then her hands fell away. All she could think of was how much she wanted that contact back and more. She wanted JJ to wash the dirty feeling off her skin. Time past quickly as she lost herself in her thoughts of the beautiful blonde and before she knew it JJ's hands were back into her hair, working out the conditioner.

When JJ laced her fingers back into Emily's raven hair, she heard a low sigh fall from Emily's lips. She smiled, knowing that Emily was enjoying the, well deserved, attention she was lavishing onto her. She continued her gentle administrations until Emily's hair was clean. "You don't have to hesitate to ask for help," She told her hoping that this had made her point. "It's why I'm here. I want to help you."

"I know," Emily said. "But I don't like have to rely on other people. I can take care of myself." JJ's hand's stilled in her hair.

Rationally, JJ knew that Emily didn't really mean anything by it. That it was just Emily being strong and stubborn, trying to go back to some semblance of what she had been before. But the words stung. She turned to pull her legs out of the water and step onto the ground, but Emily's hands on her arms stopped her. Emily pulled slightly, guiding the blonde down into the water behind her. They fit together perfectly, neither of them bothered by their various levels of undress; Emily leaned back against JJ's front, her head fell back onto the crook of JJ's shoulder and neck. JJ rested her cheek against the top of Emily's hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo, her arms wrapped around Emily's waist, and Emily covered JJ's hands with her own.

"Jayje," Emily started, her voice was open and unguarded. "I'm scared," she admitted, opening up for real. "Levi was crazy but he wasn't the only one, everyone on that compound believed what he was saying." Her voice was a raw whisper by the end of her statement. "I'm afraid that they will come after me. I'm afraid, but you make me feel safe." Emily turned her head so she could look into JJ's baby blues.

As their eyes met, they both gazed deep. Emily looked into deep self-hate and guilt, and JJ looked into healing pain and fear. Both of them knew that they'd need the other and the other would need them to heal. And they both accepted it.

Emily leaned closer, still searching the others eyes, until their faces were almost touching. JJ swallowed the lump in her throat and their noses skimmed. They could both feel the others light breath wisp across their face. Electricity buzzed under their skin. JJ felt Emily's hands tighten slightly around her own, and her eyes fluttered closed. She closed the distance between them. Their lips grazed in feathering touches, chaste, careful, full of emotion. They parted and looked at each other again. it only took a moment for Emily to press their lips together firmly, after finding JJ's eyes, in a passionate, gentle kiss. This time when they parted, Emily leaned her head back onto JJ again and JJ tightened her grip around Emily's waist. There wasn't anything either of them needed to say.

They stayed in that embrace as the water started to cool. All to soon, for both of them, JJ shifted. "We should get ready," She said softly, trying not to disrupt the perfect silence. "Garcia will be here soon."

"And we've got some serious explaining to do," Emily added. She didn't move though until JJ shifted again minutes later.

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><p><strong>See, I told you that a lot of you would like it. Now, just review and let me know how much you liked it.<strong>


	15. Eventually

**AN: I have been trying to post this for almost 24 hours. Jeeze! It's a long one though. And I thought about breaking it up into two chapters, but I like you guys so I left it as one chapter.  
>I am terrible at writing the healing part of hurtcomfort stories. Well, I guess you guys can decide that for yourselves. So leave me a review and let me know what you thought. I hope this chapter was worth the wait.**

**Review, review! Please, please, please review! I love reviews! I'm begging you all to leave a review for me. **

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><p>They both climbed out of the bathtub. JJ wrapped Emily in a towel. They both smiled when their eyes met and then couldn't stop. Emily backed up and hopped onto the counter, offering JJ the gauze to cover her wounds. JJ leaned forward and took Emily's hand with one of hers, and the gauze from her with the other. She bandaged one arm, and then the other, and then moved onto the top of her torso. Neither one of them were quite as shy when JJ's fingers brushed against Emily's skin. JJ finished and her hands lingered on Emily's waist, and helped her slide from the counter top.<p>

"Your back looks a lot better," JJ told her happily. "If it doesn't hurt too much, you could probably start going without wrapping it tomorrow."

"Awesome," Emily smiled. She grabbed another towel and handed it to JJ. She tilted her head forward so that her forehead rested on JJ's and their noses brushed together. "Have you ever thought about this?"

JJ smiled, her cerulean eyes sparkling as she looked directly into Emily's. "Everyday since I met you," she whispered.

Emily smiled a little wider, she purposely let her nose skim across JJ's again. "Let's go get ready."

After JJ nodded, Emily pulled away and went to her room to get dressed, leaving JJ with the silly smile on her face. She stripped off her wet clothes, hanging them up, and grabbed the towel. She dried herself off and walked back to her room with the towel wrapped around her. JJ pulled her clothes on and made her way downstairs. Emily was waiting for her on the couch, just like she always did after they showered. JJ sat down behind Emily and reached around her, taking the hairbrush.

Just like always, she brushed her raven hair out and then pulled it back. It was all so normal, like nothing had changed. After JJ finished with Emily's hair, she stayed sitting behind her. Emily reached around and took her hand, pulling it around and holding it with both of hers. JJ wrapped her other arm around Emily's waist, burying her head in her shoulder. JJ's loose hair fell around Emily shoulder and it tickled the bare skin of her neck. Emily let her head rest on JJ's.

The phone rang and Emily nearly jumped out of her skin. "I'll get it," she said and quickly removed herself from the cozy embrace and hurried to the phone. She heard JJ's sigh when she winced at the sudden movement and decidedly ignored it, not looking back or addressing it. She stopped in front of the phone and took a breath before she picked it up with shaking hands.

JJ listened to Emily answer the phone. She stayed on the couch waiting for Emily to come back. "Yes, this is Emily Prentiss," she heard her say. It was quiet for a few minutes and then Emily said, "Thank you." And a beep of the phone signifying that she had ended the phone call.

She waited as patiently as she could for Emily to come walking back from the kitchen and to sit with her and tell her who was on the phone, and then plan what they were going to do with Garcia tonight. And she waited. She waited until she started to worry, and the worry grew greater until she couldn't wait anymore. She climbed off the couch and slowly made her way into the kitchen. She stopped in the doorway and waited for Emily to acknowledge her presence. Emily was standing at the counter, looking down at the phone in her hands. After what felt like a few minutes she addressed her, "Em?"

Emily looked up from the phone with misty eyes. "That was the hospital," she told JJ. A sad, confused half smile spread across her face, never reaching her eyes. "They called to give me the results of the blood tests," a tear escaped from her eye and she immediately wiped it away. The whole thing was breaking JJ's heart all over again, she wanted to hold her as much as Emily wanted her to. They both knew that Emily needed to finish telling her what was on her mind. "They all came back clean," She told her in an attempt at a cheery voice. Another tear fell down her cheek.

JJ's brow furrowed as she approached Emily, "That's great, Em." She put her hand on Emily's shoulder. Emily nodded, wiping away another tear. She shrugged her shoulders and JJ pulled her hand away. "Come here, come on," she lead Emily back to the couch. "Now tell me what's going on it that pretty head of yours."

Emily took a deep breath. "That's it," was all she said at first. "I'm not sick, I'm not going to get sick. After all of these heal," she said holding out her arms. "What then?"

"Emily," JJ sighed. "After that you'll continue to heal. Just like you've done over the past few days."

"Yeah," Emily said, her eyes still fixed on her lap.

"Em," JJ leaned forward, trying to get Emily to look at her. "What is it?"

"Nothings going to be the same, Jayje," she admitted. "I'm always going to have these scars, and it's always going to be there in my head." Another tear ran down her cheek. "Everyone, the team, they're going to treat me differently."

"No they're not," JJ insisted.

"They're going to treat me like a victim."

"No. Emily," JJ turned so she was facing the other woman.

"I am not a victim," she said. Her voice and eyes brimming with conviction. JJ knew what she meant. Emily had gone through that nightmare but she would not let it run her life and become a victim.

JJ reached out and cupped Emily's face in her hands, forcing her to look at her. "I know that, Em. They all know that." Emily turned her face into one of JJ's palms and another tear tracked down her cheek. "Emily, we all know that you're strong enough to get through this. You're still Emily Prentiss, smart, beautiful, FBI Special Agent. What happened to you can't change that." Emily smiled at her. "Levi can't take that away from you."

Emily looked directly into JJ's eyes. "You're pretty amazing yourself Jennifer." She leaned forward, lacing her arms around JJ's waist. JJ let her arms go around Emily's neck. She could feel Emily smiling into her neck. JJ lead then to lean back against the couch, Emily curled her legs up under herself and leaned farther into JJ. "What are we going to tell Garcia?"

JJ drew in a large breath through her nose, smelling Emily's shampoo, remembering the time they'd shared in the bath. "We don't have to tell her anything."

Emily laughed a little, "We'll have to tell her something eventually."

"Eventually," JJ granted. "But not tonight."

"And the rest of the team?" Emily asked.

"Eventually," JJ smiled. "This is new for us. We should give it time, see where it goes. Let it define itself."

"Alright," Emily agreed.

"Yeah?" JJ checked even though she could hear the smile in Emily's voice.

"Yeah." Emily tilted her head so she could look up at JJ. "I suppose we should actually finish getting ready now."

"Eventually," JJ smirked, Emily smiled up at her. Both were so content in their position they almost wouldn't have cared if they had been found in such an intimate embrace.

Eventually came and the women extracted themselves from the other. Emily went upstairs and JJ made her way into the kitchen. With the phone wedged between her shoulder an ear and a takeout menu in one hand, she set to work pulling out all the chocolate, and snacks, while ordering dinner. She hung up the phone, and started to fish through her purse for her wallet.

"When's Garcia supposed to be getting here?" Emily asked from the stairs.

JJ glanced up, "Any minute now." She set the money out and looked around as Emily wandered into the kitchen. "I think we're set."

"And what are we going to do?" Emily inquired, leaning against the counter.

"We," JJ leaned against the counter next to Emily, "are going to have a girls night with Garcia."

"She's going to know something's up," Emily pushed. Before JJ could respond a loud knock on the door resonated through the room. JJ gave Emily a face that said 'I guess we'll see' and turned to the door.

A flurry of color pushed through the door as JJ opened it. "Oh my sweets," Garcia cried as she drew both of them into a hug. "Let me look at you," she drew back looking Emily up and down. "I missed you," she pulled the brunet into another hug. "How are you doing?"

"Garcia," Emily scolded while still hugging her tightly. "What did we agree on?"

"Right," Garcia released Emily. "No serious talk. Just girl talk," and she started to walk to the living room.

"Garcia," Emily called. "I'm alright."

Garcia turned around and smiled, "Good."

The three ladies settled in for the evening. They started The Wizard of Oz, the movie they always watched first, while they waited for the delivery. It arrived as Dorthy was oiling Tin-man's joints. They sat down on the ground around the table in front of the tv. The low table was covered in take out containers, they reached across each other, taking the food they wanted, talking easily in the relaxed atmosphere.

"So Derek stopped by my office today, and he said 'Hey Baby Girl, make my day. And I went about trying to get the information for him. I told him that it was going to take some work. He asked me to call him when I got something and I said 'I will and then you can stop back in for a little afternoon delight." Garcia told them and they all chuckled with amusement.

Emily suppressed her laughter and shook her head, "Penelope, the way you tease that man…"

"Oh please," Garcia rolled her eyes. "This is Derek Morgan we're talking about. He's a free bachelor. Granted, a sexy bachelor, sculpted in a god-like image, but he's not relationship material." JJ smirked and shared a secret look with Emily. "Besides, our relationship is that banter. Without it we'd be boring."

"Yeah, alright Garcia. Whatever you say," JJ smiled.

On the screen, Dorothy clicked her heels three times and repeated the mantra. "What's next?" Garcia asked.

"Oh, my choice!" Emily declared. They let the movie finish before Garcia and JJ went to the kitchen to get the chocolaty snacks and Emily changed out the DVD. Emily plopped down on the couch and momentarily regretted the action when pain erupted in her back, but as soon as it was there it faded away. JJ and Garcia came and Emily forced a wide smile as they sandwiched her on the couch. JJ passed her a bowl of M&M's, she frowned a little as she looked down at the little candies.

"What?" JJ asked.

"Nothing," Emily shook her head. "I wanted the chocolate covered pretzels. I'll just go get them."

"Oh. No, I'll," JJ got up and hurried after her. "Sorry," she apologized when she caught up with Emily in the kitchen.

"It's fine," Emily told her, the bowl of choice snacks in hand.

JJ took a hold of the bowl, her fingers just touching Emily's. "Are you alright?" she asked seriously, looking directly into her eyes. The brunet smiled her little amused smile that JJ loved so much and nodded. "You sure? You made a face when you sat down on the couch."

"Yeah, I just got caught up in the girl's night and forgot for a second." JJ smiled sadly for a second. "Come on," she reluctantly pulled away from JJ's soft fingertips. They navigated their way through the dim room and onto the couch.

Garcia smiled at them as they sat down, until the movie started; her smile fell into a look of disapproval as Along Came a Spider started. "Emily, don't you get enough of this at work?"

"I liked the book," she defended.

"Fine," Garcia gave in, putting her hands up in a sign of surrender.

They all curled up on the couch and watched the movie play out. All three of them were completely engrossed in the mystery and Emily slid down and rested her head on JJ's shoulder. It only lasted for a second before Emily realized what she was doing and the possible consequences of doing it in Garcia's presence, and she lifted her head from JJ's shoulder. Closing the space between them felt like it would be like reaching across a canyon, but both of them knew that if they could have done it, it would have brought a perfect relief to both of them. Tension reverberated in the space between them, desperate to break it, JJ took Emily's hand and pulled gently. Emily slid closer to her and their hands remained locked together, shielded by their bodies from Garcia's gaze.

The tension in the movie continued to build until it burst in a plot twist neither JJ or Garcia expected. They both watched wide eyed as the scene played out, the criminal pulled a taser and JJ felt Emily tense up beside her. She turned her attention from the screen to the woman beside her. She had gone sickly pale, her skin breaking out in a cold sweat. Emily's eyes were wide and glassy as the memories washed over her. Her entire body trembled.

She wasn't with JJ and Garcia in the safety of her own home anymore, she was in that cell again with Levi looming over her. As electricity arced on the screen, she felt it pulsing through her body, entering at the soft skin on her neck with a current that felt like a white-hot knife, and contorting every muscle individually into spastic tensing and relaxing masses. The cooled wax that encrusted her arms, rubbed against the blistered burns it covered as she convulsed under the control of the finger on the button that controlled the collar around her neck. "Emily," she heard someone calling to her. Each breath she struggled to draw in tore at her screamed raw throat. She watched as the finger wandered to the button again, before she'd even caught her breath. She just wanted it to stop. She wanted the pain to stop. She opened her mouth to beg him not to do it again, not to hurt her anymore. Before a sound left her mouth she remembered what she had decided to do; her plan was to wait for the team to get to her and not give him what he wanted. "Em," the voice pleaded with her. She was a member of a team made up of the best profilers in the country, she knew how this man's mind worked and she could use it to her advantage. "You're safe Emily, I've got you. He can't hurt you anymore," the voice was so faint but she knew that she wanted to be with it. He needed her to beg. He needed to feel that control to get the satisfaction he was looking for. What would the team think if they knew she had given in and begged? The electricity ravaged her body again, the pain was dizzying and unbearably intense. It stopped again and she felt the bile rising in her throat, she leaned forward as the little that she had consumed since she had woken up here was forced from her stomach. She leaned back, coughing and pulling in fast shallow breaths. She didn't even know that he was walking towards her and removing the shock collar. The first thing she was aware of after the pain was the sensation of falling and more pain when she hit the ground. Her head swam in a haze of pain and exhaustion as darkness started to seep into the edges of her vision. "Emily, please come back to me," JJ's voice rang out through her head. "Come on babe, look at me." Before she slipped into unconsciousness she saw a pair of stunning blue eyes, looking directly into her own.

Her eyes focused on the pair of stunning blue eyes. JJ had her face cradled in her hands, kneeling in front of her. Emily gulped in air, her hands shook as she reached up to pull JJ's hands away from her face. "Sorry, I'm sorry," her voice was thick and hoarse, even to her own ears, she swallowed trying to wet her mouth.

Emily moved to stand up and JJ stopped her. "What do you need?"

"Water," Emily sighed. Garcia got up and hurried to the kitchen. The movie was still playing in the background. She ran her hand over her face, getting a hold on her emotions. She looked at JJ again, seeing the concern in her eyes. "Thanks Garcia," she said taking the glass of water from her and taking a long drink from it. "I'm really sorry about that."

"Nonsense love," Garcia shook her head. "Are you alright?"

"I'm tired," Emily admitted and looked guiltily between her two friends. Garcia sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug that Emily returned whole-heartedly. She could see the tears starting to form in her eyes. "I'm ok Pen. We're going to reschedule and finish this girls night, kay?"

"Yeah," Garcia smiled a little half-smile. "Go sleep. Feel better."

"Thanks," Emily squeezed her hand as she stood up and JJ walked her back to the door.

JJ walked back into the room; Emily was curled up in the corner of the couch with tears threatening to fall from her eyes. JJ sat down next to Emily, and she turned into her. Her legs curled over JJ's, her arms wrapping around her waist, and she buried her head in the blondes neck. JJ put her arms around Emily's shoulders and held her close. "I was there again," Emily breathed. "And it was so real, I felt it all over again."

"You're ok," JJ whispered, kissing the top of Emily's head. "It's ok." They stayed like that for a unnoted amount of time. Emily calmed down as the memory fell back into her head. "Come on," JJ said quietly. "Let's go to bed."

They walked up the stairs together and into JJ's room. She quickly changed into a pair of pajamas and then they went to Emily's room. JJ helped Emily out of her clothing and into her pajamas. Emily climbed onto the bed, her dark hair falling free around her shoulders. JJ crawled under the covers behind her, wrapping her arms around Emily. "I saw your eyes before I passed out," Emily breathed as they were both drifting off to sleep. "It's why I kept fighting. I wanted to see them again."

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><p><strong>Something kind of ironic happened while I was writing this chapter. I was talking to someone about how writing this story and these character is messing with my mind, but I took pride in the fact that I never really got into Emily or JJ's headspaces. And I totally jinxed it. I ended up so far into Emily's headspace I was a complete basket-case for a day.<br>Also finals are coming up, so end of the year stuff is going to majorly cut into my writing time. I apologize in advance for the possible delay in upcoming chapters.**

**I am working on the next chapter though.**


	16. You're Back

**AN: I apologize immensely and repeatedly for such a large delay in getting this chapter to you. But I'm back! And you will have to deal with this kind of a wait at least once more, when I'm out of town. But here it is. You are all awesome and I truly can not express how sorry I am you all had to wait this long.  
>You know what else I can't express? How much I love getting reviews. I really love getting reviews. It might be close to the top of my favorite things in the world. So review. Because I really like it when you review. Getting reviews is definitely up there with chocolate. Did I mention that I really love it when you review?<strong>

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><p>JJ and Emily sat in the car, parked in the parking structure at the FBI headquarters. "I am out of my mind," Emily deadpanned, staring straight ahead.<p>

"Emily, if you're not ready we can just go back to your place," JJ assured her.

Emily turned to look at JJ. "Oh no, I'm ready," she said confidently. "But what was I thinking?" she asked dramatically. "Office work for a whole week. What am I going to do?"

JJ tried and failed to hide a smile, earning her a sharp glare. "If it makes you feel any better," she reached out, resting her hand on Emily's partially wrapped arm. "We don't have a case right now so the whole team is around."

"Yeah, because that's a lot better," She muttered.

JJ took the initiative and opened her door. "Come on."

Emily gave in and climbed out of the car and walked to were JJ was waiting for her behind it. "This is really gonna suck."

"Let's go," JJ put her hand on Emily's lower back and guided her to the elevator. The silver doors slid closed and she watched the raven haired beauty pushing her walls back up around herself. She closed her hand around Emily's and savored the feeling of the slight squeeze she received. A ding signaled the end of their privacy. The doors opened to reveal JJ standing comfortingly close to Emily and nothing more.

Emily walked from the elevator into the bullpen like nothing had happened. She could feel the eyes of everyone she passed on her, watching her, trying to see if there was a change, if the unflinching Emily Prentiss had a chink in her armor. She knew that there were no visible signs of her time held captive; this morning she had carefully picked the blazer she was going to wear today, making sure that it was loose enough that it wouldn't show the bulges from the bandages on her arms and long enough that it covered her still bruised and scabbed wrists, her split lip had long since healed and the burns around her neck had faded, but she couldn't help but wonder how much they all knew about what she had gone through on that compound. She walked straight to her desk, vaguely aware of and immensely grateful for, JJ following close behind her.

"Hey, look who's back," Reid called. She threw him a quick smile which he returned coming up to stand close to her. "How are you feeling?"

Emily really hated that question. How was she supposed to be feeling? "Better," she answered honestly. Suddenly intensely aware of both Morgan and Reid studying her and asked, "So, no case, what have you been up to?" to stop the pressure. Derek motioned to the desks, piled with folders and papers, and grimaced. "Goody," her sarcasm was easy in the conversation.

"Prentiss," Hotch called from the catwalk. They all turned and looked up at him. JJ offered Emily a small smile as she past her for the stairway.

The door swung closed and Reid went back to work on the reports in front of him and Morgan turned his attention to the blonde in front of him. JJ's gaze remained fixed on the door to Hotch's office. Morgan walked over to her and sat on the desk, next to where she was standing. "How's she really doing?" He asked. JJ jerked from her thoughts and turned her attention to him. Reid's head popped up from his paper work.

"She is better," she stressed, not sure of how much Emily would be ok with them knowing. She continued after Morgan gave her a skeptical look, "She's not trying to hide from what happened. She's not exactly talking about it, but she's dealing with it." Her voice held an edge of guilt as she remembered all the times that she'd woken up in the middle of the night to Emily's nightmares and tears; JJ'd hold the dark haired woman as she cursed the constant images that she couldn't get rid of until she fell asleep again.

"Good," he said simply as he obviously decided not to press her for anymore information. He sat down at his desk. JJ turned her attention back to the door that concealed Emily and Hotch for a second before finding something to occupy herself at Emily's desk. No matter what she did, now that she had to acknowledged her own pain, she couldn't stop the images, the sounds Emily made in her nightmares, from her tumultuous mind.

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><p>Emily sent a fleeting glance at JJ just before she walked into Hotch's office. The door swung closed and Hotch motioned to the chairs in front of his desk. "How are you doing?" he asked as he sat down behind the desk.<p>

She sighed, "Better," using the same answer. He continued to observe her with his scrutinizing eyes. "I'm fine, Hotch."

His eyes scanned her face before settling on her eyes. "How have you been sleeping?"

"Hotch," her voice held a warning edge. "Don't talk to me like I don't know what your doing."

"You're right, I'm sorry," he acknowledged.

"I'm still a profiler. I'm still who I am and what happened," she paused to reign in the anger that threatened to break free. "It can't change that."

Hotch just looked at her for a minute, the silence grated at the air between them. "You're having nightmares."

It was a statement more than a question. "Yeah," she nodded. "They're getting easier to deal with." She took a breath and continued. "I don't have to be woken up from them anymore, I don't wake up panicking, and when I wake up now I know it was just a dream."

"And JJ's still staying with you?" he asked.

"She's been amazing," Emily nodded. "But she's going to move back out after I get my stitches out."

He watched her for a few seconds. "You're sure you're ready to come back?" he inquired.

"Yes," she answered confidently. "I just had an appointment with Dr. Hale, she said everything is healing perfectly, and I can not sit at home anymore Hotch.

"Alright," he conceded. "But I am going to keep an eye on you, and if I see any signs that you need longer, I will send you home and you will not come back until you're cleared for field work. Is that clear?"

"Perfectly," she accepted.

She stood up to leave. "Emily," his voice was soft. She turned to look at him. He had a small smile on his face "It's good to have you back." She smiled and walked out the door closing it behind her.

Emily made her way back down to the bull pen, she couldn't fight the surprising disappointment that bubbled in her chest when her eyes couldn't find her blue-eyed blonde. She settled into her desk and pulled the first file open in front of her, inserted into the jacket was a note. _Sorry I didn't wait. I'm in my office if you need anything. Come see me. _Emily smiled to herself and tucked the note away. She pulled the folder to her and got to work, and she managed to make a small dent in the stack of folders before a tornado of color and excitement made a path for her desk. She turned just in time to meet Garcia in a hug.

"You're back!" she squealed happily, holding Emily at arms length to properly look at her.

"Yeah, just like I said I would be last time you called," she said with an amused smile as Garcia pulled her into another hug.

"Baby girl," Morgan said reclining in his chair with his arms behind his head. "Let the lady breath."

"Right. I'm sorry," she said, her voice thick with tears, and let go of Emily, after giving her another hug, before taking a step back. "Sorry," she whispered, clutching her hands to stop from reaching out to her again. "I was just," she paused in a characteristically Garcia fashion. "Really, worried, about you."

"Garcia, your concern, while appropriate to some degree, seems excessive given Emily's immense improvements, even for you," Reid pointed out, suddenly eyeing Prentiss worriedly.

Emily's muscles tensed like she was bracing herself for a blow and it didn't go unnoticed by Morgan. "Can't she just be happy that our girl is back?" He turned the attention back onto Reid with the playful teasing.

Reid's face quickly took on a guilty air. "Sorry," he said glancing between his co-workers.

Emily had been incredibly grateful for Morgan's diversion, but she could feel the extra awkwardness between herself and the boy genius. She knew what the team must have gone through while she was gone and that each of them felt guilty in some way for what she had gone through. She hated that. They didn't have to suffer because of her, she didn't want them to. She watched Reid's face scrunch with confusion as she approached him. Standing there in front of him, she let her eyes show compassion and gratitude and friendly love just for him. "It's ok," she told him with her head tilted forward to convey the earnest meaning of her words. The simple statement carried so much implication beyond his unwanted profiling. In a simple gesture, that was unlike Emily, she wrapped her arms around the scrawny doctor, who awkwardly returned the embrace.

"For the record," Reid started once Emily pulled back. "I'm glad you're back." Emily smiled as him and backed up to her desk.

Garcia smiled from her perch on Morgan's desk. "Now, what's this I hear about my gumdrop and sunshine staying in D.C.?"

Emily nodded and rolled her eyes. "Until I get the Doctor's all clear I'm on strict orders to stay here." Her attention wandered to JJ's office as Rossi knocked and walked in. "I didn't know she was going to stay back too."

Unnoticed to Emily, Morgan and Garcia exchanged a look. "Of course she's staying," Morgan chuckled. Emily turned a questioning, blithe glare on Morgan. "We told you, she's staying with you until you're back at work with us." Emily nodded, absent mindedly diverting her eyes from JJ's office as pure joy and appreciation took hold of her heart. Derek's voice pulled her out of her dazed bliss. "So which one of them is Gumdrop and which is Sunshine?" he asked Garcia.

"Doesn't really matter, does it?" She said after a second. "They're both sweet and they both brighten my day."

"Hey Prentiss," Morgan called over to her in a playful tone, all his earlier distress about her seemed to have evaporated. "Are you Gumdrop or Sunshine?"

Emily shot him a 'really?' look, and Reid interjected. "Logically, it would make most sense for JJ to be Sunshine, her hair being blonde, or gold, a color often connected with sunlight."

"So that leaves Gumdrop for you Princess," Derek said with a cheeky smile.

Reid's amused smile warned her that she was about to be either thoroughly embarrassed or irritated. "So Princess Gumdrop, do you have a candy kingdom we should know about?"

"Shut up," she said, trying her best to sound indignant about the whole conversation, and pushed him a little. "Sunshine and Gumdrop? You're making us sound like hookers."

As they all laughed, Emily chanced a glance up at where she knew JJ was hidden from her view. Rossi walked out of the office, pausing to secure the door, with his hands shoved deep in his pockets he shuffled to his office. He sighed, looking back to JJ's closed door before closing his own door.

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><p>Rossi was walking to his office and noticed JJ was sitting at her desk. He stuck his head in her office and noticed the way her elbows rested on her desk and her hands cradled her forehead. He knocked gently on the frame before inching his way past the doorway. "Welcome back," he said<p>

She looked up at the soft knock and quickly composed herself despite the fact the Rossi had already seen her. "Hey. Thanks," she smiled up at him quietly.

"She seems like she's doing alright," he mentioned and motioned out the door.

JJ nodded, looking out the door towards where Emily was. "She's feeling a lot better," she confirmed. Even as the words left her mouth she knew on some level they were a lie.

"And what about you?" Rossi asked. "How are you holding up?"

"I wasn't the one tortured by a crazy man," JJ shrugged.

"No," he granted. "But you were the first one to see her and you're the one hearing about her nightmares. You're the one who's being strong for her when she's at her weakest and you still blame yourself."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Sometimes I hate working with profilers," she sighed. "I'm fine, really, Dave."

"Alright," he looked at her carefully. "Don't burn yourself out. Emily does need you." She nodded at his words. "If you need anything, you know how to get in touch with me."

Before he could move to leave words were flowing from her mouth. "She's keeping something back, something happened while she was with Levi that's getting to her and she's keeping it bottled up inside. It's eating away at her and it's going to break her but she won't let me help."

"What's eating at you JJ?" he asked softly.

She didn't know why she was telling Rossi everything that she hadn't admitted to herself since the night Emily was brought home from the hospital. "Her worst nights are when she's dreaming about the part we could have stopped," the confused look he was giving her made her realize that it was possible no one other than herself, Morgan, and Emily knew about that fact. "She heard us come into the house and move through the room outside the cell before he raped her. Levi was doing that to her and the entire time she could hear us tearing apart that house looking for her." She stopped and let out a shuddering breath. "I spent at LEAST thirty minutes in that room before someone noticed the hinges. It wasn't even me that noticed," she laughed humorlessly. "I've excepted that I couldn't have stopped her being taken in the first place. But she didn't have to go through that." She finished solidly. She wasn't crying, somehow she was beyond that now, she didn't deserve that kind of emotional release in front of someone who would comfort her.

"JJ, I want you to look at me and listen," he told her and waited for her to comply. "You are not the one to blame for what he did to her. It's just like I told you the night we found her, your presence is helping her. You're the reason she's doing as well as she is right now." JJ's eyes fell away from his. "Emily is a damn good profiler and eventually she's going to realize what you're going through, or you'll tell her, and I think then you can start to heal too." When she finally looked at him again he offered a weak smile. "At least something good came out of it all."

"Yeah," her voice was full of dry sarcasm. "What's that?"

"You and Emily," he said like it was obvious.

At first her eyes were wide with shock but she regained her composure. "I'm that easy to read, huh?"

"Only when you're emotional," he told her. She opened her mouth to say something but he quickly cut off her stuttering as he stood up. "You don't have to worry about anything, I won't tell anyone. It's your life and this is for you two to tell."

"Thank you," she whispered, just loud enough for him to hear, as he left. It gave her a serious sense of déjà vu. After a few minutes she managed to start working through the stack of files in front of her.

The day went by in a blur of pens and papers, and folders describing crimes requiring the teams help. The next thing she knew, she realized that she had been re-reading the same sentence for the last few minutes and still hadn't understood it. She sighed, leaning back in her chair, and ran her hand through her hair. "You're beautiful," a soft voice floated from the doorway. She felt her cheeks flush before she even looked up at Emily. "Ready to go home?"

JJ nodded, pushing a few files into her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

They mostly chatted about little things as they walked to the car. Once the doors were closed they could both feel the tension radiating off of the other as the walls slowly came down. Emily spoke first, her voice still guarded and careful, "How much does everyone know? About what happened."

"Between Garcia, Hotch, and myself, no one knows any specifics outside of the team," JJ told her. And the way Emily looked at her like she was her savior made her heart soar. She reached out and took hold of Emily's hand. "And Rossi knows a little more than everyone else."

"What do you mean?" Emily asked, confused.

"He knows about us," JJ clarified.

"Oh," Emily's forehead creased as she processed the new information.

"I didn't tell him," JJ insisted. "He just knew."

"I know," Emily offered a tiny half smile. "He's a great profiler, they're all bound to figure it out sometime."

"He said he won't tell anyone," JJ told her.

"He won't," Emily said confidently as she remembered her secret about her time in Italy that he kept to himself.

The drive back to Emily's place was quiet, Emily sat back in her seat and looked out the window, and slowly she was pulling down her walls. The front door closed and Emily's shoulders visibly sagged as she waited for JJ to drop her bag. JJ looked at her warmly, Emily took the step forward and closed the space between herself and JJ, she wrapped her arms around JJ's waist and tucked her head into her shoulder.

JJ pulled the brunette closer to her, holding her close with her arms wrapped around her shoulders. "What Em? What is it?" she muttered into Emily's hair. Emily clutched her hands into the back of JJ's shirt.

"I hate the feeling of being out of control," she sighed into JJ's neck.

"I know," JJ sighed. Her hands went to rest in Emily's hair. After a few minutes she pulled back to look at Emily. "Do you want to get something to eat?"

Emily looked over JJ's features and settled her eyes on JJ's sparkling sapphires. She brought one of her hands up from JJ's back and tucked lose blonde hair behind her ear. Her fingertips trailed up the smooth curve of the other woman's jaw, settling her hand to cup her cheek. She unconsciously licked her lips, watching JJ watch the path her tongue took over her lips before her gaze flicked back up to her own. Carefully she leaned in and tentatively brought their lips together. Their mouths danced in perfect choreography, Emily's tongue asked for entrance to JJ's mouth and the blonde granted it immediately, parting her lips and allowing their tongues to join the passionate dance.

Eventually, when oxygen became completely necessary, the two parted. JJ had fallen back against the door, her hands had found resting places on Emily's waist and back. Emily brushed JJ's hair back from her face again, and moved both of her hands to cup JJ's face. "Food sounds good," Emily sighed as her breathing returned to normal.

Later that night, they were curled up on the couch and much more interested in the comfort they were deriving from the other than what was playing on the television. Emily had her arm thrown around JJ's shoulders and JJ rested her head on Emily's shoulder and had her arms wrapped around Emily's waist. She looked up at Emily through her eyelashes and noticed Emily's eyelids struggling to stay open. She shifted and Emily's eyes quickly flew wide open, at full attention.

"I don't care why you want to move, don't," she pleaded with a slight whining tone.

"I'm not, just come here, lay down," JJ pulled a pillow over her crossed legs. "Sleep."

Emily smiled and laid her head in JJ's lap, snuggling as close to her as she could get in that position. JJ's hands went to the elastic band holding her dark hair back in a ponytail and gently pulled it away letting the ebony strands fall freely. One of JJ's soft hands went to work stroking her hair and the other traced winding paths up and down her side, from her shoulder down to her elbow and back, then down to her waist, to her hip and back up to her ribs. Under JJ's gentle administrations Emily drifted easily off to sleep.

**AN: So, you should all really review. And get ready for some drama in the next chapter. Drama and angst.**


	17. Pain

**AN: Read. Enjoy. Review. I'm going to try to get out of JJ's headspace because it's the weekend and I don't want to spend Saturday like that.  
>PLEASE REVIEW!<strong>

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><p>JJ sighed, leaning back into the couch. She looked down at the woman who had been her best friend, until a month ago. Now they were… together? Girlfriends? She shook her head at the massive realization that had so recently upturned her mind. JJ had always thought of herself as strictly straight, not to say she hadn't indulged her own curiosity a few times with fantasies, but this was, she wasn't quite sure what this was. Had Emily really been just her best friend the whole time? She looked down at the object of her thoughts, sleeping on her lap. JJ thought she was beautiful, the contrast between her porcelain skin and her dark eyes, the gentle angles of her face, her long neck, the way her hair was black unless you got it under the right light; then there were streaks of deep mahogany that matched her eyes. When had she stopped thinking of her as an attractive friend?<p>

What she had told Emily, after the minute they'd shared in the bathtub, hadn't been a lie; the day that she had met Emily, she had wondered about what it would be like be with Emily. At the time it had surprised her, it was the only time she'd ever thought of another woman like that. JJ couldn't be sure, but it seemed like everyday since then she had pushed away similar thoughts and played them off in her own mind. But she couldn't be sure if the power of suggestion had just played tricks with her memory.

Emily stirred in her sleep, and nuzzled into her hand that had stilled, making JJ smile. Her hand resumed playing with her hair and the older woman relaxed in her sleep. She really was amazing, after everything that had happened the trust that she was showing their team and the openness that she was giving to her were unreal.

Maybe it didn't matter, any of it. This was the happiest that she had been in a long time. All the evils in her mind and the bad memories were staying out of her consciousness and even all the darkness that she knew was in the world couldn't seem to breach the circle of light the two of them created together. At the moment, it became clear that the same couldn't be said for the lovely agent laying on her; in a split second Emily's face shifted from content and peaceful to panic.

"Emily," JJ called to the sleeping woman, trying to wake a terrified Emily. "Come on wake up, sweetie." Emily was tossing slightly, what ever she was dreaming was causing her obvious pain. "Emily, please wake up."

"No," Emily breathed. "I'll do what you want." She gasped, "Don't."

"Oh, Emily," JJ sighed desperately. "Come back to me." She cradled Emily's head in her hands. "Open your eyes Em. Wake up."

Emily's breathing became erratic and her eyes flew open. She scrambled into a sitting position, sliding away from JJ. The second that she realized exactly what had happened she flew into JJ whispering out, "Thank god." She embraced her worried friend.

A little less worried but very confused, JJ tangled her hand into Emily's hair to comfortingly trail through. "It's ok," she breathed and stroked Emily's back. JJ kept muttering reassuring nothings into Emily's ear as she waited for her to calm down. Eventually Emily's breathing evened out and she relaxed her grip on the blonde. "You're alright?" she asked trying to look Emily in the eye. Emily kept her head down, knowing that her eyes would display everything she didn't want JJ to see. "Emily," JJ tried again but still Emily wouldn't make eye contact. "Emily look at me."

Emily reluctantly did as JJ asked. "I'm alright," she insisted knowing at the same time that her eyes were giving her away. But she couldn't put her walls back up, not to JJ. She tilted her head back and sighed, "JJ."

"Emily," JJ sighed right back. "Why are you holding back?"

The hurt in her voice was reflected in her eyes and Emily regretted her silence. "JJ," she started but fell silent again for her lack of words.

"Would you please say something other than my name?" JJ asked, a little louder than necessary in her frustration. "Why won't you trust me with this?" This time her voice was soft and gentle with the same hurt in it again. Emily looked guiltily down at her hands, wishing for the anger and frustration instead of that hurt. "You've let me help with everything up until now, trust me to help you."

"I do trust you Jennifer. I'd trust you with anything. You have to know that," Emily practically begged for understanding.

"Then let me help," she pushed. "Tell me what's bothering you." JJ reached out for Emily's hands.

Finally Emily looked at her. "You don't know what you're asking."

JJ could see the truth of her words but wasn't going to let whatever it was devour Emily from the inside out. "I'm asking you to tell me what it is that's bothering you."

"I don't want to hurt you anymore," Emily swore before she thought about it.

JJ steeled herself, she needed to know what this was about, if she hadn't been sure before she was now. "Emily, please don't hold this in, don't compartmentalize this." Emily leaned into JJ and tucked her head into the blondes shoulder.

"I heard everyone in the room outside the cell," she started. It was so quiet and muffled that if JJ hadn't felt Emily's lips and breath she would have thought she was imagining it. "My pride got the better of me and I didn't yell or try to alert the team in anyway. I was sure you would find me." Emily turned her head so it wasn't buried against JJ's shirt and skin but kept herself pressed close to JJ and her face turned away. "He had a hand high up on my ribs, dragging his fingers along the underside of my," she stopped and took a breath. "And the other was on my thigh at the seam on my underwear. He was a sexual sadist, he got off seeing pain and fear, but he needed me to beg to get the release that he wanted. He slid his hand up off my ribs and groped me, it hurt but I wasn't going to give into him. He kept bringing his hand higher and covered my mouth and he pushed my underwear aside and he- he put, he used. I could feel," she squeezed her eyes shut. "And I could feel his breath on my ear, it was hot and disgusting, when he told me to beg. He ground himself against me." Emily could hear and feel JJ struggling to remain relaxed and keep her breathing even; and Emily admired her strength, this was the first time she had heard such intimate details about the last of part of her time in that cell. "When he was sure I wouldn't yell he took his hand off my mouth, expecting me to break down and beg him to stop, I wasn't going to give into him, you would find me any second. When I didn't beg he stopped… with his hand and leaned over so he could talk in my ear again. I remember it made my skin crawl like I had bugs crawling all over me." She had to stop and reign in the images and memories of sensations that were threatening to over run her. She clung to the feeling of JJ beside her. Now that she had started she wasn't sure if she could stop but she needed to stay here, with JJ. "He started telling me all the disgusting things he wanted to do to me, I still didn't give in. There was a long moment and I could feel him breathing against my neck." She closed her eyes and braced herself for the impact of the rest of her story. As she recounted the next words she heard Levi's voice ringing in her ears. "That blonde you work with is pretty, isn't she? I bet I could make her beg. I might just have to have another prophecy. He said that and it made me so mad, I wanted to kill him, I wanted him dead so that he could never threaten you again. And I could hear people moving around the whole house, and I could hear you in the next room but I couldn't tell if you were alone and I couldn't let that happen to you. I gave in and I begged because I couldn't let him touch you. I wouldn't let him hurt you," She was rambling and quickly losing control. "He covered my mouth again. And," her throat constricted as tears started to fall from her eyes. JJ turned and pulled Emily into an embrace, and Emily fisted her hands into the back of JJ's shirt. "It hurt. God, Jenn it hurt so much."

"Shh Em, it's ok. I've got you," JJ whispered. She kept her eyes closed against the tears that had filled her eyes and felt them leak down her cheeks. She was angry, she was so angry. Angry at Levi for doing this, angry at every person on that compound who had refused to help them, angry at the team for not finding her faster, angry at Hotch for sending Emily out unprotected and alone, angry at herself… more than anything, angry at herself. She could feel the guilt uncoiling and tearing at her chest as Emily sobbed into her shoulder. JJ pressed a solid kiss to the top of Emily's head and rubbed soothing circles on Emily back, and listened to Emily muttering in a language she didn't understand between hitched gasps of air.

Emily calmed down and continued, concentrating on the motion of JJ's hands. "I just dreamed that he got you into the cell and there was nothing I could do to stop him. I couldn't even see you. I could just hear him and the noises he was making and you were-"

"I'm right here," JJ interrupted her. "I'm fine. He didn't hurt me, he didn't touch me." She could feel Emily's breathing evening out. "He's gone Em, he's dead." She couldn't honestly say that she held any guilt for kill Levi anymore. "It's going to be ok." JJ continued to whisper comforting nothings to Emily and trail soothing patterns on her back until her hands unclenched and released her shirt and she was practically limp in JJ's arms.

After another couple of minutes Emily relaxed her arms around JJ and leaned back from the embrace. She quickly wiped her face and looked back at the blonde, feeling emotions well up in her seeing the tears on JJ's face; if she hadn't been emotionally exhausted she suspected that she would have shed tears at the sight. Emily wrapped her arms around JJ again, and lead her so her head was resting on her shoulder. JJ reached up and wiped the tear tracks off her face before settling fully into Emily's side. Emily leaned down and rested her cheek against the golden hair. "I never want to see you hurt," she told her. "I will do anything I can to protect you, I will kill to keep you safe."

They clung to each other, feeding on that needed contact with the other. JJ nuzzled her face into the crook of Emily's neck and Emily tightened her grip around JJ's waist. Time past and neither of them cared because as long as they were there, like that, together, it meant that neither of them was in danger and they were ok.

"We should eat," always the practical one, JJ broke their extended moment.

Emily sighed but squeezed her grip on JJ's waist. "Not yet," she whispered. "Just hold me for a little while." JJ happily complied.

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><p><strong>I know. I'm being terrible to JJ. Don't hate me for it. Drama in the next chapter. I promise.<strong>


	18. Dissonance

**AN: Short chapter, I know. But now I've got a very solid idea of at least the next chapter and possibly the next few chapters.  
>You now I like reviews. So make me happy and review please.<strong>

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><p>The three women of the BAU sat in Penelope Garcia's office of Supreme Genius, they were anxiously trying to distract themselves, trying to wait and hope, but not hope too much because none of them would be able to handle another disappointment. The team had been assigned to a case and the men had been across the country, in Tonto Basin, Arizona, for a week trying to catch the unsub; according to their profile the unsub was a white male in his late twenties to early thirties with extensive knowledge of local Mexican traditions, but he was alienated from that culture. He had a low level job that was often over looked in the town and he felt that he should get more recognition for his work. He resented the members of the Mexican community for repeatedly ignoring and belittling him. He knew the desert terrain of the surrounding area and repeatedly used that knowledge to thwart police efforts to capture him. He killed seven people before the team had been called in and four more in the time they were trying to catch him. Now the women were waiting for one of their boys to call and let them know what had happened.<p>

All of them wanted this to be over but if they were honest with themselves none of the had even allowed themselves to hope at all this time. But they had to trust the profile, that what everyone kept saying and JJ hated it. She hated hearing it, she hated that everyone else believed it, she hated that she believed it, and she hated that it was all they had. She couldn't understand how, after everything that had happened, Emily still trusted profiling as completely as she trusted the air to have oxygen. Profiling is what had gotten her beaten up and pushed until she broke in that cell. No, JJ's faith in profiling had been shaken and now it was all she could do to work this case without breaking down or screaming at anyone who told her to 'trust the profile.'

They were all exhausted and desperate for some good news, especially Emily who had thrown herself into this case for the sole purpose of distracting herself. Now that they were waiting and there was nothing for her to do she felt the dark thoughts and worry creeping back. She wanted to curl up with JJ and hide from the world, even just one hug, one intimate act could have made her feel something good again. But they couldn't get away from Garcia and didn't want the team putting the pieces together.

The phone rang. Garcia almost fell out of her chair hurrying to answer it. "Derek?" her voice was full of desperation and hope.

With Garcia focused of her conversation with Morgan, Emily chanced reaching out to rest her hand on top of JJ's on the arm rest. JJ turned her hand over so they could both hold onto the other as they braced for another dose of tragic news that meant more sleepless nights and another death on their hands. As badly as they both wanted to know what had happened, neither of them could seem to concentrate on Garcia's end of the conversation through the feeling of the other's thumb rubbing across the back of her hand.

Garcia ended the call, telling Reid to hurry back and to have Morgan call her, Emily quickly pulled her hand back to her own body before their friend could turn back to tell them what she had found out. But the look on Garcia's face told them that there was something seriously wrong, even beyond not catching the killer. "Garcia, what is it?" JJ asked moving to kneel in front of the distressed hacker.

Garcia wiped the tears off her face. "Derek got shot," she sniffed.

The impact of those three words rolled over them in waves. "Oh god," Emily sighed.

"Is he ok?" JJ asked pressingly.

"Yeah," Garcia nodded. "Yeah, he's alright." Collectively they could all breathe again, unaware that they hadn't been able to before. "It was a clean shot to his leg. He saved a man's life and they got the bad guy. But that idiot got himself shot playing hero."

"He's ok Garcia," Emily soothed. "They got our guy and they're coming home. All of them."

"Yeah, they're coming home," Garcia said absently. All three of them were quiet; it was a different kind of quiet than the anxious silence they had sat in a few minutes ago, this was a solemn and contemplative. It took Garcia a few minutes but she bounced back from the bad news. "I have to go get some stuff for Derek before they get back tonight. You two should go and get some sleep." JJ nodded and stood up from her crouched position, she glanced at a computer screen and noticed it was just after four in the morning. Both Emily and JJ were silent on the walk to the parking garage, half listening to Garcia as she rambled. "Oh hey, isn't your last doctor's appointment today?" She suddenly asked Emily, effectively pulling her out of some deep thought.

"Oh, um… Yeah," she stumbled over her words.

"I'm going to miss having you two around the office," She said.

Emily smiled at her. "I know, but it'll be good to be back to work."

Garcia gave a knowing smile. "Well, I'll see you two later my sweets," she said and made a beeline for her car.

Emily and JJ climbed into JJ's car. They were both silently caught up in their own thoughts for a while. As Emily's thoughts came to a conclusion she turned to JJ who was staring distantly out the windshield, chewing her thumb nail. "You ok?" she asked gently.

JJ turned to look at Emily and offered a small smile, "Yeah, I'm tired but I'm ok. You?"

"Same," she answered and they fell silent again. Emily fortified her mind for what she was about to do, a glance at JJ's blank eyes shook her resolve but she was running out of time for this, she promised herself that she would find out what was bothering JJ and settled her eyes on the dashboard not wanting to see the emotions that were going to play across her beautiful face. "I know all either of us want to do is curl up in bed and sleep but can we stop at the store on the way home? I need to get something."

"Yeah sure," JJ told her, all of her own dissonance forgotten as she took in Emily's posture and the undertones in her voice. "What do you need?"

Emily forced herself to look at JJ. Her throat was tight and tears were barely being stopped from welling up in her eyes. She smiled humorlessly and shook her head, she ended up diverting her gaze again. "A pregnancy test."

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><p><strong>AN: Evil cliff hanger. Sorry, gotta keep yall hanging on for the next chapter. Review, it'll make me write faster.<strong>


	19. Decisions

**AN: I'm sorry it took me so long, I know I told you I'd have it done fast but... Wow, this turned out to be a longer chapter than I thought it was going to be. It was also harder to write than I anticipated. **

**But here it is. Is Emily pregnant or not? What is she going to do? Is there something she needs to tell JJ about? How is JJ going to react? Will she hide it from the team?**

**Read and find out.  
>And then review.<strong>

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><p>Emily sat on the hospital exam table in the flimsy white gown the nurse had left for her. JJ held onto Emily's trembling hand. They hadn't said much of anything since they'd gotten back to Emily's brownstone, neither of them really knew what to say now. So they sat and they waited for Dr. Hale.<p>

The door opened and both women looked up. Dr. Hale walked into the room expecting a happy, quirky, exam with Emily healing and ready to get cleared and roaring to go out in the field. Instead she was met with a smothering dark energy. She smiled as best she could and started checking over all of Emily's injuries; she started with the burns on her arms that were now completely healed, then her back, noting that the cut that had required stitches had healed nicely. "You've healed up really nicely," Dr. Hale said with a smile. "Have you experienced any unusual vaginal pain or bleeding?"

"No," Emily answered quickly and thought to herself 'absolutely none'.

"Have you had any pain in your back or arms?"

"No," Emily answered as she forced herself to relax.

"Any of the muscle control problems that I told you to watch for?"

"No," Emily was starting to relax and the atmosphere changed around her.

"Good," Dr. Hale nodded. "Is there any discomfort, stiffness, or stretching of your skin when you flex your arms?"

"Nope," she answered.

"Alright," Dr. Hale said with a grin. "Now, before I give you your medical clearance papers, I want to tell you that you are an amazing person but I hope I never see you in here again. But I'll just sign these and send you two on your way, because the both of you look exhausted."

Emily realized that she couldn't put it off any longer. "Dr. Hale," she addressed the other woman's retreating form. The doctor turned around and noticed her patient was suddenly very pale. "You, um. You told me to let you know if I didn't get my period." Emily reached for JJ's hand again.

Dr. Hale sat down again in front of the two woman. "Have you not menstruated since the assault Emily?"

Emily shook her head with her lips drawn in a thin line. "I took a home pregnancy test today and it came back positive. I, uh. I wanted to, um. I wanted to get a pregnancy test done here."

"Alright," Dr. Hale said trying to wrap her own mind around what she had just been told. "We're going to do another urine test and the blood test. I'll send a nurse in to take the samples." Emily nodded and Dr. Hale left the two women alone. Outside the door she shook her head sadly and went to find the most reliable nurse she had worked with. "I need both a urine and blood pregnancy test for the woman in exam room 3," she told her. "I want the results triple checked before I get them."

Emily closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself. She let out a controlled breath through her nose. "Maybe it was a false positive," JJ thought aloud. Emily nodded. Her eyes stayed closed as she tried to shove everything she was feeling into a little box in her head. But it wasn't working, she couldn't push her fear and shame and guilt, or the memories of what Levi did to her and the things he'd said, or the way she'd felt in Italy when she was fifteen, the image of JJ's face when she'd told her about the little pink plus sign out of her head. Emily felt the first tear run down her face and then she felt JJ's hand cupping her cheek as she used her thumb to wipe the tear away. Another tear escaped, and another, and another, until it was a constant cascade and she could barely contain the sobs that shook her body. JJ climbed onto the table with her and pulled her close. Emily kept her arms wrapped around herself until JJ pressed her lips firmly against her hair line and down to her temple, where she a warm droplet fell into her hair. She held JJ against her as they both tried to absorb the other's pain.

The nurse knocked on the door and came in, noticing the two women drawing apart from each other and their tearstained faces. "I'm sorry, if you need another minute I can come back later," she offered.

"No," Emily said taking a deep, calming breath as she wiped her cheeks with a shaking hand. "It's fine." She forced a smile and nodded to the nurse as her other hand searched for JJ's next to her.

"Alright, I'm Mackenzie." the nurse smiled warmly and held out a plastic specimen jar to Emily. "I'm going to need you to pee in this and when you come back I'm going to take a blood sample."

Emily's grip on JJ's hand tightened momentarily before she slid off the table, took the little plastic cup, and trudged into the adjoined bathroom. JJ massaged her forehead with her finger tips as she blew out a shaky breath. She sat up straight and cleaned the remaining salty tracks from her face. Somehow she managed to force down the awful guilt and sadness tearing at her chest as she waited for Emily.

Mackenzie smiled kindly at JJ, "You're really great with her, it's good that she has someone that she can turn to when she needs to."

JJ nodded but couldn't manage a real smile. "It's not just me, she has our friends at work."

"But you two are close?" she asked.

"We were best friends before all this happened, but it's brought us closer," JJ thought about that last word.

Mackenzie just smiled at her. "Good, because she needs you."

They sat in silence until Emily emerged and handed the specimen jar to the nurse before she sat down on the table. Mackenzie gently took Emily's arm and started the procedure of drawing blood. "I'm going to take both of these to the lab. We will have the results from the urine test in a few minutes, you're welcome to put your own clothes back on while you wait. Dr. Hale is going to come and talk to you as soon as she has the results."

"Thanks," Emily said and took JJ's hand again. After Mackenzie left the room Emily leaned into JJ and whispered, "Jen, I'm scared."

"I know," she slid her hand up and down Emily's arm. "It's ok. Don't hold it in. It's ok," she murmured.

Emily wrapped her arms around JJ and breathed in her scent, she let her closeness to JJ sooth her and chase away her demons like only she could. She found herself wishing that they could just stay like that, much to her surprise.

JJ spoke quietly, like she was afraid that if she was too loud it would break the peaceful spell that seemed to surround them, "Do you want to get dressed?"

She nodded, collected her pile of neatly folded clothes, and disappeared into the bathroom again. Emily pulled her pants on and fastened her belt before stripping off the hospital gown and replacing her bra. Before she could pull her shirt over her head, she found her fingers playing over the pale, discolored, trailing scars on her arms. At the top of the second shoulder she turned her back to the mirror and looked over her shoulder at the twisted mess of crisscrossing angry scars. She followed one that wrapped around her side, finding it on her skin where the reflection disappeared, and traced it until it tapered off; her fingertips continued past the little mark onto her flat stomach. Her palm traveled to lay where her fingers had just been trailing as she mused.

I can't be pregnant. I'm not ready to have kids, especially not like this. But what if I am? What then? It's as much mine as it is his. Can I have _his_ child? I don't really have a choice. What kind of mother would I be to this kid? Will it have my eyes? Will it look like me? But I can't be. I did everything to stop it. I'm can't be. I'm not pregnant. I'm not…?

With her shaky resolve, she picked up her forgotten shirt and pulled it over her head. With hurried steps she moved out of the bathroom, finding that her thoughts had done nothing but shake her already rattled mind and that she craved JJ's presence again. She curled into JJ. She wanted to talk about everything that she was thinking and feeling but she couldn't make enough sense of it to even know where to begin. Before she could piece it together a knock on the door told her she'd run out of time. She sat up but didn't move away from JJ, just taking JJ's hand that wasn't around her in both of hers.

Dr. Hale pulled up a chair and sat it in front of the two wide eyed women. She struggled to find words in her head but apparently didn't have to say anything for the women in front of her to know.

"What are the chances that both the tests were false positives?" Emily asked slowly.

Dr. Hale looked Emily directly in her desperate eyes, "Emily, the odds of two completely different kinds of urine tests coming up as false positives are almost zero."

Emily clenched her jaw and her whole body tensed up, JJ did her best to try and relax her. As understanding of the situation washed over her, her body relaxed and her eyes closed. "How did this happen?" she finally asked. A tear escaped her defenses. "I took the morning after pill," she said and quickly whisked the tear off her face.

"I told you when you decided to take it, it's not a guarantee. It's only 89% effective," Dr. Hale told her as softly as she could. Emily just nodded. "Now Emily, when we did the SAE kit you said that there no way it could be anyone else's child. Are you positive?"

"Yeah," Emily said shaking her head. "I hadn't been sexually active with a partner in months."

"Ok. We're going to call you sometime tomorrow with the final results from the blood test," she waited for Emily to nod again. "Until then, you should start considering your options." Emily made no sign of recognition so she pulled a few pamphlets out of the folder she'd carried in with her. "Emily, I know you only found out about this today, but have you considered abortion?"

"No!" Suddenly Emily's entire demeanor changed. "I won't do that. I can't go through it and live with myself," she said with finality.

"Alright, that's fine," Dr. Hale assured her. "It's your choice. You don't have to make a decision right now, I'm just letting you know what options you have." She held out the pamphlets to Emily. "There is information about open and closed adoptions, there is also one about abortion in there, and there's one about what you might expect and the kind of help you might need if you decide to keep this child."

"Thank you," Emily said as loud as she could manage.

"I'll be in touch with you tomorrow, if you have any questions don't hesitate to call." Emily nodded and placed her hand on the small of JJ's back to lead her out to the car.

Back at Emily's place, they both sat down on the couch still shocked into silence. Emily recovered first, voicing a fear that had been floating around in her head since she'd woken up in the hospital, "He said this was going to happen."

Something in Emily's voice pulled JJ out of her numbness. "He didn't know. There's know way he could have."

"I know that. I know that he was just a smooth talking perverted psychopath who managed to get a following. I know he didn't really have a prophecy telling him that I would get pregnant. But he said it was going to happen," Emily twisted her hands in her lap. "And I don't know what to do." JJ reached over and took Emily's hands to stop the twisting motion that looked painful. Emily looked into JJ deep blue eyes. "Do you think things happen for a reason Jennifer?"

"Emily, you can't find a reason for this. You will spend the rest of your life trying to figure out why this happen. I could spend the rest of my life trying to figure it out but there is no answer to that question," she answered gently. "This isn't fair."

"My mother used to tell me all the time that life's not fair," Emily said wryly. JJ didn't know what to say to that. Emily just sounded so broken, she didn't know if there was anything she could do. "I don't think I can do this Jen."

"What, Em?" JJ asked.

"I don't know if I can keep this kid and be a good mother to it," Emily whispered.

JJ squeezed Emily's hands softly. "You don't have to. No one expects you to."

Emily shook her head, "No, I can't have an abortion. I can't deal with the shame and the guilt on top of everything else. I won't do it."

"Ok Em," JJ soothed the tension building up between them. "It's ok."

Emily untangled her hands from JJ's to push her hair back from her face and let out an excruciatingly sigh. JJ scooted closer to Emily and slid her arm around her waist, Emily immediately leaned into JJ, wrapping her arms around herself. "I can't do it. I can't," she kept repeating under her breath. JJ was ready to whisper something soothing anything to make her feel even the slightest bit better, but her words caught in her throat at three muttered syllables. "Not again."

"Again?" JJ asked.

"What?" Emily was stunned, unaware that she'd that.

"You said 'I can't do it, not again.' Where you…Where you talking about getting an abortion?" JJ asked cautiously.

Emily sat up and hesitantly made eye contact with her. "Do you remember that case last year, with my friends and the exorcisms?" JJ nodded. "I knew them from my time in Italy. My mother's postings kept us moving around and we were never in one place for very long. It was hard. On me. I was fifteen, and all I wanted was make friends. I would have done anything, I did anything I could to get accepted." JJ was mercifully quiet through the story so far, just looking at Emily with her gentle blue eyes. Emily sniffed back her emotions, "I got pregnant. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell my mother. Matthew helped me get an abortion and it saved my life." She openly wiped her nose on the back of her hand but she refused to cry. "It was the right choice for me at the time, but the guilt, the shame… and the self-hatred that I felt afterwards was overwhelming." She finished her confession, "Those feelings almost tore me apart then and I knew it was the best option. Now, there's no reason this child should be punished for the way it was created, I could bring this child into the world and there's no reason I shouldn't… what would those emotions be like, what would they do to me this time?"

"Emily…" JJ sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Emily said with a humorless smile. Both of fell silent again. "This isn't going be easy, and I'm sure giving the baby up is going to practically impossible." Emily broke the silence after a few minutes. "But I'm going to do it, it's for the best."

"I know," JJ's voice brimmed with adoration. "And you won't have to do it alone. The team will support you. I will help you as much as I can."

"Thank you," Emily said honestly grateful for the reassurance as she blinked back more tears. She sighed as JJ's hand began to trail patterns up and down her back and then she gladly let JJ pull her closer. "We have time before the boys get back, we should get some sleep."

"Food first," JJ said sternly.

A small smile crept onto Emily's lips. "Fine," she conceded. "Food first."

Together they made a simple pasta dish and a toss salad, just enough for the two of them. They talked a little about the crap they'd give Morgan before falling back into their own thoughts. JJ watched Emily, thinking about everything as she continually forced down the guilt that was trying to break her. She didn't understand why Emily was so open with her after everything that had happened. She was glad that she wasn't being shut out, especially now that their relationship had changed, but she didn't understand. After a minute she really saw the brunette, she wasn't eating anymore, just pushing the food around her plate. "What is it Em?" She asked, again amazed by the openness.

"What if I don't want to give it up for adoption?" Emily asked without looking up from her plate. "Does that make me selfish?"

"No, of course not." She insisted. "If that's what you want it's what you should do. This child is yours."

"What I want and what a baby needs might not be the same thing," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"I keep thinking what if, what if it looks like me and in the end I can't let it go. But what if I look at this little innocent baby and see _him_. Am I going to be able to love this child and not…" She set her fork down and looked up from it. " With my job and being a single parent and everything that's happened, would I be able to be a good mother?"

"Of course you would be," JJ told her, a little shocked by Emily's self-doubt. "You would be an amazing mother."

"I just keep picturing holding a perfect baby with my eyes and dark hair, and it seems so tiny in my arms, and it feels right," Emily admitted.

"What ever you choose, it will be the right thing to do and your friends will stand behind you and support you," JJ told her.

Even with this realization, as they cleaned up Emily's mind was reeling with questions and memories. Emily and JJ climbed the stairs and headed for their respective bedrooms, flashing each other almost shy smiles before they parted. As Emily changed out of her jeans and into yoga pants she realized just how tired she was. She curled up in her bed and quickly fell asleep.

JJ sat on the edge of her bed and ran her hands up and down her arms. She laid down onto the bed and curled up, pulling the blankets around her shoulders, and hugging herself. Her vision blurred with tears and it was like the tightness in her chest was forcing all her bottle up emotions out at once. JJ clenched her jaw to muffle her ragged, body-wracking crying. It was her fault. God, it was all her fault. That bastard used her to break Emily and he hurt her so much. And now Emily's pregnant because he threatened her, and Emily couldn't risk that happening. She was so selfless that she gave up to protect her and there was nothing that she could do now to stop her pain. A strangled sob escaped her throat and she brought her knees up to her chest, holding herself as she broke. "I'm sorry," she whispered to her empty room.

Emily woke up suddenly, feeling the familiar sense of panic gripping her mind. It felt like every scar on her back and arms had been torn open again. She closed her eyes and force her breathing to be normal and even until her heart stopped trying to break free from her ribs, and with every breath the feelings faded. Now fully removed from her memories, she kicked the blankets back and stretched her legs before climbing over the edge and walking into the bathroom. After splashing some cold water on her face, she turned off the water and leaned forward on the counter. A soft noise drew her attention away from her thoughts. Shuffling to the door that connected the bathroom to her guest room, the sound became more distinct. She opened the door and noticed JJ was awake and curled up on the bed, and seemed unaware of Emily's presence.

A weight on the bed behind JJ dipped the bed. She felt a hand on her head and another on her back as Emily hushed her and whispered that it was ok. She quickly quashed her emotions back into herself and wiped her face before sitting up and turning to Emily. "I'm sorry," she said in an emotionally thickened voice. "Did I wake you up?"

"No," Emily shook her head. "Don't apologize. You've been so strong for me over the past few weeks. You don't have to hide your pain from me."

JJ's eyes filled with tears against her will and she let Emily pull her onto her lap. She clung to the other woman as she cried openly into her chest. "I'm so sorry. I should have found you sooner."

"Jennifer," Emily said seriously. "This was not your fault. You saved me." JJ started to argue with her and she cut her off. "No buts about it, everything that happen to me was Levi's fault and no one else's. Do you understand me?" She pulled back and held JJ's face in her hands. "None if it was your fault." JJ nodded and Emily pulled her back into her.

JJ's sobs hiccupped to a stop as she calmed down. Emily laid them down so that JJ's back was pulled against her front and JJ's waist was encircled by her arms. They laid there just breathing and listening to the sound of the other's breaths for a while. JJ took a deep breath and Emily waited for her to say something. "Why did you do it?" she asked after a long moment.

"Because your safety means so much more to me than my own," Emily told her. "Please don't blame yourself Jen." In response, JJ rolled over and rested her head on Emily's shoulder.

Hours later, the men walked back into the BAU bullpen, Morgan hobbled along on crutches to his desk where Garcia was waiting for him. "Oh," she gasped and hurried to help get him to his chair. "You are such an idiot. What do I tell you every time you guys leave for a case? All I ask is that you all be careful and not do anything stupid. And what do you do?" She said harshly.

"Baby Girl, I'm ok," he said having the grace to at least look guilty. "I'm still here." He took her hand as they got to his desk.

"I know," she sighed as he pulled her into his arms. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," he smiled incongruously. "I'll make it up to you."

"You'd better," Garcia scolded softly with a smile on her lips as she helped him sit down. "Don't do it again."

"Anything you say, Mama," he placed a kiss on the knuckles of her hand.

"Hey Garcia," Reid called out. "Where are JJ and Emily? They're coming out with us too, right?"

"They're on their way," she told everyone.

"JJ still staying with Emily?" Morgan asked. Garcia nodded. Rossi's amused, knowing smile went unnoticed as the point of this conversation joined the group. "Hey there's my ladies," Morgan smiled, noticing the file Emily was carrying. "You get cleared?"

"Yup," Emily smirked. "Just in time for you to get grounded." She held out the file to Hotch.

"Has Garcia told you how stupid you are?" JJ asked Morgan.

"Yeah, I got the speech already," Morgan said with juvenile sass. Garcia playfully smacked his arm.

"Good," Emily said. "You should listen to her. You all should." She suddenly felt extremely nervous and saying the words seemed impossible, knowing that all her team member knew something was up and were just waiting for her to tell them what it was. This was harder than she'd thought it was going to be, but she'd gotten this far and wanted her friends to know what was going on. "Because these next nine months are going to be hard," she locked eyes with Morgan. "And there needs to be a father figure."

JJ watched as slowly, realization dawned on their friends and a gamut of emotions ran over their faces. She watched Emily stand strong in the face of her nightmare and indecision, caught at this crossroad.

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><p><strong>So I'll start taking gender suggestions now. Boy or girl? <strong>


	20. Exhaustion

**AN: Sorry about the wait. Writer's block took a solid grip on my creativity, but I struggled through it, and even though every sentence was like pulling teeth you have chapter 20. It's angsty, but I promise the next chapter will have something cute and happy in it.  
>Leave a review. I'm still taking suggestions on the baby's gender. Also if you have any suggestions let me know, I'm open to creative imput.<strong>

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><p>The night that Emily told the team about her condition, her nightmares returned full force and she was immensely grateful for JJ's willingness to postpone living in her own apartment to stay with her until the dust settled. The time that she spent at home was the hardest, and some days were harder than others. She spent all day with her walls up to hide everything from the world, and when she got home all of that came out; having JJ there when the walls came down was more of a comfort then she could put into words. After a week everything had calmed down and JJ moved back to her apartment, but she left some of her things at Emily's; just in case.<p>

The first night had been the hardest. Both of them were so used to having another presence that the emptiness of their apartments made them uneasy and a little sad. Neither of them slept well. JJ was worried about Emily and it took hours of tossing and turning to calm her mind and fall into a restless sleep. Emily, on the other hand, didn't even bother to go looking for sleep, she ran like hell away from it. She turned on lights around her home and still she could feel her demons lurking, waiting to over take her. But she was strong. She was determined. She could do this. She stayed awake, hoping that if she was exhausted she would just sleep. It was almost two in the morning before she fell asleep curled up on the couch as a documentary on Simon and Garfunkle played on her television. And all her hoping and effort to hide from the darkness proved futile; Barely more than an hour after sleep had taken hold of her, Emily woke up, her hair plastered to her sweat dampened face, chest heaving with her labored breaths, and her body trembling with the phantom pain that now wracked all of her healed injuries. She climbed the stairs, showered, and curled up under the covers of her bed trying to stop the tremors. She couldn't push the memories out of her mind and sleep didn't come to her the rest of the night.

The next day the team caught a case. JJ managed to hide her lack of sleep and Emily made a valiant effort, she hid it from everyone until JJ briefed them on the serial rape case in Aurora, Colorado. The moment JJ met her gaze, Emily knew the blonde was reading her like a book and could tell she was struggling. And on some level she was glad that someone else knew, she was glad that JJ knew.

Later that day, on the plane Emily moved to sit on the couch at the back of the plane after the team had worked on the profile as much as they could. She relaxed into the cushions, glad for some time to rest. Her eyes drifted closed and she felt someone sit down next to her. "How much sleep did you get last night?" a sweet voice drifted into her head.

She opened her eyes and found JJ sitting close to her, her worried eyes scanning her face. "About an hour," she answered and rubbed her eyes with her hands. "You?"

"Four," JJ told her. She put a hand on Emily's arm. "Was it a nightmare?" Emily nodded. "Sleep now, Em," JJ's voice floated between them. "I'm here, you can sleep." The combination of JJ's presence, voice, and the way her thumb played against the back of Emily's hand lulled the brunette to sleep.

After a long day of tracking down the leads, interviews with the victims, developing the profile, and delivering the press conference the team headed back to the hotel. Before the door to JJ and Emily's room had even closed, Emily took refuge in the bathroom. JJ sighed and sank down onto one of the beds, hearing the water start running, and waited. She knew what this case was doing to Emily. As if her current situation wasn't doing enough to her, hearing these women's stories and seeing their pictures from the hospital was tearing her apart.

After pulling her nightshirt over her head, Emily looked at her reflection in the mirror, the deep shadows under her haunted eyes seemed to grow as she let down her barriers and her posture slumped. Everywhere she looked today had brought on an onslaught of memories she wanted so badly to just move away from. It had been two months, she had been doing so much better. And now, standing here she felt lost. How was she supposed to move on with her life when every time she remembered what happened it felt like she was just getting out of that cell? She shook her head and plodded into the room. "Bathroom's free," she called when JJ didn't look up from her file.

"Mkay," JJ drawled still looking intently at the papers in front of her. She studied Emily for a minute, while pretending to read her file. She stopped at the bathroom door and watched as Emily intently flipped through their profile before she closed it and started to get ready for sleep.

The door clicked open and JJ heard a little commotion from Emily. The brunette didn't look up from the file she was now feigning intense interest in. JJ frowned and padded over to Emily's bed, she crawled up behind her and pulled the file out of her hands. "How are you feeling?" she asked in a hushed voice as her arms went around Emily's waist.

"Mmmmmm, I'm fine," she smiled and leaned into JJ. She crossed her arms, her hands found JJ's dainty wrists and trailed up and down her forearms.

"Yeah?" JJ rested her chin on Emily's shoulder. "Is that why you were looking at that file upside down?"

"I'm fine," Emily looked down at the file and realized that JJ was right.

JJ noticed a picture that had fallen out of the file and onto the floor in Emily's hurry to appear normal. She reached around Emily and picked it up. It was a picture of vicious and painful looking bite marks on the stomach of the most recent victim, the only one that had been killed. She put it back into the file and wrapped her arms around Emily again. "What is it, Em?"

"Nothing," Emily said as her trembling fingers intertwined with JJ's.

"Em, you're hurting," JJ sighed. "I can see it. And keeping it bottled up won't help you."

"Yeah JJ," Emily said and JJ winced hearing the sharp way she said her name. She pulled out off JJ's arms and stood at the foot of the bed. "I'm hurting." She threw her arms out to the sides. "But what's new?" she knew that JJ could see the tremors running through her body. "What, did you expect this case to be easy? Did you all think I would just be objective and not connect to them? How could I not feel for these victims?"

JJ looked at Emily, stunned, and when she didn't say anything Emily turned on her heel and stalked to the door. "Woah," She called, trying to scramble out of the bed as Emily's shaking hands worked at the locks. "Where are you going?" She managed to stand up but Emily was already half way out the door.

"Out," was Emily's curt answer. The door slammed shut behind her.

Now that she was out of the room she didn't know where to go. _God, that was stupid. Why did I do that? _She stood in front of the door, just looking up and down the hallway, for a few seconds before deciding to just go find a corner to sit in for a little while. She started to walk towards the elevator, numbly.

She was so lost in her own head that she didn't notice a door open to see what the commotion was. She didn't notice the figure standing in the doorway, watching her. She didn't notice him stepping out as she passed him. "Emily," a strong voice called after her. It echoed in her head, over and over again He moaned her name, his breath hot against her neck and ear. She stopped in her tracks. For a second her legs trembled like her knees would give out on her, and a strong arm went around her waist. The sudden contact made her flinch away and almost jump out of her skin, a strangled noise, between a swallowed scream and a gasp, managed to escape her throat despite the way it was suddenly so tight she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Her heart felt like it was beating against her ribs so hard that it would leave a bruise on her chest. Her hands were free. She dug her nails into the arms around her waist. Her hands were free. She wasn't shackled to the wall. Her hands were free. She could fight. Her hands were free. In one smooth, strong movement she freed herself from the arms, spun him around, and pinned him against the wall. Her attacker remained still, a friendly, comforting voice drifted through the fog in her head, her heart rate slowed back to somewhere near it's normal pace, she could breathe again, and the mist of panic that surrounded her senses faded away. Her hands slowly loosened their grip and the arm slowly pulled away from her. Gentle hands found her shoulders and she looked up into familiar brown eyes. "Morgan," she breathed out as she swayed on her feet.

"Yeah," he said gently. "What're you doing out here?" Emily mumbled a few sentences but all he made out of it was 'JJ'. He turned back to the open door where Reid was watching on. "Go check on JJ," he gestured with his head towards the girls room. Reid nodded and left the room. "Come on," Morgan whispered and gently started to lead Emily into his room. The first step she took and her knees shuddered and she thought she was going to fall over. Morgan's strong arm went around her waist again and he walked her to the end of one of the beds. "What happened, Princess?" He asked kneeling in front of her.

Emily's eyes were still a little unfocused when she answered. "I snapped at her." Her eyes focused only to be clouded with tears that she desperately blinked back. "She just wanted me to talk to her." Morgan watched as she fought back her emotions. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't gong to talk about it now, here, if it was going to make her cry. "Oh god," She gasped when she noticed the bruises and scratches already forming on his arm. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," he brushed her hands and apology away.

Emily pulled him up off the floor and onto the bed next to her. Her worried eyes looked into his warm ones. "Are you sure? I didn't hurt you did I?" Her completely serious face cracked into a smirk

He smiled and chuckled at the idea. "No way Prentiss."

"Good," she was honestly glad she hadn't hurt him. "Garcia's going to kill you. Or never let you leave Quantico again."

"Nah," he answered nonchalantly. "I'll just tell her I got them helping you."

She gave him a short laugh, "That'll definitely get you off the hook," she admitted. "Anything to protect me and Gummy Bear." Her hands unconsciously wandered to her still flat stomach and her face broke into a content smile. He stayed silent and she glanced over at him. The silly smile on his face just made her smile a little more. "What?"

"You're glowing," he told her, causing her to blush furiously. "It's beautiful."

"Oh please, I look awful." She insisted, "I haven't slept, I'm nauseous all the god damn time, and I just had a minor breakdown; I doubt beautiful is one of the words that describe me right now."

He just smiled at her in a confident manner and she looked away. After a minute of silence he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, "No." She could feel her eyes losing their will to stay open as the adrenaline trickled out of her blood stream.

"Emily," Derek started gently.

"Hmmm?" she hummed, her head finding a place to rest on his shoulder.

"I know you're tired but I want you to listen to me, alright?" He told her.

"Mhmm," she mumbled her acknowledgement and sat up to look at him.

"You have every right to be upset by this case," he put a supportive hand between her shoulder blades. "This case is effecting everyone. I can't look at these women without somehow seeing you. We don't expect you to compartmentalize this." He was watching her face carefully for signs that he had gone to far, not seeing any he continued, "Let her help you. She feels everything so much more than she lets on and the only way she knows how to deal with it is to be strong for you."

Emily just nodded and then rested her head back on Morgan's shoulder. A little later Morgan's phone went off and she shifted to let him answer it. With the bed to herself, she laid down where she sat, at the end of the bed, with her legs curled comfortably to fit on the mattress. Floating between sleep and consciousness she tried to concentrate on the conversation, she found herself clinging to small phrases Morgan said.

JJ.

Come back.

I'll bring her.

Morgan's hand on her shoulder gently shook her awake. She didn't know if she'd been asleep or if her eyes had just drifted closed, or how much of the conversation she'd heard. She couldn't remember if she'd heard any of it, except 'JJ', she was sure she'd heard that.

He helped her sit up and gain her bearings. Now that she was more awake he said, "Come on, let's get you to bed, Mama," as he guided her to stand up.

Emily looked him in the face and her features scrunched up in disapproval. "Uh. No calling me that until I start showing." She frowned as he chuckled while leading her to the door. She was vaguely aware of Reid holding the door for her as Morgan walked her out into the hallway and to her door. He knocked on the door and waited with her. When to door opened there was nothing other than the beautiful, blue-eyed, blonde standing in front of her. "Jennifer," she sighed under her breath.

JJ looked at Emily, closely taking in what she could from the partially asleep woman in front of her. She heard Emily's low whisper of her name and quickly thanked Derek. She drew Emily into the room and closed the door. They met in a strong embrace. "I'm sorry," Emily said into JJ's hair.

"It's ok," JJ soothed Emily. "It's ok," she whispered until Emily's grip relaxed a little. JJ continued her soothing gestures as she lead Emily to the bed. The two of them curled up together under the blankets.

Emily cuddled up against JJ. "I see these women and what they went through and I remember," Emily's confession seemed loud in the silence even though she whispered it. "And I feel it all over again, just like after the nightmares but I can't tell myself that it was just a dream."

"Shhhh Em," JJ said and pet Emily's hair. Emily tucked her face under JJ's chin and she could feel the wetness on Emily's cheek against her neck.


	21. I Know

**AN: It's short and I'm sorry about that, but it's cute and nice and there's even more cuteness to come, probably in the next chapter.  
>But I have some bad news. I'm going to be on vacation for two weeks. No internet. I'm sorry. But I will write and you will get a super long chapter, probably more likely two.<strong>

**Review, so that I have something nice to come home to.**

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><p>A ringing cell phone stirred Emily from her sleep. JJ shifted next to her to reach for the offending object. Before her eyes could open fully JJ put a hand on her shoulder and said, "It's mine, go back to sleep." With a sigh, she drifted back into a light sleep. When JJ climbed back into bed with her, her eyes fluttered open and found those blue eyes looking right into her own. "Hey," JJ smiled at her.<p>

Emily smiled back through her drowsy disarray, "Hey." She stretched the sleep out of her muscles and settled on her side facing JJ. "Who was that?" she asked as her hand closed around JJ's in the space between their bodies.

"Hotch," she told her. "The boys are going to check out a lead, he wants us at the station in an hour." Her fingers played across Emily's pale arm.

She hummed sleepily, "Alright." And they were silent again, connected at the hands, and holding each other's gaze. Emily brought JJ's hand to her lips and brushed a kiss against the knuckles. "I'm sorry about last night," she said after a few minutes of quiet. "Having you around is…" She struggled to find the right words. "You make me happy, you know that right?"

"Yeah, Emily," JJ sighed. "I know. But it hurts when you shut me out like that."

A pang of guilt hit Emily's heart as she saw the truth of her words, in the pain that flashed through JJ's eyes. She couldn't look at JJ. Soft fingers found her chin and tilted her face back up to look into JJ's beautiful eyes. JJ's thumb brushed against the back of her hand, still joined between them. "I am so sorry," she said trying to convey the honesty of her words through her eyes and their connected hands.

"I know," JJ told her. "It's ok." Her fingers trailed from Emily's chin and caressed her jaw, her thumb brushed against her lips. Emily was just watching her, her brown eyes wide with wonder. She brought their linked hands up to her lips, much in the same fashion that Emily had, and pressed a gentle kiss to their intertwined fingers before nuzzling the back of Emily's hand. Her free hand found Emily's hair and brushed it back from her face as she moved in, closing the space between them.

Emily felt her organs doing flip flops in her chest as JJ's nose nudged her jaw. She complied, tilting her head back so that JJ had access to whatever it was she wanted, and JJ's lips flitted down her jaw, up the side of her face, across her cheek bone, down the bridge of her nose where JJ grinned and placed a firm kiss on the tip, then JJ's lips hovered over her own. Emily's heart fluttered as JJ skimmed her nose against hers. They were both still, waiting for the other to move. "I never want to see you hurt," Emily repeated the words she had said to JJ two weeks earlier.

"I know," JJ whispered.

Her lips, finally, met Emily's in a soft kiss, it was so gentle it almost hurt. There was no battle for dominance. It was careful and deep, perfectly passionate and stalwartly supportive. It was everything. It surrounded the two of them in a warm sense of security that soothed both of their tense muscles and minds. The slow, loving attention they were each getting was addictive. Fingers stroked faces delicately, feet and legs tangled together, hands tangled into hair, arms wrapped around waists, and bodies moved together matching the dynamics of the kiss.

When they parted from the kiss, both of them were drawing in large gulps of oxygen but neither of them cared. They laid there, content to just be a tangled lace of arms and legs and to lose themselves in the other's gaze until their breathing returned to normal. Emily's eyes were still wide with emotion when she opened them again. Even as the rise and fall of her chest evened out, her heart was pounding as she took in the happy smile that graced JJ's lips, in awe. She sought out JJ's hand with her own and re-intertwined their fingers, loving that contact, and brought her free hand up to ghost the fingers across JJ's face. She leaned in and placed a closed lipped kiss to JJ's smile. They could both feel the other grinning. Emily pulled back after a few seconds and rested her forehead against JJ's.

For a minute JJ's free hand ran mindless patterns up and down Emily's side before she moved to stand up. Emily's strong arms snaked around her waist, pulling her back down so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. "We have to get ready, Em," she insisted half heartedly. She could her the smile in her voice and realized that her feeble attempt to keep her amusement from her voice had failed, as intended.

Emily pulled a little, leading JJ to lie back down with her, pulled firmly against her. She kept her arms around JJ's slim waist, and nuzzled her face into the back of her neck and the blonde hair. "We've got a few minutes," Emily quietly told her. She pressed a kiss to the back of JJ's neck.

At the station, the team stood with local police as they laid out at tactical plan to catch their suspect. "Now is the perfect time to go after our suspect," Hotch told the mass of law enforcement. "He tried to attack last night and his intended victim got away." Emily felt a surge of happiness for this unknown young woman. "That's great for her, but it's also good for us too. The profile tells us that he's going to be angry and he'll go hunting for a new victim today. He's desperate now and likely to make a mistake. We know where he hunts, we have his face, we have his profile. We can find him and take him off the streets today." Hotch looked around and his gaze settled on Emily for a moment longer than anyone else. "We're going to put female officers that fit the type he targets on the streets where he's likely to be today. No uniforms, everyone out there needs to look like every other person out on the streets." Emily's eyes flashed with excitement. "Report to your unit chiefs for your assignments," He dismissed the meeting.

As the locals filtered out of the room, the team gathered around their leader. "Alright," Reid started. "So, there are four places around town where he seems most comfortable." He pointed to them on the map as he listed them off. "The outdoor market, the park just off Main Street, Oakridge Street here along these apartments, and this store here." He motioned to the area between the points, "Based on the profile, his base is going to be somewhere in."

"Alright, we're going to split up between those four locations and have one of us with the team patrolling for the base," Hotch told them. "Rossi, I want you on Oakridge. Reid go to the park. Morgan and JJ take the market. I'm going to go with the patrol. Emily, you stay here and watch the surveillance videos."

"Hotch!" Emily started to argue immediately.

"No Prentiss, someone has to stay here and be our eyes," he used his authoritative tone of voice.

"I'd be more useful out there! What if something happens?" she pressed.

"You're still close enough to be available if we need back up. Let's move," he ordered as he walked away.

Emily stood there fuming as everyone walked by, they all gave her an apologetic look. "Take care of her," she told Morgan in a low voice that held a tone of warning. JJ caught her hand as she passed, Emily held it to stop her. "Be careful. I don't want you to get hurt out there. "

"I know," JJ assured her and gave Emily's hand a evanescent squeeze before heading with the rest of the team.

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><p><strong>While I'm gone, think about all the terribly mean and twisted things I could be doing to the team, and all the warm and fuzzy cute things that will happen eventually. And review about all that stuff.<strong>


	22. Worry

**AN: I'm back! And I came back to a broken computer. But you get a chapter now, and you'll get another one soon. Review!**

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><p>Emily kept her eyes glued to the screen. Her blood was pumping like her team member's out there in the field hunting the bad guy, hunting the hunter, but for an entirely different reason. She was terrifyingly worried. The second JJ had appeared on the screen, she realized that if something happened there would be nothing she could do to stop it. So she watched the screens like a hawk, checking JJ twice as often as she did Derek. She listened closely to the chatter over the radio, hoping that the unsub wouldn't come out today and that Hotch would find him at his base, or that it would be Rossi or Reid to catch him. She just didn't want it to be JJ.<p>

She sat and she watched as she prayed to any higher power that would listen, not that it did her any good. "I've got eyes on him," she said urgently. "He's sixty feet, directly in front of you Morgan."  
>"I've got him," he confirmed.<p>

"Me too," JJ seconded. And Emily's heart almost stopped when he turned around an looked in JJ's direction.

"Keep eyes on him and wait for back up," Hotch ordered. "Reid, Rossi leave the teams at your locations and head for the market."

Emily's fists clenched at Hotch's directions. Derek should just take this psycho down and get him away from JJ as fast as possible. But the team acknowledged the obedience and Emily watched on as JJ followed after the crazy rapist. She shook her head and mentally berated herself for thinking like that. It wasn't going to help catch the guy and it wasn't going to bring her back any faster. JJ was fifteen feet away him, Morgan wasn't more than ten feet away from her and closer to the unsub than she was. Nothing was going to happen.

A continuous, furious tapping perforated her worrying and she focused the muttering coming from her phone. "How's it going Garcia? We need his name," She called towards the phone.

"I know, I know. But Baby Doll this sicko is good." The tapping on the keyboards got more frantic as Garcia's voice got higher with frustration. "How do we not have him yet? We have his face for god's sake! Why can't I find his name?"

"Just keep working Garcia. He's good, but not as good as you," She said calmly.

"Damn straight," the perky blond answered sharply.

Emily turned her full attention back to the screens. God, please keep her safe. Just keep her safe. Her eyes flitted from JJ to the unsub and it sent a shot of adrenaline through her body. She nearly knocked her chair over trying to confirm what she'd seen. "He's got a gun," she told the team and even as the words fell from her mouth, she fought the urge to yell at JJ to get out of there. The world hated her.

She couldn't stand being in this situation and everything it meant. This constant gut-twisting worry was paralyzing her mind; all she could think was 'What if?' and the answers she was coming up with were adding to the nausea of her morning sickness. She didn't like the heart-stopping idea that her Jennifer might not come back to her. She held onto a small part of herself that hated Hotch for putting her in this position. But even more than all of that, she hated herself for not being out there, for not being able to be out; that she couldn't be there to protect her JJ.

Her brow creased and she focused on JJ's image. HER Jennifer might not come back? Protecting HER JJ? Where was that coming from? JJ wasn't hers. They weren't together. Did she want JJ to be hers? No… She was straight, JJ was straight, but they were… close? Well they were something. JJ was definitely something, most definitely something.

"No!" Garcia's frustrated yell broke her vision. She heard a pen hit a wall.

"You ok there, Pen?" Emily asked cautiously.

Garcia didn't answer Emily, but in the absence of an answer the pattern of her work on the keyboards changed; it was steady and fast, then for a moment it stopped. "Wait," and it started again with a furious vengeance. "Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yes! I've got you now, you sick son of a bitch. You can try to hide from my crime fighting heroes, but you cannot hide from the Omnipotent Tech Goddess." Emily doubted the Garcia would hear if she tried to talk to her, so she let her work and split her attention between listening to the hacker and watching the screens. "I see you," Garcia sang quietly. "Paul Blake!" she exclaimed.

"You got that, guys?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, we heard," Hotch confirmed.

"That's my girl," Derek praised.

"Good work, Garcia," Emily sighed. "What all did you get on him?"

"Everything, I've got his address, his bank accounts, his car insurance, his furniture payment plan," Garcia listed.

"His cell phone?" Emily interrupted.

"Of course," the tapping picked up again.

"Is it on?" Emily's eyes jerked back to the screen as JJ moved.

"Oh, I'm so on it, Sweet Pea," Garcia drawled. "I've got him and I will track his movements."

"Thanks Lady," Emily blew out a breath and ran her hands through her hair after passing on the address for the team Hotch had been with to check out. _Concentrate, just concentrate. Watch him and help your team, help JJ. _That became her manta; Concentrate. Watch. Help. Every time Blake would look over his shoulder; Concentrate. Watch. Help. When the team of officers and CSI's got to his house and she heard them talk about the things they were finding; Concentrate. Watch. Help. Her imagination went wild. Concentrate. It was JJ in those pictures, with the horrific marks marring her soft skin. Watch. Emily started to notice Blake watching JJ. It could be her. If something went wrong, she might be listening to the story of JJ's assault, just like she did with the other victims. It was the one thing she'd promised to herself and to JJ; It was the only thing she asked for: To keep JJ safe. And all she could do was watch and believe that profiling would be enough. Help. If she wanted to help she had to concentrate on watching Blake. She had to keep them a step ahead of him. Emily could profile, she kept telling herself, if there was one thing that she could do it was profile. She could do this. She would do this, if only for JJ's sake, she would do it.

She watched Blake look over his shoulder again and quickly noticed something was off. "Guys, he's not hunting," she told them.

"What are talking about, Prentiss?" Morgan asked.

"He's not displaying any predatory behaviors," she said quickly. "He's being careful and observant, the way he looks around isn't like he's looking for something, it's like he's checking for something."

"Then what is he doing?" JJ asked.

"We know he's devolving. He's smart and any other time he would have stayed out of sight because he knows we're looking for him." She explained quickly, "But he can't deny the urge to attack any more."

"What does that mean, Emily?" Morgan pushed impatiently.

"He knows that we're out there. Be careful," she told them. "He might have made you guys already."

"You might be right," Morgan admitted. "If he thinks we've got him, he'll grab the first girl he can get his hands on. He's not going to go down quietly," he said as Blake ducked into a store. "Hotch, how far out are you guys? We may not have time to wait." It took everything in Emily not to get up and get to JJ as fast as she could.

"We're five minutes out, Reid and Rossi are right behind me," Hotch said.

"Alright, JJ go around back, make sure he doesn't slip out that way," Morgan instructed. "We're taking him down here."

On the screen, Emily watched JJ draw her gun and slide around to the back of the building. She felt the panic starting to build in her chest again as the blond disapeared from the screen. She quashed it quickly, telling herself that this wasn't any different than any other case they had ever worked, JJ could take care of herself, and that she was just being silly. She was going to be completely calm about this. "Garcia, can you get me footage at the back of the store?" So much for that. "Or in the store?"

"Let me just see if the store has a surveillance camera," Another screen popped up on her computer. "And I'll look and see what I can find, but it looks like there's just an"

Emily's attention was drawn away from Garcia by what was happening in the store. Blake was looking around nervously, constantly eyeing Morgan and the exits. This was all going to go down now. "Garcia, I need to be able to see JJ." She was going to kill Morgan.

"Hotch, this is going down now," Morgan said as he placed himself between Blake and the front exit.

Emily grabbed the radio, her cell phone, her keys, and was out the door. "Garcia, keep trying to get eyes on JJ and tell me what's going on."

"Wait, where are you?" Garcia asked.

"JJ, Garcia. What's going on? I need eyes on JJ," Emily directed.

"I know, but there's nothing there," Garcia defended. "Oh, he's got a gun. He's running."

"JJ, he's headed your way," Morgan gave a heads up. Emily knew he couldn't shoot in the store, but the fact that he didn't take this criminal down before he got to JJ made her heart stop.

"Got it," JJ's tense voice flowed out of the radio. Emily held her breath as the sound of a door bursting open broke the rigid silence. "FBI! Stop!" JJ ordered. Emily could picture her poised, holding her gun in the FBI trained stance, looking as intimidating as she could, her face stony with intense concentration. "Blake, stop..." JJ broke off and the sound of her body coming in contact with something much harder than herself left Emily white knuckled.

"JJ? JJ talk to me!" Emily cried over the screaming silences. "Garcia, what's going on?" She was only a few blocks away, no more than two minutes, but she needed to know now where Blake was.

"I, I don't know. Morgan's coming out of the store and running to the alley." Garcia said, Emily turned the corner and could see what Garcia was narrating at the other end of the street. "Yes! That's my sexy psycho catcher! He got him, Morgan took him down. Morgan's got him."

Thank god he's not with Jennifer Emily thought as the other's screeched to a stop and jumped out to help Morgan. A few seconds later she threw her vehicle into park and hurried past the team and down the alley, ignoring the questions the team shot at her. "Jayje?" she called as she eased into the alley.

A quiet groan prefaced JJ's ragged, "I'm back here." The knot in her stomach loosened and she could breathe a little easier.

Emily followed the sound to the only thing that was going to ease her worry. JJ was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall, one hand alternated between holding her head and keeping pressure on a bleeding wound on her other arm, she held cradled against her chest, that was seeping through her sleeve into a rapidly growing crimson stain. "Oh god, Jenn what happened?" she fell to her knees in front of the disoriented woman.

JJ shook her head slowly and grimaced at the movement. "He charged me, I hit my head, and tripped, I cut my arm on the dumpster when I fell."

The rest of the team were starting to head down the alley towards them. "Come on." Emily put an arm under JJ's and helped her onto her feet. Reid got to them first and informed them that paramedics had already been called and would be there soon. They helped her out of the alley and sat her down on the sidewalk. "Make sure you're keeping pressure on that," Emily told her gently. JJ nodded carefully. Emily thought that she looked so lost with the way her blue eyes searched her for something, like she was asking for the fulfillment of an unspeakable need that only Emily could fill. Emily didn't even know where to start, all that tension and emotion had built up and were searching for an outlet and she kept pushing it into a box as it came up. Movement caught her eyes and, even as her fingers itched to reach out and brush through her hair, she turned and looked. Derek was leading Blake to a local police department car. She jumped up and told JJ, "I'll be right back." The blond nodded, but looked at her with confusion as she walked away. Emily made a path towards Blake and Derek, her hands closed into fists as the itch to touch JJ's hair turned into a need to hit something. All of the emotion she had pushed down were exploding in a fiery flash of anger, directed at one person. Her steps were measured and determined as the storm raged inside of her, shaking her sense and her very being. In her fuming need for vengeance and punishment she couldn't hear anything other than the pulsing of her own blood in her ears. A few steps away from an arms length away, she drew back her fist to deliver a healthy dose of justice that every fiber of her universe was demanding. At the last second she was denied that satisfaction as Hotch and Rossi grabbed her arms and dragged her away by the waist.

In the fight and the yelling of, 'Prentiss, stop' and 'What are you doing', 'Back off, Emily' and 'Let me go' Hotch and Rossi missed Emily yell something very specific as she stopped fighting and let them lead her away. Her face contorted into a snarl and she growled out, "You were supposed to take care of her!" Morgan heard her loud and clear, and he knew that message was meant for him. He met her eyes the look of burning anger and consuming pain scared him, more than the way she tried to make another go at him after their eyes locked.

Emily fought against Rossi and Hotch again. He wasn't even sorry, she could see it in his eyes. She didn't see regret or guilt when he looked at her, she saw pity and confusion. Her desire to punch him wasn't waining, it was stronger than ever. She wanted his eyes to show pain and regret for letting JJ get hurt. He said he was going to take care of her and she got hurt, it was his fault. No matter what Hotch ordered, or what he threatened her with, no matter how much Rossi tried to reason with her, no matter what the consequences, she wasn't going to stop until... A quiet plea drained all the anger and fight out of her body, it was only one word, just her name, but it pulled at her heart. She shook the two older men off, threw a sharp look at Morgan, and hurried back to JJ.

"Come with me to the hospital," JJ requested softly, looking up at her from her seat on the back of the ambulance. Emily nodded and helped her into the back, before climbing in with her.

One of the paramedics approached Hotch, "Are you Agent Hotchner?"

"Yes," he said. He felt the familiar worry he felt anytime paramedics were called for one of his team members.

"We're taking Agent Jareau to the hospital to check for head trauma and a Tetanus shot," he informed the unit cheif. "But I don't think she'll need to be kept for anything else."

"Alright, thank you." The paramedic hurried back to the ambulance and he turned back to his remaining team members. "Let's go back to the hotel, we won't be able to do anything until JJ and Prentiss get back."

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><p><strong>I keep tell you that I'm writing something cute and then it turns all angsty and I never get to the cute thing. I promise, in the next couple chapters there will be something happy and cute.<strong>


	23. Unprofessional and Objectivity

**AN: I'm sorry about the wait, but like I said in my author's note for the last chapter, my computer is busted. So until I get a new one, I will be hand writing the chapters and typing them on any computer I can get my angsty, drama-loving hands on. I hope I not losing any of you amazing readers because of the waits between chapters.  
><strong>**I've been having trouble coming up with ideas for chapters. Now obviously, there's going to be regular pregnacy updates for Emily, and fluffy cute Emily and JJ stuff. But what else? Got any suggestions? Challenges? Give 'em to me and I'll see what I can do.  
>And now, what you've all been waiting for! Chapter 23! Leave some reviews. I love reviews. I get almost as excited as I did when I found out both Paget and AJ were coming back to Criminal Minds when I get reviews. Almost. It's a close second. So review.<strong>

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><p>After clearing it with Hotch, Morgan went to the hospital to wait for JJ and Emily. Now, sitting in the parking lot, he wasn't sure it was such a good idea. Without Hotch and Rossi to haul her away from him, she might end up sedated in a hospital bed; which wouldn't go over well with anyone, especially him. But he'd deal with that later. Something about everything that had gone down that day just wasn't sitting right with him. It was just off. Derek had only seen Emily go off like that twice; once in during the case where a man was targeting successful brunette women and making them play out his fantasy romance and the case with her childhood friends being killed during exorcisms by a Roman Catholic Priest. She had only directed anything close to the anger he'd seen today towards him during the exorcism case, but even that had paled in comparison to today. He would have understood if Emily had been attacking Paul Blake, he could have reasoned that off as a personal connection to the case, but she had gone off on him. It didn't make sense. And she'd called him out on his promise to take care of JJ, and to some extent he'd admit that he had failed to keep it. But JJ was ok.<p>

He shook his head and jumped out the car, making a clear, swift path to find out where his team members were, before he could change his mind. Making a quick stop at the front desk, he got into the elevator with a destination set and he steeled himself for whatever would come; Emily might be smaller than him, but that woman scared him, especially when she was angry. He needed answers to what was going on. He felt like the pieces were all there but he just couldn't get them to fall into place. Morgan checked for Emily before he made his presence known in the waiting room. He really didn't want a confrontation.

Emily was sitting in a chair, tense, and completely lost, but still some how as composed as ever. He approached her slowly, his posture relaxed. She glanced up at him, immediately looking away when the anger didn't flicker up in her but guilt instead. Morgan took not being jumped and beaten as a sign to sit down next to her, and sank into the seat. Of all the people that could have showed up here, Morgan was the one she least wanted to see. Seriously, what was she supposed to say to him? She owed him an explanation, but how was she supposed to explain this.

"How're you doing?" he asked. She wanted to hate the caring air he was giving off because it only fueled her guilt.

"They already cleaned up the cut on her arm," she ignored his question. This wasn't about her. "It didn't need stitches. They're checking for a concusion. She'll be out soon."

He nodded, "Good." Gathering his strength he pushed on. "What's going on with you, Emily?"

"Morgan, I'm sorry," she said with directness that told him that she wasn't going to tell him anything. "I was out of line."

"It's alright, we all act a little crazy when we're scared for a loved one," he told her. Shock was quickly hidden on her face. "It's ok to be scarred for your friends when they go out there, but this wasn't the first time any of us has been put in harms way." She looked almost afraid; her downcast eyes, that refused to meet his gaze, begged for some kind of relief from this conversation, behind her normal emotionless mask. "I just want to know why," his face softened, "you weren't worried about me." Emily shook her head. "You were terrified for JJ." She wasn't ready for this. But she owed him. Emily looked at him for the first time since he'd walked into the waiting room. She could see the cogs turning in his head. Her eyes searched his face for some form of recognition. She swore she could see the pieces of the puzzle falling in place in his head. The way the two of them had talked about each other when Emily came back to work, JJ staying out of the field even after Emily came back, the little looks and touches, their new closeness, the little argument and their reactions; Reid told him that JJ had been absolutely beside herself with worry, and now the way Emily had acted today. There really only seemed to be one explanation for it all, and it seemed so obvious he was surprised he hadn't seen it until now. "Emily, are you and JJ together?"

Emily was surprised to hear the words even though she'd watched him put it all together right in front of her. She shook her head, "No." She bit her lip. "I guess maybe we're involved?" She looked away then looked back, "Yes?" Her eyes fell to her hands and she sighed, "I don't know."

He looked at her confused. She could only imagine what he was going to say. 'You're into girls?' 'JJ's into other women?' 'When did this start?' 'Why did you keep it a secret?' 'Does Hotch know?' 'Does Garcia know?' 'Can I watch?' Instead his face softened. "So which is it? It's a pretty simple question," he said with a patronizing smirk.

"It's not a simple situation," she told him sharply. He held his hands up and she looked at him apologetically. "I'm just not sure that either of us really know what's going on between us. It's confusing and with me getting pregnant, I haven't thought about it and we haven't talked about it. It's just kind of there and going on."

His next question caught her off gaurd. It was one she'd never considered him asking and hadn't thought up an answer to. "Are you happy?"

"Yes," her answer was simple but so honest.

He nodded, "Alright then." A genuine smile fell on his lips.

"I am sorry that I went at you like that before," she apologized. "I think hormones had a say in that."

"Like I said, we all get a little crazy sometimes and hey, you've got a doctor's note." He pointed at her non-existant baby bump and it made her smile. "Don't worry about it, it's not lke you would have hurt me anyway," he said cockily.

"You are such a man sometimes," she said, a little shocked by him at the moment. "And for the record, I can take you and you know it. There's a reason you're scared of me."

"Keep dreaming, Princess," he laughed.

"I can kick your butt and this baby is going to know who's in charge," she told him.

"If anyone should be afraid of anyone it's you and Hotch," Morgan told her seriously.

She grimaced at the thought. "He wasn't amused by my little outburst, was he?"

Morgan shook his head. "But he thinks you were going after Blake, not me. So you can just play it off as hormones and the case getting to you."

Before Emily could do more than nodd, both of them spotted JJ being wheeled towards them by a nurse, with a doctor following shortly behind. As soon the wheel chair was parked she jumped out of it and engaged in an internal battle between her desire to be held by Emily and her head telling her that Morgan was standing right there. "Agent Jareau is clear to be discharged. She doesn't have a concusion but she'll have a nasty bump and it'll probably be sore for a few days," the doctor told them. After a quick round of thank yous the doctor left them. Emily slipped her arms around JJ and hugged her close. JJ, seriously confused by Emily's affection in front of Morgan but happy to be in Emily's arms, just stood there. Emily pulled back and took JJ's face in her hands, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said glancing curiously at Morgan out of the corner of her eyes.

"Don't worry about it," he smiled at her. Her cautious look gave away what she was thinking. "Yeah, I know."

Her caution and curiosity quickly faded. "I'm a little surprised you're the only one that figured it out after Emily tried to punch you out," she told him and shook her head at Emily.

"Oh, don't say that, Jayje." Emily laughed, "You're going to get him thinking that he's pretty clever."

"Well I did figure it out," he pointed out, holding his arms out proudly.

"But it's not like anyone else was going to put it together," Emily pointed out. "Reid won't see it until someone puts his genius mind on the right track and Hotch doesn't see anything he doesn't want to."

"And Rossi wouldn't know a romantic connection if it slapped him on the ass," Derek added.

"So it only makes sense that you'd put it together," Emily told him.

"Yeah, but Rossi's known since Emily came back to work," JJ left him speechless.

"Yeah," Emily said. "I think he must have known before we really knew."

"I know," JJ played along with the teasing. "It was your first day back and he hadn't even seen us in the same room since you got out of the hospital."

"Hey, hey!" He said sharply and the two of women giggled. "I got it. I'm going to go get the SUV."

"Aw, we didn't bruise you're alpha-male ego, did we?" Emily asked. He just shook his head and kept walking away. "Are you sure you're ok?" she asked and slid her arm around JJ's waist. JJ's head fell onto her shoulder as they walked after Morgan.

"Yeah, I was pretty shaken up, but I'm ok now," JJ told her. "It's just a scratch and a bump." She looked up at Emily through her eyelashes. "What about you?"

Emily sighed and rested her head on JJ's. "You scared me," she admitted. And even holding each other wasn't melting the tension from the air around them. They caught up with Morgan, waiting for the elevator, and they walked to the car together; Emily and JJ hand in hand.

Back at the hotel, Morgan dropped them off at their room. "I'm happy for the two of you," he said smiling at them. "But you might want to think about telling Garcia soon. You know she's already going to be hurt that she didn't find out before me." Then he pulled JJ into a hug and whispered, "I'm glad you're ok."

As the three were parting ways the door across the hall opened. The light-hearted air turned heavy and Emily's gaze fell guiltily to her feet as their Unit-Cheif stepped out of his room. "Prentiss, a word."

She nodded and shuffled through the door when Hotch stood aside. JJ and Morgan exchanged a glance that both expressed slight guilt and worry for the scolding Emily was about to get and an invitation for JJ to wait in with Morgan and Reid. Not wanting to sit in her empty hotel room, she followed him into the room next to the one Emily had dissapeared into.

Emily sat down in one of the uncomfortable hotel chairs, at the standard table she'd sat at in countless hotel rooms, and Hotch took the seat across from her. They were both silent for a few minutes. Hotch spoke up, getting straight to the point, "I think you should take a few days off."

"No, Hotch!" Emily protested. "That's not necessary!"

Hotch's voice was quiet but hard, "What would have happened if Rossi and I hadn't been there to hold you back, Prentiss? You could have cost us this case."

"I wouldn't have done anything to put him back onto the streets." Emily knew that was true, but there was no way to let Hotch know without revealing more than she wanted to.

"You know as well as I do that Straus will take any opportunity to take this team down and you almost gave her a perfect one." As Hotch's accusations rolled over her, emotion's similar to the ones she'd felt today bubbled up from the pit of her stomach. "You let your emotions control your actions. It was unprofessional and you were not acting objectively." Without warning she snapped.

In the guys room, Reid was sitting at the table reading, but his eyelids had started to droop. Morgan and JJ were lounging on the beds, starting to drift off as a show played on the Discovery Channel. The sudden intrusion of a raised voice, coming from the a joining room, startled all three of them into alertness. And they all strained to hear what was being said. It was Emily's voice, aggitated, frustrated, angry, and defensive. "Unprofessional and objectivity? I'm surprised it took me trying to throw a punch for you to realize that I was too emotionally invested in this case. Everytime I looked at those pictures, and everytime you had me talk to those women it was like my soul was being ripped apart. I relived that god-awful thing that he did to me, and those terrifying seconds, before JJ got there, when I thought he was going to do it again. And the pain when my body gave into his violation." By now they were all watching the door to the ajoining room. They all looked at each other, asking if it would be better to interfere and offer the breaking woman comfort, or to spare her the embarassment of knowing that all of them were hearing this confession of her weakness. Emily's voice was thick with the threat of tears as she continued, "You know, on a daily basis, most women aren't aware of their vaginas. But those women that he attacked, I, I was painfully aware of mine and the abuse I took, the bruising, and the fact that everytime he forced himself into me I was being torn apart." They all winced as Emily emphasized the harsh words she used to tell her story. Her voice was shaking and they could all picture her face as she held back tears. "The three women who survived Blake's attacks will, eventually, at least, be able to move on and maybe even forget after they heal. But I don't have that option." Emily was blatently crying. "The pain stopped, physically and emotionally I was healing. But then I got another constant reminder forced onto me. Now you tell me Hotch, what do you think of my actions? Should I have been more objective?" Hotch didn't respond to her request, stunned speakless. "I don't need time off. I need to be out there, knowing that I'm getting people like Levi and Blake off the street." They heard Hotch say something but couldn't make out what it was and then the door open and close.

They all looked horrified and guilty at what they had just unintentionally overheard. None of them moved or looked at the others for a few seconds, until a teary-eyed JJ hurried out of the room. Even after that Reid and Morgan avoided looking at each other and were silent as they thought about what they'd just heard, what it meant, and tried to get the sound of Emily's voice of of their minds; Tried to forget the images her story had conjured.

JJ stopped outside the door to her hotel room. She had to get a hold of herself. After taking a few deep breaths and wiping her eyes, she slowly open the door. Her scan of the main room revealed no Emily, but she could hear the ragged crying coming from the bathroom. "Emily," she knocked on the door. There was no response, but she could still hear Emily. She tried the door and found it locked. "Emily, please let me in." She continued pleading for a few minutes before deciding to change tactics. "Emily, if you don't unlock the door I'm going to break it down." There was a beat, then Emily moved behind the door, and the lock click. JJ carefully opened the door and found her sitting on the floor, with her back against the tub, and her knees pulled up to her chest. Emily looked up at JJ, her brown eyes wide, and tears tracking down her cheeks. JJ dropped down on the floor next to her and pulled Emily into her side. Emily didn't hesitate to accept the comfort JJ engulfed her in. After Once Emily had cried herself out, JJ helped her up and to one of the beds. They were both still in their clothes, JJ's blood-stained and wrinkled, Emily's worn from the day. But neither of them cared, everything that had happened that day melted away.

"Jennifer?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, Em?" she acknowledged.

"What are we going to do?" she sighed. "We can't keep going on like this."

"I know," JJ told her.

"Jen, we're risking the team." Emily said brokenly.

"Em," JJ started. "There's no rules against it and I think we deserve"

Emily cut her off. "Strauss will use it as an excuse to seperate the team."

"We could tell the team," JJ's eyes were begging. "We could keep it from her, she doesn't know anything."

They were curled against each other, clinging to the other. "The team has to come first," Emily insisted.

JJ nodded and climbed off the bed. Emily sat up and looked up at the blonde standing at the foot of the bed, she could see her holding onto her emotional control. "Emily, no matter what, I'm going to be there to help you through this." She walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

Emily let out a shuttering breath and once she was sure she wasn't going to cry, she got up and put on her pajamas, climbed back into bed and tried to fall asleep through the empty feeling in her chest.

The next night, the team flew home. JJ and Emily rode to the air strip in seperate vehicles, both trying to avoid the other. JJ got onto the plane and made for the back of the plane to sit on the couch. Emily got on and sat at the table. Everytime she looked at JJ, she could see the pain in her eyes; it made guilt errupt in the emptiness in her chest. After a while everyone had fallen asleep, except Emily and Rossi. She was sitting curled up in the seat, her head resting in her hand, and looking absently out the window. Rossi came back towards the front of the plane after getting a bottle of water and sat down across from her.

"How're you doing?" he asked when she looked at him.

"I'm alright," she nodded and forced a smile.

"What's going on with you two?" he looked back at where JJ was curled up under a blanet.

Emily followed his gaze and felt that, recently familiar, kicked in the chest, sensation. "We," she stopped herself, knowing that gave the wrong idea. "I broke it off."

"Why?" the shock in his voice shocked her.

"I can't do something that would put the team at risk," she explained to him.

"Emily, we're already a family. You and JJ being together isn't going to change the way we handle cases," he told her.

"It's not the unsubs that I'm worried about," Emily insisted. "I can't let Strauss break up the team. I won't be the reason she finds to finally do it."

"You don't have to worry about Strauss," was all Rossi said before he stood up and went back to his seat.

Emily watched him walk away from her, wondering if he would really take on Strauss for her and JJ, and if he would win. She turned back to the window and waited for the plane land back in D.C. About an hour later, the plane landed and JJ bolted off the plane and into one of the waiting SUVs, Emily climbed into the other one, by the time she got into the office JJ had taken refuge in her office. Emily was finishing up her paperwork and was finding it almost impossible to concentrate, knowing that JJ was up there in her office hurting, alone and with no one to turn to because no one had known about them.

She looked up at JJ's office for the tenth time since starting this file as Rossi was leaving for the night. He stopped at her desk and leaned in close to her. He quietly told her, "If you're happy with her, think about what I said."

Emily had thought about what he said, she'd thought a lot about it, and decided that she couldn't leave things between her and JJ like this. She was the last to finish her paper work, leaving herself and JJ alone in the office. She climbed the stairs slowly, completely unable to shake the empty look she'd seen in JJ's eyes since they'd talked in the hotel. What right did she have to talk to her now? Emily knocked on the door then pushed it open. Her heart broke and she took another hit to the empty place in her chest, her stomach dropped and her heart stopped. It was like she was trying to explode and implode at the same time. JJ's hair was messed up from being pushed out of her face repeatedly, her eyes were bloodshot, puffy, and red-rimmed from crying. "I wanted to talk to you." JJ didn't respond. "Can I come in?" JJ nodded. Emily stepped into the cluttered office, standing awkwardly in front of JJ's desk. "I know that things have been a little crazy lately, between us." God, why was she so nervous. "We didn't exactly do things in order. Traditionally, people start dating before they start whatever it is we started, or live together, and kiss, or one of them gets pregnant." She stopped to reign in her rambling. "Jennifer, I know what I said last night, but, I was hoping that you'd like to go to dinner with me?" It came out a lot more like a question than she'd meant it too. She didn't look at JJ, just waited, and when she didn't say anything Emily fought off the dissapointment. "Alright, well, I just thought I'd ask," she said and turned towards the door.

"Em, wait," JJ called out to her. Emily turned around, not daring to hope. "What changed?"

"Rossi talked to me," Emily finally found the courage to look into her blue eyes. "He said that if we were happy then he would fight Strauss for us. And I've told you Jenn, you make me happy."

JJ nodded a tear slipped from the corner of her eye, "I'd like to go to dinner with you, Emily," she smiled. Emily smiled back at her. JJ stood up from her chair and took the few steps around her desk to Emily, she wrapped her arms around Emily's waist and felt Emily's strong arms go around her shoulders, and they held onto each other like they'd lose the other if they let go.

Emily felt JJ's shoulders shake and she started to doubt her choice. She wanted JJ to be safe and cared for, but she just kept hurting her. She felt the tears on her neck and collar bone and she knew that leaving couldn't be the answer. She needed JJ and JJ wanted her, so she'd just have to let JJ know how much she meant to her every chance she got. Emily pressed fleeting kisses to the top of JJ's head. "I'm sorry," she whispered until JJ's tears stopped and they went home.

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><p><strong>I scared you, didn't I? The end was supposed to be all cute and fluffy, but you know me; I love my angst.<strong>

**Review, please!**


	24. Still

**AN: I'm incredibly serious. I NEED suggestions for filler in the chapters. Little cute things for filler between all the Emily pregnancy plot and the developement of Emily and JJ's relationship. Because I've got absolutely nothing.  
>I am ashamed of how disgustingly cute the majority of this chapter is. Shame on me.<br>Review. Tell me what you've liked the most so far in this story. Specifics. Was there something good in this chapter? Let me know what I'm doing right.**

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><p>As it turned out, after the case, the team caught one of their rare breaks, starting on Monday. A full week away from serial killers, stress, and no sleep. A full seven days that Emily had fully intended on using to relax. And now it was Tuesday and she had been a nervous wreck since JJ had left her place Sunday night. The closer it got to six o'clock the more nervous she got, and she had things that she had to do, but she couldn't keep her mind in one place long enough to do anything effectively. She slept in, went for a run until morning sickness got a hold of her, showered, then ate breakfast, then went about her nervously-excited-relaxing day. After lunch, Emily went to put her running shoes away, and that's when the chaos started. She started thinking about what shoes she was going to wear to her date with JJ tonight. After ten minutes of standing in front of her closet trying to pick out a pair of soes for an outfit she realized that she was never good at putting together an outfit around a pair of shoes. So she moved on to the most important of an outfit, the clothing. Pants, skirts, blouses, maybe a nice shirt, or a dress... She huffed and caught sight of herself in the full length mirror. Her hair too, curly or straight? Up or down? Maybe half up? But then what would she do with her makeup? "Ugh," she groaned and threw herself face first into her bed. She hadn't had this much trouble getting ready for a date since highschool; And even then it had been easier than this, all she ever wore was black!<p>

Emily pushed her hair out of her face and looked at the clock. Four. She had two hours to get ready. She let her head fall back onto the pillow for a moment before pushing herself up and plodding into the bathroom. Showered, hair dried and done, she went back to the closet to find something to wear. It was going to be a casual thing, so no dress. She didn't want to wear a skirt, JJ might wear a skirt. That left pants. And casual, so jeans. She pulled out her favorite pair and moved onto pick a shirt. Without hesitation, she reached for a long-sleeved, simple, pink blouse. As she left the closet, she grabbed her favorite black heels. Emily put on natural make-up, that accentuated her eyes. She went back to her bedroom, got dressed, grabbed her purse, and left her home, at the time she had actually been aiming for; So naturally, she was going to get to JJ's early.

Sitting in her car she thought about what this date meant. It gave a title to what she and JJ had; now they were dating. This was going to change everything, they had a defined relationship which meant they had something to tell their friends and family. But at the same time it didn't change anything; The whole thing was still just as confusing and new for her. She was in a relationship with a woman, how and why these feelings had arisen was still a mystery, and still didn't matter because she was still happier than she'd been in a long time. It still seemed crazy and it was still too perfect to question. It came down to the fact that Emily Prentiss had fallen head over heels for Jennifer Jareau and she didn't want to deny it.

Emily climbed out of her car and smoothed out her shirt for the hundreth time. Her hands were shaking, her legs felt like jelly, her chest felt tight, and her heart was pounding in her throat. How was it possible that going out on a date with Jennifer Jareau could make her more nervous than when she went after a suspect? She stopped outside the door to JJ's building and took a few steadying breaths before continuing up to JJ's apartment. She knocked on the door and hoped that JJ wouldn't be able to hear her heart beating when she came to the door. She was about to take a deep breath when JJ opened the door, the breath caught in her throat, her heart did cartwheels in her chest, and butterflies errupted in her stomach. Good lord, what was wrong with her? She felt like a star-struck little girl. JJ was wearing her hair straightened and up in a ponytail, bronze eye-shadow, a teal t-shirt, and, to Emily's surprise, a pair of dark blue jeans. She looked incredible, her eyes sparkled, more blue than ever, and the little smile on her lips took Emily's breath away. Emily opened her mouth to say something but her mouth felt cottony and dry, and her mind was failing to put together words that would make a coherent sentence. Oh great, she was going to be acting like a star-struck little girl too. JJ spared Emily of any awkward stumbling over words. She smiled, "Hey, just give me a second to grab my purse." She ducked back into her apartment and Emily used the few seconds to gather herself.

When JJ reappeared, Emily smiled brightly and said, "You look amazing Jen."

JJ blushed. "Thanks." She gave a shy smile that made her eyes sparkle.

"I'm sorry I'm early. I hope I didn't inturrupt anything," Emily rambled quickly.

JJ just smiled at her, which made her smile, and said, "Don't worry about it. I've been ready and trying to distract myself for a while."

"Let's not keep you waiting any longer then," Emily slipped her hand into JJ's and lead her out to her car.

The drive to the diner from JJ's apartment was short. The place was a little gem that the two had visited on occasion and come to love. The two of them seemed to have made a silent agreement to keep the conversation light; neither of them wanted to put a damper on this happy night. But by the time they had been seated and ordered their food, they had run out of small talk. The problem was that recently they hadn't spent much time apart, so there wasn't a lot of light hearted conversation to be had between the two. They had yet another short laugh at Derek's reaction to finding out Rossi knew about them before him, which lead to talking about telling their friends and family's.

"Garcia's going to kill us," Emily sighed, she decided it was time to face the facts.

"No she's not," JJ insistead. "She'll be happy for us, just like Dave and Morgan were."

"She's not going to be happy that we kept it from her for this long." Emily bit her lip, "It's been two months."

"Yeah, but she won't stay mad for long," JJ smiled and took Emily's hand from across the table. "It'll probably just be a quick scolding, a little whining, then all smiles."

Emily nodded her acceptance of JJ's insight to their eccentric friend. "What about Reid?" she asked. "Do you think he'll be confused."

"It might take him a while to wrap his brain around it, he'll spout some statistics and facts for a while," JJ mused. "But he's just like everyone else on the team; he'll just want us to be happy."

"Hotch won't outwardly show it, but I think he'll be alright about it," Emily added. "He can't say we're breaking any rules. And when Strauss starts blowing hot air about it, he'll have to support us because he can't admit she's right."

"My parents are going to want to meet you," JJ told Emily, around the straw from her drink.

"You're going to tell them soon?" Emily asked, honestly she was a little surprised.

"Yeah," JJ smiled. "Em, whether this works out or not, it's getting kind of serious. We practically live together and you're so amazing. They're going to want to meet the person who makes their little girl happy."

Emily couldn't help but smile when JJ smiled like that. "You think they're going to be ok with it?"

JJ shrugged, "They'll probably be a little confused at first. But they've always been supportive of my life choices."

"Oh," Emily looked down at the table. "That's good."

"So, you're ok with that? Meeting my parents and everything?" JJ asked slowly. She needed to hear the conformation, hating to think she would be doing something to make Emily uncomfortable.

"Of course!" Emily smiled, "I would love to meet your family."

"Good," JJ grinned. "My parents will probably want to do a family meeting. You know, like make a weekend out of it, for the six of us."

"Six?" Emily asked. "Oh... my parents."

"You're not planning on telling the Ambassador are you?" JJ read the brunette like a book.

"I wasn't planning on it yet, no." Emily admitted. Then continued, "I already know that my parents won't approve. And they've never failed to make it perfectly clear that they don't approve of my choices, so I don't see why me being happy would make a difference if it causes a political liability." She sighed and look up at JJ, "It'll be easier for both of us if they don't know about us yet. My mother might have an aneurysm if I spring all of this on her at once."

"You haven't told her, I mean, she doesn't know about what happened, that, you know? She doesn't know that you're..." JJ was too shocked to form a full sentence. If she had gone through everything Emily was dealing with, she would have had to talked to her parents about it. Hell, even from where she was in the situation, she'd talked to her parents about it.

"No," Emily said simply. "She doesn't know about that. She was never notified. I changed my next of kin to Rossi a few months after that arson case."

"Em, you should tell her. Don't you think she'll want to be a part of her grandchild's life?" JJ asked.

"I don't know," Emily shrugged. "I'm going to tell her about it eventually, all of it, us, but, just not yet. I can't handle that right now." Emily was spared from this conversation as their food arrived. "God!" Emily all but threw her fork down after picking at her food for a few minutes. "If it wasn't for the morning sickness, this might be almost bearable. And why the hell is it called morning sickness if I'm nauseous all day?" JJ just giggled at her. "How am I supposed to eat if the smell of food makes me sick?"

"Try eating a little, multiple times a day," JJ suggested. Unable to resist the urge to grin, despite Emily's obvious discomfort. Emily grumbled something about seeing that in a pamphlet the doctors gave her. JJ blushed a little and went back to her own food. She had done some research on pregnancy and the problems Emily might experience and read the pamphlets Emily had gotten from the doctor, but she really didn't want Emily to know this. This was Emily's pregnancy and she had every right to decide who got to be intimately involved in it. Emily picked up her fork again and started eating little bites. "So other than the morning sickness, how are you feeling?" JJ prodded.

"I don't know," she looked up at the ceiling then down at her food. "Terrified," she admitted. "I'm having a baby."

"Yeah," JJ heard what Emily was really saying; she was having _his_ baby. "Isn't it even a little exciting? You've talked about having kids before."

"I know," Emily was plainly avoiding looking JJ in the eye. "This life is growing inside of me, completely reliant on me to stay alive and meet the world and I don't," she stopped herself. "I don't have a clue what I'm doing." JJ could tell that wasn't what she was going to say. "And it's high risk because of my age," her eyes finally met JJ's and could see the blatent understanding, and she knew she wouldn't be judged. "And I feel so selfish because I keep thinking, would it really be so bad if I lost it." JJ's face softened. Emily was clearly frusterated, but seemed less tense and relieved that JJ was still sitting across the table from her. "I'm sorry, we don't need to talk about this right now. Are you done?"

JJ nodded, willing to let the conversation go if it made Emily so uncomfortable.

"Good, because I have a surprise for you," Emily smiled.

JJ looked skeptically at her date. "Em, you don't have to go to any trouble for me."

"Oh, please." Emily drawled, it seemed she had rebounded from her earlier thoughts. "I'd go to the moon and back to make tonight special if that's what you wanted." JJ blushed furiously and Emily smiled shyly at her. "Come on," she beckoned and wrapped her arm around the blonde's slender waist.

They walked like that out the door, down the street, and past the car. JJ looked playfully curious at Emily as they continued. When Emily managed to ignore her impatience, she asked, "Where are we going?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," Emily answered mischieviously.

"Come on," JJ whined. "You've got to tell me something."

"Nope," Emily grinned.

JJ sighed, "Well we're headed for down town." She noticed Emily's lips twitch. "Have I been there before?"

"I don't know, maybe," Emily told her honestly.

"Fine, I give up," JJ pouted. "Are we almost there?"

"Just enjoy the walk," Emily laughed lightly. "We're a couple blocks away." She was enjoying getting to see this side of JJ. She'd seen it on occasion during their rare girl's nights with Garcia, but it was so different than who she was at work. She glanced over and saw the smile on JJ's face. JJ looked back at her and slid her arm around her waist, sending butterflies to her stomach and a tingle up her spine. "What?" she asked when JJ kept looking at her.

"I like when you wear pink," JJ told her.

Emily grinned at her. She felt like she'd been grinning like an idiot all night, but she just couldn't help it around JJ. "Come on," she lead her girlfriend, it seemed weird to think that, into a little mom and pop confectionary. "I know this place doesn't look like much, but this is the best candy in D.C. It's all sinfully delicious," Emily gushed. "Go ahead and pick anything you want."

Ten minutes later they walked out with a box of an assortment of truffles and two hot chocolates. "What now?" JJ asked as she slipped her hand into Emily's.

"I was thinking," Emily said. "We go back to my place and enjoy these chocolates."

"Sounds perfect," JJ agreed. As they continued to walk back to their car, a stand caught JJ's eye; Emily noticed and followed her gaze to the little flower shop. "Hey," JJ objected when Emily let go of her hand and started to walk ahead of her. By the time she caught up to the brunette, the flower vendor tucked a peice of paper into a binder and turned to get something for his costumer. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing," Emily insistead. At the same time the florist brought out a single, long stemmed, pale pink rose. She took it with a quick 'thank you' and handed it over to JJ, pulling her in close to her body.

JJ took it and smirked up at her. "You know that this has to work out now right?" she asked. "Because I don't think I'll ever be able to date again after this. It's the most perfect first date and you got me my favorite flower." Her face broke into the same, world lighting smile that had been shining all night. JJ reached up and kissed her softly. "Thank you." When she pulled back she couldn't help but smile even brighter. "There it is," she whispered. "That sparkle in your eyes when you smile."

Emily watched her eyes sparkle as she brought the flower to her nose to smell. "I'm glad you like it. Now, let's keep moving because I have a serious craving for cream soda and these truffles." JJ laughed and they continued their journey back to Emily's condo.

Sitting cross-legged, facing each other on the couch, with the box of chocolates between them, JJ reached to take the first one while Emily sipped her cream soda, which she had added lime juice and cinnamon too; when JJ gave her a weird look, she told her this was far from a strange craving. The chocolate touched her tongue and she hummed her approval as her head fell back.

"I told you," Emily said. "They are absolutely amazing. After this whole no alcohol rule is lifted, we're going to get these again and eat them with a perfect red wine."

"Mmmmmmmmm, how much longer is that?" JJ asked playfully.

"Seven months," Emily told her, taking one of the chocolates.

"That's too long," JJ whined. Emily made a face around her mouthful of chocolate, but it quickly turned into content as the taste worked it's magic in her mouth. "Have you had a prenatal appointment with and OBGYN yet? I know Dr. Hale said you'd probably have to wait a few months before you would be seen."

"It's scheduled for next week, actually. The nurse said it would be pretty routine stuff, a lot of personal medical history, blood and urine tests, and a pelvic exam," Emily said with her full consentration on the half eaten truffle, melting in her fingers. There was a silence that hung between them for a second while Emily gathered her thoughts. "Would you come with me. I don't want to do it alone, Jenn."

"Of course, Em." JJ told her, reaching out to take her hand.

The brunette finally looked up and met JJ's eyes. "Thank you."

"Any time," JJ said quietly. "Anything for you."

As quickly as the moment had come about it passed, Emily popped the rest of her truffle into her mouth and they went back to their chocolate and soda. "We should tell everyone," Emily said suddenly. "About us. Before the appointment."

"Yeah?" JJ asked. Emily nodded. "What did you have in mind?"

"Maybe we could get everyone together at the bar on Friday," she suggested.

"Alright," JJ accepted smiling her approval of Emily's willingness to share their relationship with their friends. "We can try to set it up tomorrow."

It was quickly getting late and the two women were started to feel drowsy. Emily sat leaning against the back of the couch, JJ laid out, with her head in her girlfriend's lap. When the hand stilled in her now loose blonde hair she turned and noticed Emily's heavy eyes. Without arguement the two headed up the stairs, and into their respective bedrooms. In their pajamas, they met in the bathroom to finish getting ready for sleep. Emily took JJ's hand and lead her into the master bedroom. They curled up against each other and quickly started to relax into sleep.

"Tonight was perfect," JJ sighed.

Emily pressed a kiss to her forehead.

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><p><strong>Awwwwwww... Look! Almost no angst! I'll have to make up for that in later chapters.<br>Leave a review, please!**


	25. Dancing Around

**AN: Oh look, it's another chapter. You know what that means, right? That is correct! You should leave another review!**

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><p>Emily sat stirring the straw around in her Sprite and JJ absently chewed on her lip. The two had arrived at the bar an hour before the team was supposed to show up, trying to work out what they were going to tell the team, and more importantly how they were going to go about it. "So we are dating right?" JJ asked.<p>

"Yeah," Emily said happily. "We went on a date, we're planning on going on another date. So we're dating."

"Are we a couple?" JJ asked uncertainly.

"Of course," Emily smiled. "We're toghether, you're my girlfriend, I'm your girlfriend," she hesitated. "If that's what you want, I mean."

JJ grinned at her sudden lack of confidence, "We're a couple, we're dating, I'm your girlfriend, and your my girlfriend." She leaned over the tabe and covered Emily's hand with her own. "And I honestly couldn't ask for more."

The couple got lucky and Morgan showed up, ten minutes early, and before anyone else, they still had nothing planned out past the lables but at least they'd have a buffer when Garcia got there.

"How are my pretty ladies?" He asked with his arms wrapped around their shoulders. "Enjoying your time off?"

"Oh yeah," Emily said sarcastically. "Nice mornings kneeling in front of the toliet and relaxing days alternating between throwing up some more and trying not to throw up anymore. It's my favorite way to spend my break."

Morgan noticed JJ smirking inconguously to Emily's annoyed tone, "I bet you don't mind having a pretty blonde there to make it all better."

"Shut up," Emily frowned as a flush crept up her neck.

"That's what I thought," Morgan laughed.

"Hey," JJ interjected before Emily could throw out a whitty comeback. "Be nice, or I'll put you next to Garcia when we tell her."

Morgan put his hands up in surrender, "I'm not getting in the middle of that. Do you want a drink?"

JJ shook her head, "I'm not drinking, while she can't."

"Aww," He gushed, causing JJ to blush and Emily to glare. "That's sweet and insane ." He headed off to the bar.

Emily slid off her chair and moved around the table to sit next to JJ, she took JJ's hand again. "He's right Jenn, you not drinking is sweet but insane. There's no need for both of us to not drink."

"Hey, hey," JJ cut her off as she kept rambling about demons and relaxing. "If you can't have a drink, I don't want one. I don't need one." She was rewarded for her efforts with a small smile, minus the eye contact. "Besides, it's no fun if I can't drink with you anyway." Emily let out a genuine, short laugh and it made JJ's heart soar with hope.

A storm of color came through the door, JJ and Emily pulled apart from each other, breaking their moment. Garcia made a bee-line for the two women, "What is going on?" she called loudly, and engulfed Emily in a hug and then JJ. "You two call the whole team together to meet at a bar, I call my chocolate love-hunk to ask if somethings going on, because Penelope Garcia knows when her ducklings are keeping something from her, and he tells me that you have something you want to tell everyone. So 'what could they possibly have to tell us that we would need to be drunk to hear?' I ask myself. And the answers that I think of make me worry about you both and my mental stability because I don't think I can take anymore bad news. So this had better not be bad news." Garcia had tears welling up in her eyes. "But, you're," she took a breath. "Not drinking." Another pause. "So I already feel better." The two looked at her confused as her rant sank in. "You're both ok, right?"

"Oh," JJ pulled her into a hug between herself and Emily. "We're both fine, Pen."

Derek chose this point to reappear with his drink. Emily turned and punched him in the arm. "Ow," he looked confused between Emily and Garcia. "What's wrong, Baby Girl?" He pulled her into a hug.

"You made her worry," JJ told him coldly.

"What did I do?" he asked and pressed a kiss to the temple of the calming tech goddess.

Emily whacked him upside the head. "You told her more than we did."

"Hey," he said in protest. "You better watch it, Princess."

Garcia whacked his chest. "Do not threaten her. I just found out that she's not recovering from a new devistating, life changing, event."

Morgan looked thoroughly confused, "I can't win with you three." They all shook their heads. "Alright, let's go get you a drink." He lead the now perky blonde to the bar.

"Well," JJ sighed. "At least we'll get a better reaction than that."

"True," Emily nodded loving that bright-side fact.

The whole team showed up, as agreed, and they all made happy small talk. Garcia, repeatedly and often, asked the other two girls what this was about, more excited each time. A few drinks in, she asked again. Emily and JJ exchanged a nervous look and were about to tell her to wait a little longer, when Morgan jumped in. "Just tell the lady before she has a panic attack or something."

"Wait!" Garcia called, throwing her arms out, effectively stopping anything that was about to be said. "He knows already?" She pointed an accusatory finger at him.

"PG, he figured it out and we've been meaning to tell...you," Emily trailled off as Garcia turned her glare on her.

"So you've been keeping it from me long enough for the biggest man of an alpha male," she spared a glance at Morgan, "to figure out whatever it is that you haven't told me. You didn't tell me, the Mistress of Gossip and more importantly your best friend, something important enough that you're telling Rossi." Emily and JJ looked down at the table guiltily. "No, oh don't even, he knows too?" The four kept their eyes downcast. "Who else knows? Do you know?" she asked Reid harshly. Reid shook his head, wide eyed at the idea of Garcia's anger being turned on him.

"Beautiful, no one else knows," Morgan tried to assure her.

But she turned on him, "You, Mister, are not on my good side. You didn't tell me either."

"Baby Girl," he tried but she stopped him with her hand.

"What exactly is it that we haven't been told?" Hotch spoke up for the first time since it came up.

"Well, JJ and I, uh," Emily started. She searched under the table for JJ's hand, the slender hand slid into her own and their fingers intertwined. She was all tongue tied and her palms were sweaty. "We're, um, she and I, we wanted you guys to know that we're," she looked to JJ for help as the words escaped her.

"We're telling you this, because as a team you need to know, and as our friends we want you to know that's we're happy and would really like your support," JJ prefaced with her practiced easy. Emily was suddenly struck with an imense sense of respect for what JJ did for them on cases, she could feel JJ's hand shaking in her own but she was still so collected. "Emily and I are together, in a romantic relationship." She pulled their joined hands to the top of the table.

They scanned their group of friends, Morgan and Rossi were smiling at them, Hotch looked at unreadable as ever, Reid looked confused, and Garcia seemed happy but not surprised; which was odd. "It's about time," she squealed. "You two have been waltzing around each other since Emily joined the team. I wish it wouldn't have taken, you know, that... to bring the two of you together. But you are so perfect together."

"We have not been waltzing around each other! We didn't even know until," Emily cut herself off before she got them into anymore trouble.

"Until when?" Reid asked.

"Yeah, when did this romantic relationship start?" Morgan seconded.

Emilly and JJ looked desperately to the two older agents for help. "That's not really important, is it?" JJ tried to say with some authority, but really it came out more as a plea than anything else.

"Oh, yes you have, you were both so far in denial I thought you were going to drown." Garcia said matter-of-factly. "And I think that is an important bit of information."

JJ looked to Emily to help. "I guess, we started to realize when I got out of the hospital," she offered up.

"But when did you know?" Garcia pushed on with a devious smile.

Emily shook her head. "The day we had our girl's night," she admitted.

"Oh my god!" Garcia squealed, to their horror. "Why didn't you tell me? How long have you known?" she turned her energy on Rossi.

"I suspected the first night at the hospital, I knew when they came back to work," he told everyone.

"You know, we didn't even know yet and you suspected," Emily told him.

"I've seen a few romances come and go in my time. I know the signs by now," he smiled.

"Ha, see!" Garcia called triumphantly. "And you," Garcia turned to Morgan. "How long?"

"When Emily tried to throw a punch at me during the last case," he confessed. Emily whacked his arm when Hotch cocked his eyebrow at her. Morgan shrugged apologetically.

"Yeah," Emily said sarcastically. "And you should have seen him, edging around me like a school girl avoiding her bully, and the wheels burning in his head as he tried to make the pieces fall into place."

"You were scared of Emily?" Reid asked.

"Hell yeah," Morgan said. "She can take me and I know it." They all shared a laugh.

As the laughter died down, JJ and Emily found themselves eyeing Hotch, like teenagers seeking approval from a father. "If you keep it out of the work place, I see no problem with it," he said looking directly at Emily, who whithered under his stare. Then he did the unthinkable and smiled. "I'm glad that you two are happy." Emily and JJ broke into intense smiles.

"Statistically, women are more likely to embark in acts outside of the sexual orientation that they identify with," Reid offered. "And while same-sex couples have all the same problems as heterosexual couples, they have noticably less domestic violence. Also it's been theorized that same-sex couples have stronger bonds, starting earlier than hererosexual couples, possibly because of the risk they take in making the first advances in begining a relationship and revealing their orientation in a culture that still doesn't completely accept it." He flushed as everyone just looked at him.

"Thanks Spence," JJ smiled. She knew what he meant, and so did Emily. Really they all did, but it was still stunning how awkward this genius could be, even with his friends.

Both JJ and Emily had relaxed completely, sitting so close that their arms were always in contact and if they leaned closer to each other their shoulders would touch. Garcia had a little smile on her face as she watched them, they were talking about something but she didn't take any notice to their words, occasionally something would make them laugh and they'd face each other; as the laughter died down their eyes would meet for a second and she could tell that to them, their was no one else in the world for just that second. Garcia pulled her camera out of her purse and snapped a few pictures. Looking through them, she made a mental note to carry her camera with her more often.

"Alright, I'm done with this. I've had enough to drink. Let's dance," Morgan said. Before they knew what was going on, Morgan grabbed Garcia's hand, Garcia linked her free arm through JJ's, and they were off, leaving Emily trapped at the table as JJ was pulled onto the dance floor. JJ found herself sandwhiched between her friends as they moved to the music. When she didn't start to dance after a couple seconds, Garcia's took her hips and started to make her sway. She gave in and started to dance with them.

JJ didn't really mind, they were all enjoying themselves, laughing, and it was all in good fun. She knew Garcia was behind her so wasn't surprised when she felt someone lean in close to talk in her ear. "So, you and Emily," Garcia called over the music. "Have you kissed?"

"Garcia!" JJ all but squeaked in suprise. All movement of her body stopped and she turned to face her friend. Morgan took her waist and started moving her again.

"You've done more than kiss?" Garcia asked, her eyes sparkled with mischeif.

"No!" JJ called, shocked at her friends brash questioning.

"So you have kissed?" She pushed.

JJ collected herself as much as she could. "That's not really any of your buisness," she pushed back with a stressed laugh.

"That's a yes!" Morgan provided from over her head. She threw a glare at him.

"Come on guys," she said with as much authority as she could muster. "We've only been on one date."

"Oh, I want to hear about that too," Garcia insisted. "Do you two share a bed when you stay over?"

"We share a bed when we have sleepovers," JJ pointed out.

Garcia smirked, "We're not dating."

JJ didn't answer, but Morgan, again, answered for her. "That is also a yes!"

JJ decided that she wasn't a huge fan of profilers at that moment, or maybe she wasn't a fan of Garcia using a profiler as a mind reader. Having her personal life under Garcia's all knowing gaze was making her uncomfortable.

"Awwww," Garcia clapped happily, causing JJ to flush again. "We so have to have a girls night, I must be caught up on everything I've missed."

JJ was miraculously saved from any more questions and profiling by her amazing girlfriend. "Mind if I cut in?" Emily asked and pulled JJ a little distance from Morgan and Garcia. "Seemed like you needed a break from our lovely friends there."

"Thank you," she sighed. "I love them to death, but it was like I was being interigated."

"Well, today went better than I thought it would," Emily said and pulled JJ close as they both started moving to the music. The song was obviously for dancing to, with a strong beat and heavy beat. It was the kind of song that would have left them plastered against each other by the end. Before they could get into a rythym, the song ended and a slow song came on. JJ reached up and laced her arms around Emily's neck, she smiled as she felt Emily's arms close around her waist. The magical thing that seemed to happen everytime they were this close; the world around them disappeared, it was just them, no murderers, no lost innocence, just a happy warmth that made both of them smile. JJ laid her head on Emily's shoulder and they were completely unaware of Garcia and Morgan making a scene of how cute they were.

Emily tilted her head so she could talk in JJ's ear, "It doesn't matter what anyone says, you know." JJ lifted her head so she could look at Emily. "I want to be with you and it's going to take more than that to keep me away." JJ smiled brightly and leaned in to press a sweet kiss to Emily's lips.

They would have never known that the song had ended if it hadn't been for Morgan, Garcia, and Reid clapping, whistling, and whooping. Hotch and Rossi were both just smiling at them. They ducked their heads as they made their way back to the table, past all the other people smiling at them. Before they got back to the table, Garcia tucked her camera back into her purse.

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><p><strong>I am thorougly disgusted with how cute the past two chapters have been. But I will admit it was a nice change to write something not angsty. Maybe I'll be able to find a nice balance between cute and angst.<br>Review, please. I like reviews. **


	26. How Do You Feel?

**AN: I don't know if any of the regulations and report standards in this chapter are correct but I feel like everything I put in here is reasonable and plausible.  
>Here's a chapter I'm sure some of you have been waiting for, I know at least one of have been asking for it. It's probably not what you were expecting, but it's something.<br>Leave a review, please!  
><strong>

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><p>It was truly a disasterous effort for Emily and JJ to both get off for Emily's prenatal appointment. Hotch cleared the request but Strauss immediately denied it once it reached her desk. To say the least, Emily was pissed. JJ was ready to go in and talk to her reasonably, but Emily insisted on going in with her. "I understand why Agent Prentiss needs to be at this appointment," Strauss said with snide sarcasm. "But she is an adult and does not need to be accompanied to a doctors appointment."<p>

JJ cut in before Emily could get snarky with their boss. "Ma'am, with all do respect, I don't think you do really understand. This is an extremely emotional and stressful event in every woman's pregnancy. And she has asked me to be with her for support," she said in her diplomatic voice.

Strauss smiled venomously. "I remember my first prenatal appointment, and it was not overly emotional or stressful, and I certainly did not need anyone there for support."

"That's because you're a," Emily started.

"Ma'am," JJ cut in quickly. "Emily's situation is not the same as yours and."

Stauss spoke up before JJ could finish her reasoning. "If your team gets a case, you need to be there. As I said earlier Emily needs to get prenatal care, but if she can't handle the effects pregnancy is going to have on her, then maybe she should have thought about that before she got pregnant and decided to have the child without the father's knowledge or help."

"Oh, so now getting," Emily tried again.

"Ma'am," JJ tried.

"You are not getting off, Agent Jareau, and that's final," Strauss said and went back to her computer.

Emily was fuming and on the verge of completely losing control. JJ stood up and lead the Emily out of the room before she lost her job. "How can you just let her do this?" Emily raged. "I don't want to be there by myself," her voice cracked. "I want you to be there with me. How can she do this?" she asked angrily.

"Emily," JJ said and made her make eye contact with her. "I'm not giving up," she smiled a little. "I'm bringing in the big guns."

Rossi, Reid, and Morgan were all sitting in the bullpen and watched as Emily and JJ stormed out of Stauss's office. Emily flopped into her chair, clearly more pissed at Strauss than she'd ever been. "She wouldn't give JJ off?" Morgan asked the obvious.

"I swear she's a sociopath. That's the only explanation for how she can be so unsympathetic," Emily vented. "She had the nerve to say that my pregnancy is my fault and that I should go to the father for help."

They all looked at her sympathetically. "That offense isn't really her fault," Rossi spoke up. "It's uncalled for, yes," he quickly defended when Emily and Morgan's heads shot up. "But she most likely doesn't know about the details of your time on the compound."

"I'm still amazed that you managed to keep it out of the report," Morgan said.

"It's in the report, if she cared to look close enough," JJ said with venom. "I reported how I found her and Emily reported that she was assulted," JJ put air quotes around assaulted.

"The SAE kit was under my name and insurance, not the FBI's," Emily explained.

"Did you know," Reid spoke up. "That it's estimated that less than half of the sexual assults that occur in the U.S. are ever reported."

"Yeah, Reid," Emily laughed. "We do work for the BAU." Reid blushed.

"I think, maybe it's time that Stauss finds out about what you went through, Emily," Rossi ventured.

Emily bit her lip and shook her head; it reminded him a lot of the time she had shared her ordeal in Italy with him. "If you think that will get JJ to my appointment, then do it."

Rossi nodded and walked away from them, Emily and JJ watched and hoped that he could pull this off.

Rossi knocked on the door and walked in before Struass could answer. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" she asked acidly, as she removed her glasses from her face. "This is the third member from agent Hotchner's team that I've seen in my office today."

"That's actually what I am here about," he told her. His voice held an edge of authority to it, "I was informed that you still won't give Agent Jareau the time off to accompany Agent Prentiss to her prenatal appointment."

"That's correct," Strauss said shortly.

"I strongly suggest that you reconsider that decision," Rossi told her. "Our team is not the next on the rotation for a major case. And while JJ is good at what she does, the team could handle one case without her, if by chance the team does get called away in the next two days."

"Agent Rossi," Strauss said with a tone that she used when she felt threatened. "I am in charge of this agency. Agent Prentiss is an adult, she is going to be responsible for a new life, and she does not need to be accompanied to a doctors appointment. Agent Jareau, on the other hand, is needed to do her job."

"Emily has been through enough in the past two months, the last thing that she deserves is to have to deal with your bureaucratic agenda," Rossi said irritated by the woman's indifferent attitude.

"That unfortunate incident doesn't have anything to do with this disagreement," she said with the same air of thoughtlessness she'd been using the whole conversation.

Rossi looked at her like she'd just confessed to being an unsub. "You have absolutely no idea what has been going on do you?" he laughed a cold, humorless laugh. "If you had bothered to read the reports, instead of figuring out how to bury them, you might know exactly how much it has to do with this."

"Agent Rossi?" Strauss started.

"She's eight weeks pregnant. The father," he used a hateful emphasis on the last word, "held her captive and tortured her, before being shot by Agent Jareau."

"Why was I not aware of this?" She regained some composure.

"This is not about you," he told her forcefully. "It was in the report, she was cleared for duty, and has been handling the job without any problem. Every woman has the right to report a sexual assault, and Emily chose not to." Strauss was clearly too shocked to speak. "Now, either you give JJ off and she goes with Emily to the appointment, or you don't give her off and we go around you and she goes to the appointment. Those are the options." He stood up and walked calmly to the door.

"Agent Jareau will get the time off," Strauss told him.

He nodded and continued out the door as she perched her glasses on her nose and turned back to her computer.

Before Emily and JJ left, they stopped in Rossi's office. "Hey, Dave," Emily greeted as the two of them stepped past the door. "I don't know what you said to Strauss, but thank you. I got an e-mail, apologizing for the things she said and offering as much time as I need for anything."

"Go home, get some rest, and get ready for your appointment," he said with a smile at them.

"Good night," JJ bid farewell with a greatful smile.

"Good night," he said as they left.

They made it back to Emily's place, both of them were in a good mood and absorbing the warmth of the others company. Emily couldn't fight how right this felt as they changed out of their work clothes and moved around her kitchen, making dinner.

The two of them sat down at the table together with plates of chicken parmesan and spinach salad. Emily had her cream soda again, unaltered this time, and JJ had water. JJ watched Emily pick at the food in front of her for a few minutes. "I won't be offended if you don't eat it," JJ said smiling as she finnished her food. Emily smiled shyly back. "What do you want?"

"I really want a fried egg sandwhich," she said with an apologetic laugh. "With spinach and sauteed onions."

"Alright," JJ said and got to work with Emily, pulling out the needed things to make her dinner. "Mmmmm," she hummed leaning against Emily from behind as she cooked the eggs and onions. "You're so tense." She ran her hands across Emily's tight shoulders. "Stress isn't good for you."

"Oh," Emily whined as JJ's hands fell away from her tired muscles. "Don't stop."

JJ laughed as she flipped the egg and onions onto bread. "Eat first," she said and put some of the spinach from Emily's salad on and closed the sandwich.

Emily pouted but took a bite out of her dinner. "Perfect," she smiled around her mouthful of food. "What do I get when I'm done?"

"A nice back massage," JJ told her and wrapped her arms around her waist. "And dessert."

"Guess I'd better eat up then," Emily said and went back to eating.

Both of them fed and the kitchen cleaned, JJ lead Emily up the stairs and to her bedroom. "Lay down," JJ told her softly. Emily did ask JJ asked. JJ carefully climbed over her and strattled her hips, her hands started to work the knots out of the muscles of the woman laying under her.

"Oh, Jen," Emily moaned and quickly stopped forming coherent words as JJ's hands worked their magic. "mafer, ah loo."

"What was that?" JJ laughed. She pulled her hands back and lifted her weight slightly as Emily rolled over.

She looked directly up into JJ's gorgeous blue eyes. "I love you, Jennifer."

JJ's face boke into a shining, teary smile. "I love you too," she laughed happily.

Emily smiled and pulled JJ down to meet her lips in a soft, passionate kiss. Emily ran her tongue along JJ's lower lip and was immediately granted access to the rest of her mouth. They both sighed when their tongues tangled, quickly followed by their legs intertwining, JJ wrapped her arms firmly around Emily and pulled her close making her gasp as their bodies were pulled flush together. "You're so beautiful," Emily whispered between kisses and before JJ could say anything she moved her lips from JJ's to her jaw line, down her neck, stopping where the fabric of her shirt lay around her neck, then back up until she find a spot that made JJ's labored breathing hitch. She trailed her hands down her sides and then up under her shirt, ghosting her fingers over her stomach, up and down her back, across her ribs. Slowly revealing and teasing new skin.

JJ was vocal of her approval of the way Emily was exploring and praising her body. Her hands roamed Emily's cloth-covered back, her fingers twisted into her dark locks as her body responded to what Emily was doing. She could feel Emily's fingers playing at the hem of her shirt, she reached down between them and removed it, giving Emily more skin to explore.

Emily sat up and ran her eyes over JJ, laying there under her, in shorts and a bra, her golden hair splayed out on the pillows, her eyes a darker shade of blue, her lips red and swollen from the kiss, chest heaving, heart pounding. Her fingers traced the waist band of the shorts, then trailed up her abdomen. She ran her fingers along the edge of the bra while she pressed kisses along the top of her chest, not covered by the garment.

JJ felt herself arch into Emily touch, wanting more; Everything that Emily was doing was building a need low in her hips, but also causing something to build in her chest, love. A warm, tingling, fuzzy, sense of belonging and unconditional love connectiong her to this woman, her best friend, was spreading through her. She didn't notice Emily's hands working at the clasp behind her back, she did feel Emily press a kiss over her heart. JJ gave herself completely over to Emily, letting her hands and mouth munipulate her body, until she gasped and let out a shuttering sigh as stars exploded behind her eyes and wave after wave of pleasure washed over her.

Emily swirled little patterns across JJ's belly as she came down to earth again. JJ was still breathing heavily when she opened her eyes again, she smiled and locked onto Emily brown eyes. "Hey," she sighed happily. "You are amazing." Emily shook her head, denying the praise. She rolled over and rested her head on Emily shoulder. "I think I should return the favor," she felt Emily tense up and looked up to see her chewing on her lower lip. She was pulling at the sleeves of her shirt, making sure they were pulled down to her wrists. "If you want."

Emily stopped pulling at the hem of her shirt and relaxed a little as JJ took her hand. "I don't think I'm up for that tonight," she admitted.

"Alright," JJ told her understandingly. "How about I finish that massage then?"

"Now that," she said. "Sounds perfect." She gave JJ a small kiss before rolling over onto her stomach.

JJ's hands started gently kneading the muscles in her neck and shoulders, turning Emily into putty beneath her talented fingers. "How're you doing?" she asked as she moved her hands to her lovers upper back.

"You're a goddess," she hummed. Her behavior the past few weeks and tonight hadn't escaped JJ's notice, and JJ had decided that it was time to make Emily see just how amazing she was. JJ's hands moved lower and lower down her back until her fingers brushed hem of Emily's shirt and started to edge under it. "Jen," Emily gasped in surprise. "What are you doing?"

JJ moved so she was laying down, facing Emily. "You trust me Em, right?" Once she got a nod in response, she continued. "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not going to make you do anything, alright? I promise." Emily nodded again and JJ carefully slid her hands up under Emily's shirt, feeling the mess of scars under her touch. Emily tensed up. She rubbed her palms in soothing circles until Emily relaxed. She tried to make eye contact with the somewhat distressed brunette, but Emily kept her eyes on the wall behind JJ's head. "Emily, look at me." After a few seconds Emily complied. "What's wrong?" she asked seeing the sparkle, that had so recently began to return, fading from those brown eyes again.

"I'm scared," Emily confessed and JJ started to wonder if she had pushed too hard.

"Of what?" she asked gently.

Emily took a breath, "Of what you're thinking, what you're going to think."

"I'm thinking," JJ started, never breaking eye contact. "How did I get so lucky? And that you are so strong and beautiful. And that I love you so much that it hurts to see you like this."

"I don't know how you can think that," Emily said looking away from JJ's intense gaze.

"And I don't know why you see something so different than what I see," JJ said taking Emily's face in her hands.

"How can you look at me, touch me, let me touch you, knowing what I am?" Emily asked and sat up with her back to JJ. "I'm not the woman you fell in love with over the years, Jen?"

JJ sat up and kneeled behind Emily. Slowly, she pulled the shirt over Emily's head. "What do you think I see when I look at you?" She asked. Emily shook her head. "Please don't hide from me, Emily."

Emily took a deep breath, "A weak, disgusting, ghost of who I used to be, marked and scared and disfigured because I couldn't defend myself."

"You couldn't be more wrong," JJ breathed through her emotions. "I see my best friend, the woman I fell in love with; and she's stronger than ever. I love everything about her." She came around to face Emily and took one of her arms, starting to trace the scars up to her shoulder. "I love how stubborn she is and I love the way she'll tease the boys at work. I love her laugh and her smile, and how sweet she is. At the same time, I love how bad ass and strong she is when she deals with the bad guys." At the top of that arm she looked up at Emily to see tears welling up in her eyes. "I love the way she holds my hand, and how protective she is of me. I love the way she kisses. I love the way it feels when she cuddles up behind me. I love the way she looks in pink, and that she's been wearing it more often since I told her that." She moved to kneel behind her again and started to trace the scars on her back. "I love her eyes, but I miss the lively sparkle I used to see there. I love how soft her skin is and the way it's beautifully pale. I love her nose and her lips and her neck. I love how beautiful she is. I love her past. I want to be part of her future. I love the way I feel when I'm with her. I love the way the color starts at her chest when she blushes. I love hearing her heart beat when I rest my head on her chest. I love the way she likes to play with my hair. I love her scars. I love her." She pressed a kiss to Emily's bare shoulder. "And I can't stand that you think that they make you any less than what you are." She felt Emily's body start to shake as she broke down. "You are beautiful. You are stronger than you've ever been. And I love you, no matter what." She pulled Emily into her lap and felt the other woman's arms go around her neck and hold on. She rocked them back and forth muttering reasuring things into her ear.

As Emily calmed down, they laid down. "Thank you," she said shakily.

"I love you so much, and I need you to know that," JJ said and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

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><p><strong>I used the L word a lot in this chapter. But again, I think it's appropriate.<br>Was it worth waiting for? What did you think?**


	27. Italian

**AN: Here's the next chapter. Enjoy. Review. Have a good weekend! I plan to!**

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><p>To no one on the teams surprise, they weren't assigned a case over the two days before Emily's appointment. Emily's nerves built up, to an extreme that only JJ got to see, as the appointment got closer. The nightmares came back the night they told each other that they loved the other, but JJ could tell something about them was different this time. JJ asked her about it the next morning, Emily insisted that she was ok, and JJ didn't push her. The day was long and boring, full of mindless paperwork and being left to their own thoughts. Sure there was some of the usual office mischeif, it was, after all, just another day at the office, Morgan teased Reid, they all had some whitty banter, Garcia and Morgan flirted inappropriately, but it wasn't enough to keep Emily's mind off of the up coming event.<p>

The day was almost over, and Emily had been in her own head for far to long, and all she wanted to do was be with JJ. After some pen-tapping, paper-clip chain making, paper throwing, and a minimal amount of work, four-thirty rolled around and she got what she wanted. JJ stopped by her desk to pick her up and Morgan made a scene, it seemed that he was no where near ready to let their relationship go, but neither of them really cared; it actually made them smile when he picked fun at them, it let them know he cared. But Emily played her part in the banter, returning his suggestive question with an even more suggestive come back and flashed him a smile over her shoulder as they walked out of the bull pen.

They made it back to Emily's place, ate dinner, and curled up on the couch to watch a movie. Emily was laying behind JJ with her arms around her waist and was being incredibly touchy-feely tonight and it was making it impossible to focus on the movie, not that JJ was going to complain. Nimble fingers were ghosting across her toned stomach under her shirt, causing the muscles to tense up and shudder, and the brunette's lips were softly pressing at the skin at the back of her neck that she could reach past the collar of her shirt, up and around to her jaw, back along the bone and up to behind her ear, she gasped when Emily's teeth grazed her earlobe, before her lips returned to the place on her neck that made her whole body tingle. JJ couldn't be a passive participant any more, she rolled over and found Emily's lips for a passionate, heated kiss, that was leisurely and unhurried.

They broke apart, breathing heavily, foreheads resting together, hands still caressing and running through hair. "Up stairs," Emily said through her labored breaths. JJ nodded and the two of them quickly started to untangle their limbs and stood up from the couch. They didn't even make it up the stairs before their lips were connected again, but they managed to fumble to Emily's bed. Before they knew it, clothes were coming off and they were making out like a pair of horny teenagers. They were both content to let it stop there, they parted from a deep kiss and just fell together, holding onto the other, and waiting for their heart beats to slow down. Emily slowly crawled off the bed and walked over to her dresser and came back with two sleep-shirts. They fell asleep, hearing the other's breathing and heart beat.

The next day at work Garcia was rather pushy about the fact that she still had not gotten her girls night and been caught up on the gossip of the new couple and JJ and Emily were holding out as long as possible, neither of them really wanted Garcia to know about their personal time. But they all knew that Garcia would get her way eventually. Lunch time came around, and JJ and Emily easily slid out of the office. JJ was talking about dinner, and Emily was chewing her lip. "I was actually thinking, maybe you could stay at your place tonight," Emily told her guiltily. "I just want some time before tomorrow."

"Sure," JJ told her with understanding.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you," Emily said hastily. "But there's so much that I could find out and I'm not sure how I feel about everything. I just need to get my head in a good place."

"It's ok Em," JJ soothed. "I understand."

"So, I'll meet you at work tomorrow and then we can head to the hospital," Emily laid out the rest of the plan.

"Sounds good," she smiled at her. Emily smiled back. JJ couldn't help but notice that the sparkle in her lover's eyes was still drowning behind her emotions. What was it going to take to bring her back? Her mind wandered back to the previous night, and the way her eyes had almost shined with the same sparkle they had before.

"What are you thinking about?" Emily asked when JJ smiled a little brighter and her hand reached out for hers.

JJ smirked a little as she felt the blush creeping up in her cheeks, "Last night," she admitted. Emily closed her eyes and her shoulders shook slightly as she chuckled, shaking her head a little. "You are amazing." The blush started creeping up from the neck line of Emily's shirt. JJ gave Emily's hand a light squeeze. "We should get back to work."

The day went by, and Emily had managed to be sufficiently distracted by Morgan and Reid. Until Garcia came by and insisted that if Emily had an ultra-sound that she get a print out. And suddenly it was all much more real. She was pregnant. Her hand wandered to her barely existant baby-bump

Emily couldn't have been more greatful when Hotch stopped by her desk and told her to go home a couple hours before everyone else, to just take some time and relax. She thanked him and headed for JJ's office. "Hey," she greeted. "Hotch is sending me home early," she told her after she could see more than just a head of blonde hair.

"Good," JJ told her. Her eyes ran over her girlfriend, taking in how stressed and tense she was. "How are you doing?"

"I'm, you know," Emily shrugged. JJ nodded. "I just wanted to let you know, I was heading out."

"Kay," JJ smiled up at her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," Emily confirmed and turned around.

JJ watched her walk out of the office and sighed. Returning to the file, laying opened on the desk in front of her. It was barely more than a minute before someone was at her door again. By the time she looked up, Emily was rounding her desk, side stepping a pile of files. She stood up and met Emily in a gentle kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow, Love," Emily whispered after a second. JJ nodded and pressed a short kiss before letting go of Emily.

The next morning, JJ came in before everyone else, as usual. She got settled into her office and as everyone else started filing in, one of the gaurds from the front enterance came and knocked on her door, she called him in and he pushed the door open. She scrambled to clear off a place on her desk as he revealed a large vase of flowers; pink and orange lillies, and purple, orange, and yellow roses, and a single fully blooming red rose that sat just over all the other flowers. It was stunning. She thanked the gaurd and started fishing through the arangement for the card.

_Jennifer,_

_You mean so much to me, my Carabella._

_I love you._

JJ leaned over to take a long whiff of the bouqet. If, for some unknown reason, she had been questioning if she was really in love with Emily, she wouldn't have been after this. There was a soft knock on her door and she called who ever it was in, still looking at the flowers.

"Oh, I saw the guard coming out, I was wondering what was going on," Garcia cooed from behind her. "Are those from Emily?" JJ nodded and held out the card to Garcia. "You know what Carabella means, right?" JJ shook her head slightly, still smiling quietly. "Beautiful love," Garcia filled in. JJ's face lit up a little brighter. Garcia stepped up to look closer at the flowers and smell them.

"She's called me both of those," JJ said lightly. "But something about it being in another language makes it even sweeter."

Garcia giggled, "Everything's sweeter in Italian." There was a quiet second between them. "She's called you 'Love'?"

JJ nodded, "She told me that she loves me a few nights ago."

Garcia was beaming at her, "Details, woman! I want details!"

"Garcia, this is girl's night talk," JJ sighed, knowing full well where this conversation would lead.

Garcia sighed dramatically, "Fine, but what did you say?"

"I told her that I love her too," JJ smiled looking at the flowers again.

"Awwwww," Garcia sqealed quietly. "You two are just too darn cute!"

"Garcia," JJ scolded.

"I'm sorry, seeing you like this just makes me really happy," Garcia gushed.

"Thanks, Pen," she smiled. Garcia nodded and headed for the door, she looked over her shoulder one more time and smiled at how elated her Angelfish was.

JJ sat down at her desk and waited for Emily to show up. On time, as always, Emily walked through the doors. JJ stood up and slowly made her way down to Emily's desk. She leaned in and whispered in Emily's ear, "Thank you, I love you too." Then walked over to Morgan's desk, where he was looking on curiously, and dropped a few files. She walked back the way she came, smiling sweetly at Emily, and let her hand rest on the other woman's shoulder as she walked by. Emily smiled at how happy she'd made JJ.

"Thanking you for a good night?" Morgan asked with a suggestively raised eye-brow.

Emily smiled at him, "For your information, we didn't spend last night together."

"So asking if she'll get a repeat of a past night," Morgan asked.

She blindly chucked a balled up piece of paper in his direction and was satisfied when she heard it come in contact with him and his slight protest. She laughed lightly with him.

"Now, really," he started. "What was that about?"

Emily smiled, not looking at him and said nonchalantly, "I guess she missed me." She glanced at the clock on her computer, and stood up from her desk, picking up her purse and walking away as Morgan looked on, curious and dissapointed.

As she walked up the stairs she noticed Garcia hurrying up to Morgan's desk. "Did you see the flowers Emily sent to JJ?" she heard and smiled a little.

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><p><strong>I was going to have Emily's prenatal appointment in this chapter, but I had a rough week. So it was short, sorry. It'll be in the next chapter. It's something to look forward to.<strong>


	28. A Reason to Be

**AN: **I am so sorry that I dropped off the face of the planet for so long. There is a reason, granted probably not one that will excuse my absencse. But summer's over, I've settled back into school, unnecessary drama has passed, so I'm back and writing again. I will get back into this story and I promise you will get an ending, I'm not going to leave you guys hanging on this one.  
>Review. Please. I know I probably don't deseve reviews for making you wait so long, but it'll make me feel less guilty. So please?<p>

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><p>Emily sat on the exam table, JJ sat in a chair as close to the table as she could get, the silence between the two of them was comfortable but tense; they had tried to keep the conversation going but Emily was just too nervous. JJ watched her love, obliviously wrapped up in her own thoughts, biting her nails, twisting her hands, and fidgeting with the hem of the hospital gown; Emily was picking at her cuticles when JJ reached out and took hold of both of the nervous woman's hands in both of her own and leaned in to press a lingering kiss to the knuckles. Emily leaned down and kissed the blonde hair and rested her forehead against JJ's head as JJ held their hands close to her face. And they waited.<p>

There was a knock on the door and a dark-haired, middle-aged woman, with kind eyes and a professional air, came into the room. JJ immediately knew why Emily had chosen this Doctor, she was clearly able to walk the fine line and separate her emotions from her work but still be sensitive with her patients. "Emily?" she offered her hand as she walked into the room. "Hi, I'm Dr. Card." She shook Emily's hand and turned to JJ. "And you are?"

"JJ," she answered, taking the doctor's offered hand. "I'm Emily's girlfriend."

Dr. Card looked between the two women, smiling softly at the way JJ was soothing Emily just by holding her hand. "Alright, let's get started then." And the appointment began, questions asked by Dr. Card, questions asked by Emily and JJ, blood drawn, urine taken, a physical exam given. "You're in excellent health, Emily. Now, I know you expressed some concern about the pain killers you were taking after your ordeal, but I'm not too worried about that, though only time will tell if it had any effect. Currently the only thing I am worried about is the stress level your job has, we all already know that your age makes this a higher risk pregnancy, but there's no indication in your medical records that your abortion had any lasting effects. But I still have to do the pelvic exam to make sure that everything is alright." JJ might not have been a profiler, but she could read Emily like an open book. "Do you want JJ to leave?"

"No," Emily said a little faster than she meant to. "She can stay." JJ knew that Emily wanted to know that the baby was ok but this was what she was worried about. Emily hadn't said anything, but JJ didn't need to be told that she didn't want the pelvic exam to open up the still healing wounds hidden in the boxes of her mind. So JJ sat next to her, ready to do whatever her lover needed from her.

She watched Emily staring absently at the ceiling as Dr. Hale prepared for the exam, the muscles in her jaw pulsating as they clenched and relaxed. She watched the way she struggled to keep her breathing even. Unable to sit by and see Emily struggle without offering what comfort she could, JJ gently took Emily's hand in both of hers. Emily blinked a few times and turned her head to look at the other woman, JJ offered a small smile.

"Are you ready, Emily?" Dr. Card asked. Emily let out a barely audible puff of air and nodded. Emily's grip tightened on JJ's hand and JJ knew that Dr. Hale had started; she rubbed her thumb soothingly along Emily's knuckles. Dr. Card told Emily exactly what she was going to do before she continued, being careful not to startle her patient. "We're almost done, Emily." Emily just nodded again, her grip on JJ's hand still strong, still forcing her breathing to be normal, and shaking ever so slightly. "Now just relax, I promise this'll be over quickly."

Emily nodded again, but closed her eyes and squeezed JJ's hand. JJ ignored the fact that Emily's doctor was right there, doing what she was doing. JJ leaned in and placed a kiss on Emily's temple, and the she whispered in her ear, "It's ok Em, you're ok." Emily opened her eyes and turned her head back to JJ again, she gave the blonde a tiny smile. JJ smiled back and let her hand go to Emily's hair.

Dr. Card moved back and helped Emily situate herself and sit up. "I'm going to get all the samples to the lab and I'll be right back to finish up here." Emily and JJ both nodded their thanks and were left alone.

JJ pulled Emily a little closer to her and kissed her forehead, holding her hands. "You're so strong, Em," she muttered against her dark hair as the other woman calmed down. "You are so strong."

Emily kissed JJ's shoulder. "I have a reason to be," she said quietly. JJ could still feel Emily shaking, she couldn't see her face, and she couldn't see if Emily was actually smiling, but she could hear the smallest smile in her voice. And she couldn't help but think that they would be alright.

A knock on the door signaled that Dr. Card had returned. "There's just one more thing we've got to do," she said sitting down in front of the two women. "We're just going to do an ultrasound. It should be much easier than the other tests."

Emily nodded and Dr. Card moved around the room, situating the ultrasound machine and monitor, covering Emily with a paper sheet from the hips down, and then taking a seat next to the bed. The gel was cold, just like they always say on tv and in the movies, but it still surprised Emily. But as she thought about it while Dr. Card moved the wand around on her abdomen, the fact wasn't really that surprising, the gel sat in the exam rooms and supply closets that were always freezing cold. It was just one of the things she hated about hospitals; they were always so cold and sterile. A sound filled the room and pulled Emily from her meditations on the temperature of ultrasound gel. It wasn't like anything she'd ever heard before, but it made her think of gunfire from a machine gun. She didn't like that comparison though, it didn't seem right, it was more like steady rhythmic, frantic, rolling thunder. Her eyes focused on Dr. Card, just long enough to register the little smile on her lips, and then went to JJ who was looking between her and Dr. Card with wide eyed amazement that undoubtedly mirrored her own expression.

"Is that...?" JJ started breathlessly. It was so remenisent of the time she had spent in the ambulance with Emily, that electronic beeping signaling Emily was still alive.

Dr. Card smiled at the two women. "That's the heartbeat." Emily and JJ were quiet, just listening to the sound as the doctor continued her work. She almost didn't want to interupt her patient as they held hands and just soaked up the new life. "Do you want to see your baby?"

"Yes," Emily's voice came out just above a whisper. Dr. Card turned the screen to face them, and the image disappeared as she moved around and sat so she could point things out to the two women. Both Emily and JJ kept there eyes on the screen as Dr. Card moved the wand around Emily's belly, finding the image they were all waiting for, and adjusted the settings on the screen.

Dr. Card zoomed in on a little white shape, and pointed to it. "It doesn't really look like a baby yet," she said softly. "But here's the body, and this is the head, and this little stub here will turn into a leg, and these are the arms." Emily wasn't really listening to her anymore, she was captivated by the picture on the screen. That was the life that was completely reliant on her to survive. It was part of her, and she was a part of that life. It was her baby's little heart's fluttering beat that Dr. Card was focusing in on and pointing out. It was her baby and it didn't have anyone else in the world, besides herself and her team. The image got fuzzy and she wondered why Dr. Card didn't fix it. It took her a few minutes to realize that she had teared up. "Do you want me to print off some pictures for you?"

Emily was grinning, through her tears, at her own thoughts. "Yeah," she said a little breathlessly and wiped her eyes. "Our friends would like that."

"Alright, I'll go and print them off for you guys," she said, cleaning the majority of the gel off Emily's belly. "Everything looks fine, so you can just stop on the way out and schedule another apointment for sometime next month and we'll call to let you know how all the labs come back." She gave them a friendly smile, "Go ahead and get dressed, and I'll come back with the prints, and walk you out."

"Thank you," Emily said as Dr. Card was leaving. Now alone in the room, Emily and JJ turned their attention to each other. Emily watched those blue eyes studying her and after a minute she felt her lips gently curl up into a smile. This was so different than she expected to feel. She was happy? Excited? Maybe a little scared, not that she would ever admit it, but it was a good scared.

JJ almost laughed in relief when Emily smiled. It was like an enormous weight had been taken off of the mystical thread that connected her to Emily. Watching Emily struggle over the past month had been heartbreaking, and she didn't know what would have happened if the next seven months had been like that. Her eyes were sparkling with a little bit of the fire that JJ missed so much.


	29. Them

**Happy holidays everyone. Here's my gift to you. Enjoy!  
>Adult Content Warning.<strong>

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><p>Emily smiled down at the little, grainy, black and white picture in her hands. She heard JJ's feet gently padding into the living room from the kitchen. JJ's hair fell onto the bare skin of her arms as she climbed behind her on the couch and rested her head on her shoulder. "Today was amazing," Emily said as JJ's arms slid around her waist. "You were so amazing."<p>

JJ's head fell, gently against Emily's as she looked down at the ultrasound print off. "She's beautiful," she whispered. She felt Emily shift, and when she looked away from the picture she found Emily looking at her with bemused curiosity. "What?" She asked.

Emily put the picture down on the coffee table and her now free hands went to her tiny baby bump. "You think it's a girl?"

JJ grinned, "Yeah, I guess I do." Emily was looking down at her hands resting on her belly. "What about you? What do you think?"

"I don't know," Emily shook her head.

JJ smiled encouragingly, "Oh come on, they say mothers can tell their baby's gender."

"Jenn, that's just an old wives tale," Emily grinned at her companion.

"Ok," JJ rested her head on Emily's and her hands on Emily's. "Then just for fun; what do you think it is."

Emily took a second, looked down at JJ's hands covering her own. "I think you're right. I think it's a girl." She turned her head so she could look at JJ and smiled, before pressing a kiss to her lips. "I love you." Emily leaned back into JJ, letting her head fall against JJ's again.

"We should sleep," JJ said after a while. "Today seemed to take a lot out of you, and we've got work tomorrow."

"Yeah," Emily said absently. She looked intently at JJ, lost in her thoughts of the day. She let her fingers trail up and down JJ's forearms. She turned her body so she was sitting facing the other woman on the couch. Nervously, she licked her lower lip as she thought about what she was about to do. JJ was waiting, watching her expectantly. Emily made her move, letting her hand come up to cup JJ's face as she leaned closer and kissed her softly.

It was innocent enough until Emily opened her mouth invitingly, and teased JJ's lower lip with her tongue. JJ followed Emily's lead, sensing the need for connection and passion rolling off the other woman in strong waves. Emily's hand on her cheek had drifted to the back or her neck, resting just on the collar of her t-shirt, and her other arm went around JJ's waist holding her close. They broke for air and JJ laid back, her hands skating down Emily's back, over her ribs to meet at her navel, down her stomach, down her thighs, and back up to rest on her hips, adjusting the two of them so that Emily was kneeling over her. Emily looked down at JJ for a moment, smiling a smile that reached her eyes, before following her down onto the soft, comfortable couch cushions to continue their heated passionate actions.

This position allowed JJ's hands to wander as Emily's open-mouthed kiss consumed her mind. Her hands were in Emily's hair, on the back of her neck, caressing her exposed collar bone, gently kneading the taught muscles under the porcelain skin of her shoulders, rubbing over the cloth of her shirt, down her back to rest on her hips again. Emily's lips left hers, leaving her breathing hard, and a quiet, disappointed whine slid from her throat. Emily's mouth found that spot on her neck, drawing a strange sound, between a hitched breath and a breathy sigh from deep in her throat. Her chest was heaving, and with each full breath in her chest would brush Emily's and she wanted to feel Emily's skin under her hands. She needed that contact. She slid her hands up under Emily's shirt, feeling the warmth of the skin under her palms for a second before Emily tensed and froze.

JJ immediately realized her mistake and pulled her hands back and pushed her hair back in a frustrated motion. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to…" She trailed off as Emily shook her head, her eyes closed. JJ gave her a few seconds before she brought her hands up to cradle Emily's face.

Emily opened her eyes and met JJ's. "Don't stop," she told her quietly.

"What?" JJ looked up at Emily, both of them completely still.

"Keep going. I don't want you to stop," Emily repeated her request.

JJ followed Emily as she sat up. "Are you sure, Em?"

"I don't want it to be him every time someone touches me." Emily took JJ's hand and pulled her close. "I want you to be able to touch me, my back, my arms, my hands." She directed JJ's arm around her waist, she was happy to feel the protective grip around her body. "I want to think of you, Jen, not the scars." Emily let her forehead rest against JJ's.

"Ok," JJ told her. "Let's go upstairs then," she took Emily's hand and led her up the stairs. JJ walked Emily into her room and closed the door behind them. She turned around and looked at Emily standing in the middle of the room, watching her. She smiled nervously, and Emily smiled back just as nervously. JJ knew how she wanted this to go, she wanted to worship Emily and use love to take away the violence she had endured, and to take away the meaning of those scars. If she could she would have taken all the pain from the whole ordeal onto herself.

JJ slowly closed the gap between them. She looked back into the memories, she'd never forget, of after Emily was rescued, the catalog of every injury that had been left. JJ took Emily's face in her hands and gently shifted her head and brushed her lips across the place on her neck where she had been injected with the drug. She slid her hands to the back of Emily's neck, she let her fingers ghost across the sensitive skin, and whispered in her ear, "I love you."

Their lips found each other again, and it was as much Emily's work as JJ's. Emily's hands tangled into the blonde strands, demanding closeness to this other woman with every fiber of her being. JJ was more than happy to give it to her; she let her lover dominate the kiss but poured everything she had into it. She let her hands wander, purposely, down to the hem of Emily's shirt. She inched her fingers under the fabric, tracing lazy spirals up the sensitive skin, and felt the muscles shudder at the tingling sensation her fingertips drew from the pit of her stomach. JJ continued her attentions up and across Emily solar plexus. She trailed her fingernails lightly down Emily's sides eliciting a deep moan from the beautiful woman under her hands; the sound sent a shiver down her own spine. It spurred JJ on further. They were both breathing heavily, JJ sucked Emily's lower lip between her teeth, ran her tongue along the delicate flesh making Emily's breath hitch.

They broke apart, breathing like they'd just run a marathon. Their lips met in short kisses. "Take it off," Emily invited, as JJ's hands never stopped their ministrations under her shirt, when her mouth was free. JJ moved her kisses to Emily's gorgeous neck, finding and working the places that made Emily's entire body tremble. "Jen," Emily's voice was breathy. "Please, take it," her sentence was cut off by a gasp. "Take it off."

JJ ran her hands up Emily's ribs and around to her sides. She caressed the skin all the way down to the waist band of her pants. She edged her fingers under the waist band, pressing lightly into Emily's hip bone. Her hands followed the waist band around behind the other woman, over the fabric of the jeans that hugged the curve of her ass perfectly. JJ smiled cheekily into Emily's neck when she took a firm grip on the toned muscles under her hands, caused the other woman to take a sharp intake of air. JJ's hands came back up to Emily's waist as she walked around to stand behind her. She reached down to take the hem of Emily's shirt, the tips of her fingers grazed up the sides of her thighs before finding the fabric and starting to pull it up.

Emily raised her hands over her head, helping JJ get the garment off. JJ pulled it off completely with one hand, letting it fall to her side and kept hold of one of Emily's wrists after it was freed from the shirt. Emily's arm that wasn't in JJ's hand fell back, her hand finding a place in the silky blonde hair, cradling the back of JJ's neck. The shirt fell to ground next to the two women and JJ's now free hand went around Emily's waist to pull her close. She brought the slender wrist to her lips and pressed a sweet kiss to it before extending the arm to the side and kissing her way down it from the shoulder. When she'd made it to the wrist again she did the same thing with the other arm. As she placed the last kiss on the inside of Emily's wrist she realized that in her concentration on her task she hadn't noticed Emily turning around to face her. Her mouth went dry at the sight the met her as her eyes. She drew her eyes up Emily's toned stomach to her heaving chest, up her neck that bore a few red marks as evidence of her efforts, to her kiss swollen lips, her lust darkened eyes, and her mussed up hair. JJ swallowed thickly after a shiver of pure lust ran through her body.

Emily grabbed JJ's hips and pulled her against her body, JJ's mouth went back to Emily's neck. She felt as much as she heard Emily's approval of her actions as she added her hands back into the mix, teasing the skin around the black bra that perfectly contrasted the white skin, while she continued to work at Emily's sensitive neck; Emily moan vibrated from deep in her chest and her hips unconsciously bucked forward. JJ felt Emily's hand move from their places in her hair and at her back to pull at her shirt, she pulled back momentarily to remove her shirt and looked back up to see Emily stepping out of her pants. JJ's jaw hit the ground and it took all of her will power not to drool at the sight of her girlfriend's body, walking purposefully backward towards the bed.

Emily strongly approved of the slow, impassioned love making pace that JJ had set for the night but she was more than a little too impatient for that now. Her body was beyond hyper sensitive to every little touch that JJ laid on her skin and she was sure that if she didn't get some relief soon that she would shatter into little pieces once she finally did. She let JJ know exactly what it was that she needed as she slid back onto the edge of her bed, her legs parted slightly. JJ stood there staring in awe at her. "Are you going to join me, Agent Jareau?" She smiled in satisfaction as another shudder ran through her lover's body, and she wasn't even touching her.

JJ was certain that she would never be able to hear someone call her 'Agent Jareau' without, at the very least, thinking of the image of Emily like this. As soon as she was sure her legs were going to support her if she tried to walk, she met Emily in a hurried passionate kiss. Her hands were in Emily hair, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Emily's hands were fumbling between them, trying to get her pants undone. JJ brought her hands down from the dark hair to feel the wide expanse of skin that was offered to her. She laid her palms flat against Emily's backs with her fingers completely splayed out, using it as leverage to hold her dark haired beauty as close as she could. With a little coaxing from Emily, her pants slid down her legs. Before she moved, Emily's hands were sliding up her stomach and ribs, not stopping at the edge of her bra setting off a chain reaction.

JJ arched into Emily's hands on her chest. Her head fell onto Emily's shoulder as her knees trembled at the sensations flooding her body. She leaned forward and her thigh pressed between Emily's legs. Emily's hips bucked forward, her leg that was between JJ's slid against the crotch of the blonde's panties. They both gasped at the electrifying sensation that ran through their bodies. Their eyes met and they both laughed lightly. Emily laced a hand around the back off JJ's neck, pulling her down onto the bed with her in the midst of a sensual kiss as they finished removing the last of their clothing.

Their hands continued to roam as their mouths remained connected, swallowing the moans and gasps of passion. JJ explored new skin, revealing parts to her hands that she hadn't yet touched, learning the places and things that drove Emily mad with need and turned her to putty beneath JJ's hands. Both of the women were left panting when Emily's head fell back against the pillow as she whimpered when JJ teased the place she really wanted to be touched. "Jen," she breathed out. "Baby, please. Jennifer, baby, please stop teasing. I need you now. Jen, baby, Jenny, please, please." Emily's gasped out, "Oh god," as JJ gave her what she wanted. A gasp of her own fell from JJ's lips as Emily pressed her thigh into her center.

Their sounds filled the otherwise silent room. JJ had started off shy with hesitant touches, not entirely sure of her actions, but quickly gained confidence as Emily's approval was abundantly clear. Emily knew that JJ wanted this to be about her, JJ wanted her to heal and be comfort able with this. But Emily wanted this to be about them, she wanted it to be love and not JJ trying to take something away or erase those memories. JJ had already done everything for her; she made her feel whole again, like the woman she knew she was, she made her feel beautiful and worthy of love. And, while JJ was doing a fantastic job at melting her brain, she was keeping up, with some effort, and determined to bring JJ over the edge of oblivion with her. She knew what she had to do; she brought one of her hands to the specific part of JJ that she was using her thigh to stimulate. JJ bit down slightly on the sensitive spot on Emily's neck in surprise at the intense touch, drawing a hissed expletive from the other woman. JJ's entire body was trembling, she was close, and Emily herself was so very close and desperate for the release she knew was within her reach.

They were both right there, balancing on the edge of pure bliss; the tension coiled so tight, low in their hips. JJ's teeth grazed the hollow of Emily's throat and immediately licked over it, the contrast of the sensations going on along her body set off her release. She used her hand between JJ's legs to pull her over the edge with her. It was quiet, no screamed names being torn from their throats in the throes of passion, just shuddering sighs and moans swallowed by a slow kiss as they held onto each other riding out seemingly never ending waves of pleasure.

JJ recovered first and made herself comfortable next to Emily. Emily rolled onto her side, resting her head on JJ's shoulder and smiled up at her. Both of their eyes were drooping in a blissful drowsiness. JJ pressed a sweet kiss to Emily's temple and they wrapped their arms around each other. Emily pulled the blankets over their still buzzing bodies and they sank into the bed, sleep slowly pulling them under.

"I love you, Jennifer," Emily sighed.

"I love you too," JJ whispered.


	30. Good Morning

**AN: Oh look! It's another chapter! Enjoy! I have a few chapters revolving around a case in the works. It takes some planning.**

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><p>Emily grumbled and rolled over; the immediate desire to shoot something rose into her consciousness as the annoying noise from the alarm clock that had woken her up continued to assault her ears. She was exhausted all the time and would have given her right arm to just lie in bed and sleep for another couple of hours, but both she and the lovely FBI agent sleeping next to her had work today, plus that other engagement she had. So Emily turned off the alarm, with a little more force than was really needed, and got out of bed. She stood up and groaned, swallowing and closing her eyes, she stood still for a second hoping it would help push the waves of nausea that were rushing through her body. It didn't. She walked quickly to the bathroom and knelt in front of toilet, just like she had the past two weeks.<p>

JJ's eyes ambled open just in time to see Emily hurry into the adjoined bathroom. She sat up and slid out of the comfortable warmth of the bed, grabbed the glass of water off the bedside table, and headed after her; she winced slightly as the sound of her companion throwing up reached her ears. JJ quickly sat the water down and kneeled next to Emily. She pulled her hair back and rubbed her back as she leaned forward again.

Emily coughed, spit into the toilet, swallowed dryly, wiped her mouth and then sat back onto the tiled floor. She gave JJ a grateful smile and took the offered glass of water. "Gummy Bear says good morning," she laughed lightly.

JJ smiled at that. Emily stopped shaking from the rude awakening of her body, caused by throwing up and JJ decided she wasn't going to argue with Emily today, she was going to ask anyway though. "You wanna stay home today, babe?" Emily's 'nope' was definitely not unexpected. They'd had this little wake up routine for a week straight, but Emily had been dealing with intense bouts of morning sickness for the past three weeks. She had her good days, but as the end of her first trimester approached it seemed to be getting worse. This kid was like its mom, capable of being totally loveable but also of giving people hell. But they would both take as many good days as bad, they figured this first three months could have been much worse. "You sure you wanna do this today?"

"I've got to do it at some point," she said with a lifelong practiced, perfectly flat tone, that to anyone else would convey complete indifference, but to JJ it meant that she really, really didn't want to face what today was going to bring. They both knew that she had to, no matter how much Emily didn't want to and JJ didn't want to see what it was going to do to her, and they both felt that sentiment between them.

JJ kissed Emily on the forehead and asked, "Feel better?"

"Uh huh. I think this little one has finished waking me up." Emily smiled as she stood up with JJ's help. Her arms found their place around JJ, as the blonde started to lead the way out of the bathroom, and pulled her against her body. JJ giggled, a sound Emily never got tired of, and turned around in her arms. JJ's arms went around her neck and hugged her tight. "Good morning," she said softly.

"Good morning," JJ smiled and planted a kiss on Emily's cheek before sliding out of the embrace and making her way down stairs, Emily following close behind.

"I think I like your 'good morning' better than Gummy Bear's," Emily told her as she grabbed the little container of dry cereal off her bedside table.

JJ laughed, light and short. "I don't think that's going to last forever, so I'll take it while I can get it."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Emily smirked quietly.

She threw a smile at Emily. "I'll go and make breakfast; you jump in the shower first."

To anyone outside of the team Emily and JJ were just two co-workers, and friends, walking into work. They parted ways with a smile, JJ headed for her office and Emily headed for her desk. Emily had resigned herself to a morning of paperwork and consultations, then lunch, and depending on how that went, going home early. Unless a case come up, of course. As she walked by the break room Reid was walking out, carrying his usual cup of coffee. He joined her, trying to make pleasant conversation as they walked into the bullpen, but the sweet, strong smell of his coffee was making her very nauseous again. And as they walked into their cluster of desks she was made aware of how obvious her discomfort must have been.

Derek looked up and stopped mid-greeting as he took in her appearance. "Are you feeling ok, Emily?" She just nodded, not quite trusting her stomach enough to be comfortable opening her mouth just at the moment. She could feel both Morgan and Reid studying her carefully. "Maybe you should take the day off," he suggested cautiously as he took in the pale color of her face, as well as many other signs that she might throw up.

Emily shook her head and sat down. "I'll be fine."

"It appears that the sudden rise in hCG and estrogen, common in the first trimester of pregnancy are giving you the condition known as morning sickness, even though you're probably sick all day," Reid told her as he opened a file.

She fit him with a smoldering glare. "Really, Dr. Reid is that what it is that's had me puking all week? Thank you, because I had absolutely no idea. My doctor never told me that and it wasn't in any of the books I've been reading. So, naturally, I would have no idea that my sense of smell is heightened and making me more sensitive to the disgustingly sweet smell of your coffee," she cut off as the combined effects of talking about the smell that was making her sick, thinking about the smell that was making her sick, and actually catching another whiff of it caused another wave of nausea to overtake her. She could tell that this time it was one she wouldn't be able to fight off, and she wordlessly excused herself.

They both watched her hurry for the lady's room. "Do you think we should tell Hotch that she's not feeling well?" Reid asked.

"I wouldn't suggest it," Morgan advised.

"Why not?" Reid's face was scrunched with his thought.

"Right now, you just have a pregnant Prentiss on your case. You go and tell Hotch then you're going to have an angry pregnant Prentiss to deal with, and kid, that's a scary combination" he said. "Add to it that if you piss Emily off you're going to piss JJ off. Is that something you want to face?"

"No," Reid admitted. He pulled open a desk drawer and rummaged for a second.

"Good call," Morgan said but watched as Reid stood up and headed in the direction Emily had just headed. "Hey! Where are you going?"

"To deal with pregnant Prentiss," he answered over his shoulder. Morgan shook his head, amused. Reid leaned against the wall, across from the door that he knew Emily was behind. He didn't have to wait long; when she came out of the bathroom he could visibly tell that she felt better. Before she could hide it, surprise crossed her face. It was easily replaced with a little smile. He felt a smug grin tugging at his lips.

"I'm sorry about snapping at you. I didn't mean to be so," she paused to look for the right word.

"Satiric?" he provided.

"Hormonally influenced," she countered playfully. "But yes, that too. I've been really tired recently and the whole morning sickness thing has seriously started kicking my butt the past few weeks."

Reid dug in his jacket pocket and provided what he'd taken from his desk, he held out a handful of hard candies. "Peppermints and ginger candies," he supplied at her questioning raised eyebrow. "They'll both help with nausea, and there are some theories that mint can make you feel more energized."

He smiled shyly at her. "Thanks, Spencer."

He was a little taken back by her using his first name and the way her hands lingered in his as she took the candies but he walked next to her when she started back to their desks. "Sour foods will help too, sour candies could do you some good." he said as she popped a peppermint into her mouth. "So sucking on lemons or eating sour apples is an option if the sugar in the candies makes you sick."

Emily sat down and pulled out a little container of crackers. Today was going to be interesting, to say the least.

Everyone worked on the stacks of files and reports on their desks. They stopped and talked, sometimes about their personal lives, sometimes about whatever they were working on. Lunch time was coming up a lot faster than Emily wanted it to.

"So, Little Prentiss is giving you big problems?" Morgan asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Yeah," Emily breathed out a short laugh. "It's getting a little better though. I think Gummy Bear just decided to give me as much trouble as possible before my second trimester starts and he or she has to take a break and focus on growing."

"And you're, what? Ten weeks now?" Morgan continued.

"Eleven," she corrected. "You're awfully interested in me today." She teased.

"It's practically all Garcia talks about anymore," he told her. "If I want to have a conversation with that woman I have to be interested in you," he trailed off and looked thoughtful for a second. "Maybe I've been talking to her too much…" They all laughed lightly at that.

"Hey," JJ greeted as she joined the group. "What's so funny?"

"Garcia's influence on Morgan's recent interests," Reid smirked.

"Okay, I clearly missed the joke," JJ smiled. "But you two boys can fill me in over lunch."

"Is it really lunch time already?" Emily groaned.

"Afraid so," JJ told her sympathetically. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you."

"I need you alive to come back to afterward," Emily said with dry sarcasm. Reid and Morgan looked on, clearly interested in this mysterious engagement that Emily was so dreading. "Alright," Emily huffed. She grabbed her purse and stood up. "I'll see you guys later. Hopefully," she added as an afterthought.

JJ rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's dramatics but smiled goodbye to her. Garcia joined them as Emily was walking out the door. "Where's she going?" she asked with good natured curiosity.

"Yeah, what was that all about?" Morgan asked. Reid turned his inquisitive eyes on JJ as they all waited for an answer.

"She's going to lunch with her mother," was all JJ said.


	31. Emotions

**AN: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but it seems right. I don't know. Whenever I think of Ambassador Prentiss I feel like she tried to do what was right for Emily, just in the wrong way, and it meant putting her career before being a mother. But that's just my opinion. Thank you all for reading and all the wonderful reviews that I've gotten so far. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

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><p>Emily sat in her parked car. She was a few minutes late, not a good start, Ambassador Prentiss was probably sitting in this five star, high class restaurant checking her watch, with a disappointed look on her face; Emily could picture it, the one she'd gotten countless times growing up. She looked towards the front door, seriously considering digging her cell phone out of her purse to call her mother, who she knew was sitting less than fifty feet away, to tell her that she couldn't make it to lunch. It seemed like a good option when she just thought of the immediate consequences. A little scolding in exchange for not having to tell her mom about everything that had happened in the past three months seemed like a pretty good deal until she thought about having to explain an obvious pregnant belly, or worse yet, an infant that looked uncannily like her.<p>

Emily sighed and stepped out of the car, locking it behind her as she traipsed across the parking lot. She rolled her head a little, trying to relieve some of the tension coiling in her neck. She couldn't help but think that she was about to ruin the little, but significant, progress she had made with her relationship with her mom. They actually had something the resembled a familiar like relationship, but it was going to take longer than a few years with a distant, emerging relationship to overcome everything from the past. Maybe she should have talked to her mom about this sooner; while she was in the hospital, hell even let her know that she was in the hospital, while she was off work, when she found out she was pregnant. But it would have just lead to fights, about her work, not living up to potential, the fact that she had changed her next of kin without telling her, her choice to keep the baby, and probably other stupid things that had nothing to do with the situation. She shifted her weight a little as she waited for the maître d' to seat her at her mother's table.

But that was all in the past, as much as both of them might regret not having a typical mother-daughter relationship, Ambassador Prentiss won't take it personally that Emily didn't tell her about what happened until now. This was the time to tell loved ones about the pregnancy, out of the danger of the first trimester and miscarriage. Sure she'll be disappointed, maybe even feel a twinge of motherly worry, Emily doubted it though, she'll be glad Emily's ok, and that she'll get a chance to be a part of her grandchild's life. There was only one other thing that had come out of the event 11 weeks ago: JJ. A young man approached and she gave her name. He scanned the reservation list in the nice leather book, sitting on the podium of dark finished wood.

Her mom had never appeared to care what she wanted if it interfered with her political agenda. When she was a kid she'd always felt like nothing more than a pawn in her mother's scheme to climb the latter of success, like a mannequin filling in space in the perfect picture her mother presented to the world. She snorted silently. How poetic that sounded, it was anything but when you were living it. An ambassador to the United States of America, one that served for multiple presidents especially, had to be neutral when it came to political hot-topics; like gay rights. So, one could imagine that an ambassador having a daughter in a relationship with another woman would call their neutrality into question. But Ambassador Prentiss, who had made her career under republican administrations, had made her private opinion of gays known on a few occasions.

Emily walked behind the waiter as he led her into the restaurant. There were several strong smells intruding into her senses, but the mint in her mouth was helping immensely. She focused on the man walking in front of her; he looked young, younger than she expected someone holding a high position in a restaurant like this to be. Then again, she was in a restaurant frequented by political VIPs. Maybe the guy just knew who to be nice to. He was probably in school; he didn't look old enough to be out of college and had physical markers and stress zones of someone who spent a lot of time at a desk, reading, or working on a computer. But then again, it was possible he'd worked hard and, over the years, made his way up to this position. Not everyone was a corrupt politician. That was her thought as she walked up to the table her mother was seated at.

"Emily," Elizabeth Prentiss stood up and greeted her. Emily immediately felt that guilt in the pit of her stomach that she had lived with for most of her childhood, like she had disappointed her mom once again and always would no matter how hard she tried to get it right. Her mother's entire demeanor was far too pleasant, it was strange. "You're late." There it was.

"I'm sorry, mom," she apologized. _I put this off as long as I could and almost cancelled on you._ "I got out of the office a little later than I had meant to."

"Ah," there was no attempt to hide the condescending tone that was used every time the subject of her work came up. "Well, at least it keeps you busy."

"Yeah," How the hell was she supposed to start this conversation? "I've really gotten settled in. I like working with my team."

"Well good," and there was that tone again. This was such a great start.

The waiter saved Emily from this line of conversation. Both women ordered their drinks and appetizers. The elder Prentiss ordered wine, which Emily had to turn down using being on the job as an excuse, and bruschetta with parmesan cheese. Emily ordered ginger tea and breadsticks.

"You're on assignment where now?" Emily asked as she scanned the menu for something she could keep down.

"Syria," was the short answer she got. "For a few months now. I'll be there until the end of the year, at least."

"So, what are home for?" She knew she couldn't put it off forever, but this was so much easier.

"A senator's birthday party, it's tomorrow." The ambassador didn't look up from her menu.

Emily glanced up. "Is it anyone I know?" she tried again.

"No, it's a new guy. He's from Michigan or somewhere in the Midwest," her answer was flat, just relaying facts. "I suppose there might be some people you know on the guest list. He's trying to make friends with some people with power."

"I don't know," Emily pushed a little harder. "It has been a while. I hardly remember any of the people you worked with over the years."

"I suppose you're much too busy to accompany me to the party tomorrow," her eyes never left the menu she held in front of her.

Emily considered responding with 'the team is on call' or a snarky 'maybe if I'd had some advance notice' but instead she ignored the bite that her mother's tone had carried and let her eyes fall back to her own menu. They were silent until the waiter came with their appetizers and they gave their orders. Emily had found a pasta salad that sounded like it was nothing more than pasta, raw vegetables, a vinegar and oil dressing, and basic salt, pepper, and garlic seasoning.

"Well," Emily looked up at her mother's expectant tone. Her expression must have been enough to tell that she didn't know what her mother was asking about. "Would you like to come to the party tomorrow?"

"Oh, yeah," she laughed internally at her mother's idea of an invitation. "I'll try to come. If we get called away I'll call and let you know."

"Oh, right, you're on call." Her mother's eyes had fallen back to her food, apparently eating required the majority of her attention. "It must be hard to predict when a hostage situation or a serial killer is going to pop up."

"Well, Mother, yes. It is kind of hard to know exactly when we're going to get called in to help catch a murder," her temper was on the edge and she hadn't even really started the conversation. Great.

"And heaven forbid you ask for personal time, when you're mother comes home for the first time in months," Elizabeth locked eyes with Emily in a battle of wills.

"If you need an answer now, then no, I can't go. Sorry," she added sarcastically.

"I don't need an answer now. I'd like you to come. I was just saying." Emily didn't feel that warranted a response, they'd already argued about her work now. They could leave that where it was. Both women focused on their appetizers.

"I'll make it if I can," Emily emphasized the last three words and didn't look up from her food.

"Alright," was the only answer she got.

"Can I bring a date?" Emily asked.

Elizabeth Prentiss looked up from her plate and fixed Emily with a disapproving look. "So, now I might be bringing two guests to a party, on short notice? If you can make it."

"Fine, I won't bring a date," Emily gave up.

"If you can make it," her mother pushed again.

"Alright, I get it. Can we move on from that now, please?" she accidently let some of her irritation leak into her voice.

"We wouldn't be having this discussion if you had just asked for some personal time. You knew I was going to be home," her mother never failed to make her feel like a child again.

"I can't take time off," she insisted, exasperated. "I just had to take time off and I'm going to have to take time off in the not too distant future. And I will be much more comfortable knowing that I will have money when that time comes. So, I'm sorry if that means that I can't take time off to make an appearance at a party with you."

"I'm surprised you have time to do anything outside of your job with the hours you work, the time you spend away." Her mother's tone was matter-of-fact.

Emily rolled her eyes. "I do have a personal life."

"With your co-workers?" Emily was wrong; they weren't done arguing about her job yet.

"With my friends," Emily corrected firmly. "And for the record, they are always there when I need them. I know I can count on them."

"Well, that's fine then." Emily shook her head at the insincerity of the statement. "So, you'll be bringing on of your teammates tomorrow then?"

"Yes," she kept as much of the defiant tone in check as she could.

"That wouldn't be a date, Emily. They would be your guest," the elder Prentiss was again not even looking at her.

"Actually, mother, it would be a date." She was pretty much done being gentle with her mother.

"Oh, so you're dating someone from your team?" Disapproval. "How long has this been going on?"

"Almost three months," direct answers were probably her best bet for now.

"Well," her mother started slowly. "Who is it?"

There was no hesitation, "JJ," she told her mother. There, her mother knew and Emily found that she absolutely didn't care what she was going to say about it.

Before a scathing comment of condemnation could leave her mother's surprisingly unsurprised face, the waiter came with their meals. Before the waiter even walked away Emily was fighting with her sense of smell again. Her mother had ordered a Mediterranean dish; fish, with cooked tomatoes, peppers, and onions, seasoned with intense spices. Elizabeth's face was unreadable as the waiter moved away from their table; Emily watched her pick up her utensils and start separating some of the food on the plate in front of her. "Don't you think you're a little old to be experimenting, Emily?" she asked and raised a bite of fish to her mouth.

Emily had been bracing herself for this and it still blindsided her. She couldn't help but scoff a little. "I'm not in college, this isn't me experimenting. I have romantic feelings for her, I love her." She paused and took a shuddering breath as she realized something she wasn't sure she had known a moment ago, "I'm going to ask her to move in with me."

The Ambassador was talking to her again, in an aggravated, most likely, commanding tone but Emily wasn't listening. She was struggling not to throw up. She brought her hand up to her face, holding it like she would to cover a cough. "Are you even listening to me, Emily?"

"I just need a minute," Emily told her. She took deep breaths, and drank a few sips of water, telling herself that she was not going to throw up, and eventually the feeling passed.

"Are you sick?" the Ambassador asked.

"I'm not sick," Emily insisted.

"You look sick, you're pale, your skin looks clammy, and you look tired. Why would you come to lunch with me if you're sick? You could get me sick too," the other woman reprimanded.

"I'm not sick," Emily repeated. "So, there's no way that you're going to get sick."

"Then what's wrong? What was that all about?" Elizabeth questioned.

Emily set her with an icy stare. "I'm pregnant."

"That's not funny," she said after a moment and went back to her lunch.

"It wasn't meant to be," Emily's glare never let up.

The Ambassador matched her with an equally impressive glare before asking, "How far along are you?" Her skills in politics served her well, if she was feeling anything at this moment not even Emily could tell.

"Eleven weeks," Emily admitted.

"So you've known for, what, two months? And you're just now telling me." It was a rhetorical statement. She went back to eating. "Does the father even know?"

"He's dead," her voice was cold and flat.

"Of course he is," the sarcasm was full of accusation.

That was enough, Emily was done with this. "Eleven weeks ago, an investigation my team and I were working led us to a religious cult; I was abducted and held on their compound for thirty-six hours."

"You were what?" Finally some emotion.

"I was humiliated, tortured, and sexually assaulted by the leader of this cult, Levi Connor. The team found and rescued me, JJ shot him. I was in the hospital for five days. I took the emergency contraceptive that the doctors gave me. Three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was released from the hospital, JJ stayed with me until I could return to work and I don't know what I would have done without her. She has been with me every step of the way," Emily's voice was low, not really wanting just anyone to hear this story, but still held conviction.

"Emily, what you're feeling for this woman isn't romantic. You're confused; she's the one who has been with you since this attack and you're grateful for that support and friendship, but this is not the way to show it. She's taking advantage of you," Of course, the ambassador would focus on the only thing that could possibly still be changed from this whole ordeal that Emily had gone through, a good thing that had come from it.

Emily was saved from listening to anymore of Ambassador Prentiss's accusations and insensitivities by her phone ringing. "Prentiss," she answered, her voice shook, like her entire body was, with frustration.

It was JJ. "We've got a case, Hotch needs you back, we're heading out as soon as possible," she knew Emily wasn't ok just by the way she'd answered the phone, but there was nothing she could do for that now. They'd cross this bridge when they were together.

"Alright, I'll be there in fifteen minutes," Emily told her and hung up the phone. "I have to go, we have a case." She started to gather her things and Elizabeth continued to try and tell her that if she would spend time away from JJ she would realize that she wasn't in love with her. "Look, Ambassador, I am in love with Jennifer. I am happy, not that I expect you to understand or accept that. I never expected to fall in love with a woman, but it happened. And she has brought me back from a very dark place that I found myself in after what happened to me. I don't care what you have to say about it, I am not a teenager that you get to control anymore. I came to give you a chance to be part of you grandchild's life, but if you have a problem with Jennifer then, no, you won't get that." She stood up to walk away from a stunned silent Ambassador. "And it looks like I won't be able to make that party tomorrow, by the way." She spat as a parting and stormed out of the restaurant.

Emily hurried to her car, her entire body was shaking with rage to the point at which walking was a challenge. She slammed to door shut and put the key in the ignition, shaking her head at the ambassador's prejudice. She huffed, wiping her nose as she forced back angry tears. One single tear escaped and glistened a trail down her cheek before she quickly wiped it away. The tear wasn't entirely out of anger of frustration. Emily swallowed the emotions and started driving back to the office.


	32. Deadline

**AN: M'kay, this is a super short chapter. Planning out case chapters is a lot of work. So here's a little teaser for everyone. I know where I want to go with this, it's just a matter of actually sitting down and writing it. I've found that I really like writing Emily and JJ interactions and I don't really want to write other stuff because it's harder. But this is a Criminal Minds fic so I should write some cases. And it's easier to involve more of the team in the story with a case.  
>Anyway, writing the next couple of chapters might take me a while. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. While you're waiting, I have a question for all of you. If you feel up to it, I'd like you to let me know what you're favorite line in the story is. If you're not up to thinking through all 32 chapters and finding a single line that you like, that's cool, maybe just let me know what event or part of the story you've liked the best. I really just want to know what parts of the story you guys are enjoying.<br>Also a shout out to those of you have been following this story since I started it. It means a lot that all of you are reading my story.**

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><p>Everyone was already sitting around the table when Emily strode into the conference room; she had already boxed away the events of lunch in one of her mental compartments, but the residual waves of resentment still rolling off of her were detected by the rest of the team. She took a seat and pulled open the case file in front of her. To the team's credit, none of them said anything. They all knew that she could separate her emotions from the case. But JJ was worried, she knew Emily, she knew the relationship between her and the ambassador were strained at best, and she knew that lunch had gone worse than she was letting on. She didn't know exactly what had happened but she wanted to wrap Emily up in her arms and just tell her that it would all be ok. "JJ," Hotch interrupted her thoughts. She took the cue to start the presentation on the case. Emily wouldn't want to have this out in front of everyone anyway.<p>

"Joliet, Illinois," JJ started the presentation. "There have been three murders in the past two months. All three victims worked for the same company, EO Systems, which is an aerospace, defense, communications, and electronics company." She pressed the button on the remote, bringing up crime scene photos and pictures of the three victims. "Blake Kalt, Nicolas Calvetry, and Caitlin Lipson. They were all shot close range with different weapons, the weapons were recovered at the scenes. There was no recoverable evidence on any of them. And then there's this." JJ hit the next button and three more pictures came onto the screen. "Each victim was found with a chess piece in their hand, believed to have been placed there by the unsub after they died."

Reid perked up, "That actually tells us a lot about this unsub. He's probably an advanced chess player. We can assume he's only targeting employees from this company." He flipped through the file in front of him. "These victims could easily be represented as the game pieces left on them within the company. Blake Kalt was a sales representative; one of many, disposable but valuable when used strategically, essentially a pawn. Nicolas Calvetry was found with the bishop; that's a piece that people tend to forget about or overlook when playing. Calvetry was on the tech support staff. That's a powerful position to have in this company, access to every computer and no one thinks twice about it."

"So wouldn't you expect Lipson to be a security guard or something? She was found with a knight," Morgan put out there.

"You're taking the name of the piece too literally," Reid told him.

"He's right. Caitlin Lipson was an accountant, not a particularly powerful position, but if used correctly can be a game ender, just like a knight in a game of chess," Emily explained. "I get blindsided by knights all the time."

"What else do we know about this guy?" Hotch asked.

"He's smart," Emily ventured. "He plans these murders ahead of time, gets these people alone and kills them without anyone interrupting or hearing him."

"This guy is all over the place, he used different caliber hand guns for each victim so far and all of them were shot in different parts of the body," Rossi observed. "Kalt was shot execution style, in the back of the head. Calvetry, in the back, the bullet tore through his lung and heart. Those two died pretty quickly. But Lipson was shot face to face, in the torso. It took her minutes, possibly longer, to bleed out. She would have seen the guy."

"He's getting more daring. He killed the first victim in the parking, the second in a stairwell, and the third in her office. Letting Lipson see him was a risk," Morgan said.

"And where he's shooting them shows less remorse," Hotch pointed out. "Each victim takes a little longer to die."

"There's no pattern," Morgan said. "We have no way of knowing who he'll target next."

"Actually there is," Reid said. "He's taking out victims in order of the power of the game piece that they represent."

"Wouldn't that mean he would have killed Lipson second?" JJ asked. "Isn't a bishop more powerful than a knight?"

"Not to him," Emily said. "When he plays chess he probably uses his knights more carefully than his bishops."

"So what would be next then?" JJ asked.

"The rook," Reid supplied.

"Who would that be, though?" Derek asked.

"It's hard to know," Emily said. "Maybe a stock holder, or someone who has some company intell."

"We may have a bigger problem," Reid started. "This guy isn't treating this like a really chess game. There's no real strategy to it. He's killing people in a planned order and we only have three more pieces before he's done playing."

They all exchanged a worried look.


	33. Progress

**AN: For some reason writing this was like pulling teeth. I came up with the idea without any trouble, but writing it was hard. I don't think I like writing cases.**

**A big 'thank you!' to Nightlancer600 for helping me with this chapter and helping me round out some ideas for the story. Thanks!**

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><p>On the jet the team worked out a tentative profile; White male, late twenties to early thirties in age, most likely highly intelligent, certainly had a connection to the company, and possibly a grudge against the company. Reid postulated that, along with being a well versed and skilled chess player, he also enjoyed other logic and strategy activities. Emily pushed the point that while the unsub didn't think of this like playing a chess game, it would be stupid to think that once they got on his track that he wouldn't change his strategy if he had to, because if he could shoot someone while looking them in the face then clearly he's found a part of himself that enjoys killing.<p>

"Alright my crime fighting superheroes listen up. I have looked into this EO Systems and they were having some major internal problems." Garcia said over the video feed on the laptop. Everyone leaned in closer to the table so they could see their technical analyst. "I'm talking everything from materials going missing to someone embezzling tens of thousands of dollars from various funds to rival companies getting their hands on secrets."

"Sounds like they have a mole," JJ ventured.

"Among other things," Emily added.

"Did you find anyone who might have a grudge against the company?" Hotch asked.

"No one has recently been fired or let go," Garcia told them. "But when investigations into these illegal activities led to questioning, some employees quit. Turns out people get angry when you accuse them of crimes. Also several people quit when their projects had to be shut down because of the funds being stolen, as well as one of the scientists quitting after his work showed up in another companies product."

"Do any of them have a criminal record?" Rossi asked.

"No, and all of them were cleared of any suspicion of involvement with the crimes against the company." Her tone was slightly apologetic. "But I'm not done digging yet."

"Alright, thanks Baby Girl, let us know if you find something," Morgan said.

"Of course my loves, my will is strong," she responded and ended the connection.

They all leaned back in their seats, realizing that all suspects that they might have had just went out the window, leaving them with a long list of people that they were supposed to find one killer in. "Alright, we'll set up surveillance at EO in the morning, both for protection and to look for suspicious behavior," Hotch delegated a plan.

"Is there any way to narrow down the list of targets?" Morgan asked.

Reid spoke up. "In chess the pieces are assigned point values. A pawn is worth one. Generally a bishop and knight are both worth three, there are some systems that give bishops more worth than a knight but mostly they're considered equal and therefore their worth is being more or less is determined by the player. A rook is worth five and the queen is worth ten."

"What about the king?" JJ asked.

"The king doesn't have a point value because it's never taken. " Emily explained, "The points are more for analyzing give and take for a move. Like if in a sequence of moves you lose a pawn and a bishop but you take the queen, you lost four points but your opponent lost ten so it's considered a good move if it brings you closer to putting your opponent in checkmate."

"So what does that mean?" Rossi asked.

"The unsub's next target will be someone with more power in the company than an accountant or tech support member."

"Alright," Morgan was hesitant to voice his opinion on a case with a basis he wasn't familiar with. "So then we can rule out janitorial staff and maintenance, cafeteria staff, receptionists, secretaries, and other sales representatives, tech support, and accountants."

Everyone nodded as they thought through the case in their own heads. "Ok, that's good work." Hotch told them. "When we land we'll go to the police station and set up there, touch base with locals, and then head for the hotel a get some sleep before tomorrow."

They all lingered around the table for a few seconds, in case someone had an epiphany that would help with the case. Morgan pulled out his cell and moved to inform Garcia of their thoughts and progress. "Hey Emily," Reid called as she frowned at her phone. "Why haven't we ever played chess?"

Emily tilted her head and smiled playfully, "You've never asked." JJ grinned at the interaction.

"Well, neither have you," he returned.

"Alright," she granted and pushed her phone into her bag. "We'll play sometime." He smiled and made his way back to the couch. "Do you play?" she asked JJ, who was still sitting across the table from her.

"A little," JJ admitted, "but not very well."

"If you want, I can teach you," she offered softly.

"I like to learn." Her meaning went beyond just the game of chess. Emily's brow creased as she tried to determine what exactly her girlfriend was saying without saying. JJ just smiled her little half smile and opened the file in front of her, but her hand reached out across the table and rested on Emily's.

Did JJ know how much lunch with her mother had hurt? There had been a lot of feelings the ambassador had drawn out of her, mostly anger and frustration but there had also been some hurt; more than she really wanted to admit. But JJ was there, here, she wanted to be there, she wanted to know, wanted to see that hurt and frustration. She shifted her hand so that she could hold onto JJ's.

It was late when the team finally headed for the hotel that would be playing the part of 'home' while they were working this case. The chief of the police force, John Dailey, was cooperative and open to their help, he really just wanted this guy caught, but he was a bit of a chauvinist. Emily certainly didn't like the way he was looking well below JJ's eyes as they shook hands. JJ certainly didn't like the way he was looking at Emily's backside when she leaned over the table to point out a location on a floor plan. But despite the lady's territorial thoughts and the men's protective nature the team got through what needed to be done.

Hotch and Rossi met with the head of EO Systems, Mr. Randal Hunt, and laid out the plan for tomorrow and asked some questions. Morgan and Emily coordinated with the local police on the procedure and what to look for while they were helping look for the unsub. Reid worked with Garcia to narrow down lists of possible targets and unsubs. And JJ took on the media. By the time they were done they had a specific list of suspects, a system in place for the surveillance of the building, a general idea of what kind of position the next target might hold, and JJ had the media eating out of the palm of her hand. They had a profile ready to deliver the next day.

JJ opened the door and the two ladies moved easily into the familiar room that they had never been in. Both of them had gotten used to feeling as comfortable in hotel rooms as they did in their own homes. They had a routine, of sorts, that they had worked out over the many cases that they had shared a room during. JJ takes the bed farthest from the door, Emily puts her bag on the dresser and JJ puts hers on the table, they both take their shoes off and leave them on the floor close to their bags, Emily unpacks any hanging clothes while JJ changes into a baggy t-shirt and moves to take off her makeup. Before JJ's finished washing her face Emily's in the shower. With her hair thrown up in a sloppy ponytail, JJ moves to her own luggage and pulls out any hanging clothes, once she's done unpacking she settles in with the case file. Emily takes her time in the shower, it helps her mind to unwind and look at the case refreshed. When she's done and dressed in pajamas, she walks out into the main room, her hair still damp, and announces that the bathroom is open. It took her a few cases to realize that sometimes JJ can be so engrossed in her thoughts or a file that she won't realize that Emily is there. JJ finishes whatever she's working on and takes her shower. Emily brushes out her hair, picks up both pairs of shoes and tucks them safely into the closet, and studies the case file. JJ comes out of the bathroom and finishes getting ready for bed, sometimes they talk about the case, sometimes their personal lives. Once JJ is ready for bed they both curl up in their beds, turn out the lights, and talk about anything but the case as they wait for sleep to come to them.

Not much about this routine had changed with the change in their relationship. At work, out on a case, they kept their relationship professional. They slept in separate beds, unless one of them woke up to a nightmare, and there was very little show of affection. In the field there would be little touches and looks that meant nothing to anyone other than them. In their hotel room they allowed themselves a little more. Not that they really needed much other than their love's presence to chase away the dark energies. A simple lingering hug or a chaste kiss was more than enough, even on their worst cases, to give them some peace in the midst of true horrors. But tonight there was something different, JJ sensed it the second she walked out of the steamy air of the bathroom.

Emily was sitting on the edge of her bed, her hair untouched since her shower, holding her phone like she was torn between throwing it against a wall and making a call. JJ dug Emily's hair brush out of the bag and slid onto the bed behind her distracted girlfriend. Emily visibly relaxed as JJ pulled the phone from her hands, like not having that object in her grasp took a weight off her shoulders. JJ pulled the bristles through the, still damp, dark curls. "What're you thinking about Pretty Girl?" she used her secret nickname for the lovely FBI agent.

"The Ambassador," Emily admitted.

"What happened?" JJ eased as she continued to brush Emily's hair

"Well, to say she didn't approve would be an understatement," Emily used sarcasm as her emotional defense. JJ didn't say anything, just waited and kept brushing her hair. "She said that I'm confused about my feelings because of how things happened after the compound. She barely even reacted when I told her everything that happened with Levi, but I'm happily dating a woman that I love and that's something horrible."

"What else did she say?" JJ frowned at the back of Emily's head.

"I didn't give her a lot of time to say much," Emily sighed. "I told her that we are together, and then that I'm pregnant, and she just kept pushing. Then I told her about Levi and she didn't have anything to say about that, she just kept telling me that I didn't love you."

"Em, I'm sorry," JJ breathed.

"I don't care what she has to say about us. You make me happier than I ever remember being and no one is going to change that," Emily promised as JJ's arms circled her waist and held her fondly. "I thought we had made progress, that we were both willing to try to have some kind of a relationship. It was stupid of me to think that she could be ok with this just because I'm happy."

"No it wasn't," the way JJ said that simple sentence spoke novels. She understood that there was a part of Emily that would always want a normal relationship with her mother and with everything that had happened, her being pregnant, she just wanted her mom to be there.

Emily leaned back into JJ. "She emailed me right after I left the restaurant, still pretty upset. It said that she thought I was being childish and selfish, that I was putting everything she had ever worked for at risk. And since then she's called four times."

"Are you gonna call her?" JJ asked softly.

"After the case is over," Emily shook her head. "I don't need to be any more distracted on this case. Besides, it takes a lot of willpower not to knock Dailey's lights out, the way he all but drools over you." JJ laughed and blushed as her thoughts when Dailey had hungrily taken in Emily's shapely butt early returned to her. "What's so funny?" Emily twisted so she could look at her girl.

JJ grinned, an amused scoff slid from her lips as she remembered the irrational protectiveness that had boiled from the pit of her stomach. "When you were using the floor plan to coordinate with the locals, you leaned over the table and he could not tear his eyes away from your ass. I had the thought that I could walk right over there, grab your butt, and make sure he knew that it is mine."

Emily actually giggled. She wrapped JJ into a hug. "Thank you."

"Anytime," JJ told her happily.

They finished getting ready for sleep and they both drifted off knowing that the other was there and theirs.


	34. Restlessness

**This is really hard. I'm glad I'm pushing myself to do something challenging, but ugh these chapters just aren't flowing as easily as I'd like. Oh well, here's another for you to enjoy.**

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><p>JJ woke suddenly from her, not exactly restful, slumber. She gave herself the mental once-over as the intensity of her nightmare turned into a subdued anxiety. To get rid of the feeling that someone was in the hotel room with them, the uncomfortable sixth sense that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up, she had to carefully scan the room the best she could in the dark. To her relief, Emily was still sound asleep. She rolled onto her side, facing Emily's bed. Her hair had fallen partially loose from the messy ponytail she had thrown it up in before they had climbed into their beds. She pulled the scrunchie away, letting her hair fall free.<p>

Already, she couldn't remember what she had dreamed that had scared her so much, but the nagging, gut-feeling that something was going to happen hung in her conscious mind. She couldn't shake it and find sleep again. She adjusted her position a few times, trying to get comfortable. She braided her hair, she got a drink of water, and she literally cleared the room and made sure it really was just the two of them, in hopes of easing the nervousness. JJ crawled back into her bed and closed her eyes, willing sleep to take her.

The room was quiet and dark, the common furniture of a hotel room was calming. Even though the bed wasn't hers, or Emily's, JJ was comfortable. Still, it wasn't long before she opened her eyes and rolled onto her back with a barely audible huff. She ran her hands down her face and rubbed her eyes. This was ridiculous. It's not like this case was especially terrible, sure anytime a life was lost it was terrible but this wasn't nearly as gruesome as some of the things she had seen in her years with the BAU. And yet, here she was, lying in bed wide awake because of some stupid anxiety left over from a nightmare that she couldn't even remember, just to top it off.

She needed to sleep. The media was nipping at her heels, they wanted to run with the story, and they wanted information. The fact that nothing had happened in the two days that the team had been in Joliet didn't seem to deter them at all. They were all waiting, and there wasn't anything else that they could really do. For two days the team had set up in EO and tried to identify the unsub, but so far they had nothing. The truth of the matter was that they needed more to catch this guy. They were essentially waiting for another body. None of them wanted that, but they had nothing. The waiting was stressful for everyone.

And then there was Dailey. He had requested to be paired with Emily, and, knowing that she could handle herself, Hotch had allowed it. He also found time in his schedule to bother JJ. They were all watching and waiting for Emily to be pushed too far and knock him down a peg or two, or all the way down to the bottom. Although, if JJ was completely honest she got no entertainment from Dailey's constant sexual advance and Emily, always the smart ass, cleverly shutting him down every time. On top of the case, Emily was dealing with the fall out with her mother and the looming confrontation. The possessive feelings and extra agitation was the absolute last thing that Emily needed.

She relaxed and rolled onto her side, and breathed out as her eyes closed. Her body felt heavy, like her limbs were full of sand. Her eyelids stayed close of their own will and breathing was a completely effortless task. A sound in the room drew her attention. Her body jerked awake, she reached for her gun, her heart was racing, and she was ready to call out for help before she realized that the heater coming on was what had pulled her from her almost sleep and sent her into a mild panic. She pulled her hand back from the cool metal of her gun and closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She opened them again and shook her head. JJ was done with this nonsense. She threw the blankets off of herself and slid from her bed. Quietly, she crept over to Emily's bed, where the other agent was still soundly asleep. She slowly crawled into the bed with Emily, easing herself under the covers, careful not to shift the bed too much with her weight. She cuddled up next to the sleeping brunette, it didn't wake her up but she did move closer to the new presence. Feeling the other woman's even breathing next to her, JJ drifted off into a content rest.

Emily's alarm went off and as she moved and turned it off she found a warm weight at her side. She smiled at the sleeping beauty next to her. She extracted herself from the bed without waking JJ. It was all so normal, even though she hadn't fallen asleep with JJ in bed with her. This was happily common; Emily waking up before JJ and letting her sleep a few extra minutes. The pregnancy problems of the first trimester had started to let up over the past few days; she was still a little nauseous but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been, and she was getting her energy back. It made mornings a little easier. Coffee would have helped too, but caffeine was off limits. Emily was positive that she had more of a problem with the no caffeine rule than she did any other pregnancy problem she had come across so far. JJ woke up and stretched out, drawing Emily's attention to her. She smiled to herself as JJ rolled over and huddled into the blankets and pillows of the now mostly unoccupied bed. Emily would never say anything but she thought it was adorable when JJ wasn't a morning person. Emily finished getting dressed and crawled up the bed. "Jen," she sang out. "Time to get up," She pulled the blankets back a little. "You've got to make yourself pretty for Detective Dailey." JJ rolled onto her back and glared. Emily smiled and laughed unabashed and amused, but still a little apologetically.

"You're a real funny one today," JJ grumbled as she climbed out of bed and trudged to the bathroom.

"Aww, I'm sorry." Emily followed after her. "He's all talk, completely harmless," she said from the door. "Besides, there's no competition," she continued as JJ came back into the room, "I'm already taken." She added a cocky smile for good measure. JJ just narrowed her eyes at her, her lips twitching into a tiny, almost suppressed grin.

The team was in place for their third day of surveillance. They all know that this break in the killings was going to be short lived, and that catching this guy was important; the longer that they were trying to find him, the longer he was watching them and changing his strategy. The longer they were looking for him, the harder it was going to be to stop him. All of their work over the past two days had nothing to show for it except a very sexual relationship between two of the sales reps that had been kept a secret from their co-workers. Waiting was the worst.

Emily's lunch break was coming up and she could not wait to find a place to sit with JJ and just bask in her calm aura. She didn't have a specific task to keep herself grounded. Everyone else had taken on something like a niche, Reid with the scientists, Hotch with the legal department, Rossi with the executives, Morgan gravitated to the local police force, and JJ had the media and public to deal with, and that didn't leave Emily with much to do other than float between the groups with Dailey in tow. Without any movement in the case, she found herself fending off more persistent advances from the detective, less and less flattering and ruder each time. Emily and Dailey walked into the conference room where the team had set up a base camp of sorts. JJ was there waiting and had dropped something moments before they walked through the door. Emily barely even noticed the perfect view, straight down her girlfriend's blouse, a sight that was guaranteed to make her work to maintain her composure, instead her attention was on Dailey as he leered and all but licked his chops. JJ straightened up and Emily momentarily felt a flicker of annoyance at not getting to enjoy the view that had been afforded to her, but as Dailey kept his eyes on JJ's chest the flicker of annoyance was consumed by other, more intense, emotions at the blatant lack of respect that was being given to JJ.

"Hey," JJ smiled at the color rising from Emily's chest. "Ready?" Emily nodded and they were off for lunch. She mused to herself as they rode the elevator to the ground floor, their conversation easy and a welcome relief from the tension: As much as she hated the extra stress that Dailey's behavior was putting on Emily, she couldn't deny the seeing her girlfriend riled up and possessive over her was a bit of a confidence boost and hot as hell.

They had just gotten off the elevator when Emily's phone went off. "Prentiss," she answered smiling broadly at JJ's lighthearted teasing. Her face fell as Hotch's words interrupted their moment. JJ saw it, Emily's expression morphed to confusion, and a second of anger, then disappointment, and then her face set in determination that JJ only ever saw when Emily was going to see the body of a victim. It was then that she realized what had happened. "We're on our way." Emily ushered JJ back into the elevator. The unsub had stuck again, in a building full of law enforcement officers that were looking for him, it happened under their watch.


	35. JJ

**AN: This story just loves the angst. Sometimes I never mean for the angst to happen, the words just flow and the chapter ends up all angsty. I had intended on drawing the case out a bit, but decided to cut myself a break and just finish it in this chapter.**

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><p>"I don't get it," Morgan said. The team had shut themselves in the conference room that they had set up in and trying to keep their frustrated pride in check long enough to figure out this situation. "We profiled that this guy was going to go after one of the researcher." Morgan paced the length of the room, running his hand over his head. Reid stood with the case file in his hand at the board looking over the pictures and timelines. Emily, Rossi, and Hotch sat scattered around the table. "What did we miss? Why'd he go after a lawyer?"<p>

JJ rushed into the room. "Hotch we've got a problem." She announced flustered. "He went to the media. They've got everything, the chess pieces, this murder and they're running with it. I can't do anything. It's going to hit the news stations any minute now."

"Alright, JJ, go back to the police station and handle the press," Hotch instructed.

"The press is already outside," JJ told him.

He nodded his recognition that she knew what to do. She took a seat at the table, close to where Reid was working and opposite Emily. "We're missing something."

They were all quiet, searching their brains for the clue that they had overlooked. In that silent seconds Morgan phone rang. "Hey Baby Girl, tell me you've got something for us," he answered wearily, with the phone on speaker.

"I think I do. I mean, I definitely found something. At least, I think it's something. But I'm not sure if it's the kind of something that you're looking for," she answered quickly.

"What did you find, Garcia?" Hotch pushed.

"So, I was looking over all the information of the companies problems and I noticed that none of the embezzling or stuff happened at the same time." A few pages fluttered as the team found the documents Garcia was talking about. "The first thing that happened was materials being stolen, and that went on for a few months and then stopped and money started disappearing from funds. After a while materials were being taken again, and then the embezzling started again. And then, almost two years after the whole thing started, company research and developments started showing up in competing company's products," she explained. "I think that the same person was doing all of it. It all lines up with when investigations were started and stopped."

Reid hummed curiously, his brow furrowed thoughtfully. "It could fit," he said quietly.

"What could?" Rossi asked.

"We've profiled that this unsub is intelligent and we know that people with high IQs are more likely to experiment with drugs, there is a theory out there that if a person with high intelligence isn't challenged enough in his daily life then he might embark in criminal activity, for the challenge, just to see if he can get away with it."

"You think that this guy is a thrill killer?" Emily asked.

"That's how it started," he said. "His first kill was just to see if he would get caught, but it caused him to acknowledge the violent urges that he has and now it takes more to satisfy those urges. He hasn't admitted to himself that he's not in control anymore, he might be planning on stopping after the king, but he won't be able to. Getting away with it won't give him the rush he needs."

"He'll devolve fast," Rossi added. "The only reason he won't go on a spree killing now is that he has this plan that he wants to finish."

"So we know why, and we have his profile, but we have nothing." Morgan said, "We were wrong about who he would attack next, we need to get ahead of this guy."

"We have the chess pieces still," Emily said. "The queen is the most powerful piece in play. This target is going to be someone who has the most control over him and the king is the ultimate goal."

Morgan shook his head as he paced. "The only two groups of employees with that amount of power are the scientists and executives."

"The CEO has to be the king," Reid said.

"So the queen is one of the scientists," Emily continued, her voice a touch higher as she sped through the words. "The head of the department, the one with the most power over him. He is one of the scientists."

"Garcia, how many scientists were suspected of the stealing?" Hotch asked.

"Um," they could hear the flurry of her fingers on the keyboard. "Thirteen, but they were all cleared."

"It's a starting point. Get us the list Garcia," Hotch ordered.

"What about the chess pieces?" JJ asked suddenly but quietly. She blushed the tiniest bit as everyone turned their attention to her.

"What do you mean?" Hotch asked.

"Something you two said earlier," JJ explained and motioned to Emily and Reid. "You said that the pieces left on the victims told us something about him, bishops are overlooked but powerful, and knights can be game-enders."

"Jen, you're a genius," Emily exclaimed. "PG, can you cross check the list of scientists that had their computers worked on by Calvetry and the list of scientists that were investigated?"

"Oh, can I, sugar." Garcia could be heard working her magic on the computer. "Seven."

"And cross that list against the people that Lipson investigated."

After a few more seconds of tapping Garcia announced, "Lloyd Todd, he's the only one."

"You're the best, Woman," Morgan said and ended the call before she had the chance to say anything. She'd understand though, this was a matter of pride for the team, and it was going to be set right.

It went down fast. The locals were gathered as they made their way to the floor where Todd worked. They strapped on bullet proof vests and filed into the room with the locals following them and filing the other EO employees out of the room. He didn't turn around until Hotch addressed him directly, telling him that he was under arrest. He turned from his work and scanned the group of armed police officers in front of him. There was no fear or panic in his eyes, he was smug and calm. He was condescending as he commended them for finally catching up to him. He pulled a hand gun as casually as if he were holding a cell phone. There was yelling, ordering Todd to put down his weapon. His eyes held a glint of excitement. This was a new thrill for him. He wasn't going to back down.

The team was all in the front of the group of cops, and following procedure, Reid was attempting to talk Todd down while the rest of the team covered him and each other and watched for an opportunity to disarm this murderer. They didn't have a lot of time to react. Todd aimed blindly at the group of FBI agents. Terror froze Emily when the gun trained on her. The trigger clicked. JJ spun to face Emily. She, herself shielding Emily, her hands found place on Emily's shoulders, she locked eyes with the brunette. Morgan charged the shooter from the side. Emily gasped, feeling the sock of the shot reverberate through the woman looking into her eyes. JJ's body lurched forward, her knees buckled against the pain ripping through her body. Emily's arms scrambled to find purchase around JJ's slender body and keep her from falling. By the time the shot faded Morgan had him pinned to the ground. Emily had awkwardly found a grip under JJ's arms. "Oh god," she mumbled over and over to herself as she lowered the limp blonde to the floor. In the back of her mind she was vaguely aware of the others gathered around her. "Jenn," her voice shook as her fingers searched for a pulse at her loves neck. It was terrifying to wait for that split second that dragged on forever. Emily didn't breathe, she didn't move, she didn't think, she was dead. Until Emily felt the steady, strong pulse of the blood pumping through JJ's body, under the pressure of her fingers, she was dead, or at least she wanted to be.

JJ groaned, and coughed. She immediately regretted it when pain flared through her back and side. She had to relieve the pressure. She had to get off of her back. She pushed against hands trying to keep her still and rolled onto her side. She found herself cradled in Emily's lap and she forced herself to breathe normally through the discomfort. It was ok, Emily was ok. That was all that mattered.

Emily leaned forward and had a clear view of the bullet caught in the Kevlar vest. She thanked god for that vest. She ignored what she knew would have happened if it hadn't been for that vest. She concentrated on JJ's breathing and grasp on her hand. She reached for the Velcro straps and pulled them loose, then eased the bulletproof vest off of the woman that was willing to give up everything for her, the woman that she was willing to give up everything for. JJ finally turned her head and looked up at Emily. "Hey," Emily smiled down at her quietly. JJ smiled back and took a breath to say something back; her smile fell into a grimace. Emily didn't know whether to laugh or cry from relieve and fear. So she just held onto the blonde until Hotch insisted that she go to the hospital and get checked out.


	36. Checkmate

**AN: This chapter is all over the place. But there was a lot to wrap up. So here you go.**

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><p>Emily could not believe JJ's strength, or her stubbornness. She took a bullet from point blank range and was still the 'take no crap from anyone,' FBI BAU Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer Jareau. At the hospital they had told her that her ribs weren't broken, luckily, but that they were bruised and would be sore for a while. She was given a prescription for pain killers and muscle relaxers, and insisted that she wouldn't need them. Emily went and got them from the hospital pharmacy anyway. JJ was released from the hospital and refused to go back to the hotel, so Emily took her to the police station, where the rest of the team was. While the two women had been gone, Morgan had gotten a full confession from Todd and now Hotch was preparing for a press release. JJ was vehement as she told him that she was fine and could do the press conference. She left no room for argument and Hotch had to relent and just let her do it. And she did. She pulled on a fresh blazer, touched up her makeup, and then she got up in front of the pack of pushy, loud reporters, the bright lights and cameras, and brought the case to a close with Emily standing right behind her. JJ stayed at the station with the team, despite all of their protests, until they all were ready to go back to the hotel.<p>

The team was walking out of the police station together. They were done for the day. They'd have to come back tomorrow to finish closing the case, but for now they were off the case. JJ and Emily lagged tiredly behind the group. Both of them were more concerned with each other than Dailey coming up to them. He said, "The way you handle the press is impressive." The tone of his voice was provocative, but neither of them had enough energy to care. As they walked past him, his hand shot out and grabbed JJ's ass. JJ went stiff, pulled away from the unwelcome touch, and spun to face the one who had intruded on her personal space. Emily was already pushing him away. Reid put himself between JJ and Dailey. Morgan hurried to intervene, before Emily got violent. As Hotch put himself between Emily and Dailey, she searched out JJ again. She registered Hotch reaming out the brash detective, but JJ looked ready to break down. It was like that one thoughtless action had pushed her to the verge of bursting into tears. Emily supportively put her arm around JJ's waist and shot a deadly glare at Dailey. JJ rested her head on Emily's shoulder and they walked away to wait in the SUV. She placed a firm kiss to the crown of JJ's golden head.

Looking at JJ during a case, no one would be able to see that the stress of cases and the media could get to her. Emily had learned differently. There were days when JJ would stand in front of the press and give the public a profile, or assure them that the FBI was doing their best to catch whatever monster that was terrorizing their community, or that they could all sleep more soundly because the team had saved the day and the nightmare was over and when they would get back to the hotel JJ would shut herself in the bathroom the first chance she found. Emily didn't immediately notice the pattern, working with profilers had given JJ the skills to hide what she didn't want others to see, but she could tell that something was off about her blonde coworker. But JJ always assured her friends that she was fine anytime it was brought up, that it was just the case and stress getting to her. And Emily accepted that answer, even after she realized that sometimes her friend would break under all her emotions when she locked herself in the hotel bathroom, away from the world; everyone had their breaking point and sometimes, for JJ, being the face for the team was too much. It was understandable too; they were often forced to face acts of inhumane cruelty.

It was no surprise to Emily that as soon as the door to their room was closed JJ was making a bee-line for the bathroom, already undoing the buttons of her blouse, before she'd even toed off her shoes. "Jen," she begged. She watched JJ stop with her hand reaching for the doorknob, her arm fell back to her side and she turned around. They only looked at each other for an undetermined amount of time. JJ could feel the guilt coming off of Emily and loathed the idea of being the cause of her pain. Emily felt like she was so unworthy of being allowed to hold JJ at the moment. The silence dragged on and grew to be uncomfortable. When Emily couldn't take it anymore, she went to her bag and started changing into her night clothes. Her walls went up around her feelings while she occupied herself with the task at hand. She turned back to JJ and found her standing in the same place. Emily took her gently by the arms and encouraged her to sit on the bed. She pulled off JJ's heeled shoes and stayed kneeling in front of her as the intensity of those blue eyes looking into hers, begging for comfort, caught her off guard. Then without warning there were tears and JJ's arms locked around her neck and Emily held onto her until the emotional tidal wave passed. "Jen, why?" she asked, her heart steeled against emotions, when the woman in her arm's breathing evened out.

"Do you realize what could have happened?" was JJ's answer.

"You wouldn't have a welted bruise the size of my hand on your back," Emily told her, her voice ripe with angry sarcasm.

JJ took her hands and pulled her to stand up in front of her. She took Emily's hand and led it to the tender bruise that had blossomed on her back. Emily followed her gaze as she looked down between them, her slender hand pulled away from where it held Emily's on her back and came to rest where, if there could have been a physical line from where the bullet had been stopped by the Kevlar vest, through her body, and the air between them, the line would have met Emily's body. Her hand tenderly rested high on the left side of Emily's abdomen. "Do you know? Did you think about what could have happened if that bullet had hit you?" Her voice was unnervingly timid as she finished her question. Emily's head shot up, and she saw the angry flash in those brown eyes before the barriers were up again and felt her hand pull away from her back, and she knew that she would deserve it if Emily snapped at her now, but Emily didn't say anything so she continued. "That's not what I meant, Em. Of course you thought about your baby's safety going in there, obviously the thought would have crossed your mind at some point. I know that. I know you want this baby." She pressed her palm more firmly against Emily's belly. "Did you think about what it would have been like for you if getting hit by that bullet had caused you to miscarry?" And hearing the word made it all so real for both of them. Emily shook her head and JJ shifted, searching for Emily's gaze again. "Did you think about what it would be like for me if you miscarried? I knew I would survive taking a bullet to the vest but, Em, I never want to have to see you go through that. It would kill me to see you in that kind of pain again." She finally connected her gaze with Emily's and found it cold and shielded. "Don't you dare," she ordered quietly. "Do not shut me out after everything we've already been through, Emily." JJ closed the space between them and folded her arms around the now guarded woman's waist. "Don't hide from me," she pleaded.

Emily's arms reflexively went around JJ as her weight collided with her body, she relaxed into the embrace. Holding JJ in her arms melted away those barriers she had up to guard herself and stay strong for JJ. She tightened her hold around JJ and felt her flinch away slightly. Emily pulled back and saw the pain being stifled on the blonde's tender face. "Let me see," she asked for permission, stepping back from JJ's personal space and sitting down on the bed as she finished undoing her shirt. JJ turned away from her and shrugged her shirt off her shoulders. Emily helped slide it off her arms and laid it on the bed. A good sized welt had developed over JJ's lower ribs on the right side of her back. The bruise stood out against her tanned skin, dark purple and blues spreading out from the swollen patch of flesh, it was easily bigger than her palm. She traced the edges of the tender wound with a gentle finger, her hands wandered to rest on JJ's hips and she leaned in to softly kiss to the injured skin. She stood up and cradled JJ protectively to her. Emily pressed a firm kiss to JJ's shoulder. "I was so scared," she admitted. The fear she had felt when JJ's body went limp in her arms had been overwhelming and the intensity of those feelings scared her as much as the thought of losing JJ.

"I'm sorry," JJ breathed out and turned around to hold onto Emily.

Emily hummed quietly into her neck in response. Her heart was still gripped with aftershocks of the crippling fear. She just wanted to hold JJ and feel her heart beating, to know that without a doubt that she was alive and not going anywhere. "Let's go take a shower," she suggested. She knew what it was like to get hit point blank in a vest; a nice warm shower would help to keep the muscles from knotting up as the swelling went down. And now that they were off the case she felt no reservations about joining her girlfriend in the shower.

The warm water was glorious and they both took their time, leisurely helping the other wash her hair or soap their back. They met sporadically in demanding kisses that burned deeper with need. Hands grasped and massaged flesh, tongues teased and fingers manipulated sensations as their bodies tangled together under the warm spray. The sound of the falling water muted their gasping and pleasure fueled sounds as they pushed each other to the peak. They both sighed contentedly as their heartbeats slowed to a normal pace together and they found the strength to support their own weight again. For a long time all that could be heard was the spray of the water against the tub and skin. Those moments were what they both needed after that day; the feeling of skin on skin and affirming to themselves that this, the other woman held against her under shower in the afterglow of their passion, was real.

They continued to meet randomly in soft kisses as they dried themselves and each other off. The meetings of their lips were less insistent and more playful, but still they both felt the need for them. They kept them close and they both hoped that the other was feeling how much she was loved. Emily watched JJ walk out to the main part of the hotel room, wrapped in only a towel. She stepped into her own discarded clothing, and picked up and folded JJ's, smiling at her girlfriend's messy habits, before joining her. The blonde was finishing brushing out her hair when Emily emerged and came up next to her to tuck her abandoned clothes in her bag. JJ managed to dodge her embrace and made a line for Emily's bag. A small smile lit up her face as JJ turned back with her hair brush in her hand.

JJ climbed onto the bed with Emily, sitting pretzel legged, a little less than an arm's length behind her. She liked being able to do this for the brunette; it was something simple but she knew Emily enjoyed even this small bit of pampering. JJ pulled the brush through the dark brown hair until it was tangle free and she continued to gently ease the brush along the length of silky strands because the sensations lulled Emily into blissful relaxation. Emily sighed and leaned back, JJ set the brush aside and put her arms around Emily and kissed the side of her head. "Let's get some sleep," she suggested. Emily nodded and moved to put her brush away.

Emily came back to the bed and cuddled up behind JJ. The breathing of the woman in her arms was even and deep, her own eyes started to droop with the knowledge that JJ was sleeping, safe in her arms. She could feel sleep creeping into her mind and taking over. She tightened her grip on JJ almost imperceptibly. "Please, don't ever leave me, Jen." She jumped when JJ rolled over and drew Emily into her arms.

"Never," she whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

Sleep trickled out of Emily's body, letting her senses come back to her. The first thing she was aware of, before she even opened her eyes, was the chill of air creeping through the thin material of her clothing. Her surroundings hit her at once and she didn't want to open her eyes, terrified of what she was going to see. It was beyond her current cognitive ability at the moment to consider how she'd gotten here. Her arms were restrained over her head. Someone was laughing, it was rough and dark and menacing, and someone was crying, it was quiet and tormented and it broke her heart. Both of the sounds were coming from right next to her, she could feel the distress coming from the presence. She forced herself to open her eyes and choked on a sob as she saw what she had suspected but dreaded. It was JJ pinned to the wall beside her, trying desperately to stop the tears from falling from her eyes; she had a bruise starting to darken on her cheek bone and her lip was split. She had multiple cuts along her body, sliced through her clothing and into her beautiful skin, bleeding at various rates. "You killed him," the man hovering over JJ growled in the trembling woman's ear, jerking her head back by a fist of hair. Emily listened to her hiss a response of defending her from the monster that had tortured her three months ago. The knife came into her view, glinting at her girlfriend's throat. JJ glared straight ahead even as the blade nicked the sensitive skin, the tears poured down her cheeks and her chest pitched with faster breathing. Emily wanted to scream and yell and fight, she wanted this man's attention off of JJ, she wanted to get that knife away from JJ, but she couldn't make her voice work or move. "I'm going to kill you," he taunted, drawing the flat of the blade against her cheek and lips. "But I won't slit your throat, it won't be fast." He threw the knife away and pushed JJ away by her hair. JJ stumbled a few steps and fell on her hands and knees at Emily's feet. She scrambled to her feet and met Emily's eyes; there was so much pain and fear there that Emily felt herself falling apart as she fought hard to free herself. A gun shots rang out in the otherwise silent room. Emily jumped and for a drawn out second everything was still and silent. Slowly, JJ looked down. Her hand went to touch her abdomen and came away with blood. The man started laughing, mocking both of their pain. JJ's knees gave out and, unable to catch her, Emily watched her fall to the ground. She continued to fight against her restraints, feeling her wrists being cut by the material around them. She had to stop the bleeding, she had to save JJ. JJ had to be ok. Emily didn't know how long it had been, she had alternated between fighting her restraints, yelling at the man, talking to JJ, soothing JJ, yelling in frustration, begging JJ to talk to her and stay with her, and just crying. She tried to talk to JJ and there wasn't a response this time. Her voice broke with tears as she begged JJ to say something after a few agonizing seconds. The man walked over to them and kicked JJ onto her back. Her shirt was soaked with her blood, her skin was sickly pale, her lips were blue, and her beautiful eyes were open and lifeless.

Emily shot up right in the bed. Her body shook with overwhelming emotions as the images invaded her mind. She felt JJ's arms gathering her trembling form and she clung to her. "You died," she choked out. Nightmares were never something either of them was ashamed of; it was something they'd both experienced in the others presence, before they'd even become close friends. It was part of the job. So Emily cried openly into JJ's chest as soothing words were whispered against her hair and hands urged her to calm down.

It took some time, but after a while of comforting rocking and mollifying Emily's panic became controllable. JJ hadn't understood a lot of what Emily had said, but she had gotten a summary of the nightmare. "We're right here," JJ promised. "I'm fine. I'm right here." Emily was still shaking so she did the natural thing to reassure her. She took one of Emily's hands and placed it over her heart. "See?" she brought Emily's other hand up to rest against her cheek then laced her arms around Emily. At this point they were kneeling on the bed, just holding onto each other, looking into equally worried eyes. "It's ok."

"It's not though, Jayje," Emily sniffled. "That cult could come after you, or me, or the baby. What's ok about that?"

JJ did the only thing she could think of. Before Emily could continue she kissed her, firmly but lovingly. "Us is what's ok about it. We have each other when it gets hard. We can get through it together, ok?" Emily nodded and JJ kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. They laid back down, cuddling up to each other. "I love you, Emily."

"I love you too, Jen," Emily mumbled against JJ's shoulder.

The team went into the Joliet police station for the last time. Emily seemed to have come back to herself from last night, maybe her extreme emotions could be chalked up, partially, to hormones, but JJ watched her carefully as they worked. A smile spread across JJ's face as an idea started to form in her head. The jet was scheduled to leave in a few hours, and she had a few hours of work left. She'd need some help. "Hey, Spence," she snagged the boy geniuses arm as he walked by. The boy genius had finished his share of the work almost an hour ago. "Do me a favor?"

"Sure," he shrugged. The corners of his mouth turned down in curiosity. JJ pushed some cash into his hands and told him what she needed him to do. His eyes squinted critically as she finished her request. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, yesterday was hard for her. I just want to make her smile a little," JJ told him. Reid nodded knowingly and walked off with his lopsided half-smile as JJ thanked him.

She was making steady progress with finishing the case, it was slower than she would have liked do to Emily's choice of clothing today. The lovely brunette had picked a relatively simple long-sleeved, cotton top. The dark green was gorgeous on her and it was a little tighter than she would normally wear to work; it hugged her curves and showed off her figure nicely, and if you were looking for it, like JJ was, you could see that she was just starting to show. JJ often found herself looking at that barely noticeable bump at Emily's lower abdomen. "Has Hotch talked to you yet?" Rossi asked from a few feet to the side. The question was innocent enough. JJ shook her head. "He probably won't. He can't justify reprimanding you for your actions putting others in danger when we all thought of doing the same thing." Her forehead creased as she struggled to wrap her mind around that statement. She might have been the profiler with no formal profiling training, but sometimes the things she couldn't see amazed him. "Every one of us hates ourselves for what happened to her. None of us were thinking about our safety over our own when that gun was pointed. None of us could handle watching her go through any more emotional trauma."

"Well, next time one of you should do it then." JJ shook her head. She felt so guilty that prevent even the possibility of Emily getting hurt had caused her so much fear.

Rossi smirked a little mischievously, "I'm pretty sure it said more to her that you did it." And he walked away, leaving her to look after him in wide-eyed confusion. He figured that she'd realize it eventually.

They all finished their work without further interruption, the local police station gave them their thanks, and a few of the officers wish JJ well. Emily stood not far from JJ, waiting for her. Dailey approached JJ and Emily focused her attention on the interaction. "What you did yesterday was really brave," he told her. He wasn't talking to her out of respect; it was all about his attraction to her.

"Thanks," she answered shortly.

"The work you do for your team is really impressive," he took a step closer, just into her personal space.

She stood her ground, glaring at him. "Did you need something? We really need to be going soon."

"Look, I'm sorry if I offended you yesterday. I didn't mean to put something like that between us, Jennifer." JJ drew her lips into a tight line as he used her full name. "I was hoping that you might want to stay another night and we could get to know each other a little better."

"I am going to be on that jet when it takes off in an hour," JJ told him matter-of-factly.

"Alright," he smiled and held out a piece of paper. "Give me a call when you get back to D.C."

JJ scoffed in disbelief and was surprised when he leaned invasively into her personal space. "What are you doing?" she asked still further shocked by this man's behavior. "No." She took a step back. "I am already in a relationship. And even if I was looking for someone, I would not be interested in someone like you." And with that she walked away.

Emily couldn't wipe the smirk from her face as JJ walk away from the impetuous man, the look on his face was particularly amusing. They walked hand in hand to the SUV, both with silly smiles plastered across their faces. They paused for a fast kiss and then climbed into the waiting vehicle.

On the plane JJ and Emily sat across from each other at the table. Emily slumped down in her seat, wrapped in a blanket, and reading a book. JJ closed the file that lay open in front of her and tucked it away. "I've got something for you."

Emily's face broke into an excited grin, "Oh yeah?" She pushed her book onto the table and sat up.

JJ reached under the table and pulled out a small chess set. "I thought that you might like to have one that we can take with us on cases so you can teach me to play."

Emily smiled and opened the box and let her fingers play over the little pieces. "Let's play," she blurted out. And immediately started setting up the board.

"Emily, JJ exclaimed. "I didn't mean now."

Emily stopped placing the pieces on their squares and pouted. "Oh, come on, please, Jen."

"I can't play yet. I don't stand a chance against you," JJ resisted.

"But that's how you learn," Emily countered. "I'll go easy on you."

"Don't tell me that," JJ whined. "It'll just make it worse when I lose."

"Let's add a little incentive then," Emily suggested with an impish look in her eye. "If you win, I ask you to move in with me. If I win, you ask to move in with me."

"Okay," JJ agreed, slowly saying the word as Emily proposition swirled around in her head. Emily just smiled at her.

The chess board had already caught Reid's attention and he shifted to watch the opening moves, before long everyone had followed his intent gaze and moved to watch the women play. After a few moves, Reid started helping JJ. Emily didn't say anything because it actually made it easier for her to get the game to the outcome that she wanted. Everyone could see that she was throwing the game. Reid gave her one last direction, and JJ smiled. "Check mate."

"So?" Emily asked. "What do you say?"

JJ nodded excitedly and immediately said, "Yes."

And Emily could help but think that that game hadn't really been a loss. JJ had won the chess match, but they both won something out of it.


	37. Reassurance

Morgan and Reid jumped as Emily violently pulled one of her desk drawers open and started emptying it. They looked at each other, then at their coworker as she continued to empty and sort through her desk, making quite a mess. It was the second time today that she had emptied and reorganized her desk needlessly. She had been reduced to organizing her desk multiple times in the past two weeks. Three weeks ago she had cleaned it out for the first time in a long time. And four weeks ago, barely a week after the team got back from the case in Illinois the team was pulled off of rotation for major cases. It turns out that Detective Dailey didn't handle rejection well, especially when he caught the little kiss that JJ and Emily had shared outside of the precinct. He filed a report and Strauss found out about Emily and JJ's relationship, and apparently the sexual harassment complaint that JJ had filed against Dailey didn't say anything against him. Strauss tried to strong arm Emily into leaving the BAU, Hotch and Rossi both stepped in and stood up to her. In the end, Strauss pulled the team off of the major case rotation so she could investigate and review the situation to determine the best course of action. This left them only consultations and paper work to do.

Neither Reid nor Morgan could remember any time since Emily had joined the team that she had been as productive as she had been since they had gotten back from their break after the Joliet case. She had caught up on her piled up paperwork in just a day and a half, and now kept up with it as it landed on her desk like it was something she enjoyed doing. They didn't think much of it, maybe that it was just a way to ignore her guilt of getting the team in trouble, until Emily started chewing on her fingernails again. She told them that she was fine and then reorganized anything that she could when she didn't have a stack of paperwork to throw herself into. For the past four weeks, this was the Emily that they worked with. Her emotions had been all over the place. One moment she could be as happy as ever and the next Morgan would make a remark with good intentions, one that would not have been out of place in their usual banter at all, and she would bite his head off; the rest of the day everyone would avoid her, afraid of encountering her wrath. Knocking a pen off of her desk could earn an annoyed huff or send her to the brink of tears. She always apologized for the unpredictable rollercoaster of emotions. She was obviously frustrated that she was at the mercy of her hormones. Frustration pushed her to the brink of tears. Irritation sent her into a sub-psychotic rage. Anger pushed her to the brink of tears. Happiness misted up her eyes. The constant, sudden crying made frustrated her, which made her cry, which made her angry, which made her cry. It was a hopeless circle of feelings she hated not having control over. It was like her brain was hyper sensitive to every stimulus around her and releasing excessive amounts of chemicals to cause the crazy extremes.

Her busy body behavior continued at home. Over the past four weeks Emily's place had started to look more and more like their place as JJ found a place for more of her belongings in the brownstone. Emily was constantly rearranging to make room for something of JJ's, or cleaning out the pantry, or organizing the contents of the cabinets, or going through her closet, or cleaning the bathroom. She knew that Emily was stressed, with Strauss's vendetta against the team, her mother's barely contained pure disapproval that was only veiled by her attempted acceptance to get a chance at having a relationship with her grandchild, and the nerves that came with JJ's family finding out about her and the planned meeting. On top of that she was worried. They were both worried.

JJ came in one night and found her organizing her books alphabetically by genre, author's name, and title. JJ smiled a greeting and carried the arm load of groceries into the kitchen. JJ hadn't seen Emily much today; Hotch sent her home when she'd thrown Reid's full cup of coffee across the break room. JJ took that as a sign that it was time to get the proud FBI agent out of her own head. "You changed the cabinets again?" She playfully called to her. Emily turned to respond and tilted the stack of books, precariously balanced in one arm, off balance. They tumbled and scattered with overlapping thumps as they hit the floor. Emily cursed, it was airy and JJ heard the threat of tears. It wasn't uncommon for Emily to cry recently, but it still surprised her; Emily had gotten back to carefully controlling her emotions and seeing her cry was so heartbreaking. JJ abandoned the groceries and walked around to where Emily stood, with her shoulders slumped and her back to her. Her hands came up and ran through the dark hair, coming to rest in a grip on the back of her neck. Emily dropped to her knees and started to gather the strewn out books. Her shoulders shook almost imperceptibly. JJ knelt with her. She reached out and took the book from her lap, placing it on the coffee table with the others. She took Emily's hands and brushed a gentle kiss across the knuckles.

"What if the test comes back positive?" Emily asked shakily.

It was the question that they'd both been worried about since Emily's most recent prenatal appointment, when they got back from the Illinois case, and Dr. Card had told them that everything looked fine, then informed them about the AFP test and advised that Emily have it done. They'd both been avoiding this question, but with the appointment being tomorrow they couldn't put it off any more. She rubbed her thumbs across the back of Emily's hands, "It might not come back positive," she soothed.

"But it could," Emily's voice was quiet but her grip on JJ's hands was solid. "I was taking pain killers." She refused to make eye contact.

"Hey," JJ whispered, matching Emily's volume. It was like they were sharing secrets that no one else could ever know. She waited until Emily looked at her. "You didn't know," she said firmly. "Dr. Card said that if the painkiller had done anything you would have lost the pregnancy before you even knew you were pregnant. And if you don't believe her, you believe our friends, right?" Emily still just looked at her. "Reid knows everything," she tried to lighten the mood, it failed miserably. "He said the same thing." Emily nodded half-heartedly. "Remember what Dr. Card told us?" She waited for Emily to nod again. "These tests turn up positives all the time. Even if it does turn up a positive result it might not mean anything."

They were both quiet, sitting on the floor, clutching the other's hands. Emily breathed and carefully controlled her voice, "This could change everything."

JJ thought about it, turning the sentence over in her mind. "No, it won't," she said sincerely. She edged Emily's sleeve up and ran a finger along the revealed scar. "This happened. I'm here and the team is here. You're pregnant. Having a baby changes everything. If this test comes back positive, all that means is we might have to change the plan a little bit." JJ mentally kicked herself for her verbal slip up. This wasn't a 'we' situation, this was Emily's baby. There was no 'Emily and JJ' when it came to the baby, no matter what JJ wanted. "No matter what, you won't have to go through anything alone. You've got a support system behind you."

"I just want him or her to be healthy," Emily swore. "I would give anything for that."

"I know," JJ leaned her forehead against Emily's and after a moment of contact started to gently pull Emily to her feet, giving her opportunity to resist. The smile that graced Emily's face was miniscule but genuine. JJ gave her and equally genuine, supportive smile and went back to kitchen as Emily turned back to the bookcase to finish shelving her books.

The next day, Reid and Morgan entered the bullpen on high alert, ready to dodge flying office supplies if Emily decided to launch them. But the quiet and distracted Emily that they found threw them off balance. She smiled at them, and so the day went. Garcia joined them after a few quiet hours of paperwork; she was showing off some pictures of Jack that Hotch had asked her to scan onto a flash drive for him. There were baby pictures, pictures from holidays, school pictures, family pictures, and all kinds of home photos; they were all adorable. Morgan called out for Hotch to join them and asked him about a picture. Emily found herself blocking herself from the conversation. There were too many raw emotions that it aggravated.

Hotch watched Emily, as the conversation progressed she went from smiling and participating to burying herself in her paperwork and withdrawing from the group to guard herself. He had never seen her shut herself away so fast. He let the conversation come to a natural end and gathered his pictures. "Prentiss," he requested. "A word."

She glanced at the time on her computer screen, "Hotch, I have to leave for a doctor's appointment in fifteen minutes."

"I know," he told her. "I just need a few minutes."

She followed him to his office, closing the door when he motioned for her to do so, and then sat down across from him. She looked him in the eye, more for her own defense because she wouldn't let her emotions over take her while they were so connected. After a few minutes of this, when he didn't say anything she looked away and her eyes settled on one of Jack's baby pictures sitting on the desk between them. "He's perfect," her voice held more emotion that he expected it to.

He nodded, noting the longing look on her face and the way she clutched her hands in her lap to keep from reaching out for the picture. "You're having the AFP test done?"

"Yeah," Emily's eyes flicked up to his face with a look that she reserved for when she knew he was profiling her and didn't like it but appreciated his calm support in the midst of her tumultuous thoughts. "I'm getting the blood drawn today."

His face was as compassionate as she'd ever seen it, but his voice was stern, "I want you to take the rest of the day off." He quickly cut off her protest. "I know that your apartment is probably as clean as your desk, so there's nothing for you to fuss over there," the corner of his lips twitched upward at the little jab at her nervous habit. "Take the day off, relax, do some baby shopping, makes some plans for dinner, just try not to stress. I'll send JJ home to you early."

Emily unenthusiastically said, "Thanks, I guess."

"I have your work requests concerning your pregnancy. You've requested to be taken off of field work when we're out on cases, in eight weeks you've requested to work from DC on cases, and you'd like to start your maternity leave eight weeks after that." Hotch told her while looking at the folder now open on his desk. Emily's lips were drawn in a thin line as she confirmed that was what the paper work said. "Emily, I haven't seen you read anything other than 'What to expect when you're expecting' books since you found out that you were pregnant, you are taking precautions to keep yourself safe that I know are major blows to your pride, you have gone through caffeine withdrawals even though it's no longer believed that caffeine is dangerous to a fetus' health, and with our job that is no minor thing. Emily, you are doing everything you can to be a good mother now, and no matter what you're going to be a good mother to this baby when it's born."

She tilted her head to the side and gave a slight nod, and this time her verbal expression of thanks was genuine. Her defenses were up and he could see that, but he understood why; he had profiled her, seen through her defenses straight to her worries and fear that she was hiding from everyone, even herself, so he would let her have her fortress walls now. The man sitting across from her was her boss, but he was just as much her friend as he was her superior and he could always find the words to comfort her deepest fears. He let one of his rare smiles show, "Go on." Still a little off balance from the depth of his insight and the way he had given her some ease, and never one to disobey a direct order, or at least occasionally known to follow one, she did as told and compartmentalized as she went.

Emily walked towards JJ's office, having promised her that she would stop and see her before she left for the appointment. Garcia was in the process of stepping into the office just as Emily got close enough to hear what was said and neither woman in the file filled room noticed Emily standing at the door frame. "Hey, Mommy, want to grab some lunch with me?" Garcia greeted as she walked in.

"Hey Garcia," JJ looked up from her file. "Emily's not here. Have you checked her desk?"

Garcia's confused tone matched the look on Emily's face as she continued, "No, um, Emily's not at her desk, but I was talking to you Angelfish."

"Oh, I just assumed you were," JJ stumbled over her words a little. "I mean, you said… Um, you called me. Never mind. Sure, let's get lunch. I'll meet you in your office in a bit."

Emily knocked and walked in like she hadn't been standing there listening. "Hey," she smiled at Garcia, and then a little brighter at JJ as she sat down next to her on the desk. "Hotch gave me the rest of the day off after the appointment so I guess I'll see you when you get home."

"Oh, ok," was all JJ could manage. Emily nodded, smiled a little and stood up to leave. "Em," she took hold of her hand and gave it a reassuring grasp. "It's going to be alright." Emily squeezed her hand back and slid off the desk.

That certainly wasn't something Emily had expected. No, the idea had never been verbalized between then but Emily assumed that JJ knew how she felt. They were girlfriends, dating, in love, as serious a relation two people can have while only dating, but Emily wanted to raise this baby with JJ; she couldn't imagine anyone better. She wasn't worried that this said anything about JJ's position or thoughts on their relationship; she knew that JJ wanted this too, she just need a little reassurance. And she could do that. She smiled as she made her way down the stairs. It was certainly enough to distract her, currently most of the ideas that she had now involved both of them in bed, and that probably wasn't the best way to go about it. This might take a little more effort than she thought.

"Where do you think you're going?" Morgan asked when he noticed her packing up.

"I," she smirked, "am going home. Hotch gave me the day off and told me to relax." She sauntered over to his desk and sat on the corner. "I think maybe I'll read a book, take a bath, take a nap, make something nice for dinner." She paused as her thoughts wandered back to her and JJ in bed. "On second thought, the bath might have to wait until JJ gets home." She winked and slung her bag over her shoulder as Morgan chuckled and shook his head, and headed out the door.


	38. Letting Go

**AN: If you read the last chapter when a first posted it, or more than a couple days ago, I encourage you to go take another look at it. Through some mistake that first paragraph was left off, it's not super important, but there was some information in it that might fill in some blanks.**

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><p>"Hey, Mommy, want to grab some lunch with me?" Garcia greeted as she walked in.<p>

"Hey Garcia," JJ looked up from her file. "Emily's not here. Have you checked her desk?"

Garcia's face was always a dead give-away for what she was thinking or feeling, she wore her emotions on her sleeve; so she knew that her face was a readable expression of confusion and curiosity to match her tone as she continued, "No, um, Emily's not at her desk, but I was talking to you Angelfish."

"Oh, I just assumed you were," JJ stumbled over her words a little. "I mean, you said… Um, you called me. Never mind. Sure, let's get lunch. I'll meet you in your office in a bit."

There was a knock at the door and Emily walked in. She seemed unaware of the tension in the room, and JJ wasn't surprised because even a profiler like Emily can't see everything under that kind of stress. "Hey," she smiled at Garcia, and then a little brighter at JJ as she sat down next to her on the desk. "Hotch gave me the rest of the day off after the appointment so I guess I'll see you when you get home."

"Oh, ok," was all JJ could manage. Emily nodded, smiled a little and stood up to leave. "Em," she took hold of her hand and gave it a reassuring grasp. "It's going to be alright." Emily squeezed her hand back and slid off the desk.

Emily's figure disappeared around the corner and JJ ducked her head and focused intently on the paper in front of her. She could feel Garcia's gaze burning into her skull. She bit her lip as the time ticked by and stole a glance at her friend; Garcia was looking at her with one eyebrow cocked, her mouth drawn into a questioning frown. She quickly diverted her eyes after the slightest moment of eye contact.

"I can look at you like this all day if I have to," Garcia told her. "So, what's the word my gorgeous little humming bird?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," JJ brushed it off with her face a mask of media control mode.

"How about why you don't seem to think that you're Gummy Bear's mommy?" Garcia asked gently.

"Pen," JJ sighed. "It's just a complicated situation, that's all."

Garcia's eyes narrowed ever so slightly as she rethought her strategy. "Ok, well, what has you so nervous?" She came around and leaned against the desk next to her friend.

"I'm fine," JJ smiled reassuringly and took one of Garcia's hands. "I promise."

Garcia smiled down at her patronizingly, "I see you've picked up a few things from our dear Emily." She reached across JJ and picked up a heavily chewed on pen from the desk, holding it in front of her face. "But it's me, you're omnipotent best friend, so how about you talk to me?"

"I'm sorry," JJ said quietly. "Emily has a doctor's appointment today, with her OBGYN."

"Oh my god, is something wrong with the baby?" Garcia's eyes widened and she brought her hand up to her mouth.

"Maybe," she answered quietly. She quickly revised her answer as Garcia's panic increased, "No." But that wasn't quite true either. "We don't know yet."

"Ok, explain," Garcia demanded.

Her friend's unbridled concern was familiar and comforting. It grounded her; with Garcia's anxiety that was quickly verging on panic, JJ's instincts were to stay calm and balance the other woman's energies. "She's at the doctor to get blood drawn for a test that helps identify genetic abnormalities and birth defects. She's been pretty worried." Garcia held up the chewed up pen again. "We've both been pretty worried," JJ corrected.

"What do you have to do if the test says there's something wrong?" Garcia asked.

"If it comes backs positive, we have to have a special ultrasound done and the amniocentesis test to find out for sure." JJ said in a measured tone.

"What's that?" Garcia prodded gently.

"It's a more conclusive test; they get a sample of the amniotic fluid to test. It's invasive and can have complications." She breathed out the last word as she felt wetness burning behind her eyes.

"Oh, kitten," Garcia hushed and drew the blonde into her arms. JJ wasn't crying, this embrace wasn't about comforting a physical expression of distress; it was about the distress that was beating against the barriers but hadn't managed to breach the edges of JJ's mind yet.

"Thanks PG," JJ said quietly and pulled back after a few seconds.

"It's nothing Angel-face," Garcia promised with a slightly musical tone. "But I've got to get something straight, so work with me here. You're going with Emily to most of her doctor's appointments, you're watching her go through all these changes, and helping her deal with all the problems, you're living with her, and you want to let yourself feel like this kid's mom but you won't. So what's going on?"

"Everything's fine. It's nothing," JJ brushed it off again.

Garcia huffed gently, "JJ, listen to me, ok? You've been using 'we' when you talk about the baby for ages, even in this conversation. It's ok to think of yourself as Gummy Bear's mom too; you should."

"Garcia, it's Emily's baby. We're only dating," JJ insisted.

"Emily Prentiss may be a lot of things: Strong, stubborn, gorgeous, a huge nerd, a superhero, too awesome to put into words," she was quickly picking up speed. "Pregnant," she added as an afterthought. "But stupid is not one of them," Garcia told her with intense honesty. Her mouth curled up into a smile, "She's serious about this and you care, and I know it can be a little scary. You care enough to put yourself between a flying bullet and them; and no matter how scared you are, you're not going to run away from her because you love her." Garcia's speed had started to build and continued to pick up steam. "But you're holding onto this situation about your position in Gummy Bear's life, which isn't a situation at all, as an out if you need it." At this point Garcia was going full speed, her voice at the extremes of her inflections, and using large gestures. JJ sat back stunned silent as she ranted. Garcia stopped for a breath and JJ used the moment to let her mind process everything that her friend had just said. Garcia's energy level dropped and she made intense eye contact with JJ. "You don't need an out Sweetness, Emily's not going to let go of the best thing that's ever happened to her. You don't have to be scared, you can get used to the idea of being around for a while."

JJ cocked an eyebrow at her good friend and an amused smile fell across her face, "Come up with all of that on your own?"

"I may have had some help from a certain chocolate god," Garcia admitted. "But I added my own Genius flourishes."

"Garcia," JJ sighed out her name with a breathy laugh. "Everything's fine with me and Emily," she smiled reassuringly. "I promise."

Working so closely with profilers had taught both women skills that they were using at the moment. JJ was hiding her thoughts and feelings and she knew that Garcia could tell that she was hiding them. Garcia didn't believe JJ's words and could see that JJ knew that her reassuring words weren't going to convince her friend, and she wasn't going to back down. They were at a stalemate, but Garcia hadn't expected JJ to just accept what she was being told. JJ was terrified of putting herself out there for someone else and getting hurt; and Garcia had watched that fear ruin many of JJ's relationships, and then she comforted her friend when the relationship and she ended up hurting anyway. But she had put the idea that Emily wasn't going to hurt her into her friends head, and that was all she could really do. So Garcia let it go, "Ok." She smiled gently at JJ. "Come on Angel Face, let's go get some lunch."

JJ slid her key into the lock of the door. True to his word to Emily, Hotch had sent her home early. She stepped into the apartment and was greeted with a mouth-watering smell. "Something smells great," she called while she deposited her bags, shucked off her coat, and stepped out of her shoes.

"Great timing," Emily called back from the kitchen; JJ could hear the smile in her voice. "Dinner's almost ready."

JJ smiled, enjoying the feeling of the cool, soft carpet, covering the hardwood floor, under her stocking clad feet, as she wandered deeper into the apartment. She paused to admire the view as Emily came into her line of sight. JJ let her eyes slide over her lover, something seemed different. It took a second for her to realize that it wasn't Emily that was causing the difference. It was her clothes; if you didn't know to look for it, you'd never know that they were any different than what she'd normally where, but the pants fit better than the ones she'd been wear recently, and the shirt hung differently. They were maternity clothes.

"Hey," Emily set aside the food she'd been working on preparing. She strolled across the room and took JJ's hips in her hands, leaning in teasingly close to her.

"Hey yourself," JJ said leaning back to look Emily over again. "You did some shopping today?"

Emily looked down and fingered the hem of her shirt. "Yeah, I had so much time, and I figured it was time to stop squeezing into my normal clothes. It was a nice distraction." She thought about the little wrapped package tucked away in her closet. "So I picked out a few things."

"I like it," JJ leaned back against the wall, making Emily follow her and lean into her personal space slightly, looking for some contact.

"Yeah?" Emily questioned, leaning away with a playful grin. "I wasn't sure about the color and some of it's cutesier than I like."

"You're beautiful." JJ told her honestly. "Now shut up and kiss me."

Emily happily complied, giving her a quick 'hey, you're home kiss' that held the slightest promise of something more. She pulled away, giving JJ one last playful peck on the lips before turning back to the food.

JJ followed her and laced her arms around her waist, leaning flush against her back. "What smells so good?"

"Roast beef," Emily told her. "Wild rice with mushrooms, sweet onion, and garlic, and steamed asparagus."

"Do I smell something chocolaty and delicious too?" JJ asked happily.

"Maybe," Emily said noncommittally and turned away to check on one of the dishes. She looked back just in time to see JJ picking a piece of the roast beef off of the pan. "Hey," Emily swatted her hand away. "Wait until it's done, or you won't get to try any chocolaty deliciousness."

JJ grinned childishly as she swallowed the stolen morsel and sucked her fingers clean. "So there is chocolate?"

"Come on, help me set up the table," Emily smirked at her girlfriend's antics.

JJ knew that she could cook, more than one person paid her a compliment on a home-cooked meal. But her cooking was nothing compared to what Emily could do with food. JJ hardly considered it cooking, it was more like creating. JJ knew that she didn't want to miss a single part of this meal. She set out two table settings, silverware, glasses, she went to take two plates to the table and Emily stopped her telling her to sit and relax. "So I was thinking," JJ started, testing the waters. "We have week off coming up," Emily looked over at her. "My parents are free that first weekend."

"Ok," Emily smiled. "Let them know we'll be there." She was a little anxious about this meeting, after the reception she got from her parents it was understandable. But to see JJ smile like that she'd get up in front of the most homophobic, hateful person in the world and announce that she loved this woman. "Actually," Emily started as she started portioning out food onto the plates. "My mother wants to have lunch with both of us."

JJ's eyebrows shot up, "Alright," she said a little hesitantly.

"If you don't want to, I can tell her that I'm not comfortable with that yet," Emily paused in her task and turned to face JJ as the assuring words left her mouth.

The blonde shook her head, "No, she's trying."

Emily sighed as she picked up the two plates. "She's trying, but she still doesn't like it or understand." She set her plate down, then moved around the table and kissed the top of JJ's head as she put the plate in front of her. "Ok, I'll tell her we'll try to find a time."

"What's she doing in the states?" JJ asked curiously as Emily sat down across from her.

"The Embassy in Syria has been shut down because of all the violence and threats. So she's in the states until it calms down or she gets another posting." Emily smothered a laugh as JJ groaned her approval of the first bite of food.

"Have I told you that I love you today?" JJ asked as she brought a forkful of rice to her lips.

"I wouldn't mind hearing it again," Emily gave JJ a smoldering look and ran her bare foot up and down the length of JJ's calf. "I'll probably be hearing it again before the night's over."

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><p><strong>AN: Don't worry, I am continuing their night. I just wanted to update.<strong>


	39. The Celebration of Ours

**AN: Well here's a treat for all of you that really love the Emily/JJ relationship, which I assume is all of you or at least the majority. I will put the translation to the little bit of French and Italian that are in this chapter in an author's note at the end of the chapter. I do not speak either language at all, not even a little bit, so I apologize for any errors, I used the internet.  
>I seem to think that Emily is a romantic sap and JJ has an incredibly childish side. So, I hope you guys like it because I seem to be getting a little more confident with these chapters.<br>Adult content warning!**

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><p>"So, how much do your parents know about me?" Emily asked as the tip of her big toe tickled JJ's foot.<p>

"They know that I've known you for a while, I've told them about you before." She started, trying not to get too distracted by Emily's foot starting to edge up the over her knee, teasing the hem of her skirt, and then back down to her toes, or the way she licked her lips occasionally, purely for JJ's benefit. "They know that we were close before we got together, and they know about what happened, and that you're pregnant, and that I'm moving in with you." JJ spilled out fast as Emily's foot slid up the outside of her thigh.

Emily hummed curiously as she drew her foot away from JJ. "I have a little surprise for you," she said with a self-satisfied grin.

"Is it chocolate?" JJ asked brightly with a hint of mischief in her voice.

Emily smirked and wordlessly picked up both of the now empty plates. "Don't you want to know what else I did today?" she asked as she pulled something that looked suspiciously like chocolate out of the refrigerator.

JJ smiled sweetly, and batted her big blue eyes as she played along. "What did you do today, honey?" her voice dripped with sugary curiosity.

Emily laughed out loud and put the tray down. She was careful to block it with her body and she got the needed utensils to cut it. "Well, they got to me right away at Dr. Cards so I was out of there in fifteen minutes. At this point I figured since I had the day off I'd make use of it. I knew I wanted to make dinner so I'd have to do some shopping as it was, and I decided that I'd get some more comfortable clothes while I was at it." She glanced over at JJ and saw she was trying to get a peek at the chocolaty dessert she was cutting into. "And by the time I finished I was at a little shop and I realized that I wasn't far from your apartment." She turned to finish her story looking at JJ, still carefully blocking dessert from JJ's view. JJ was clearly curious about where Emily was going with this story. "And I remembered the last time we'd moved some of your stuff over here," their eyes met during the little pause, both of them clearly remembering the playful, giggling little scuffle that turned into a tumble under the sheets. "There wasn't a whole lot left and it was all already in boxes. So I stopped there and picked up the last of it. Then went and got groceries and came home."

JJ's forced sweet smile easily morphed into genuine happiness. "You moved the last of my things?"

"Yeah," Emily laughed a little. "It's all in the guest room. We just have to put it all away. And I was thinking, that we can get the guys to help move everything else to storage, and then have them over for a little house warming get together," she suggested happily.

JJ's whole demeanor was radiating contentment, "So I'm officially moved in?"

Emily nodded enthusiastically, "This is now one-hundred percent our place."

"Do we get to celebrate with chocolate?" JJ asked hopefully. She was getting more than a little impatient, the promised dessert of chocolaty perfection had been in the refrigerator with just promised it was even more delicious than she had originally thought.

Emily huffed and over-exaggerated her annoyance, "If all you want is chocolate then I'll give you a piece and take my piece up stairs and eat it in the bathtub while I _relax_," she drew out the word seductively.

It was an empty and unneeded threat, and they both knew it. JJ quickly shook her head. She wanted the dessert, she really really wanted the dessert, but she really really did not want to eat it by herself. Still she frowned a little when Emily turned around with only one plate in her hands.

"Close your eyes," Emily commanded softly as she walked towards to table. JJ did as she was told. Emily put the plate down at her seat and then moved and took JJ's hands. "Keep them closed," she pulled her to her feet and carefully led her around to her own seat. Emily sat down first and then pulled JJ down to sit in her lap. She noticed the amused smile on the blonde's lips. Emily brought the fork with a small amount of the dessert to the curved lips.

JJ felt the cold shivering into her lips from the bite of food being offered to her, the decadent sent caressed her nose. She closed her mouth around the fork. Her taste buds finally delighted in the delicious taste of chocolate. And strawberries. It was mostly creamy and smooth, but part of it was crumbly and more solid, the fruit was cold and soft but still crisp. She opened her eyes and met Emily's smiling brown eyes. She glanced down to see what the dessert that Emily had prepared was chocolate cheesecake with layers of strawberries between the crust and also on the top.

"Worth the wait?" she asked smugly as she took a bite for herself.

"Definitely," JJ grinned and laced her arm around Emily's neck. She licked her lips as she watched Emily refill the fork, the whole time Emily was drawing swirling patterns on her thigh with her free hand. JJ just started to open her mouth to take in the next bite when the fork suddenly changed directions and Emily's lips closed around it.

Emily watched JJ's mouth close to a pout as she ate. "It was definitely worth the effort. I'm glad you like it." JJ's eyes flashed a little. Good, she was going to play too. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you want some?" She queried in a soft, breathy voice.

JJ took the fork from her and leaned in so Emily could feel her breath sweeping across her ear. "Yeah, I did." She pulled back and looked into Emily's dark eyes before leaning in again. Their breath danced for a moment before JJ brushed her lips against Emily's then connected them in a kiss that was immediately consuming. The hint of chocolate that JJ could taste on Emily's mouth made the deep, short kiss so much better. She fed herself another bite of cheesecake and made a show of cleaning the fork. "Now, what's this I hear about the bathtub?" she asked as she gathered some of the cheesecake onto the fork.

"Hotch gave me strict orders to relax, and what's more relaxing than a nice, hot, candle lit bath," she took the offered bite of cheesecake and managed to savor it and eat it relatively quickly. "With your girlfriend," she finished, trailing her swirling patterns dangerously high up JJ's leg.

They finished the rest of the cheesecake much in the same impish way, but with more purpose. JJ fed Emily the last bite and then made sure the fork was cleaned of all chocolaty perfection while Emily licked her lips. Emily could feel a bit of crust clinging to the corner of her lip and intentionally left it. She saw JJ's eyes catch it and the mischievous grin that spread across her face. JJ's face was again intimately close to her own, she could feel her skin tingling at the closeness. The blonde's soft tongue slid along her lip and claimed the crumb before their lips were again connected in a scorching kiss.

Without breaking the possessive connection of their lips, JJ drifted one leg across Emily's lap so that she was straddling her, chest to chest, face to face. Emily took a firm grip on JJ's hips. She felt JJ's hands slide into her hair and hold onto the back of her neck. They parted both drinking in long, deep gasps of air. Emily pushed a little, urging JJ to stand up. She wasn't going to let this go too far that they wouldn't be able to stop here; she had bigger plans for the night. "I have to," she was still breathing heavily. "Have to put the leftovers away."

"I believe that you are supposed to be relaxing," JJ pulled her to her feet. "Go on, I've got it."

"Jenn," Emily started to voice the flimsy protest her heated brain had managed to concoct.

"You cooked, I'll clean up." JJ pushed her toward to stairs. "I'll be up in a bit." She teasingly swatted Emily's ass to get her moving. It earned her a saucy smile as the brunette hurried away from her.

Emily dropped her shirt in the doorway to the bedroom and her pants in the middle of the floor on the way to the bathroom. She quickly started to prepare the bath; the warm water flowing into the tub, with added salts and oils and bubbles. She grabbed a lighter from one of the drawers and started lighting the candles all around the bath tub and the rest of the room. She peeled off the last of her clothing, dropping them in the hamper and wrapped herself in a silky robe before leaning over to turn the tap off. She flipped off the overhead lights and perched on the edge of the tub just as JJ called for her from the stairs. "In the bathroom, mon chouchou."

JJ shivered, she loved Emily's pet names for her. She saw Emily's pants and shirt as she swept through the bedroom. She could see that the bathroom was illuminated by candle light, casting gentle shadows around Emily's profile. She stepped into the warmth and soft light, finally able to see the room and Emily in the silky red bathrobe.

"You are overdress in a most unfortunate manner, Jennifer," Emily drawled as she rose onto graceful legs. Her fingers played with edges of the satiny, red fabric as they ran down from her collar bone to the tie that held the thin robe closed. She tugged once and it fell open, revealing a strip of delicious, ivory skin. She rolled her shoulders slowly, causing the fabric to slip down her arms until it caught at her elbows, pooling and bunching at her hips. She felt the familiar awareness and uncertainty that crept into her mind every time her scars were showing, but the way JJ's eyes slowly dragged over every inch of her, from her wild curly hair to her toes gripping the tiled floor, and the way she swallowed thickly easily dismissed her insecurities. She let the robe fall to her feet and sighed from deep in her chest as she lowered herself into the bath. She looked up at JJ, who seemed to be frozen where she stood, with big dark eyes that someone could drown in, through long eyelashes. "What are we going to do about that?" her voice was low and sultry.

JJ's hands were shaking. She managed to lower the zipper on her skirt and step out of it once it dropped to the floor. It was almost impossible to get the buttons of her blouse undone. She tried to hurry, cursing under her breath as she struggled with the first two. She wanted to get out of her clothes so much she was very seriously considering just ripping her shirt off and sending the buttons flying across the room.

"Slowly, Il mio dolce gattina," Emily crooned. "Slowly."

JJ took a steadying breath and brought her hands back up to the button she had been struggling with, her eyes never left Emily's face.

Emily watched as she slowly revealed her toned stomach and a hint of a royal blue, lace bra and panties to match. She licked her lips, oblivious to the fact that JJ hungrily watch the path her tongue took across her lower lip and that it made JJ unconsciously bite her own lip. The last button was popped through the hole and JJ shrugged the shirt off. Emily's breath caught in her chest at the sight. It was stunning. Her blonde hair down and a little messed up, her gorgeous blue eyes set off by the color of her underwear and dancing with desire, her lips still swollen from the kisses at the table, her soft, kissable skin flushed. "Bella, il mio amore. Così bella," Emily purred. JJ reached down to take off her stockings and Emily stopped her with a soft, "Ah-ah," and crook one finger at her in the 'come hither' motion. "Let me," she grinned.

JJ strode forward on unsteady legs until she felt the cool marble of the bathtub against the heated skin of her legs. Emily's hands reached out and caressed the skin just above the stockings. She leaned forward and pressed her lips just below JJ's bellybutton. "Così bella," she kissed JJ's hipbone, right above the lace of her underwear, "la mia dolce," and the other, "tesoro," this time her lips replaced her fingers and pressed against the top of her stocking, "cara," she gave the other thigh the same treatment, "amore," her lips brushed against JJ's navel just below the top of her panties. JJ's fingers tangled into her hair as she left a trail of wet kisses down one thigh, working the stocking down as she went until JJ could pull it off. Then she repeated the process with the other leg. Emily hooked her fingers under the waist band of JJ's panties and shimmied them over her hips, down her thighs, letting them join the discarded stockings, and unabashedly stroked her way all the way up the back of her thighs. She nuzzled against JJ's hip and looked up at her, "Join me," her lips murmured against the sensitive skin. The bra fell to the ground and JJ eased herself into the bath, the warmth of the water and the soft, solidness of Emily pressed against her back made her sensitized skin sizzle with sensual sensations. Emily's arms were immediately around her, one hand on her stomach and inching lower, the other on her thigh with the short fingernails barely skimming along the delicate flesh. Emily's lips connected with the skin behind her ear and sucked gently. Her tongue swept lower to the junction of her jaw and neck before those lips continued the path to her pulse point. JJ was quickly taken over by the feelings flooding her body.

JJ's hips were moving of their own accord, her hands clenched and relaxed on the legs at her sides; Emily had worked her into a frenzy, through her desperate haze of need it felt like Emily was touching her everywhere, which might not have been too far from true as Emily liked to let her hands wander where ever they could reach, and not touching her enough. Emily knew exactly what to do, where to touch her, when and how, to erase every thought other than her lover and what she was doing to her body, the pleasure she was about to bring, from her mind. Her chest was heaving under one of Emily's hands. It wasn't long before the only sounds coming from JJ's throat were incoherent, desperate mewls. She turned her head, seeking out Emily's lips; she was desperate to further ground herself. The kiss was impossibly fervent, a fiery clash of teeth, lips, and tongues. She whimpers into the kiss and sees stars for a moment when Emily sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down gently, sweeping and swirling her tongue along the soft flesh at the same time her fingers finally fell between her legs and provided the friction that push her pleasure closer to an undeniable release. Every breath was a sigh or a moan into the kiss and then she gasped as Emily slipped her fingers into the wet heat that her entire being seemed to be centered around. "Bella, la mia amore," she breathed out. Instantly, a flood of pleasure washed over her and Emily helped her ride it out then continued her movements. Her body tensed and arched, her knuckles white as she gripped Emily's legs for dear life as stars exploded behind her eyes with another surge of intense release that crashed over her in wave after wave of heavenly ecstasy.

Emily smiled and kissed her temple when JJ collapsed against her, breathing hard. She ran her hand in gentle patterns along JJ's arms, legs, and stomach as she put her mind back together. She pressed her lips against her neck affectionately and felt her pulse racing and slowing down. Once JJ found the strength to intertwine the fingers of one of their hands, she kissed her lover's ear and whispered, "Welcome home."

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><p><strong>'Mon chouchou' is a French term of endearment that means 'my favorite blue-eyed girl' according to the website I found. (Thank you to the reveiwer 'J' for the correction that it probably means 'my darling')<br>'Il mio dolce gattina' is Italian for 'my sweet kitten'  
>'Bella, il mio amore. Cosi bella' is Italian for 'Beautiful, my love. So beautiful.'<br>****'Cosi bella, la mia dolce, tesoro, cara, amore' is Italian for 'So beautiful my sweet, darling, dear, love'  
>'Bella, la mia amore' is Italian for 'Beautiful, my love'<br>There is one more chapter of this night. I just have no idea how long it'll take me to write. **


	40. Gifts

**AN: And more cute WITH some angst. Because it's been too long. So I had to write a little. I have more angst plans for the next chapter/couple of chapters, depending on how I play it out. Leave a review if you so feel like do so. Enjoy.  
><strong>

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><p>JJ gradually managed to take control of her breathing so that it wasn't her body mechanically and insistently filling her lungs. She still felt tingly, from her scalp to the tips of her fingers and toes. It felt like little effervescent vibrations were running back and forth under her skin. The water felt cooler and she wasn't sure if it was because time had passed or if she was just that much warmer. "Was that my housewarming gift?" she chuckled breathlessly.<p>

"It was supposed to be," Emily laughed lightly and kissed her shoulder. "But I think I enjoyed it as much as you."

JJ could feel her smirking against her shoulder as she pressed sweet kisses across her back. The gentle breath caressed her skin and caused her entire body to tremble slightly. She pulled away slowly and settled herself facing Emily at the other side of the tub. Their legs along the walls of the tub were straight, their foot settled against the other woman's hip. Both of them had their inside leg bent at the knee, leaned against the other woman's leg. "You know, I've got a present too," JJ smiled and leaned forward to capture the delicate ankle of Emily's bent leg in both of her hands. She pulled the leg straight, and Emily giggled, then she took the foot in her hands, gently pressing her fingers into the muscles and tendons.

Emily sank farther down into the water and sighed as JJ massaged her foot. "God, you are amazing," she praised.

JJ grinned. "I don't tell many people this," her voice was quiet and witty. "But you can just call me Jennifer." She bit her lower lip to suppress a laugh.

Emily level JJ with a stern look that contradicted the smile on her face. She flicked her free foot against JJ's side. They calmed down again and relaxed into the candle lit atmosphere. "So, you're parents?" she ventured.

"Yeah," JJ nodded a little. "So, you're mother?" They both looked at each other for a second and acknowledging the slightest tension floating between them. "Should I be scared?" she switched to Emily's other foot.

"Nah, I don't think so." Emily shook her head. "She's the master of passive-aggression. She might verbally beat you into the dirt, but she won't kill you."

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better," JJ laughed.

"Well, what about me? I'm meeting both of your parents. I'm nervous about that," Emily admitted.

JJ shook her head, making a skeptical face. "You don't have anything to worry about. They'll like you," she guaranteed her with a genuine smile.

"You seem pretty sure," Emily pulled her foot out of JJ's kneading fingers and they leaned closer to each other.

"Oh, I am pretty sure," JJ told her.

"And why are you so sure?" Emily asked, continuing to lean towards the blonde.

JJ leaned in the last bit, "Because you make me happy," she smiled broadly. "What more could they ask for?"

Emily laced a hand behind JJ's neck a pulled her the final distance and connected their lips. JJ carefully crawled up into Emily's lap. "Water," Emily managed in a short break from the kiss. "Cold."

JJ nodded, "bed." They carefully stood up and climbed out of the tub, quickly abandoned drying off, and stumbled into the bedroom. The back of Emily's knees connected with the bed and she fell back onto it, looking up at JJ's blue eyes. JJ expected Emily to pull her down next to her and roll them, changing their position so that the brunette would be looking down at JJ. But Emily reached up and grabbed the back of JJ's neck and pulled her straight down so that she was hovering over Emily. She was surprised and hesitated, asking permission with her eyes. Emily nodded, giving her the approval that JJ was seeking.

JJ would never be able to forget the handful of times that Emily had flinched away from what she had intended as a comforting touch, and the way that it stung even though she knew it wasn't intentional. She would never forget the way Emily would sometimes shrink away from her after a nightmare, with blind terror glazed over her haunted eyes. It almost never happened anymore; it really was one hundred times better, but it wasn't perfect either. In the hospital after they'd gotten her back, every injury was a trigger, every memory that insisted on being acknowledged, and for a while lying on her stomach made her uneasy. She didn't like the idea of being against a wall. Emily had been determined not to let Levi take her life way from her and she dealt with all of it. Her injuries heal and she confronted her scars, she faced the memories, and she broke through the fears. JJ knew that Emily had forced herself to stand with her face against a wall over and over until it didn't make her think of the cell, until it didn't evoke that fear response that made her want to run until it all just went away. She overcame the physical effects and battled the mental demons, but there was a situational fear that she didn't see coming and it started to eat away at her. There was only one time the JJ had come face to face with it, and at the time it shook her to the core.

It wasn't uncommon for them 'take charge' in the bedroom, so occasionally they would restrain each other. Sometimes it helped, with the things they dealt with, to let someone else be in control. They didn't tie each other up because it wasn't about the control or loss of control; it was about just feeling, without worrying about anything else. Emily liked to interlace the fingers of one of their hands and hold them over JJ's head, leaving JJ to control the other hand. JJ preferred to have Emily use total self-restraint, Emily's hands tended to move along the bed; holding onto the pillow fingers flexed out to the side, gripping the sheets in white-knuckled fists at her sides to keep her hands to herself and just feel.

JJ would place Emily's hands where she wanted them. One time, a few weeks ago, she pushed Emily's hands up over her head and her hands lingered around Emily's wrists as she worked the sweet spot on her neck and her knee pressed teasingly between Emily's legs. Emily's wrists shifted under her hands and were met with the slight resistance. JJ felt her go stiff under her.

"Jen, stop," Emily's voice was barely higher than a whisper as she practically whimpered.

JJ immediately pulled away and crawled backwards down the bed from Emily as she sat up and held her now free, shaking hands over her face and fought to control her breathing. "Em," JJ gently called out to her after a minute.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Emily's voice trembled as she lowered as she lowered her hands. She held out her arms, inviting JJ to come back to her. JJ slowly scooted back towards her and took both of her hands. "I'm sorry," her voice was small and nothing but uncontrolled anguish as she suppressed tears.

"Hey," JJ whispered as Emily fell against her chest. "It's ok," she wrapped her arms around the brunette. "It's ok."

Emily drew back and met JJ's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Jen, I didn't mean to," she apologized again.

"Shhh, Em," JJ rubbed up and down Emily's back. "It's ok, honey," she softly kissed Emily's head. "What happened?"

"I…" Emily trailed of and dropped her eyes. JJ comfortingly ran her hand along her back, silently asking for her to open up and talk to her. "You were holding my wrists and it was him again. I had a flashback. It was him and I wanted to fight, but I knew that it was you. I couldn't do anything; I didn't know what to do and I just felt so out of control. I started to panic." She sounded so humiliated.

"I'm sorry, oh baby, I'm sorry," she hushed. "It's ok. It's ok." Emily started to say something more and JJ stopped her in a quiet voice, "We can talk about it in the morning." They curled up under the covers, as if to hide from the dark memories.

JJ found out the next day that the loss of control was something that still terrified Emily since her abduction, but more than anything she hated that it had affected her relationship. So now, to have Emily giving her this control, it said so much about Emily's strength and her absolute trust in JJ.

In this moment, JJ didn't think that she had ever loved Emily more. She had never felt as loved as this woman made her feel. Right now she was loving Emily with everything that she was; she loved her with her heart, she loved her with her soul, she loved her with her mind, and she loved her with her body. Emily was everything, every second of everyday.

She slowly, gently placed her hands on Emily's elbows and ran them up to her wrists, pushing her hands up over her head. JJ climbed onto the bed and brought a knee to rest on either side of Emily's waist. She slowly lowered herself, trying not to put too much pressure on Emily's wrists; she felt Emily shifting her arms and testing JJ's careful grip. "Are you ok?" she asked seeing her lover fighting the fear just barely there in her eyes. Emily nodded, relaxing slightly. "You sure?" she asked as Emily's hands continued to flex and she pushed, and twisted, and pulled her wrists faintly against JJ's hands. Emily nodded again, the eye contact between the intense. "Okay," JJ breathed out. She dipped her head and pressed her lips to Emily's. The kiss easily progressed into a deep and passionate dance of their lips and tongues, still Emily gave off an air of tension. Oxygen became needed and JJ pulled back. Emily was breathing just as heavily as JJ, but her eyes remained closed and her hands shook. JJ kissed one of Emily's eyelids and then the other, and then pressed a sweet kiss to her lips. "Open your eyes," she requested tenderly. Emily's eyes fluttered a little but didn't open. She leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Come on, sweetie; open your eyes for me." She waited a little, "Do you want to stop?" Emily shook her head. JJ kissed the tip of Emily's nose and that made her smile a little. "Please, look at me Emily."

Emily opened her eyes and JJ could see the fear there. And JJ understood that Emily wasn't scared of her; Emily was scared of what she would do to JJ if she lost control in her panic. JJ would stop in a split second if Emily said the word, and that Emily could have her knocked-out on the ground before JJ could think if she wanted to. Emily blindly trusted JJ but she was terrified of what would happen to them if she accidently hurt JJ. "Hey, it's just me," JJ whispered. "It's just us." Emily started to relax. "Just look at me." Emily looked into her eyes; and JJ hoped that they were showing nothing but the pure love, and trust, and support that she felt for Emily, and not the fear that she was losing her. After a few seconds Emily smiled and the fearful tension ebbed out of her body, replace by a tension of need. They met for another consuming kiss and Emily's desire was clear. JJ slipped her hands into Emily's, intertwining the fingers in a kind of embrace as she shifted to kiss down her jaw and neck.

"I love you," Emily gasped out as JJ made love to her. There was clearly lust behind the words, but they were fueled by genuine emotion.

"I love you too," JJ breathed out as Emily's release danced over her body.

JJ lied down next to Emily and brushed her hair out of her face as she came down from her body-tingling high and the shimmering lights stopped dancing around her field of vision. Emily slowly found the strength and ability to move and twined her legs with JJ's; sliding her hands into JJ's hair she kissed her slow and sweet. JJ rolled onto her stomach and rested her head on Emily's shoulder, letting her arm rest across her lover's stomach. Emily skimmed her fingers up and down JJ's bare back, enjoying feeling the soft skin under her fingertips. Emily tipped her head and kissed JJ's cheek. "When is your lease up?" She asked.

JJ propped herself up on her elbow and smiled down at Emily, "I have to have all of my stuff out by the end of the month."

"We'll get the guys to help while we have that week off," Emily promised.

"Spend the weekend with my parents, lunch with your mother, conning the team into moving me out of my apartment, and then dinner; what should we do the rest of the week?" JJ asked.

Emily smiled naughtily, "I was thinking we turn off our phones and not leave the bed."

JJ dropped a kiss to Emily's shoulder and hummed her approval, sending vibrations across the brunette's skin. "I love that idea, but we should sleep. We have a meeting with Strauss in the morning." Emily just grumbled in response. She started trying to untangle herself from Emily to get out of bed, but her companion was having none of it and tightened her grip around her waist. "We have to get ready for bed," JJ insisted.

"We can sleep like this," Emily countered.

"The candles in the bathroom," JJ pointed out. Emily grumbled again, knowing that JJ had a valid point.

"But Hotch told me to relax. You wouldn't want me to get in trouble for disobeying an order would you?" Emily smiled smugly.

JJ just smirked down at her, finally untangled and standing next to the bed. "You can just stay there then." She added under her breath, but loud enough for Emily to hear, "You do that plenty on your own anyway." She grabbed her robe and padded into the bathroom. Suddenly finding the bed much less desirable, Emily rose got up and followed JJ. She picked her robe up off the floor and slid it onto her arms. "I thought you were going to relax," JJ smiled as Emily started pulling out her toothbrush.

"I don't want to have morning breath," she grinned and handed JJ her own toothbrush. JJ laughed lightly.

Back in the bedroom, JJ went to the closet to get them both pajamas. She pulled the first set out and a little package fell from a shelf. Emily bit her lip, she knew what it was. JJ leaned and picked it up, taking note of the wrapping paper and her name on the little tag. "I was going to give it to you later," Emily said nervously. "You can open it now," she added after a short pause. JJ came back over to the bed, pajamas in one hand and the package in the other. She set the pajamas down and then perched on the edge of the bed, looking curiously at the package balanced on her lap. She pulled the paper away and opened the lid of the small clothing box. Her fingers took hold of the soft fabric and picked it up. It unfolded, revealing it to be a yellow, infant jumper that had the words 'I love my mommy' printed across the chest in white lettering. "Jen, I know that we're only dating and that this is still kind of new," she started to explain. "But I want you to be a part of this baby's life. I want you to help me raise Gummy Bear. Be a mommy with me?"

JJ's face broke into a huge smile; she hurled herself at Emily, taking her face in her hands and kissing her madly. They pulled back, laughing a little. "You talked to Garcia, didn't you?" JJ asked.

Emily shook her head 'no' and smiled. "I heard you talking to her, in your office." She reached around JJ and picked up the two sets of night clothes. She kissed JJ softly and handed her a pair. "I love you."

JJ pressed another soft kiss to her lips, "I love you too." She looked at the little new-born outfit for a second, feeling unadulterated happiness radiating from her chest.

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><p><strong>I think I'm done with the love scenes for a while. We'll see.<strong>


	41. Numbing cold

**You lucky ducks. This chapter came to me really fast. It practically wrote itself in one go. So you guys get two chapters in one day. I told you there was going to be angst. This is the angst. And it's just the begining.**

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><p>'How did it get to this?' was what Emily was thinking as she looked out the back-passenger window of the SUV. How, in the course of less than a week, just five days, only 120 hours, had they gone from candle-lit lovemaking in a warm bath to Emily struggling to sleep, having to be convinced to eat, and not really talking to anyone, and wondering what JJ was doing; what she was going through? Where had they gone wrong to bring them here, to Emily wishing that the last thing she had said to JJ was 'I love you' because she didn't know if she would ever get to hold her in her arms again? She looked at the scattered snow on the forest landscape flying by out the window, shivering a little with the unseasonal cold even in the SUV and wondered if they would find JJ alive.<p>

Her door opened; she hadn't even realized that the car had stopped. She looked beyond her friend standing in front of her and saw that they were at the hotel, in Baraga, Michigan. She wordlessly undid her seatbelt and took the hand that Reid kindly offered. He led her to his room, which she was immensely grateful for because she wasn't sure she could handle being alone in the room JJ was supposed to be in.

God, they had been flying high. Strauss couldn't spilt them up, the team was intact, and no one had gotten in trouble. There hadn't been time for much of a celebration because almost immediately they got called out on a case. It was a child case; everyone was struggling to deal with the horror of this kind of case.

"Hotch wants you to get some rest," Reid said gently. He watched as Emily noticed that she was still standing in the entry way to the room.

She walked slowly into the room, arms wrapped around herself. "I can't," she said quietly. It was the only thing she'd said in hours.

"Try," he coaxed caringly. He was desperate to get her to rest. None of them had slept much the last couple of days and they were all worried that it was going to become too much for Emily. A little more selfishly, he wanted her to sleep so he wouldn't have to watch her like this because it broke his heart.

Emily turned her blank eyes away from him; she focused absently on the wall but sat down on one of the beds. Reid sat down at the table and pulled out a map he was working on. She knew that she shouldn't be short with him, he was close to JJ too, they all cared. But Emily felt like she was losing a piece of herself, and she lost a little bit more every second that JJ was missing. How could they understand that?

The team had spent the last four days here, looking for a missing little girl, Alexandra Denis. They found more bodies. They were surrounded by this nightmare that the unsub created for the families of this community. And then Emily was living the nightmare. They figured out who the unsub was. They knew where to look for the girl, it was a big area but they would find her. And then JJ didn't check in. And now it has been 20 hours since any of them has heard from her. They can't track her cell phone, the searches turned up nothing, and her vehicle was found with the one man who could make this stop. They found him, the unsub, in town, driving JJ's SUV. He wasted no time in confirming their fears; JJ was out there in the Michigan woods, locked away, and her only hope of survival was if the team found her.

Emily didn't sleep at all that first night; she was too worried, terrified that her JJ was dead. Then they found him, and Emily had been standing in the observation room when the unsub told them that JJ was alive. She almost collapsed in relief; Morgan had caught her and sat her down on the nearest chair. As soon as she'd gathered herself she demanded that Hotch let her talk to him. Hotch, at first, had no intention of letting her in the same room as the unsub, but Emily plead her case; Hotch couldn't get him to talk because he acknowledged that Hotch was the alpha between the two of them and fed on that defiance, but if Emily went in there and treated him like an inferior it would get an emotional reaction from him and he would slip up. It would only work if Emily didn't react to him, Hotch had pointed out. Emily insisted that she could do it, there was too much at stake not to let her try. He didn't tell her where JJ was. His anger at having her talk to him like she was his superior pushed him to try and get a rise out of her, to take control. That was where she made a mistake. After almost two hours of trying to get an answer out of him she got defensive when he insulted JJ and he picked up on it. And he had her, he got vulgar, her taunted her, and relished taking control. Hotch pulled her out of the room. The handcuffed man yelled after her, "It's getting cold out! She's going to die slowly! Do you think she's realized that you're not going to be in time to save her?"

That's when Emily had started to really shut down, as the realization that she might have just killed JJ washed over her. JJ'd been missing for 14 hours. They'd had the man who knew where she was in custody for 8 of those hours and he would not give up what they wanted to know. Another 6 hours of talking to him and they still didn't have anything. Emily was numb at this point, her emotions locked away because she couldn't deal with the devastation right now. That's when Hotch sent her back to the hotel with Reid. Twenty hours without JJ. She walked out of the police station and her brain processed what the unsub had said. She watched her breath puff and dissipate in the cold air. The temperature had dropped, and it had been chilly to begin with. Reid turned on the car and the display said it was 34 degrees. JJ could freeze to death.

Emily curled up on the bed, hiding her face from Reid as tears slid down her cheeks. Another four hours passed and she drifted in and out of a restless sleep as her body gave into exhaustion. While she was awake she heard Reid's end of conversations; They got information from the unsub, but not what they needed to know. JJ was with Alexandra; in a way Emily was glad that JJ wasn't alone. Something about distances and locations that Reid could use in a kind of algorithm that could possibly give them a very specific geological profile to narrow down the search; Emily could even bring herself to be interested or wrap her brain around the technical garble of words falling from Spencer's mouth. There was nothing but bad news from the search parties; the area was just too big. They asked about her. Garcia was working with Reid on the maps. Reid broke JJ's potential for survival down to fact and statistics. Emily just laid there; numb, exhausted, practically catatonic, and completely heartbroken.

Reid's phone vibrated, he'd turned the volume off when he'd noticed she was sort of sleeping but it still woke her up every time it went off, she listened. It was different this time. There was a hope that hadn't been there in hours when he told Hotch he would call him back. There was a flurry of papers and then he was talking to Garcia about a valley and distances. And then he promised Garcia that they would bring JJ home. Emily was at his side in an instant. "What happened?"

"We might have her," Reid told her as he dialed Hotch. She asked how but before he could answer Hotch picked up. "Where are you going?" he asked as she pulled her coat on when he stood up.

"I'm coming with you," she told him.

"Emily, that's not a good idea. She's not going to be in good shape when we find her," Reid tried to tell her.

"I'm coming with you," she took the keys and didn't leave room for argument this time. They hurried to the SUV. It was raining hard, freezing, soaking rain. "How did we find her?" They were driving, probably a little faster than they should be.

"He said that they probably know it's raining. It narrowed down the area to look for them. In his comfort zone there's only one valley." He hesitated. "Emily, they're probably underground, and the water's leaking into where ever they are."

Emily threw the SVU into park and was out and running to where the searchers were already combing the area for a sign of where JJ and Alexandra were trapped. Water was running under her feet, along the frozen ground. Her clothes were soaked through. She heard the sirens of the paramedics hurrying towards them. The light from her flashlight crossed something dull and metallic. She brought the beam of light back and hurried towards it. It was a chain. "Over here!" she called desperately. She dropped to her knees and pushed leaves aside revealing something like a cellar door. The thick tarnished chain was wrapped around the handles of the two doors and locked with a padlock. She could hear the water leaking into whatever kind of a room was under those doors.

Morgan was at her side with a set of bolt cutters in a split second. She pulled furiously at the chain. Morgan helped her open the doors. The icy water spilled into the now opened whole in the ground. Emily flung herself down the few steps, into the little cement room. It was just deep enough that if she raised her hands her fingers would just brush the doors when they were closed. The water was up past her ankles. JJ was sitting on the ground against the far wall. Alexandra was in her lap, wrapped in JJ's coat. Emily crossed the tiny bunker in a few strides and fell to her knees at JJ's side. Both JJ and Alexandra were cold to the touch. They were both pale, their lips tinted blue. JJ was shivering. Alexandra wasn't. She wasn't breathing. Morgan had come in right behind Emily; he scooped up the little girl and carried her out quickly. Emily did the same with JJ. She picked her up bridal style, JJ weakly tried to hold onto her. "Emily?" JJ slurred out her name with difficulty. Her eyes filled with tears, hearing her struggle to talk, the way her breathing was labored slightly, feeling her shivering violently against her.

"Yeah, I'm right here," she assured the barely coherent woman as she settled her on the waiting gurney at the ambulance. She bit her lip to hold back the tears as she softly cupped her cheek to comfort her. Her skin was so cold. She took JJ's hand, trying to stay out of the way as the paramedics assessed the patient. JJ gripped her hand weakly and Emily's heart ached for her love and the state she was in. Words like moderate and severe hypothermia were being thrown around, and core temperature and shock.

"Lex?" JJ's voice was hoarse and a gasped slur. Emily barely made out what she was asking.

"She's with the paramedics, Sweetie," Emily sniffed. She couldn't bring herself to tell the shaking woman that she loved so deeply that they were trying to revive the little girl that had been locked with her in that freezing hell for the past 24 hours. Emily was barely holding onto her composure; she was ready to break into hysterics. They started to load JJ into the ambulance and Emily moved to climb in with her. One of the paramedics stopped her and told her that she was going to be in the way and they needed her to be calm if she was going to come with them. Emily just stared at her, unable to process what had been said.

Rossi placed his hand on Emily's shoulder. She looked at him, lost and confused. "I'll ride with her Emily. Meet us at the hospital, ok?" Emily nodded absently. Rossi made eye contact with Morgan, asking for his help to deal with their shocked colleague. Then he climbed into the back of the ambulance and the door was closed.

Emily stood and watched as it pulled away. "Ma'am," someone addressed her. She didn't even have the energy to be annoyed at the fact he'd called her 'ma'am'. She turned her head as acknowledgement that he was talking to her. "You need to change out of those clothes as soon as possible, alright?" He was clearly worried about her lack of responsiveness. Emily nodded. She was vaguely aware of the fact that she was cold. And so were her clothes. They were sticking to her skin. So was her hair.

"I've got her," Morgan assured the young man. "Come on, Mama." He led her over to the SUV. Emily moved to get into the passenger seat. Derek paused with his hand on the handle when he saw Emily hadn't moved. She swallowed once, her whole body shaking. She bent over and threw up the little that she had in her stomach. He hurried around to her as she collapsed against the side of the vehicle and slid down onto her knees, just crying, heartbreakingly crying. He knelt down next to her and gathered her in his arms. "It's ok. We've got her. She's going to be ok, Princess," he soothed as she tucked her head under his chin.

"I could have lost her," Emily sobbed into her shirt.

"I know," he kissed her sopping wet hair. "I know."

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><p><strong>What'd you think? I wrote it so fast I'm hardly even sure how I feel about it.<strong>


	42. Fought and Fighting

**AN: I don't really have much to say about this chapter. Enjoy.**

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><p>Now that the first wave of her emotions had past Emily could think more clearly. She was freezing; she stopped crying but her body continued to shake. Her teeth started chattering and Morgan helped her up and into the car. "Take some of those wet clothes off," he told her. While she did that he went around to the driver's side and started the engine, he reached to the dash and flipped the heat on full blast. He went to the trunk and pulled out a blanket, an FBI sweatshirt, a dry pair of socks, and shoes. He climbed into the driver's seat and threw his rain jacket into the back seat. Emily's shoes, socks, and soaked wool coat followed. He handed her the dry clothes and blanket to put on. "We'll get you some sweat pants to change into at the hospital."<p>

"Thanks," she sniffed. She was feeling better now that she was warming up. She sat slumped in the seat, tense, just thinking. She couldn't get the sight of JJ's normally rosy lips tinted blue out of her head, or the feeling of the shivers wracking JJ's entire body as she carried her out of that underground room. She remembered something Reid had said in the hotel room, when he'd talked about JJ's chance of survival as if it was nothing but a statistic he'd read. His voice had been a low whisper because he didn't want Emily to hear what he was saying. He'd said that finding JJ wouldn't mean that she was totally out of the woods; depending on how low her core temperature had dropped, warming her back up could be just as dangerous as being trapped in the cold. It could shock her system, make her body crash, stop her heart, take her away when Emily had just gotten her back. Emily turned her face to the window to hide the tears blurring her vision and closed her eyes, and she prayed.

It had only been a few minutes, but Morgan couldn't handle the tense silence. "What are you thinking about?"

"She's going to make it, right?" she asked quietly and turned to look at him.

He glanced at her and then the road a few times, and he noticed how drawn her face seemed, how lost her eyes were, and how haunted she looked in the dim light. "You listen to me, Emily Prentiss; JJ is strong and she will not give up, not with you here. She's going to be alright. She's a fighter."

Emily nodded and turned back to the window. She discreetly wiped away the tear that had slipped past her defenses and fell down her cheek. JJ had been out of her reach for more than a whole day, she had spent so much of that time wondering if she was already dead. It was terrifying and it hurt on a level that she hadn't ever imagined. The only thing that had made it the slightest bit better was knowing that they JJ could still be alive. That was all she had. And then they found her and it was like that piece of herself, that wasn't there while JJ was missing, was slowly being stitched back into her. Now she just needed to see Jennifer. She needed to hold her, and see that beautiful smile, and she needed to tell her that she loved her. Emily needed to make sure that she was alright after being trapped in that cellar, thinking and going through god only knows what, with that little girl. She turned back to Morgan slowly, an equally scary thought forming. "Alexandra?" She remembered Morgan picking up the motionless form of the small girl.

His jaw clenched and he looked at her from the corner of his eye. She expected the worst. "She wasn't breathing by the time we got her to the paramedics, but her heart was beating, but only barely. They got her breathing again and were trying to stabilize her vitals when they loaded her into the ambulance." He saw her tilt her head back.

Emily swore under her breath and shook her head, bit her lip, and fell silent again as she turned back to the window again. Morgan let it be silent the rest of the way to the hospital.

JJ lied back on the hospital bed. The doctors hadn't let her see anyone until her temperature started coming back up. They had gotten her out of her soaked clothes in the ambulance, so they'd put her in a hospital gown after she'd been dried off. She'd been put in a private room, with an IV in her arm to pump warm fluids into her system, warm compresses on her neck, chest, and groin, and under a thick blanket specifically for holding body heat. She felt like her brain was in a warm haze. Once she'd started warming up, her doctor let Hotch in to talk to her. JJ's entire body continued to shiver, even as she felt unbearably warm. Hotch asked her about what happened and her voice and words were flat as she told the story, and her eyes were empty as the memories played in her head. She felt so out of control and weak; she couldn't stop her body from betraying her weakness as it shook without her consent. She needed some sort of control, so her emotions were tightly held in check. He told her about Alexandra's condition. He told her that the sweet, little, seven year old, blonde girl that JJ had talked to, and comforted, and held as the cold seeped into her small frame, prayed for as the shivers tore through her body, sang to as she struggled to stay conscious, did everything that she could to keep her out of the water when it started leaking into their prison until her own body refused to do what was necessary to continue the task, promised that her team would find them, that she fought to save probably wouldn't make it. She told him that she didn't want to see anyone except Emily once the doctors cleared her for visitors. She was really glad when they took her off the fluids because it'd had her going to the bathroom every thirty minutes and then she'd have to get resituated with the warm compresses. It was annoying. And then there was nothing to do but wait. She just stared at the ceiling and tried not to fall asleep because she knew what she'd see when her eyes closed.

Emily and Derek hurried into the hospital waiting room. Alexandra's parents were already there waiting anxiously for news on their daughter's condition. She ducked away from the group of agents to change out of the last of her wet clothing. She caught Reid in the hallway on the way back to the team. He was upset, and hiding it well, but they knew each other better than that. She reached out and rested her hand on his shoulder. Their eyes met and after a second he smiled a little, and she smile a little in return. The short, silent interaction was an apology, an acceptance, a reassurance, and support, because that's how they worked. These moments had become more common than either of them really liked. Emily sat, slouched forward in one of the uncomfortable chairs, bracing her forearms on her knees. Her whole body felt heavy. She didn't know how long it had been; she was aware of time passing and the presence of her friends drifting around her, sometimes close to her, but someone sat down next to her. She felt them studying her for a second, and then a hand wrapped around her own. She turned her hand over and held onto the rough, older hand that suddenly pulled her out of her worry clouded reality and into the waiting room with everyone else. Emily was struck with the memory of doing the same thing for JJ when Garcia had been shot, offering the other woman support and the comfort of knowing that someone else was there with her in that hard time with just a hand on hers, because even then seeing JJ upset had been hard. She didn't have to look to know who it was; there was only one person on the team who gave off a fatherly comfort. Emily looked at Rossi's time worn face and saw the truth of how deeply he cared for both JJ and herself.

"Her doctor just came out and talked to Hotch; she's going to be fine," he told her, squeezing her hand a little bit. She squeezed back after a second to process the new information. "They don't want her having visitors yet, but Hotch is talking to her right now." He let go of her hand and she allowed him to lead her so that she was leaning against him, with his arm wrapped comfortingly around her shoulders. Emily let her head fall to rest on his shoulder. "She's ok," he said softly.

"She's ok," Emily echoed.

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Hotch came out of JJ's room and beckoned Emily to him. "She's going to be fine," he assured her. "She's asked to only see you when they allow her to have visitors." A doctor walked into the waiting room and walked up to Alexandra's parents. They couldn't hear what was being said, Hotch already knew, neither of them needed to hear it to know, watching said it all. Their reaction was pure anguish. The mother collapsed against her husband crying inconsolably. He held her closely while tears filled his own eyes. Emily's hands unconsciously fell to her stomach as she felt a new kind of sympathy for the parents of a victim, a level of connection with them. "Alexandra is still alive but they can't stabilize her system. The hypothermia did some damage to her liver and lungs. She crashed twice while they've been trying to warm her up, and now it looks like her systems have started shutting down." They both looked over as the devastated couple walked into the room were their daughter would likely die. "Unless she starts improving, they don't think she'll make it more than 24 hours." Emily shook her head. She felt terrible for being so happy that JJ was going to be fine when an innocent child had gone through such an ordeal, only to be rescued too late and have to fight for her life anyway. "I've already told JJ."

Emily just nodded and took her seat where she could see JJ's door again. It was like she was in a paradigm universe, where time hardly moved at all. Or maybe there just was no existence of time when she had to wait. Either way, she got lost in her own thoughts again. "Agent Prentiss?" a quiet voice questioned of her. Her head shot up, and at first she was disappointed that it wasn't a nurse, but her disappointment quickly melted away into a puddle of sympathy and curiosity as she took in the face of Alexandra's mother. "I was talking to Dr. Reid because I wanted to see Agent Jareau. He told me that you were the only one who was going to see her and that I should have you ask her."

She found her voice and nodded, "I'll ask her, when they let me see her."

"Alright, if she doesn't feel up to it, we just wanted to thank her," she swallowed thickly, "for everything she did for our daughter." She paused to reign in her emotions. "Lexi, she's been asking for her too." Her gaze fell away from Emily's face.

Emily gently touched the other mother's arm to stop her from continuing into a ramble. "I'll let her know," she promised. She could feel the other woman trembling under her hand.

Alexandra's mother looked back up at Emily, "Thank you." Her eyes closed, she took a moment and drew a deep breath through her nose. She opened her eyes again and there was a strange smile across her lips. "How far along are you?"

Emily school her expression, only letting a hint of a grin cross her face as her hands drifted to her baby bump again. "Seventeen weeks," she told her.

"Are you going to find out if it's a boy or girl?" She asked.

"I don't know," Emily shrugged. "Probably."

Alexandra's mother nodded, "Your baby's going to be lucky to have your team around. You're all good people; it's a good extended family to have." They stood for a moment longer. "I hope they let you see Agent Jareau soon. Alexandra won't let go until she sees her again. I just want her to go peacefully if she can't fight anymore." There was a pause as the harsh reality and injustice of the situation sunk in. "I should get back." She gave a tight, polite smile; Emily was sure that this woman wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and fall apart. She turned and walked back into the hospital room to be with her daughter.


	43. Promises

**AN: Angst. So much angst. I am sorry that it took so long to write this chapter. But so much angst. It was hard to write it. I hope I did the situation justice.  
>I make no claims that any medical information in this story is accurate.<strong>

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><p>Emily paused just in the door to JJ's room, only for a split second, just long enough to realize that it had happened; she had taken of as soon as the words 'you can see her now' had left the doctor's mouth. She wasn't sure where the apprehension came from, but maybe, given the team's past experiences with hospitals, it was just a learned response by now. Maybe it was that she hadn't expected JJ to look physically fine, again probably with her experiences with hospitals that involved her family; Reid after his encounter with Hankel and his alternate personalities, Garcia getting shot, after Hotch had almost been blown up in New York, Reid after their time on Cyrus's compound, Morgan after his run in with the Reaper, Hotch after he was attacked in his own home by Foyet, JJ when she was hit upside the head with a shovel, and then there were her own numerous hospital visits, and the times she'd seen victims in the hospital. It was a long list that just kept getting longer. She wasn't ready for JJ to be sitting up, awake, unscathed, and waiting for her. She wasn't as pale as she had been when Emily brought her out of the cellar, and her lips and cheeks had the rosy tint back.<p>

"Hey," she greeted as she crossed to JJ's side. "How're you feeling?"

JJ shrugged, "Like hell."

Emily offered a weak smile, "I'm not surprised, your body's gone through hell," she reached out and ran her hand down the back of JJ's head. JJ shrugged again and gave a noncommittal hum. Emily carefully sat on the edge of JJ's bed; she wasn't sure how much comfort JJ would be willing to accept, but she couldn't fight her own desire to be close to her. "How are you really doing?"

JJ scooted over, making room for Emily on the bed. "I just stopped shivering about thirty minutes ago. I feel sore and achy and like I'm burning up. My neck's sore and my knees are torn up, my hands too; they dug some gravel out of them." The tears were starting to burn behind her eyes and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop them. She knew Emily could already hear them in her voice and there was no point in denying the pain clawing at her chest. "I feel so weak," she admitted and felt the first tear track down her cheek. "It's my fault." Another tear slid from her eyes, and another, and another. She half fell, half let Emily pull her into her arms.

"Oh baby, it's not your fault," she said gently. Her arm went around JJ's back and the other held JJ's hair out of her face as she cradled her head against her shoulder.

"I shouldn't have," her voice cut out as the tears started to fall faster. "I should," she tried again but her voice was thick with the tears. "I, I, I tr- I tried," she stuttered as the tears fell uncontrollably, too fast for Emily to make out any more of what she said.

Emily hushed her, concerned by the way she was gasping for air. "Calm down, sweetie." She stroked her back slowly, "You've got to breathe Jen." JJ stopped trying to talk and she drew in long, shaking breaths. The beeping from the heart monitor slowed down to a steady-easier pace. "That's it, Jenny, just breathe."

"I saw the truck pull into a small side road," she started once she had control of her voice and breathing. She cut Emily off when she tried to tell her that she didn't have to tell her. "I took out my phone to call for back up, but I didn't get a signal. So I followed him. I was just going to see where he went and then get in touch with the team. I caught up to him and he wasn't at his car, but Alexandra was there. He had her tied up, her wrists and ankles, and her mouth was taped." She swallowed and took a calming breath. "I drew my weapon and I looked around, I didn't see anything. I went to the truck and I open the door. She," JJ had to pause again. "She was so scared. I was about to tell her that everything was ok now, her eyes went wide, and then she clenched them shut. Before I could even start to turn around I was on the ground." Her hand went up to rub the back of her neck. "He cracked me across the back with a tire iron. I reached for my gun and he kicked it away. I don't know where it ended up."

"They found it at the scene," Emily told her softly.

JJ nodded. "I couldn't see straight, I was really dizzy and everything felt heavy. He pulled me up and over to the bunker and he pushed me down into it. I tumbled down the stairs and flew head first across the ground on my hands and knees. I managed to get up, but he had Alex and he threw her down with me. I couldn't let her just fall, she was tied up, there was no way she would be able to break her fall." JJ turned to look at Emily, but held tight to her hand. "I could have gotten to him, or at least tried to. It could have stopped there. But I caught her instead of even trying. It knocked me back down and by the time I got up again the doors were closed and I could hear the chains being locked in place. I tried the doors anyway, they wouldn't budge. It was dark. I'm surprised I managed to get up to the doors without tripping It could've stopped there. But at that moment all I could think was that Lexi could break her neck or crack her head open." A tear slid from her eye and she quickly wiped it away.

"You made a choice, sweetie. You did the right thing," Emily tried to sooth her.

"I checked my phone again," JJ continued. "Looking back I probably shouldn't have been as disappointed as I was that I did have a signal. I shouldn't have been surprised. Lexi was crying, I used the light from my phone to get back to her and get her untied, and I just talked to her. By the time I had the tape off her mouth she wasn't hysterical anymore. She just crawled onto my lap and I just held her; she fell asleep like that." She tucked her head under Emily's chin.

Emily smiled a little to herself as she imagined JJ like that, in a different situation of course; maybe on the couch with an upset toddler, wiping away tears after a little spill or kissing a scrape or bump, or maybe on a little bed in the middle of the night cuddling with their child after a nightmare as the little, sleepy eyes started to drift closed again, she kissed the small child on the forehead and tucked the covers around the tiny frame. Emily couldn't deny that she could see it, and liked the idea a lot.

"When she woke up again she was so scared and she was in pain. I asked her what hurt, she told me her wrists so I rubbed them for a little bit. I couldn't really see much, but I remembered the autopsies from the other victims; Lex must be covered in bruises. When she calmed down, I kept her talking about herself. I just wanted her to stay calm. She is such a sweet little girl, Em," her voice trembled as the tears started again. "She cried herself to sleep and after a while I must have drifted off too because she had a nightmare and it woke me up. She had been dreaming that he was hurting her again, and after she got through that she asked me if we were going to die. The only thing I could do was tell her that my friends were looking for us. I just held her for a while. She told me she was cold, so I opened my coat and she huddled against my front so I could close it around her as much as I could." JJ sniffed against her tears and felt one of Emily's hands go to her hair in a gesture that the other woman knew would comfort her. "She just wanted me to talk to her, she didn't like the dark, so I told her about you and the team. She fell asleep again eventually, and I knew that I had to get her out of there. It was getting cold and I could feel her shivering." JJ didn't even bother wiping the tears away this time. "I fell asleep again. When I woke up it was even colder, Lexi's teeth were chattering and she was shaking so hard I thought she might have been having a seizure. I took off my coat to drape it over her so that she'd be completely covered by it. It woke her up. That's when I realized something was really wrong." She cried harder as she described the little girls condition and the sense of helplessness she'd felt. "She kept saying that she was so tired and I didn't know what to do. I wrapped her up in my coat and told her to keep talking to me." JJ was trembling in Emily's arms. "It started to rain and it was running down onto the ground and I tried to keep her out of it. I tried to keep her dry. But it was so cold. I was so cold. I didn't think I could hold her up anymore and I felt so tired." She sobbed openly into Emily's neck. "It's my fault. I didn't know what to do. I was so cold. I tried. I couldn't…" her self-incriminating, false admissions of dissolved into sobs as the devastation overtook her again.

Emily rubbed gentle circles up and down her back. "Oh, baby, it's not your fault," she hushed until JJ calmed down. "Jennifer, I want you to listen to me, alright?" she ordered gently, taking JJ's face in her hands and looking into her eyes. "This was not your fault. None of it. It is his fault and we got him. He is going to pay for what he did to all of those girls, for Alexandra, for you." JJ just nodded half-heartedly. "Jen," Emily started again. "You can't blame yourself for how this turned out. You did what you could. You helped her as much as you could. You tried. You said it yourself, you tried." Emily could practically hear JJ say 'not hard enough' even though the words never left her mouth; JJ thought it and Emily knew. She could tell her words weren't doing much to placate her girlfriend's guilt. "Jen, Mrs. Denis to talk to you. Do you want to see her?" Emily asked quietly after JJ was oddly quiet and still for a few moments after Emily dropped her hands.

JJ nodded silently. She still wouldn't meet Emily's gentle gaze.

Emily knew why JJ wanted to see Mrs. Denis: she wanted to face the mother of the little girl that, in her own mind, she had killed. She wanted the other woman to blame her, to tell her it was her fault, someone else to affirm that she was in fact guilty of a child's death. Emily knew that JJ wasn't going to get what she wanted, but she hoped that Mrs. Denis would be able to break through the guilt in a way that she couldn't. "Ok," Emily ran her hand down JJ's arm as she stood up, and took hold of her hand. "I'll be right back," she leaned down and kissed JJ's forehead before going to find Mrs. Denis.

As Emily left the room JJ sat back and braced herself for the verbal lashing she had no doubt she was about to receive. JJ knew that Emily meant well, but she was just trying to make her feel better. Alexandra's mother would tell her what she already knew was true; it was her fault. When Mrs. Denis put Alexandra's death on her, JJ knew that she wouldn't let herself breakdown; she would take the blame, anything to ease the pain of a mother losing a child, especially when it was her fault. Emily walked back into her room and took the seat next to her bed quickly and silently. A woman JJ had never seen before but would have recognized as Alexandra's mother even without the puffy, red-rimmed eyes from constant crying that she was sporting; she looked like Alexandra thirty years in the future. JJ couldn't look her in the eye as she stood halfway between the door and the hospital bed JJ was in.

"Agent Jareau," Mrs. Denis started. Her voice was quiet and held an air of uncertainty. "JJ?" JJ slowly looked up at hearing the name her friends used. "That's what Lexi called you. Is it alright if I use it?" JJ nodded slowly. "I, um…" she paused and let out a breath in a small huff. She spoke again and her voice was stronger, more sure. "I just wanted to," she broke off as JJ interrupted her.

"I'm sorry," JJ hated herself for her weakness.

"I am too," Mrs. Denis said gently. She moved to JJ's bedside. "I'm sorry that this happened to a person as kind as you." JJ's head snapped up, curiosity ghosting across her face. "But I'm glad you were there with Alexandra," the tears clouded her eyes, "while she was scared and hurting. She told her father and me everything that you did for her while you were locked down there, and I am so thankful that she had someone there for her." Her words were getting to JJ, who had been ready for a hateful tirade, not an emotional thank you. "You brought our little girl back to us," she choked up. "Even if it's just for a little while," JJ looked away. "The doctors just found out the reason that her systems shut down so fast was because she has internal bleeding from him beating her." She choked emotionally, but continued to struggle through what she had to say. "They told us that the hypothermia drew her blood to the internal organs and just caused her to deteriorate faster. It's too late to fix it, but you," JJ looked back up at the tone of her voice, "you gave us the chance to hold our baby and tell her that we love her so much. We get to say goodbye." She wiped the tears off her face. JJ's eyes glistened with unshed tears that she was putting so much energy into holding off. "Neither of us can explain how much the lengths you were willing to go to means to us. I… We just… Thank you, for giving us this."

JJ just nodded at first, not trusting herself to talk without completely breaking down. "I'm sorry that it wasn't enough," she hung her head and a single tear escaped and dripped off her cheek. "I wish I could have done more."

Mrs. Denis sat down on the edge of JJ's bed. She reached out, without hesitation, and put her hand over JJ's. "You did all that you could," she told the blonde agent when their eyes met after a few seconds. "Alex would have died out there, alone and scared, if you hadn't been with her. You could have died down there with her, trying to save her."

Emily flinched like the words had physically hurt her. The truth of the situation hit her like ton of bricks. It could have ended differently. She could have lost JJ. The tears that she had barely acknowledged were threating to fall, slipped down her pale cheeks.

"You've already done more than enough, more than I could ask for," Mrs. Denis said and held eye contact with JJ. "I know that you need to rest, but Alexandra has been asking for you. She's fighting, she's always been strong, JJ, she's in pain. There's nothing they can do for her now; she won't survive surgery, her liver and kidneys and her lungs aren't working." She had to stop to gain some control. JJ's hands were shaking with the impossible effort she was using to maintain her control. "I just want her to be able to let go when it's time."

JJ nodded, "I want to see her." She was breathless. She hadn't even realized she'd been holding her breath. She added after a hurried breath, "I'll come see her."

Mrs. Denis looked like she wanted to say something, but whatever the sentiment was, it died on her lips and she just forced a tight smile and left the room, trusting that JJ would follow shortly.

"Come with me, please," JJ requested. She kept her eyes straight forward.

"Of course," Emily said gently. She saw the tear hanging on the curve of her cheek bone; it was pushed over the soft edge by a second rolling drop of sadness and both of the heartbreaking tears tumbled down her face together. Emily helped JJ stand up carefully, not wanting her to fall when she stood for the first time in hours.

JJ walked down the hall with Emily walking right beside her. JJ stopped one step away from the door. She swallowed thickly. She was determined to be there for Lexi, to be strong for the dying little girl who fought so hard. Emily looked over her shoulder at her, waiting for her, asking if she was ok. She nodded.

"JJ," the little girl smiled widely.

JJ smiled genuinely at seeing Lexi's face light up as she entered the room. At the same time tears pricked her eyes at the little girl's appearance; in the light the bruises across her revealed body stood out in contrast with her skin and machines and wires surrounded her. "Hey, Lexi," JJ said gently. She knelt down next to the bed and held her hand. "I heard you're not feeling very good."

Lexi shook her head and looked down at her lap; she looked like she had just been caught doing something wrong. "I'm trying," she told JJ.

"What, sweetie?" JJ asked.

"I want to keep my promise," she said with conviction JJ was sure her little body didn't actually hold.

"_I promise my team is coming," JJ told Alexandra as she held her close to her body, trying to keep her warm. "Just hold on a little bit longer."_

"_I'm tired, JJ," she answered weakly._

"_I know, honey, I know. But I need you to stay with me, ok?" she tried to keep her voice encouraging but her own faith had started to slip along with the temperature._

"_I'm cold," her voice wasn't louder than a whisper._

"_I promise that my friends are going to find us, but you've got to stay strong," JJ could hear the desperation in her own voice. "Can you hold on for me, Lexi?" The little girl nodded tiredly against her shoulder. "Promise me that you'll hold on," she begged. "Don't give up now."_

"_I promise," Lexi answered._

"Oh, no, honey," JJ carefully climbed onto the edge of the bed as Lexi started crying. She held her close and gently rocked her. "You did keep your promise. You didn't give up and my friends found us."

"JJ," Alexandra started in the gentle voice that only a child could possess. "Why are you crying?"

JJ couldn't help but laugh; it was little and breathy and sad. But this little girl still continued to amaze her. JJ couldn't truthfully imagine how scared this child before her must be, but still there she was, innocently asking why she was upset. "I'm just so proud of you. You did so good." She spared a hand to clear her face of the tears that had started to fall. "You were so strong for me." She shifted to help as Alexandra moved to climb onto her lap. "You don't have to be strong anymore," she mumbled against the little girl's blonde hair.

Alexandra relaxed against JJ's chest. In the quiet moment JJ met Emily's gaze and for that moment she was pulled out of the little bubble that protected her and the little girl from everything else in the room and into the and warmth that Emily managed to bring to her, no matter what the situation. It was like a tangible calm and strength that she could soak up. Emily's hands were sitting protectively on her abdomen. She had tears on her cheeks too.

"JJ?" Alexandra's little voice drew her back into their bubble.

"What is it, sweetheart?" JJ's heart broke; her voice was quiet, her breathing shallow, her body shook.

"Will you sing to me again?" she requested.

"Of course," JJ swallowed thickly, noticing the change in the beeping from the machines. "Let's get you settled into the bed though."

JJ shifted her off her lap to lie down in the bed, and then moved to sit in the chair next to the bed. Alexandra's hand clung to her arm. "Stay there." JJ looked into her tired blue eyes and nodded.

She sat down at the head of the bed and Alexandra put her head on her leg. JJ cradled her head with one hand. She took a breath. "Hush-a-bye, don't you cry. Go to sleep little baby." Her voice was steadier than she expected it to be. "When you wake, you shall have all the pretty little horses."

JJ's voice filled the room, competing with the electronic beeping of the machines. The lullaby's melody floated around the room and caressed Emily's ears. She knew that JJ had a nice voice but she'd never heard her sing like this.

"Black and bays, dapples, grays, all the pretty little horses." Her voice wavered as Alexandra's eyes closed and her body relaxed. JJ gently moved her so that she was resting fully on the bed instead on her legs. "Hush-a-bye, don't you cry. Go to sleep little baby." The first tear fell. And after that it was everything that she could do to finish her song through the tears. "When you wake, you shall have all the pretty little horses." She looked into Emily's gaze again. This was hard. It was so hard to sit there and sing as this innocent little girl, who had just begun her life, let go. She had only known this girl for a day but the connection was undeniable. Emily's eyes held tears but also admiration. JJ couldn't imagine how Emily was proud of her right now. She hadn't saved Alexandra. After everything she was going to die. "When you wake, you shall have," her voice broke. "All the pretty little horses."

As soon as the last note faded, Emily was hurrying after JJ as she rushed from the room. Before they were out the door, JJ's sweet melody was replaced by a single, sustained, cold, mechanical tone. She managed to stay a few steps behind JJ, even as she took off to a run. They both stopped, breathing heavily, and Emily's arms went around her waist and held her close as she truly broke down. It was a hard situation, she wanted to tell JJ that it was ok, but nothing about what had happened was ok. A little girl had died. If it was hard on her, she couldn't imagine how hard it was for JJ. So she hushed her softly, her own heart breaking at the sobs being torn from her lover's chest. Emily led them back to JJ's room. They sat down on the bed and Emily drew JJ in again, and held her close. She felt JJ's hands go to her baby bump and understood where some of the distress was coming from; as expecting mothers, cases with child victims hit them both harder than they could ever be ready for. "It's not fair, I know," Emily whispered against JJ's head as the tears subsided. "But you were so good to her when she needed it the most. And it's going to be ok." JJ nodded in response. Emily held her tighter and kissed the side of her head.


	44. Family Picture

**It's short, but it's cute, angst free, fluffy, and there's awkward Reid.  
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><p>The team pulled up in two SUVs. Emily jumped out of the passenger seat and took the lead, Reid and Hotch quickly followed, flanking her. They knew the rest of the team wasn't far behind. They reached the door as the second half pulled to a stop. They were halfway up the second flight of stairs when they heard JJ's voice echo up to them. "Morgan!" she yelled warningly, "No, don't you dare! Morgan! Morgan, stop!" A giggling, surprised, shockingly girly squeal made them all stop and exchange a look. "Derek Morgan, put me down!" JJ yelled, laughing. Emily smiled at the sound. The past week had been hard, JJ and Emily had stayed behind in Michigan for Alexandra's funeral, but they got good news from the AFP test, and after that JJ started to feel better, Emily had gone in and had the procedure for the amniocentesis test done, she was told to 'take it easy and relax' for a while, JJ had practically given up on getting her to actually rest after a day, and now they were waiting for the results, but it was all turning around.<p>

"I warned you Blondie, this is what you get for insulting my stamina. Not so weak now, huh?" he laughed over her continued protests.

Over the ruckus, Garcia called out, "My Chocolate Adonis, you know I love you, but I will not protect you from the wrath of Emily the Strange when JJ tells her about this."

Another outbreak of giggling and horse play met Garcia's warning, and Rossi added, "I won't defend you from Emily if you drop her."

Emily looked at the two men that stood with her on the stairs; they both shrugged and continued up to Emily and JJ's apartment. She was about to follow but paused with a better idea. "Derek Morgan," she called down the stairs. "You hurt my girlfriend and I will end you!" Another bout of laughter rolled up to her. She followed after Hotch and Reid, smiling.

Today had been good. The team had helped them clear out and move their stuff into storage. JJ and Emily had gotten some time off this past week, and they had used it to pack up some of Emily's stuff too. So everyone had met up at their apartment, packed up the stuff from Emily's and moved it, then went to JJ's and cleared it out, Emily and JJ had kissed in the doorway to the now empty apartment and then hurried out to the SUVs after their friends, now they were all at Emily and JJ's place for dinner and to hang out.

A few minutes later, Rossi and Garcia came into the apartment and started to help put back the furniture that had been rearranged so they could move the things out of the apartment. Emily was in the kitchen ordering food, the furniture almost all back in place, by the time Morgan and JJ joined them. JJ was sitting on Morgan's shoulders. It was quite a show to watch them get through the door; Morgan crouched down and JJ bent over as far as she could, and they only just managed it.

"Oh, yes. You're so strong," Rossi said sarcastically. "While you were showing off and goofing around, the pregnant lady was in here working."

Emily subconsciously leaned back a little at the look Morgan and JJ gave her. They moved towards her and JJ put her hand behind Emily's head, the only part of her body that she could reach from her perch on Morgan's shoulders. They led her over to the counter. Somehow they ended up between her and the counter. Morgan lowered himself to his knees, effectively sitting JJ on the counter. JJ took her face in her hands. "I thought I told you to take it easy." Emily made a pouty face and JJ pecked her on the lips.

Morgan was still on his knees, his face level with her abdomen. He put his hands on either side of her baby bump. "Tell your Momma to take it easy so Mommy doesn't hurt her, Gummy Bear."

"While Emily's fetus can move his or her mouth and control the muscles of the throat at this point in the pregnancy, it's impossible for any form of communication between mother and the child she's carrying at this point." Emily moved back so he could stand up. JJ slid off the counter and stood next to her. "Actually at this stage in the pregnancy, I'd bet that Emily hasn't even felt any movement from in the uterus yet. And beyond that, the fetus probably can't hear anything from outside of Emily's body."

"Do not make me smack you, kid," Morgan said shaking his head.

"Reid, Gummy Bear is a baby, not a fetus," Rossi told him. Emily and JJ smiled at hearing Rossi use the term of endearment for the future family member.

"The differentiation between baby and fetus is entirely based on the personal beliefs. And I merely referred to Gummy Bear, as you have been calling him or her, because we don't know the gender yet and using the scientific form for an unborn child is faster and easier that saying him or her every time."

"Oh, when are you guys going to find out if it's a boy or girl?" Garcia asked excitedly.

"We'll know for sure next week," JJ smiled. "Even if Dr. Card can't see it on the ultrasound, the amniocentesis test will tell us."

"I can't wait until you guys find out!" Garcia said. "I want to prove Derek Morgan wrong and get my twenty bucks."

"What?" Emily asked shocked.

"Morgan is positive that you're having a girl. I think you're going to have a beautiful baby boy. So we bet on it," Garcia explained.

"I'll get in on that," Rossi said. "Emily, come here for a second."

Emily started walking towards him but had to ask, "You're not going to feel my belly, are you?"

"No," he pulled out a short jewelry chain with a single charm on it. "Hold out your hand." She did as he asked and he lowered the charm onto her palm and then picked it up to dangle in the air again. "It's a boy," he said.

"No way," Morgan called out. "How does that mean it's a boy? You just swung a chain over her hand."

"No, I held it over her hand. It swung back and forth, not in a circle, so it's a boy," Rossi explained.

"That's just a wives tale, Dave" Hotch said.

"Well, what about you, then?" Rossi challenged.

"No need to get defensive, I think it's a boy too." Hotch told him.

"Ha!" Garcia teased.

"Oh nu-uh, how'd you come to that?" Morgan asked.

"Her cravings," Hotch offered as explanation.

"What about you Reid?" Garcia asked.

"If we're betting, I'd have to say I think the baby is a girl," Reid told them.

"Ha, yourself, Miss Busy Body; the genius thinks it's a girl too!" Morgan taunted.

"There's no sure fire way to tell what gender a baby is going to be, other than genetic tests and ultra sounds, which can be read wrong, but there's a slightly greater chance that the baby will be a girl," Reid informed them.

"Kid, you are pushing it," Morgan warned. "Ok, so we're all in for twenty?"

"Hey," JJ called over the agreements. "What if we want in on this?"

"No way!" Garcia denied. "You both have Mother's Intuition! That's insider information."

"I cannot believe you guys!" Emily cried out, "You are betting on the outcome of the next 22 weeks, that are probably going to be at the very least mildly uncomfortable for me, and 30 hours of labor I'm going to go through, and you won't even let us bet on it."

"Wait, you're not going to tell us the gender?" Garcia cried, horrified.

"No," Emily said sassily. "But I was considering it."

Morgan flopped down on the couch, "I was promised food."

"It's coming," Emily told him, and slinked back to the kitchen with JJ.

JJ wrapped her arms around Emily from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder. "At least they're excited to meet the newest team member," JJ whispered.

When the food got there, they all sat around the living room with their plates, eating, talking, laughing. They had been joking about work when Garcia spoke up. "Well, I am glad that my crime-fighting heroes have some time off. I'm sick of worrying about you all the time." Emily instinctively reached for JJ's hand. "I'm sure you're all glad you've got some time off too. Are you going to be spending the week with Jack?"

"Yeah," Hotch smiled. "I'm going to take him to the zoo, he's pretty excited."

"Well, I am going to relax," Morgan told them. "I'm going to sleep. You going to visit your mom, Reid?"

"Yup, it's been a while." Reid nodded. "She'll be happy to see me. She worries," he told them distractedly. He had decided to try and use chopsticks again and was concentrating intently on trying to get a piece of chicken into his mouth. They all tried not to giggle when he dropped it.

"I'm going out to my cabin," Rossi told them.

Garcia reached out excitedly towards her ladies, "We should go for a spa retreat!"

JJ and Emily exchanged a look. "Yeah, maybe we can do that," Emily said. "We'll probably need it after lunch with the ambassador."

"Eeek, yeah. We are having a girl day," Garcia said.

"What else are you ladies doing this week?" Morgan asked.

"Well, um, I've got my halfway prenatal appointment next week. The same day we'll be getting the results from the amniocentesis test," Emily told them.

"We're going to Pennsylvania for the weekend, to visit my family," JJ told them.

"Oh, meeting the in-laws. Good luck, Princess," Morgan said.

"Yeah, and we're leaving tomorrow," Emily said. "So, I don't mean to be rude, but we should get to bed."

Garcia looked at them suspiciously, "It's only nine."

"We have to get up early," JJ insisted.

"Oh, I'm sure they're going to bed, Baby Girl," Morgan told her. "I don't think they'll be sleeping though."

They all withered under the glares that Emily and JJ gave them. "Well, you two certainly have your 'parent looks' down," Garcia said. She stood up, pulling Morgan up with her. "Let's go. Call me and let me know when you want to have our girlie day."

"Will do, PG," Emily promised.

"Oh, wait!" She stopped in her tracks and almost bounced with excitement. "This is important, you guys are living together! Let's do a family picture!"

"Garcia, we've been living together for the past five months," Emily told her.

"Yeah, but that wasn't the same," Garcia stated. "Now you are officially moved in together!"

"Sweetie," JJ started, looking at the kitchen that needed to be cleaned up before she and Emily could call it a night.

"Don't argue, Sunshine, the sooner we do this, the sooner we're all out of here," Garcia told her as she dug through her purse. "Go get the most recent sonogram picture."

Emily shrugged and went off to get the picture. When she came back Garcia had everyone arranged. Emily and JJ, obviously, stood in the middle of the group. She directed JJ to put her arm around Emily's waist and hold onto one side of the sonogram, in front of Emily's belly, while Emily held onto the other side. Garcia used the guise of setting the timer to snap a few pictures of the two ladies as the talked and smiled in their close proximity. She set the timer and hurried into the group. The flash went off and Garcia hurried to check that it was a good picture. As everyone started talking again, she and Morgan made and unnoticed exit from the living room.

"Alright, I've got to get home to Jack," Hotch said and excused himself after the ladies thanked him for his help. Reid and Rossi followed not long after him.

Garcia and Morgan came out of the kitchen, carrying a wrapped package with a colorful, curly bow on it. Emily leveled them with a sternly amused glare. "We cleaned up the kitchen," Garcia offered as a truce, holding out the present for one of them to take.

"We told you not to get us anything," JJ smiled taking the present.

"And everyone knows you meant it, which is why they didn't get in on this," Morgan told them. "But what kind of a housewarming party would it be if you didn't get any presents?"

"Thank you," Emily smiled at the two trouble-makers.

"Open it!" Garcia ordered, unable to contain her excitement.

JJ pulled open the wrapping paper, revealing an intricate, white picture frame, with Emily's first sonogram in it. "Oh, you guys," JJ gasped.

"We couldn't agree on a color, so we just went with white. We figured you could work it into any color scheme," Garcia explained. Morgan pushed her playfully.

Emily ran her finger along the little decorations carved into the white wood, "You guys, this is gorgeous."

"Let's go put it up," Morgan suggested. "Then we'll be out of your hair."

Not too long after that, they were all standing, admiring the picture and everything it meant. "Thank you guys, it's beautiful, and it's going to be perfect," Emily said.

"We'll get going so you two can get some sleep," Morgan said. When Emily and JJ started to follow he said, "We'll show ourselves out."

There was a round of hugs and 'thank you's and Morgan and Garcia left the two of them standing, facing the new picture.

Garcia glanced over her shoulder part way down the hallway and was met with an adorable sight. Standing side-by-side JJ had wrapped her arms around Emily's waist and was resting her head on Emily's shoulder. Emily had her arms around JJ's shoulders and was pressing a lingering kiss to the top of JJ's head. Emily's baby bump could still be seen between them. And from this angle, Garcia could see past her friend's intimate embrace, in the doorway to the now empty guest room that would soon enough be turned into a nursery, and the only thing hanging on the walls was the picture. Garcia pulled out her camera and took a quick picture. Her girls just made this too easy for her.


	45. BandAids

**AN: I fit a lot into one chapter. It's cute. And there's angst. So you should be happy, and I'm happy. So it's a win-win chapter. Plus I updated. So everyone should be happy, right?**

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><p>JJ and Emily pulled into a driveway to a nice, white home with a royal blue door that had a brass knocker, a porch with a swing, a garage, and a big yard. It was a lot like what Emily had pictured her family living in. As they climbed out of the car, a couple came out the front door. JJ affectionately wrapped her hand into Emily's as they approached her parents. JJ looked like her parents, Emily observed, but she was clearly her father's child. Most notably, she had his eyes.<p>

Before they were close enough to physically greet each other JJ announced, "Mom, Dad, this is Emily."

"Well, of course she is," her dad laughed as her pulled her into a hug. "I don't see anyone else here making your eyes light up like that."

"I'm Sandra, but you can call me Sandy; everyone does," JJ's mother smiled warmly and shook Emily's hand. "JJ's told us a lot about you, I feel like I already know you."

"It's great to meet you," Emily told her honestly.

Mr. Jareau stepped up and wrapped Emily into a hug, she hugged him back. JJ had warned her that her dad was a hugger. "Call me Tom," he said stepping back. "So, you are the beautiful, smart, kind, strong, funny, perfect, loving, Emily Prentiss that Jenny's told us so much about?"

"Daddy!" JJ shook her head as she blushed furiously.

"I guess that's me," Emily said, feeling the heat creeping into her own cheeks.

"You didn't tell us that she's modest too," he said to JJ.

"Tom, leave the poor girl alone," Sand scolded. "I promise he's just teasing. It means he likes you." JJ gave Emily a matter-of-fact smile and nodded, shrugging apologetically. "Come on girls, he'll get your bags."

"Thanks Daddy," JJ said and pecked her father on the cheek before wrapping her arm around Emily's waist and leading her towards the house.

"It's good to have you home, Pumpkin," he called after her retreating form.

The inside of the house was open and homey, with high ceilings that seemed to capture the warm atmosphere of the Jareau family. "Andrew is going to get here for lunch but they can't stay, Tori's going to a friend's sleepover tonight and Kate's helping out," Sandy said as she led them to the family room. "I'll go and get some drinks before Tom gets back in."

As she walked out of the room a gray cat wandered in around her feet, a little bell tinkled delicately on its collar. It trotted right up to JJ, tail swaying happily. The cat leapt up onto her lap and started purring, it's back arched as she ran her hand along t soft fur. "Aw, yes, I missed you too, Gunther," JJ baby talked as she scratched under his chin. "You're such a sweet boy." The cat nuzzled against her jaw.

After a minute, Gunther took notice of Emily and turned his intense brown eyes to her. He studied her for a few seconds. Slowly, he walked off JJ's lap and sat down next to Emily, still watching her intently. Emily looked at JJ questioningly; almost like she was afraid if she asked the question out loud it would scare the cat away. JJ nodded and Emily offered her hand. Gunther sniffer for a few seconds, he didn't turn away and looked expectantly with eyes that seemed softer. Emily slowly ran her hand over his head and down his back; he stood up, his spine arching and rising onto his back toes, pressing into her hand. After a few more strokes down his back, he climbed into Emily's lap and lied down. "You are a sweet kitty," Emily said as he started purring. "How old is he?"

"We think he's three, we got him as a kitten from a shelter when our dog, Roxie, passed away," JJ told her. "My parents weren't so sure about getting a cat after having dogs their entire lives. But after Hankel's dogs attacked me, I was even nervous around her." Emily could see the fear in JJ's eyes, after so many years, it was clear how much that had really scared her. "They didn't want me to be uncomfortable here so they got a cat."

"It looks like we've got a keeper," Tom called to the kitchen as he walked into the room. "Gunther likes her."

"Really?" Sandy asked, carrying four drinks into the room.

"He's a really nice cat," Emily said as she scratched behind one of his ears.

"He's not like that with everyone," Tom sat down. "Excellent judge of character though, so I'm not surprised he likes you, with everything Jenny's told us about you." JJ looked over at Emily and smiled. "I was a little surprised by how off balance you seemed when you got here." He said, his tone was kind and playful. "You face off with some of the worst people on the planet. I didn't think meeting the parents would throw you." When everyone laughed but Emily only chuckled he told her, "I hope I didn't scare you with my teasing."

"No, of course not," Emily told him. "I guess, no matter what Jen told me, I wasn't expecting a warm welcome." Emily hesitated to open up any further, but they were JJ's parents, she reasoned, they had the right to know what was going on with the parents of the woman their daughter was dating. Or maybe she was just emotional and wanted to complain about it and make them understand that she was fighting against others opinions and expectations to be with their daughter. "My parents aren't happy about this. My father hasn't spoken to me since my mother told him. And the only reason my mother pretends to be ok with it is that she wants a chance to have a say in my baby's life." Gunther got bored without Emily petting him and wandered off. JJ reached over and took Emily's hand supportively, almost apologetically.

Mr. Jareau leaned forward in his chair, looking at her seriously. "I haven't known you very long, Emily. But from what I've seen and what JJ's told me about you, I know that you are an incredible woman and you deserve to be happy. Now if your parents can't see how happy you are and be happy for you, then they don't have any place in your life," he told her. "Now we might have been a little surprised when JJ first told us about you, and it took us some time to wrap our heads around the idea. But she is happier than we have seen her in a while, and it's you that's making her that way. I don't think a parent can ask for any more than for their child to be happy. If you make her happy, then you're exactly what we want for her, and we're happy for you both." It was quiet for a minute and JJ thanked him. The atmosphere lightened as Emily's face lifted into a smile. "So, you two are all moved in together?"

"Yeah, we had the boys and Garcia come over and help with the last of it," JJ told them.

"You must be miracle workers to fit two apartments into one," Sandy teased.

"We both had to put some stuff into storage," Emily told them and smiled when JJ scoffed. "Ok we both put a lot of stuff in storage. We actually cleared out a room for the nursery too."

"How're you doing with all that?" Sandy asked excitedly.

"Um, well the morning sickness is gone, but I almost wish it wasn't because it distracted me from everything." Emily told her.

She was cut off by JJ interjecting, "You do not wish the morning sickness was back, you were so miserable."

"Ok, that was sort of a lie; I really don't want the first trimester back at all. But now I'm kind of terrified. But when everyone left last night, we started planning the nursery and it was surprisingly satisfying and calming for both of us," Emily explained. JJ ran her thumb over her knuckles, she turned and looked at her, their eyes caught, and they both smiled.

"That sounds about right," Sandy smiled. "This is the fun part; the ultrasounds, the planning, the baby and you growing, finding out the gender… or not," she added questioningly. Both Emily and JJ smiled and shook their heads, letting her know she wouldn't have to wait to find out if she was going to have a granddaughter or a grandson. "You might not feel like it at times, but it's all beautiful."

"I never hesitate to tell her," JJ smiled, looking at Emily again. Both of her parents smiled. They chose to let that it wasn't quite what Sandy had been talking about.

They talked about Emily for a while longer, mostly about her life in other countries growing up. She told them about the good parts, the cultures, the friends, the languages, and left out the hard parts of growing up in multiple foreign countries; parts that JJ already know about. Tom interjected stories about while JJ was growing up. Some of them made JJ smile, when she remembered her soccer victories and the trouble she'd gotten into with her brother; Emily noticed that her sister was never mentioned. But most of the time, the storied left JJ blushing; she was able to laugh at herself now and she found that she didn't care if Emily knew the stories she would be horrified for anyone else to hear.

"I've got to get lunch started." Sandy said," I'm going to steal both these ladies to help, and maybe Emily can give me some tips."

"I'll help out too, then," Tom volunteered and stood up, he pulled Sandy in close and started dancing her around the room, towards the kitchen.

"They do this all the time," JJ told Emily as they stepped closer to each other, clearly thinking the same thing. "They ballroom dance, but I think we can give them a run for their money." They stepped into their Salsa stance.

Emily led them around the room a few times, letting JJ get into the rhythm of the dance she was still learning. Emily had to admit that she was a fast study. Before Emily had come back to work after her time at Levi's hands, not long after their first kiss, Emily had been in a particularly good mood one day, so while JJ was out she'd turned on some music and danced around by herself. Salsa dancing, the way she would do in a club or by herself in her house, like that then, brought back a sense of normalcy that she'd craved so much. JJ had walked in and been fascinated by the dance, she watched the way Emily's body moved and the attitude she had while she stepped and turned to the music. Emily started teaching her to Salsa that night. JJ picked up on the steps fast and she followed well. Sometimes JJ just wanted to watch Emily dance and sometimes she liked to feel Emily moving with her. They danced off down the hall and into the kitchen. They stepped spun and turned and dipped their way around the table in the dining room and then into the kitchen.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Tom asked as the two women continued to dance on the opposite side of the island that separated them and where JJ's parents were cooking. "You been teaching her that, Emily? You must be a good teacher."

"Well, she's a good student," Emily smirked as she spun and dipped JJ in one of the more difficult move combinations they'd just recently gotten the hang of.

"Do you two mind if I cut in?" He asked. And they made a fast transition and Emily switched into a follower mindset and danced around the empty half of the kitchen. He tested her abilities and she matched him move for move. "You are good," he told her.

"Yes, we all see that she is a good Salsa dancer. But can you maybe let her go so I can get some help with lunch?" Sandy asked with a playful demandingness.

"What about JJ?" he asked as he spun her around.

"Well, she seems to be a little distracted by Emily dancing," Sandy hinted at a laugh.

Emily glanced over and saw that JJ was, as Sandy had said, quite distracted by the way her body was moving. She could see and feel those blue eyes running over her curves as they swayed with her saucy attitude to the pace Mr. Jareau set for them. And while the dance between herself and Tom was more difficult it lacked the intensity that she and JJ shared when they danced.

Emily laughed and stepped away from Tom and they started making lunch. Emily worked mostly with JJ and Sandy and Tom worked together. Emily and JJ finished their assigned tasks and were sitting at the island, drinking iced tea and laughing. They held hands on top of the counter.

The front door opened. "Hello? Is anyone home?" a female voice called. Young voices filtered through the house.

"Mom, Dad, you guys here?" Emily assumed it was Andrew and his family arriving.

"We're back here in the kitchen," Sandy called out to them.

Little feet came running towards the kitchen. "Aunty JJ!" a little boy squealed and took off for JJ.

As Andrew, his wife, and young teen daughter greeted Sandy and Tom, JJ scooped the little boy up as he skidded to a stop in front of her. "Hey, Joey! How's my little buddy?" she ruffled his light brown hair.

"I lost a tooth!" he cried excitedly. "Look!" and gave her a toothy grin. "See!"

"Wow, you did! Did you get something from the Tooth Fairy?" she asked.

"Mmhmm, I got a dollar," he said happily. But he was eyeing Emily warily. He crawled up JJ's lap and semi-quietly asked, "Aunty JJ, who's that?" He buried his face in JJ's shoulder.

"Joey, this is my friend Emily," she said gently, and craned her neck to see his face. "Do you want to say hi?"

He peeked from JJ's shoulder up at Emily. "Hi," he smiled shyly.

"Hi, Joey," Emily grinned and the boy giggled quietly and hid his face again.

"He's a little shy," JJ's brother told her. "You must be Emily," he offered his hand. "I'm Andrew and this is my wife Kate." Emily shook the other woman's hand. "You've already met Joey there, and that is Victoria," he pointed to his daughter.

"Tori," she smiled kindly at Emily.

"Someone set the table please," Tom asked while he and Sandy continued tending to the food.

Tori took the silverware and glasses from the cabinets, and Emily stood up, Andrew handed her the plates and napkins. She noticed the girl eyeing her curiously. "How old are you?" Emily asked, still keeping her eyes mostly on the table.

"Thirteen," Tori told her. She was trying not to look at Emily too much.

"So, you're in seventh grade then?" Emily asked.

"Yeah… Look, Emily, you don't have to try and get to know me like this," she said.

"Well, why don't you tell me about yourself then?" Emily suggested with a friendly smile.

Tori smiled back. "I play soccer," she told Emily. "And my favorite color is green." Tori quickly opened up to Emily. At the table JJ sat on one side of Emily and she sat on the other side so she could talk to the two older women.

After they finished eating, the kids, Emily, JJ, Andrew, and Kate migrated to the back yard. Tori was playing soccer with her dad while Joey sat on JJ's lap as they watched while talking baby stuff with Kate. After a while, Tori started teasing her dad and Kate ran out and joined her husband in a double team against their competitive daughter. They were all laughing and running back and forth, keeping the ball away from Tori.

"Hey, Joey, why don't you go over to Emily for a while?" JJ suggested, knowing where this game was going to lead. The little boy nodded and JJ settled him on Emily's lap just in time.

"Aunt JJ, are you going to let him do this?" Tori laughed as her dad teased the ball around her while her mom held her around the waist to keep her out of reach.

"Oh, don't worry, I'll put him in his place!" JJ called and chased after her brother, easily stealing the ball from him and keeping it away with fancy footwork.

"Hi," Joey said shyly.

"Hi," Emily laughed a little and he smiled.

"I'm almost five and I lost a tooth!" he said proudly. "See!" he opened his mouth and pointed to the open gap where his front tooth would have been.

"Wow! You're such a big boy, aren't you?" she asked animatedly.

He nodded excitedly. "The Tooth Fairy took my tooth, but she left me a dollar."

"Yeah? What'd you do with it?" She asked.

"I bought a dinosaur car. I like dinosaurs." His face lit up at the thought of his new toy.

Emily continued to talk with the boy about everything and anything he wanted to. JJ's parents had just joined them when she heard the distinct sound of a collision of two bodies, which wasn't unusual; it'd happen a few times while they'd been playing their little skirmish soccer game. This time everyone else gasped and it was followed by a groaned 'ow' that had Emily looking up in a split second. Andrew was already helping JJ up, but Emily could see through the tear in her pants and the bleeding scrapes along her leg.

"Andrew, you're such a butt!" JJ punched him in the arm. "These were my favorite jeans."

"Go get cleaned up before you bleed on me, Shorty," Andrew said and pushed her towards the house.

"Jerk," she laughed and pulled Emily by the hand, with her into the house. She led Emily up the stairs to a bathroom and pulled out everything to clean up the scrape and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. Emily shook her head as she watched JJ trying to get a look at the inconveniently place cut. She knelt down in front of her and took off JJ's shoe, then rolled up her torn, dirty, bloody pants leg; JJ breathed a sharp intake of air as Emily shifted the fabric over the wound. Emily took the washcloth from JJ and started to tend to it. "Thanks," she smiled. "You're really great with Tori and Joey," she told her as she worked.

She hummed a little to herself, "They're good kids."

"Everyone really likes you," JJ said and smoothed a hand over Emily's bowed head.

Emily visibly sighed and the tension from her body eased. "Really?" she looked up and JJ nodded. "I'm glad." JJ pulled her to stand up in front of her.

"I told you so," JJ wrapped her arms around Emily's waist. "You couldn't tell?" JJ teased. "And you call yourself a profiler."

"You better watch yourself Jen," Emily warned her in a faux stern voice. "You've already gotten yourself in some trouble once today," she motioned to JJ's still not bandaged leg. JJ leaned in closer, and she kissed her sweetly with so much happiness. "You're lucky you're cute."

"So, Pretty Girl, what's my prognosis?" JJ asked as Emily knelt down again to put some Band-Aids on it.

"We need some bigger Band-Aids," Emily told her as she added a seventh to the six that she'd already put on JJ's leg. "But this'll do for now." She stood back up again.

"We can go into town and get some big ones. I'll show you around." JJ told her as she ran her hands up and down Emily's arms. JJ kissed her again, deeper this time.

Emily pulled back, pulling JJ to her feet and pushing her towards the hallway and their room. "Go change pants and we can go tell your parents, and be back in time to help with dinner." She waited for JJ to be ready. JJ picked up her coat and jacket and led the way out of the room. Emily picked up her purse, noting the slightly heavier feel to it, and smiled knowing what it was.

"We've got to run into town, you guys don't have any big Band-Aids." JJ told them.

"Well, I know these two have to be going," Andrew motioned to Kate and Tori. "But we can hang around for a while longer. Right, Buddy?"

"Yeah! Emmy!" Joey yelled and took off towards Emily.

"Why don't we just eat out tonight then?" Tom suggested.

General agreement went up and arrangements were made concerning car seats. It was decided that everyone would go and get a table at the restaurant while Emily and JJ went and got the Band-Aids for JJ's leg.

"Are you sure you don't want the ones with princesses on them?" Emily teased while they were waiting in the check-out line.

"If you make one more smartass remark about childish bandages I am going to march back there and get the SpongeBob ones and wear a skirt to lunch with your mother," JJ threatened under her breath, with a smirk. Emily chuckled at the thought.

They were at the car, JJ sat with her legs hanging out the door in Emily's lap, as she changed the bandages for her. "There's something for you in my purse," She told her, still working with the adhesive protection for the scraped up leg in front of her. She didn't look up as JJ reached for her purse, but she could picture JJ's curious expression.

"What is it?" JJ asked as she tried to find whatever Emily had gotten for her in the purse. And that's when she saw it, the jewelry box. It was black leather with a silky gold ribbon around it. She felt Emily pulling her pants leg back down. Emily stayed crouched in front of her; she rested both her hands on one of JJ's knees and her chin on top of her hands as watched her pull the ribbon off and flip the box open. "Em," she gasped, laying eyes on the beautiful necklace. It was simple, something she could wear whenever she wanted; made of rose gold, a delicate pendent called an infinity love knot, inlaid with white gold, and set with a purple garnet that had shades of red and blue when the light shined on it. "This is beautiful."

"It's kind of a thank you and a congratulations and an I love you and I guess a celebration too now," Emily explain. JJ gave her a strange look. "I'm using our four month anniversary as an excuse to give you jewelry." She smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too," JJ grinned, picking up the necklace with careful fingers. "Help me put it on." They stood up and JJ pulled her to the side. "Thank you," she brought a hand up and felt the smooth metal. JJ softly cupped her hand behind Emily's neck and pulled her in for a kiss, her hand slid down to caress her jaw while Emily's hands went to her hips and waist.

They were just standing there, happy to just let their foreheads rest together, gazing into the other's eyes and smiling. "JJ?" A female voice pulled their attention.

JJ kept an arm around Emily's waist but turned to see who it was. "Andrea?" she smiled and started towards where the other woman was standing.

"Who would have thought," something in her voice slowed JJ's steps. "Straight laced Jennifer Jareau would be the one making waves," JJ instinctively backtracked her steps to Emily and put herself between Emily and Andrea. "It's a small town JJ, people talk."

"Spit it out Andrea, before it chokes you," JJ said sharply.

"You disgust me," Andrea spat out, her true intention showing. "It's not natural, and as if what you're doing isn't bad enough on its own, she's pregnant. How can you do this to a child? A child needs a father. And what about the father? Did you guys just use some guy as a sperm donor? You tell her that you love her and send her off to get knocked up by a man?" JJ felt Emily tense up behind her, and felt her own temper boiling up. "I'd bet she actually enjoyed being with him more that she enjoys being with you. Did you?"

"Do not talk to her like that." And that was where JJ drew the line. "You," JJ stepped forward, menacingly. "You were my friend in school, Andrea, for thirteen years. You were my teammate. Is this really going to change things between us?" Andrea held out her arms in a 'well, yeah' motion. "You do not get to judge us because you do not know what we've been through, and you could never understand even if you did. You disgust me, but more than that I feel bad for you because you can't see past your own hate and see the love that we have." Andrea shook her head, still looking at them disgusted, and walked away. "I'm so sorry," JJ turned back to Emily and took her face in her hands. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Emily assured her and wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. "What about you?"

"I'm ok," JJ breathed out and batted the tears back from her eyes. "I hate that she was being so hurtful to you." Emily smiled sweetly at her and kissed her forehead. "Come on, let's get to the restaurant. I don't feel much like eating out, my parents will understand. We'll order out and eat at the house."

"Ok," Emily agreed. "I love you."

"I love you, always," JJ promised fingering the new necklace. "No matter what."

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><p><strong>Up next, a return of Elizabeth Prentiss. And in the foreseeable future, I will reveal the baby's gender.<strong>


	46. I've Thought About It

**AN: It's short. I didn't feel like combining the next part. Let me know what you thought of this part so I know what to put into the next chapter.**

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><p>The tension was almost unbearable and it had been like that throughout lunch with Emily's mother. The Ambassador's disapproval bordered on dislike towards JJ and was hardly even masked in the constant passive-aggressive, backhanded remarks. Emily excused herself from the table, giving JJ and apologetic look that begged for forgiveness as she left her with the cold woman. She had seriously considered trying to stay at the table through the rest of the mean, but she really had to pee.<p>

It was heavily silent without Emily there; The Ambassador would talk to Emily, and Emily would talk to both of them, and JJ would talk to Emily and try to talk to the Ambassador but after a while she'd given up when she hadn't gotten a single positive response. "I heard you've moved in with my daughter," JJ's head shot up, masking the surprise on her face at the fact the other woman was actually talking to her.

"Yeah," she nodded. "We closed out my apartment last week."

"I see," Ambassador Prentiss sat back with her hands resting neatly on her crossed legs, glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, studying JJ. JJ tried not to show how uncomfortable she felt under the scrutinizing gaze. "I was informed that you and Emily are planning on raising her baby together."

"She asked me if I wanted to raise the baby with her, be a family," JJ confirmed.

Ambassador Prentiss leaned forward, talking seriously. "JJ, I know you truly do care for my daughter and that's why you need to think about her. Think about the future, this relationship could ruin both of your careers."

"Ambassador," Emily said smoothly, from right behind the older woman, causing her to jump slightly. "JJ and I are leaving now," she came to stand next to JJ. "We will not stand for you talking to us like this. JJ go wait in the car, I'll be right out." JJ nodded silently and squeezed Emily's hand as she walked away. "How could you?" Emily hissed.

"This is neither the time nor place to do this, Emily," she said condescendingly.

"We're going to talk about his now," Emily insisted forcefully.

"Fine," Elizabeth conceded and called a waiter over. "You're behaving very childishly."

Emily barked out a short, humorless laugh, "With the way you're acting, you have no right to judge or comment on my behavior." The waiter led them to a private office specifically for client use. "Why would you do that?" she demanded when the door was shut.

The Ambassador moved around the desk and sat down in the dark leather chair. Emily remained standing, refusing to sit in the chair across from her like Elizabeth was her superior. "You refuse to listen to reason, I thought maybe she would. You need to think about what you're doing," she told her sternly.

"I have thought about it. This is what I want. This makes me so happy," she was holding the begging tone out of her voice.

"What about your father and I?" Emily's eyebrows shot up at the question. "You have completely estranged yourself from him."

"I did not," Emily started. "Nothing about me has changed. He is the one that cut all ties with me."

"You gave him no choice, Emily." Elizabeth stressed. "Your choice is causing this. Can't you see that?"

"My choice?" Emily raged. "You think I made a _choice _to love her," she emphasized the last part. "Would you really rather I raised this child as a single mother, than be with Jennifer and be happy?"

"It would be less damaging than what you're doing now," Elizabeth said.

"Damaging to who? You or me?" Emily growled.

"Don't profile me, Emily," she snapped.

"I've still got my job. No one that matters," she put extra force on that last word, "judges me, or her, or even cares that we're together. All that they care about is that we love each other and we're happy. It doesn't change anything."

"Christ, Emily! What do you think you're going to do? Marry her?" Elizabeth ground out.

"I've thought about it," Emily spat out angrily and turned, leaving a stunned Elizabeth to watch her walk away. She walked quickly out to the car and climbed in. She let out an audible, calming breath through her nose. The air around them was incredibly charged with the range of emotions.

"What'd she say?" JJ asked, running her hand up Emily's arm, and then back down, intertwining their fingers.

"The usual," Emily told her. "I haven't thought about what this could do to my future, and that the situation with my father is my fault, and that I'm threatening her's and my father's political success, and my happiness isn't important."

"What'd you say?" JJ nudged a little, bringing her other hand up to stroke across her fingers and the back of her hand.

"I told her the truth. Nothing she can say will change the way I feel for you." She reached out with her free hand and brushed the back of her fingers along JJ's cheek as an expression of the emotions crackling between them. Emily licked her lips. "I'm sorry you didn't get dessert."

"We've got extra time before Garcia comes over," JJ pointed out. "We can get our own dessert." She smiled, watching Emily's eyes. Emily's mouth turned into a world lighting smile; JJ noticed that the smile immediately illuminated her lover's dark eyes, and she wondered how long that had been going on without her really admiring it. It was just another thing to add to the long list of things that she loved about Emily Prentiss. "Let's pick something up on the way home," she suggested. Emily seared her mind and set fire to her desire with just a look that left no question about what she was thinking. "Or not."


	47. Color

"Hold up, Baby Girl," Morgan said. "You're telling us that Ambassador Prentiss, The Ambassador Prentiss, apologized?"

"I know," she said looking around the table of the restaurant. Morgan and Reid were actively fascinated in their disbelief, Rossi was engaged in the conversation, and Hotch even seemed mildly interested. They had already exhausted the topics of Jack and what everyone had done with their time off. "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it with my own ears."

"Alright, tell us the whole story," Reid insisted.

"Well, Em and JJ had lunch with the Ambassador before I met them for our Girl's night slash spa day. And The Wicked Witch of Western Europe and the Middle East wasn't exactly warming up to JJ. Emily stepped away and the woman tried to convince JJ that it would be better for Emily if they broke up. Emily overheard and sent JJ out to the car. And then she and her mother had it out. JJ told me that she pretty much blamed the entire current family situation on Emily and she said that she would rather Emily raises the baby by herself than be happy with JJ." The shock and anger were rather clear on everyone's faces and Garcia felt the anger bubbling up the same way it had when JJ told her about all of this. "So I get to their place and I don't really notice anything wrong with Emily, but JJ's watching her and seems kind of concerned. And Emily's cell keeps ringing. She ignored it for a while and she eventually turned it off. But then her home phone starts and we all hear the message her mother leaves. I seriously cannot put into words how wrong this woman must be in the head to think that ordering Emily to pick up the phone and answer for her behavior was the best way to get her to talk to her. But then the Ambassador said, and I quote, 'You can't just leave after springing something like that on me.' And our dear Emily snatched up the phone so fast I thought the end table was going to flip over. Emily ducks out of the room and JJ tells me about what happened at lunch, and that the Ambassador already knew that they'd moved in together, and that they were planning on raising Gummy Bear together. And JJ told me that Emily was genuinely ok with the whole situation and when she asked why Emily told her that her mother's opinion wasn't going to change anything and she had realized something, but didn't tell JJ exactly what it was. All of this just begs the question, what did Emily tell the Ambassador?" Garcia's rambled excitedly.

"Baby Girl," Morgan cut her off before she could start again. "What happened with the Ambassador?"

"Right," she came back to task. "We didn't hear anything for a while, and then we only heard what Emily was saying. She told her mother that there was nothing that she could say that would change her mind and if she wasn't going to accept that then there was no place for her in the life that she was making. She said something about her Catholic up-bringing, so I'm guessing her mother said something about raising her as a Catholic. I don't think she realized how loud she was talking. She disagreed with whatever the Ambassador said next and said that nothing had ever felt so natural. I'll let you decide what she was talking about." The smiling faces of her friends told her that they had all come to the same sweet conclusion that she had. "It wasn't long after that when she said 'Jen and I have company, I have to go' and came back out. No one said anything about it. We left for the spa the next morning, when we came back that night the Ambassador was in the parking lot, in her diplomatic, government provided vehicle, waiting for us. She asked if she could talk to them, Emily brought her up with us, and, I swear on all things good in the world, as I was going up the stairs I heard, with my very own ears, I heard the words 'I'm sorry' leave her mouth."

"What kind of terms did they leave on?" Rossi asked.

"I don't know for sure," Garcia admitted. "I think they might be back on track for as normal a relationship they can have at this point." They all nodded in a way that acknowledged that this was the best outcome they could hope for at this point. "They both seemed more relaxed and happy, but it was," she paused to find the right way to describe it. She laughed a little in her head; they'd brought her to a pause, left her searching for words. If anyone could do that, it would be her girls. "Hesitant," she finally settled on.

"Understandably so," Rossi said. "Emily once told me that the best thing her mother ever did for her was to put money in her account every week while she was in college so she could afford to live off campus, and let her pretend that neither of them knew and she was making it on her own."

"I knew they were never close, but that's both sad and telling," Hotch said.

"Wow, the best thing my parents did for me was let me be who I wanted. They supported me every step of the way while they were alive," Garcia told them.

"I can't imagine the Ambassador was very supportive of Emily doing something that she didn't want her to do," Morgan added.

"From what Emily's told me, I'd say that her mother wanted to do the right thing with Emily, but did it the wrong way." Rossi told them, "She's trying, she just has to figure out the right way to give Emily what's best."

"Also," Garcia spoke up again. "From now on, if any of you plan on getting me jewelry as a gift, let Emily pick it out. Our brunette beauty has exquisite taste."

"What's wrong with the stuff I've gotten you?" Morgan asked defensively.

"Nothing, I love the gifts you get me. But ask to see the necklace Emily got JJ and you will all understand," Garcia insisted.

"Where are they, anyway?" Reid asked looking around.

"Does anyone know why they wanted to get together?" Hotch asked. Everyone shrugged and muttered that they didn't know.

"Maybe Emily proposed," Derek suggested, mostly joking.

"Oh my goodness, a wedding!" Garcia cried excitedly.

"I doubt that's what it is," Rossi reasoned. "Maybe they just wanted so time with their friends while we all have off."

"Or maybe Emily had a doctor's appointment and has something to tell us," Hotch suggested with quiet sarcasm.

"Well, that's not quite as fun." Garcia pouted, "It makes more sense though." Her face broke out in a big smile. "They've talked a lot about names already."

"What'd they come up with so far?" Rossi asked.

"They seem to like Michael and Ethan for a boy, but there has been a lot of talk about Aiden recently. There are three or four others that they've thrown around a bunch. And there are no clear favorites for a girl, but I've heard Emma, Olivia, Rachel, Abigail, Madison, Isabella tossed around. That list changes almost daily though," Garcia told them excitedly. "And the indecision on girl's names clearly means that it's a boy."

"It does not," Morgan told her forcefully. "They don't even know what they're having so how does their position on baby names tell us anything other than they know what they like in terms of boy names."

"Mother's intuition," Garcia said like it explained everything.

"You are clinging to superstition, because you know that you are wrong," Morgan accused, pointing a finger at her.

Garcia laughed, "I am the omnipotent Goddess of Everything. I am not wrong."

"What do you know that I don't?" Rossi asked. She couldn't hide the guilty look on her face. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," she denied.

"Yes, you did." Reid agreed with Morgan, "You're making your 'I did something wrong' face. And by wrong I clearly mean illegal."

"So, Miss Busy-Body, what did you…" Morgan trailed off. "You hacked Emily's medical records."

"Ok, yes. But I couldn't help it. They wouldn't tell me when the appointment was and they wouldn't say if they knew the gender or not," Garcia confessed. "They didn't give me a choice."

"Don't do it again," Hotch told her. She nodded quickly. "What'd you find out?"

Garcia grinned again. "Her appointment isn't until tomorrow, and as of yesterday the gender is not listed."

They all fell quiet again, mulling over the whole thing in their heads. "Maybe she did propose…" Morgan mumbled.

"She did not propose," Rossi said low and sharp, nodding with his head towards the door as JJ and Emily walked through the door.

Hotch shrugged a little, "At least they're not considering weird names."

They all snickered and chocked on their slight laughter at the idea of Emily Prentiss naming her child something like celebrities name their kids, as the two women walked up to the table. They were both happy; as happy as any of the team had ever seen them. It was infectious. The people at the table felt their lips turning up at the sight of their friends, hand in hand, grinning, eyes sparkling, each carrying a gift bag; even Hotch. "Hey, guys," Emily greeted as they slid into their seats and tucking the bags away.

"What's so funny?" JJ asked.

"Nothing," Garcia smiled. "I was just telling the boys about the names you're considering."

"She also told us about a necklace, is that it?" Rossi motioned to JJ's neck.

JJ's hand came up to the smooth metal. She nodded, smiling broadly, "She surprised me with it up at my parent's house."

"Garcia wasn't exaggerating," he said. "It's gorgeous."

"I love it," JJ told them, smiling at Emily.

"Did she show you how much she loves it?" Morgan asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Garcia slapped his arm and Emily kicked him under the table. "Ow, hey! It was just a question."

"I've got a better question," Rossi said. "Why were you two late?"

"We, um, well we had to stop and pick up a few things to help us make an announcement," Emily said. Both women were smiling excitedly. "We got a call from Dr. Card today, and she had a cancellation today so she asked if we could come in for my appointment. The amniocentesis test came back all clear." JJ ran her fingers down from Emily's elbow to her hand and interlaced their fingers.

A round of congratulations went up and Emily and JJ beamed. It was such a relief to both of them. They had been so worried. They leaned heavily on each other when waiting and fear weighed them down. When Dr. Card told them that the baby was healthy, Emily had choked back tears. She was so happy and relieved and filled with so much love and other things. JJ had wiped away the tears from the corner of her eyes and kissed her gently.

Garcia was almost vibrating with her excitement, "Did you find out the gender?" JJ laughed and Emily bit her lip, both of them nodding elatedly. "Well?"

They pulled out the bags they'd carried in with them. Emily sat a small box in the center of the table, and JJ handed Garcia an envelope. "If anyone else wants and ultrasound we have more," JJ told them. "Hey Morgan," she grinned from ear to ear. "Open the box." He looked at her suspiciously but reached forward and pulled the lid up. Before he had the lid completely off, it popped up, and he pulled his hands away as he flinched. Confetti sprang out of the box, littering the table. "Hmmm," she hummed as everyone calmed down. "That's a lot like how the night Emily gave me the necklace ended." Morgan smirked at her.

Everyone took notice of the color of the confetti and the inside of the box.

Pink.

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><p><strong>It's a girl!<strong>


	48. Push

**AN: Waring: Angst ahead.**

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><p>JJ woke up to Emily trying to sneak out of bed and out of the room. Third night in a row. It was the nightmares again, this time was different though. Emily had shut JJ out, she wouldn't tell JJ what was wrong, wouldn't talk about the nightmares, she wouldn't talk about any of it, whatever it was. They barely talked at all the past few days. JJ carefully pushed the covers back and followed the quiet brunette down to the living room, where she had curled up on the corner of the couch, just like the past two nights. "Em, are you alright, babe?" she asked from the bottom of the stairs. Emily looked over at her, met her eyes, but JJ knew she wasn't really seeing Emily. Physically, she was looking at Emily, but she couldn't see the real Emily; all she could see was the mask and the impenetrable walls that she'd gotten so used to being on the other side of, the inside of.<p>

"I'm fine," Emily said evenly. "Go back to bed."

"Ok," JJ agreed. She knew Emily wasn't fine, but she knew there was no point in arguing with her, it would just upset her more. "I love you."

"I love you too," she told her, with a small, tired smile.

JJ saw a glimpse of the real Emily, she heard her in the honesty of those words. She clung to that as she turned to go back up the stairs for another restless night. She paused at the top to look back at the love of her life; Emily wasn't watching her, she was looking at a blank spot on the wall, shaking, but not crying, she refused to cry. JJ wasn't above crying, she wasn't going to try and stop the tears as she curled up into their bed alone while Emily was downstairs and shutting JJ off. She didn't want to lose what they had but couldn't ignore the feeling that it was all slipping right through her fingers.

The next morning, JJ laid awake and listened to Emily slip into the bathroom to shower. When she finished JJ stepped in and started getting ready for work. She told herself this was just a rough patch, it would get better, they would go back to the way things were. Emily would come back to her, she had to believe that. Because she couldn't face the other option. Showered and hair dried, JJ came out of the temporary sanctuary of the steamed room to an empty apartment. Any metal relief and reassurance she had found drained away and left her feeling emptier than before. She felt heavy as she crossed the room to the dresser. She stepped into her underwear and dropped the towel from around her body. She pulled out an old, worn, cotton bra. It was sky blue with pink butterflies and flowers, faded and certainly not one to show off, but it was her favorite. Anything to bring a little more comfort her way today, god knows she needed it. She bypassed all her colorful shirts. White blouse, black skirt, nude tights, black flats, pony tail, basic makeup just to make her look a little better than she felt, and her necklace. The slight weight of it and everything it was supposed to mean felt so good. Another small comfort, considering her current state.

JJ walked into the BAU and saw Emily, with her façade solidly in place, keeping her and everyone else away from her. At this point JJ wasn't sure what she could do to get Emily to open up, what she would even do if Emily did opened up to her. She sat in her office, surrounded by the horrors of true evil. Somehow it was like each file battered against her very soul; she felt so exposed, like Emily putting up her walls had torn away JJ's defenses. By the end of the day she was raw and painfully aware of the uphill battle that was waiting for her at home.

JJ got to the apartment. Emily hadn't left work yet. She made dinner. Ate alone. Did the dishes. Wrapped a plate for Emily and set it in the oven for her. Moved to the living room. She worked on files she'd brought home because she couldn't concentrate on them at work. She couldn't concentrate on them now. Time ticked by as she sat alone in their home. She finished the work she'd brought home with her and tucked the files back into her briefcase. She couldn't find the will power to put it away by the door. So she curled into herself in the corner of the couch. She was physically trying to protect her tender emotions and mentality. She just couldn't figure out what to do. She had to get through to Emily. And she waited.

Emily walked through the door and JJ physically opened her posture. She smiled warmly. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," Emily replied. JJ could hear the forced happiness. "Sorry, I'm so late. I had a lot of paperwork to finish."

"It's ok. I had dinner already, but I left a plate for you," she studied the other woman carefully. She was so guarded, so different that what JJ knew, it scared her.

Emily smiled at her, heading towards the kitchen, "Thanks."

It was all very polite, so domestic, and so forced. Emily didn't join JJ on the couch to playfully greet her with a teasing kiss or sweetly snuggle up to her for a minute before getting her dinner, like she normally would. JJ didn't follow Emily and sit with her while she ate, like she normally would. They didn't have a conversation between the rooms, like they normally would. Normally they would be friendly, obviously in love, personal, intimate. They both knew it would be wrong to try and force that kind of shared interaction right now. It would be empty.

So it was quiet, and JJ literally ached in the silence. Emily was just feet away from her and she had never felt farther away, all she wanted was to be close to her again. She could have been physically wrapped around Emily and still not been anywhere near her. It was all stupidly poetic, stupidly, painfully poetic.

"That was delicious," Emily said as she moved to go upstairs. "I'm going to get a shower real quick."

"Emily," she quietly called out to the other woman. Emily stopped on her way to the stairs. JJ could feel the brown eyes on her, even with her own eyes on her own intertwined hands as she sat slumped forward with her forearms resting on her knees. "I know something's wrong." She looked up and tried to control her emotions.

"There's nothing wrong, I'm fine," Emily's answer was practiced and even.

"No, you're not!" JJ exclaimed suddenly. She stood up and walked straight to Emily. "You are struggling and you're hiding from something."

Emily took an instinctive step back from JJ's advance. "There's nothing going on."

"Yes there is Emily, I know there is." She took Emily's face in her hands, making her look at her. "Talk to me, please. Tell me what it is. Let me help you."

"There's nothing to talk about," Emily shook of JJ's hands. "There's nothing to tell. I'm fine."

"Please, let me in Emily," JJ begged as Emily stepped away from her. "Don't shut me out again, please. Talk to me, Em." She reached out to cup her jaw and Emily stepped out of her reach.

"JJ, stop!" Emily snapped at her. JJ flinched away, both at Emily's tone and the use of her nickname instead of Jen or Jennifer. "I think maybe you should spend the night with Garcia or Reid," she told her in a measured voice.

"Em," JJ started choking up. "What are you saying?" Emily wouldn't look at her. "Are you…?" She trailed off. "Is this it, then?"

Emily's head snapped to meet tearful blue eyes as she realized what JJ was asking. "No," she said with conviction. "No, no, oh no, no Jen," she was the one to reach out this time. "I love you, always," she promised, wrapping one of JJ's hands in her own. For a second JJ saw a glimpse of Emily, hurting for both of them, and then it was gone again and she couldn't see if Emily cared at all that she was hurting her. "This isn't it for us. I just need some time."

"Fine," JJ bit out and snatched her hand away from Emily. She pushed past her and took the stairs two at a time. She wasn't sure exactly where the anger came from but it was sure as hell better than the hurt so she clung to it as she threw an over-night bag together. She tossed it over her shoulder and wiped away an errant tear before she went back to the stairs. Ignoring Emily who was standing where she'd left her earlier.

"Where are you going?" Emily asked in the same guarded voice.

"I don't know, probably Garcia's. I have to make sure she's ok with it. If not there, I'll go to Reid's." She didn't even look at Emily.

"Call me and let me know where you are when you get there," Emily requested.

"I'll text you," she said sharply, picking up her purse and bag.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow," Emily promised. JJ just pulled the door open. "I love you."

JJ paused, part way out the door. Her breath caught in her chest. In her anger she wanted to walk out and close the door behind her without saying anything back. But she couldn't, because there was so much truth in those words, every time Emily said them, she said them like they were the most honest thing she'd ever say. "I love you too." And she meant it just as much as Emily did, completely. She closed the door behind her and walked quickly out to her car. She put her stuff in the back seat and dug around her purse for her keys. The anger was gone and the crushing weight of the hurt was back. She just had to get into the car before she could break down. JJ threw her purse into the passenger seat and pulled the door closed, put the key in the ignition, her head fell against the steering wheel in a sign of total defeat, and the tears fell. After a few minutes she managed to take a few deep breaths and sniffled the tears to a stop. She wiped her face clean as she pulled out her cell phone. She worked to stop her hands from shaking as she listened to it ring.

"Hey Shorty," a familiar male voice answered, leaving her a little confused as to why Morgan was answering Garcia's cellphone. She could hear Garcia demanding her phone. "We were just watching a movie." JJ closed her eyes and sighed, she felt terrible for disturbing them. She would just call Reid. He'd ask fewer questions anyway. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied easily. "I'm sorry I interrupted; go back to your movie. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Woah, hold up," Derek said before she'd even finished her apology. "What's wrong?" She didn't answer but he could hear her shaky breathing. "Is Emily ok?"

"I don't know," she choked out. She could hear Garcia asking what was wrong.

"Where are you?" he asked her with tempered calm.

"I'm in my car in the parking lot of our apartment building," she told him.

"Tell me what happened," he requested.

"I don't know what's wrong," her voice shook terribly. "I know there's something wrong but she won't talk to me and when I tried to get her to, she told me I should spend the night somewhere else."

"Oh, Kitten," it was Garcia this time. "You come right over."

"No, Garcia really, you guys don't have to drop everything for me." JJ insisted and her voice was much stronger. "I'll just call Reid."

"Oh no, you are going to spend the night here because Morgan looks incredibly guilty and I think he knows something, so while you are on your way over, I am going to get him to spill and shed some light on what's going on with Momma E." Garcia told her, "And while you think that Reid letting you crash at his Genius Pad and leaving you alone is what you want tonight, I know it is not what you need, so you and I are having a sleepover and there will be chocolate and icecream and macaroni and cheese."

JJ sniffed and wiped away the fresh tears, "Thanks Pen."

"Just get over here so I can hug you instead of just listening to you cry," Garcia ordered her.

"Ok, I'll be there in twenty minutes," JJ told her.

As she drove she realized that on top of being hurt and angry, she was scared. More than any of the other things, she was scared. Maybe part of why she was so scared was because she was so hurt. And Emily being Emily was what had hurt her, of all things. She knew who Emily was long before they started this relationship and she knew what she was getting into when it did start. She knew that sometimes she would have to fight to get Emily to let her walls down. She knew that she would have to push and stand her ground when Emily pushed back. And as much as JJ wanted to be inside Emily's walls, Emily wasn't used to having someone to let them down for. But even the revelation of these things that she knew didn't change the fact that she was scared of losing everything, because now Emily was her everything. And that fear had caused her to make mistakes. She didn't fight for Emily, she pushed and when Emily pushed back she let herself be pushed away. JJ had the thought that she should turn around and go back to try and push past those walls for real, but she was already to Garcia's and she was on the verge of another batch of tears with the thoughts of Emily leaving her.

JJ schlepped her bag over her shoulder and walked up to Garcia's door. She knocked and felt the first tear fall as she waited. Garcia opened the door to her exhausted friend and took one look at her before stepping back and letting her step into the colorful apartment. JJ dropped all of her stuff, trying to relieve the heaviness of her own body, and fell into her friend's waiting arms. "Shhh, Sweetie, it's ok."

"I'm so scared I'm going to lose everything," she got out between hitched breaths. "She's promised me everything I've ever wanted," she cried. Love. A life together. Happiness. A family. "And she could just walk away and take it all with her. I don't know what I did."

"No, she won't. Listen to me," Garcia demanded as her friend calmed down and took JJ's face in her hands. She was worried by how empty everything about her seemed, but now she could see the pain in her eyes. She wasn't numb; she was just hurting so much that she wanted to be. "You didn't do anything. This has nothing to do with you. It's all Emily."

She looked desperately hopeful. "What is it then? What is going on?"

Garcia took a breath and led her over to the couch. She took JJ's shaking hands in her only slightly steadier ones and looked her in the eyes, "Darren Nott is up for parole."

JJ drew in a quick breath. She knew that name. That was one of Levi's followers that had been in the cell with Emily. She swallowed thickly. Emily's voice echoed around in a jumbled mess, recounting everything that Levi's men had done to her. JJ felt sick. "How could this happen after everything she's already been through?"

Garcia pulled up a screen on her laptop, Nott's file. JJ knew who he was from the picture more than his name. Emily didn't know his name until weeks after she'd made it off the compound. Even then she didn't use names to talk about what happened. He wasn't the one that kneed her, but the one who had pushed her down into a bow at Levi's feet, he was the one that held the knife to her throat to control her, his hands had caused some of the bruises around her wrists when he held her arm out to be covered in burning wax. "He appealed and got the kidnapping charge thrown out," Garcia told her. She was saying more but JJ couldn't hear any of it over the buzzing in her ears as she was assaulted with the memories of finding Emily.

She felt dizzy.

"JJ?" Garcia asked, noticing how pale her friend was and the way she was shaking in her hands. "JJ?" she tried again and squeezed the thin hands in her own. After a few seconds JJ looked at her. "Are you ok?"

JJ shook her head, "I'm feeling a little dizzy and like I might be sick."

"Breathe, Sweetie," Garcia instructed and quickly got JJ a glass of water. "Better?" she asked after a few minutes. JJ nodded. "He got kidnapping thrown out, so the only charge against him is aggravated assault. It's an 18 month sentence. He's eligible for early parole for good behavior. It's been on the fast track."

It all made sense now. JJ understood Emily's behavior. She slumped forward. "This can't happen. She's terrified, Pen," she whispered. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"I'm sorry, Jayje," Garcia put an arm around her shoulder. "She's known for about a week. We thought she'd told you. Morgan suspected she hadn't, he tried to get her to talk to you."

"The whole team knows?" she asked.

Garcia nodded, "Hotch has connections in Legal. Rossi just has connections. And it's me, of course I know. I've been tracking every single one of the people from that compound." She huffed in her own emotions. "They asked Morgan and Reid to testify at the hearing. It's tomorrow. We're not going to let any of them out without a fight."

Calmer now, she looked around. "Where's Morgan? Did you send him home?" she asked guiltily.

"Oh no, he should be back soon," Garcia waved it off. "I sent him on a snack run." JJ nodded and Garcia pulled her into a hug, feeling JJ's head rest on her shoulder. "She's going to be ok."

"I know," JJ sighed. "I know why she didn't say anything to me, I just wish she wouldn't shut me out." They stayed like that until Morgan came back.

He came into the door and sidestepped JJ's bags. "Hey Jayje," he dropped a few bags onto the kitchen table then went and moved her bags to a more convenient place. He walked over to them, noting her puffy eyes and pink nose. He pulled her up and into a hug. "How're you doing?"

"I'm ok now," she promised as she let him hold her. "I understand everything now, and I just want to help."

"I think you can," he sat her down.

The next morning JJ and Garcia got ready and drove in their separate cars to the court house. JJ had slept better than she had the past few nights, but she chalked it up to pure exhaustion. The sleep didn't seem to help with the worn down feeling. JJ knew that what she was going to do within the next couple of hours was either going to piss Emily off or make her see that she was there, always right there waiting on the other side of the walls waiting to be let back in when she got shut out, and that she didn't have to shut her out when she felt vulnerable. Emily wasn't surprised to see her there. They sat next to each other.

Emily was the first one to go to the stand. She explained Nott's part in what had happened to her on Levi's compound, but she was remote and reserved, almost indifferent, to maintain her strength and composure. Hotch was next, he went over the logistics of the legal system and the crimes committed against Emily. Morgan took the stand next, and he told them about Nott refusing to help when they got to the compound and going beyond not helping and taunting them. Reid told them that Nott's parole interview actually showed a lack of remorse for his part in the crimes, actually that he was proud of it. Dave got up next, broke down Nott's profile and the profile of what he did to Emily, and what all of it meant about Nott now. They all remained very professional, keeping their connection with Emily out of their statements so the science would be listened to without bias.

"Agent Jareau," the judge addressed her. "I understand that your statement might be very personal and you request that the gallery be removed."

"Yes, Your Honor," she answered.

"Request granted, everyone other than Ms. Prentiss and the defendant will leave the courtroom," the judge ordered.

When it was just them in the large room and she was on the stand she locked eyes with Emily. "I get to see Emily like not many people do," she started. "Unguarded, and open. She's a very strong and independent woman, almost to the point of being stubborn. I'm the one who found her, in that cell, and she was broken." The pain that particular memory brought was clear in her voice and her eyes, she could see it reflected in Emily's eyes, still locked on her own. "She broke down, given what she'd been through it's not surprising. I'd never seen her cry before. She opened up to me after that." She felt her own control starting to slip as Emily's lower lip trembled just slightly. "I saw a side of her that I'd never seen before. The past couple of days she's tried to shut me out, emotionally. But I knew that she was struggling. She was having nightmares again, worse that they've been in a long time. I knew that she was scared." The tears stung behind her eyes as she saw Emily, all of her, the real Emily. "She'll never admit to anyone just how much the idea of Darren Nott being released from prison, even on parole, this soon terrifies her. But I see it."

The judge called everyone back into the courtroom. He didn't have to go to Chambers to review the case and evidence. Emily clung to JJ's hand. Darren Nott was denied parole and ordered to serve the full sentence without the possibility of parole. Emily stared Nott down, smirking as he was led away.

The second the door closed behind the bailiff, Emily was in JJ's arms. "I'm so sorry," she choked slightly on suppressed feelings. "I know I should have told you. I was just so scared and I hated it. I didn't want to be that weak again."

"It's ok, it's ok," JJ spoke over her, drawing back from the embrace to trace the back of her fingers along Emily's jaw. "I know. I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday." Their foreheads fell together. "You are not weak, Emily Prentiss. You have never been weak. You are a fighter."

She nodded and dropped her head to JJ's shoulder, "I'm sorry that I wouldn't talk to you."

JJ breathed in acknowledging how much it had hurt, and out letting go of the past few days, "Please, don't shut me out again. I was so scared you were going to leave me."

"I didn't mean to," Emily told her. "I'm going to try not to put you outside of my walls anymore."

JJ smiled, "Just know that if you do, I am going to be waiting for you on the other side and I'm going to try to break them down." She looked directly into Emily's eyes again, to convey how serious she was about this. "Because I don't want you to be behind your walls by yourself ever again."

"I love you, Jen," Emily smiled.

"I love you too," JJ brushed their lips together softly. Emily jumped slightly, both of her hands went to her baby bump, looking down and then back up at JJ a few times. Her face was happy, and surprised, and wonderstruck. "What?"

"She moved," Emily laughed. "I just felt her move."

* * *

><p><strong>And there's something cute to cut all the angst with.<strong>


	49. Difference

**It's angsty again, but there is fluffy goodness too. I think I'm getting better at balancing the angst and fluff.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Emily sat up straight and tried to stretch out her sore back, taking her phone ringing as an opportunity to take a break from the hours of paperwork. "Agent Prentiss," she said before checking the caller ID.<p>

"Emily, could you come down to my office, please," Garcia asked in a falsely sweet voice.

"Garcia," Emily groaned, trying to protest the interrogation she knew was coming.

"Emily, now," she ordered. "Get your butt moving."

"Alright, jeeze," the line cut off before she was done. She tried to easy the ache in her lower back again.

"Was that Garcia again?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah," Emily tried digging her fingers into the aching muscles. "I'm still making up for the Nott thing."

"Your back sore?" he asked.

Reid looked up and saw her nod. "That's not uncommon in pregnancy. There's a lot of extra weight and your back supports most of it," he noticed the look she was giving him and quickly added, "as I'm sure you already know." And then he continued, "A warm bath, or icepacks might help." He hesitantly added, "or a more supportive, maternity bra." And then he promptly blushed when both of them looked at him. "It'll help," he squeaked.

"The kid might be onto something," Morgan told her when she rolled her eyes. "Your girls are popping out of that thing."

"My underwear is none of either of your businesses," she told them. "Why are you even looking at my chest?"

"Come on now Emily, I'm an investigator. It's my job to notice things." She shook her head and stood up and stretched out her back. "It's only going to get worse."

"Shut up, Morgan," she said and walked away. Once she was alone in the elevator, she adjusted her bra. "Stupid piece of cloth, paid a fortune and it doesn't even do what it's supposed to." She gave up trying to get it in the right place when the doors opened and walked to Garcia's office. She was greeted with a steely glare. "Garcia, I don't know what more you want to me to do. It's been three weeks of date nights in, and date nights out, and I'm taking salsa lessons with her, flowers, and baths, I made her breakfast in bed just this past weekend." Garcia raised an eyebrow at her. "JJ has forgiven me. And do you have any idea how weird it is to be doing something for my girlfriend and be thinking, 'god, I hope this'll get Garcia to forgive me for hurting JJ'?"

"You didn't see the way she was crying," Garcia told her.

"I know, and I've said I'm sorry, to you and her. I've done everything I can think of to make it up to her," Emily sighed and sat down.

"She was terrified," Garcia said.

"I know," Emily admitted.

"I don't ever want her to be afraid that you're going to walk away from her again," Garcia told her.

"I… have something for that," Emily said hesitantly. She reached into her pocket, "I ordered these a few days after the parole hearing." She handed Garcia a little jewelry box.

Garcia took the box, looking curiously at Emily as she flipped it open. She gasped.

Emily cut off the question she knew was coming, "They're not engagement rings. They're promise rings."

"Aren't promise rings used as engagement rings?" Garcia asked, clearly very excited about this.

"According to the salesperson, promise rings are kind of like a pre-engagement ring, it's like saying that you both want this to be forever." Emily told her and continued to muse. "I guess some people might use them for engagement rings." she snapped out of her musings and noticed the look on Garcia's face. "Neither of us is ready for that now."

"No, you're right. Now's not the right time, but I hope it happens." Garcia grinned, "How long have you had the rings?"

"A week," Emily told her.

"How long have you been carrying them around with you?" she prodded a little more.

"Three days," Emily reached out and took the box back. "I can't find the right time to give them to her."

"Ok, here's the deal. You give JJ these and you're off the hook with me. But if she ever shows up at my door crying because of you again, your credit, insurance, and social security, every electronic bit of important personal information that I can think of will be so messed up it'll be easier for you to just get a new identity and start over," Garcia threatened. But then she smiled, "I'm glad that you two are ok. How is little Gummy Bear?"

"She's doing good; Dr. Card says she's right on track. I feel her moving around a lot more, she's not quite to the point where anyone else can feel it yet, but I think she'll get there soon." Garcia beamed at her because it was truly adorable how Emily got when she was talking about her little baby. "She can probably hear now, probably not much of anything from the outside yet, but my heartbeat, and breathing, and my voice. I mean, she doesn't understand any of it yet, but eventually she'll recognize my voice and JJ's."

"And mine," Garcia added. "I still can't believe she's a girl, I was so sure you were having a boy."

"Are you disappointed?" she asked curiously.

"Only that I lost my money," she smirked. "No one could be disappointed with the idea of a baby girl with your dark hair, and gorgeous eyes."

Emily audibly left out a deep breath through her mouth, "We can only hope."

Garcia gave her a sad, knowing smile, "She's going to be beautiful, no matter what." Emily's phone rang and Garcia turned back to her computers. "You guys got a case? Probably your last case before you're hanging back here with me until maternity leave."

"Yup," she nodded slowly. "Hotch wants us up in the conference room, I guess it's pretty time sensitive."

"You should probably head up there then," Garcia told her.

"Yeah," Emily fidgeted with the jewelry box before standing up and tucking it back in her pocket. "I um, I just. Thanks, for looking after JJ that night."

Garcia just smiled and nodded. "Go on and save the world," she shooed Emily towards the door. "Be safe," she called after her.

Emily had just taken a seat around the table when JJ and Hotch hurried in. "Glasgow, Missouri," JJ did the fast intro as she passed out the files. "There have been five rapes in the past two weeks. All of them threatened and subdued with a knife by a man in a ski mask, bound, gagged, and blindfolded. During the assault the unsub encouraged them to fight and scream, if they didn't he would cut them with the knife. He left them tied up. All the victims had light brown hair. The locals have fluids, hairs, and fingerprints, but they can't find him."

"He's getting more confident," Hotch assessed. "The first victim was attacked on a back street and dragged into an alley and the last victim was attacked in her home. And our unsub is taking more time with the victims and terrorizing them, he's started assaulting them multiple times with the third victim."

"He's escalating too," Rossi said. "The assaults are getting more violent. Look at the number of cuts and where they're being cut."

"There are only four statements here," Morgan pointed out, flipping through his file to check he hadn't missed it.

"The last victim, Clare Batey, is refusing to give her statement. The day after her assault she attempted suicide." Hotch told them, "But the locals found a ski mask between the wall and the head of her bed, and the scarf he'd used to blindfold her was around her neck. They believe he used it to choke her, he almost killed her. But she might have seen his face."

"No wonder she wanted to end it, the day she was attacked she found out she was cancer free after a five year battle with it. And look how badly he cut her up," Emily breathed out.

"This kind of unsub didn't just start attacking like this," Reid said. "He likely has priors for lesser sexual offenses, so have Garcia look into that."

"He's escalating and already tried to kill one victim," Hotch said. "The next probably won't be lucky enough to survive. Wheels up in a half hour."

On the plane, as they discussed the case further the teams anger at the crime was obvious. Over the past six months, rape cases became increasingly personal for the guys. They all knew it was displaced rage for what had happen to Emily at Levi's hands; Emily had gotten the satisfaction of fighting him and not letting anything he did control her now, and JJ had shot him, but the guys hadn't gotten any form of satisfaction. And the parole hearing had done nothing but opened their still festering wounds; this case seemed like it might be their breaking point, so it had to be addressed. "Everyone, listen up. I know that this kind of case isn't easy," Hotch said. "But we all have to keep our emotions out of it. We can't make this personal, alright?" Everyone agreed and he continued, "When we land I'm going to the station with Rossi and Morgan to coordinate with the locals and give the profile, JJ and Reid, I want you to go and talk to the first four victims, Emily you are going to meet the original detective at the hospital." The order was unspoken but understood clearly, connect to Clare and get her to open up; get the information.

Emily just nodded and went back to reading through the file, ignoring the sympathetic looks everyone gave her.

As she walked off the elevator onto the psych floor, Emily wiped her sweaty hands on her pants. "You must be Detective Whittsman," she offered her hand to the tall woman with the badge hanging around her neck.

"You can just call me Ashley," as they shook hands Emily noticed the other woman had at least a few inches on her, and muscles to fill out the extra height. "You're Special Agent Prentiss?"

"Emily," she told her as Ashley pulled her thick, black, ringlet curls back into a ponytail. "Can you tell me anything that might help me get through to her," Emily tilted her head towards the door.

"She's terrified and doesn't really trust anyone," Ashley told her. "Mentally, she's doing better than she was a few days ago. She's off suicide watch."

"Good, she cares about her life so she'll care about the lives of other women," Emily said quietly.

"I definitely wouldn't suggest trying that until you've gotten her to open up to you," Ashley told her. Emily studied the tall woman. "Just, please, don't push her. They've tried that already, and it won't do you any good. She's been through enough already."

"I know," Emily told her with a meaningful look. "I'm not going to do anything to set her back."

"Ok," Ashley took a moment to control her emotions. "Ok, let's try this."

"Ok," Emily agreed. "I want you to come in the room with me until she gets comfortable with me, after that I want you to leave if I ask you to. You can offer to stay outside the door if she wants you to. But I need you to not interrupt, don't tell me to stop or that it's enough for the day. I know she's going to be emotional about this and I promise I'll back off if it gets too far. Alright?" Ashley nodded and led the way into the room.

No one's ever truly ready to see the physical damage that a human being can inflict on another, and Emily had to acknowledge that the physical damage done to Clare was disturbing without knowing the details of what she'd been through. Emily put on her professional mask, and stood by the door while she waited.

"Hey, Clare," Ashley said gently and sat down in the chair next to the bed. "How're you doing today?" Clare shrugged, eyeing Emily cautiously from the corner of her eye. "This is Special Agent Emily Prentiss, she just wants to ask you some questions, ok?"

"You want to talk about what happened, Agent Prentiss?" she asked, her voice was hoarse.

"Yes," Emily told her with gentle honesty. "And you can call me Emily, if you'd like."

"Well, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to forget it ever happened." She turned her pleading eyes to Emily, revealing the true extent of what that monster had done to her. Her wig had been collected as evidence, so she wore a grey scarf around her head. Emily could see a bandage high up on her shoulder, at the junction of her neck, and one peeking out at her chest, from the top of the hospital gown, and the bulges from others along her torso. From the medical reports, she knew that there were others, along her thighs and hips. Twenty seven, miraculously, nonlife threatening cuts along her body; including the deep, prominent, stitched up gash that ran from the middle of her cheek bone to the corner of her jaw. All of them would scar. The ligature marks around her wrists and ankles would scar. And there were bruises, everywhere. The ones around her neck were an angry reddish purple.

"Anyone can understand why you don't want to talk about this Clare," she told her as she slowly approached the bed. "But you already know that the man who did this to you hurt other women before he attacked you."

Clare shook her head and interrupted, "I already know that."

"Then you should know that he is going to attack someone else, and he will kill her." Clare turned and looked at her with tears in her eyes. "We need your help to catch him before anyone else gets hurt."

Clare shook her head again, "I can't. Please, there has to be another way. I can't."

Emily crouched down to her level and looked her in the eye, "No one else can help us find him, you're the only one that can identify him." She looked over to Ashley for some help.

"We need to know what you remember," Ashley told her gently. "I know it's not easy," she took the poor woman's hand. "But anything you remember will help catch him."

Clare closed her eyes, "I remember all of it. I can't forget a second of it." There was a long quiet second as they waited for her to continue. "I can't, you don't understand. I just can't talk about it."

Emily took a moment. She licked lower lip and dragged her teeth over it. She gave Ashley a look.

"Clare, I'm going to step out if that's ok?" Ashley told her. Clare nodded. "I'll stay close to the door," she promised and stepped out closing the door behind her.

"You're right, no one completely understands what that man did to you," Emily told her carefully. "No one understands that it's more than physical pain and fear; there's no way to describe the way what he did to you was degrading and humiliating on top of violating and painful." Emily looked Clare in the eye and stood up. She peeled off her suit jacket and placed it on the back of the chair, bumping the table next to the bed. She watched a pen roll off the table. Carefully, she rolled both of her sleeves up to her elbows, feeling Clare's eyes following her every movement. She leaned over to pick the pen up off the ground and felt the bottom of her shirt ride up. She looked at Clare again, completely exposed to her, and knew she'd revealed their connection. "I understand, Clare," she set her hands on her growing belly. "Better than you think."

"What happened?" she asked still studying this new Agent Prentiss.

Emily recounted the story of her torture, humiliation, and rape to Clare, "You know what happened to you. And you know that you don't want anyone else to have to go through that, more than you don't want to go through the pain of talking about it."

"I can't remember his face," she admitted shakily. "It's just a dark blur."

"But you did see his face?" Emily asked. Ashley nodded. "Ok, I need you to tell me what happened."

"Why?" she snapped. This anger was the strongest emotion Emily had seen out of her yet. "I just told you that I don't remember his face." And then there was the tears. "I want to help you, but I can't tell you what you need to know."

Emily reached out and took Clare's hand, and the other woman clung to it. "Yes you can Clare. You saw his face, the memory is there, you're just not getting to it."

"You can help me remember his face?" she asked.

"I can give you something called a cognitive interview. It'll take you back to that night, in your memories." Emily told her gently. "But I need to know what happened to be able to do that."

"It'll be like I'm there again?" Clare asked, hesitantly.

"It will be vivid," Emily told her. "But I will be right here, no matter what. I promise I will be here with you."

"Ok," Clare told her. "I can do that."

"Alright Clare," Emily smiled encouragingly at her. "Just start whenever you're ready."

After a few seconds Clare, very quietly, started to tell her story, "I had finished dinner, and I locked up for the night before starting to get ready for bed. He was in my bedroom. I have no idea how long he'd been in there. He jumped me and pinned me with my back against a wall. He was wearing a black ski mask. He showed me he had a knife and told me that he would kill me if I didn't do what he said. He made me get onto the bed. When I tried to fight he cut me here," she motioned to the cut almost on her neck, "and he told me that next time he'd cut my throat. And then he tied my hands to the head board and he blindfolded me and gagged me." She blinked back her tears, "I was so scared."

"I know," Emily ran her thumb over the back of Clare's hand. "You're doing so well."

"He tied my feet and then he cut all of my clothes off and he climbed on top of me. He started touching me and told me to fight and scream. When I didn't, he cut me a few times. And then he raped me. I passed out at some point. When I woke up he started cutting me again. He would press down like he was going cut me really deep and then pull away and just leave these. And then he did it again." she was starting to cry in earnest, the tears running down her cheeks, her voice thick.

"Did he rape you again after that?" Emily asked quietly, her other hand had joined the first and was cradling both of Clare's.

"Once," she nodded. "After he'd cut me some more. Then he put the knife to my face, I closed my eyes, and he pulled the blindfold off and cut my face. Then he put the knife down and started choking me with the blindfold. That's when I know I looked at his face. I passed out, when I woke up he was gone. I was still tied up and gagged, but I could hear the woman from across the hall knocking on my door. I yelled as loud as I could until she came and found me."

"Alright, that was really good Clare," Emily told her. "Do you want to take a break before we do anything else?"

She nodded and the room fell quiet for a second, Emily kept gentling rubbing the back of her hands. "That day was supposed to be happy. I was supposed to be able to remember it as the day I beat cancer, not the day I almost died."

It wasn't fair for this to happen to anyone, but she had spent five years fighting something trying to kill her from inside her own body, and she beat that only to have a random stranger try to kill her. "That doesn't have to be what you remember about that day, Clare. You can overcome this too, and it can be the day you survived twice."

"How did you overcome what happened to you?" Clare intentionally used the same word Emily had.

"I had a support system, people who care about me. I talked about it. I reached out when I needed help with what I was going through. And I accepted that it happened and decided that I wasn't going to let it control my life," Emily explained to her.

"And the scars?" Clare asked.

"I hide mine most of the time," she admitted. "But you could wear yours as a sign of your survival. Let them show your strength. Don't let them wear you."

"And you're over it now?" she asked.

"No," Emily breathed out. "I don't think you get over it; you survive it. I think you let it make you stronger. Take the good and leave the bad, and then you learn to live with it."

Clare thought about it for a minute before she nodded. "Ok, let's do the interview."

"Alright, I need you to close your eyes for me. Think about after dinner that night. What's the first thing you remember?"

"Doing the dishes," Clare told her. "I'd made stir-fry to celebrate and was having trouble getting the pan clean. I was annoyed because I was tired."

"So, it was late?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, I didn't start cooking until after I'd finished calling everyone to tell them the good news," she clarified.

"After you finished the dishes, what did you do?" Emily continued.

"I turned the overhead fan on and the air-conditioning." Clare said.

"You were hot?" she asked.

"No, it was humid, really stuffy. There were chances of rain all day but it hadn't yet," Clare explained.

"Ok, what did you do then?" Emily moved her on.

"I started locking up for the night. I checked the door and closed the window," she told her.

"Did you forget to close the window that morning?" Emily asked with her face scrunched in suspicion.

"No," Clare said slowly. "I closed it before I left in the morning because it was going to rain." Her breathing picked up and her eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Oh my god, he's in the apartment."

She was where Emily needed her to be. Emily carefully took hold of Clare's hands. "Clare, he can't hurt you. I promise, I won't let him hurt you again, ok?" Emily calmed her down. Clare relaxed and she continued, "Ok, I want you to go to your bedroom and open the door and freeze the room when you have it open."

"Ok," Clare said and she squeezed Emily's hands a little.

"You can see him." Clare nodded a response to the statement. "Describe him for me."

"He's wearing a mask, I can't see his face," Clare hurried the words.

"I know," Emily assured her. "How tall is he?"

"He's taller than me," Clare said.

"My height?" Emily asked. "Or taller?"

"He's a little taller than Ashley," Clare told her.

"Is he skinny or big?" Emily asked.

"I can't tell, his clothes are baggy," Clare said.

Emily closed her eyes and took a deep breath, be professional. She didn't want to put this woman through any more pain, and she knew exactly what this next part of the interview was going to be like. Clare said she could do this and she could stop if she changed her mind. If Clare was willing to do it to stop this man, Emily was going to help her. "Ok Clare, we're going to go later into the night, alright?" Clare nodded. "I need you to go to just before he took the blindfold off, he's got the knife pressing against your cheek," Emily instructed.

The tears leaking down Clare's distressed face told Emily that she was there. "I don't want to be here. He hurt me, it hurts," she cried.

"I know, I know. Hey, I'm right here." Emily put her hand on Clare's upper arm. "I'm not going to let him hurt you, Clare. It's ok," she soothed. "He can't hurt you. It's ok." Once Clare calmed down she went on. "Focus on his weight, can you describe it? Is he heavier that you thought he'd be?"

"No, he's not heavier than I expected," She said. Her face scrunched in concentration. "He's not fat. I can feel his legs and arms on either side of my hips and head." Emily almost flinched away at the description of the sensations, feeling trapped at the very idea. "He's not gangly and skinny, but he's not solid muscle either."

"Ok, that's really good Clare," she praised before she continued. "He's about to pull the blindfold off. When he does everything is going to stop, he's going to freeze, nothing's going to hurt, and I want you to concentrate on his face and describe it to me," she said quickly.

Clare tensed up for a second and then relaxed. "He's white. He has light, auburn hair. It's neat, just above his ears. Dark eyebrows. Thick. Dull, grey-blue eyes. His nose has a wide bridge, and the nostrils seem too short. His cheeks are kind of square but not prominent. His jaw is square and wide. It makes his face look really angled. He has really thin lips. He's smirking, he's enjoying this."

"Ok, open your eyes Clare," Emily said gently. She watched as she resituated herself in reality instead of her memories. She slowly broke down and leaned toward Emily, who wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "That was really good Clare. That's really going to help us." She held her as she cried for the injustice of what she'd been put through.

"You're going to catch him, right?" Clare asked desperately.

"I'm going to get everything that you just told me back to my team, and we're going to do everything we can to get him," Emily promise. "Do you want me to send Ashley back in?" Clare nodded. While Emily rolled her sleeves back down it was quiet between them. "It's going to get easier, and then it's going to get better. But if you ever need anything, call me." She gave Clare her card and pulled her jacket back on after she nodded. And she turned to leave.

"Agent Prentiss?" Clare stopped her. When Emily turned around she asked, "It's his baby, right?"

Emily knew what she was talking about, "Yeah, he's the biological father."

"How can you handle knowing it's his? Doesn't it just remind you of what that man did to you?" she asked.

"She's more mine than she is his," Emily told her. And all she could do was hope that was true.

Emily got the information to the team, the general description of the unsub; 6' 1" to 6' 2", 160 lbs. to 175 lbs., light reddish brown hair, grey-blue eyes, and the facial description to a sketch artist. They had a list of suspects, all they had to do was compare the composite sketch to driver's license pictures and prison records. They had a match within an hour of starting the comparisons. The team had the guy. But they weren't leaving until the morning and Emily was exhausted, she'd gotten the job done but talking to Clare had taken a lot out of her. Her questions at the end left her doubting everything she'd decided about having this baby. She was distracted; Hotch knew it, she knew it, so when Hotch suggested she go back to the hotel, she put up half a fight just to keep JJ from worrying, and left when he made it an order.

They'd all be out of the local station soon, as Emily was leaving Morgan had come out of the interrogation room with a confession. She needed to use this time to get her thoughts in order, because she was exhausted and emotionally worn down. Once she'd settled into the room, she retreated to the bathroom with a pair of lounge pant and a tank top. She freed herself from her shirt and curiously studied the burn scars on her arms. What made her scars different from Clare's? She turned her back to the mirror and looked over her shoulder to see the reflection of her back. Why were her scars ugly and demeaning, when she looked at Clare's and felt proud of the young woman for surviving? She hated her scars. Yes, she'd acknowledged them and dealt with them, but she hated them. She examined her reflection and she was ashamed of the disfigurements that swirled and crisscrossed her skin, but she felt herself swell with pride at the sight of her growing midsection. How was it possible that two things that had come out of the same experience brought opposite emotions? Because her pregnant belly was as much a sign of what had been done to her as the scars were.

Right now, the pregnancy wasn't a constant reminder of her assault. She looked at it as one of two good things that came out of the traumatic event. But would she feel the same way in 17 weeks? She bit her lips against the emotions starting to fight for control. When she first found out she was pregnant one of the things she had thought was 'What if it looks like me?' But that question swung both ways. What if she looked like him? She didn't know how she would handle that. She wanted this baby to be hers. She didn't want to doubt that she would be able to love her daughter. She didn't want to think of this little girl as his.

She stripped off the rest of her clothes and stepped into the shower. She let go of her control and let the emotions and doubts swirl around as she washed off. As the tears started she realized she had no idea how long she'd been in the bathroom. She let the water wash over her face as her hands found their way to her sides and slid to her bump. Emily tilted her head forward and her dark hair fell into her face. The water streamed over her head and down her back. She was tired, and she hurt in a way she hadn't for a long time. Telling Clare her story and being open about it but keeping it together at the same time had been hard enough on its own, the only person she wanted to ever openly talk about that with was JJ. But now she was worried and scarred because she was questioning things she had been sure of for five months. Her shoulders hunched and she leaned forward, supporting some of her weight on her forearms against the wall. Emily slowly and carefully lowered herself to her knees and sat mostly out of the spray. She cradled her arms around her abdomen and brought her knees up towards her chest.

Emily ran her hand over her baby bump slowly, gently. "You're my little girl, right?" she whispered breathily. She smiled through her tears as she felt her baby girl move just beneath where her hand was rubbing circles. "I love you so much already."

She heard the room door open and close. "Em," JJ knocked on the door.

"I'll be out in a minute," Emily called out to her. She didn't try to hide the thick emotional tone from her voice.

"Hey," JJ said from just outside the door. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm glad you're back though." She carefully stood up and groaned as her back protested. She dressed quickly and got out of the bathroom. She knew her eyes were still misty and there were plenty of other tells that she wasn't quite alright that JJ had picked up on almost immediately. Emily met JJ halfway, leaning in as JJ moved to draw her into her arms. "Talking to Clare was really hard," she admitted.

"You told her your story to get her to help us?" JJ asked as she softly rubbed up and down Emily's back.

"Was it wrong for me to use that?" Emily asked. "We needed the information that I got, but was it wrong to make a connection with her and use it to cause her more pain?"

"Emily," JJ leaned back so she could look into the brown eyes. "You know that catching this guy saved lives. You did what you had to."

"What if it costs us her life? She had just been taken off suicide watch this morning." Emily led JJ to one of the beds and lied down on her side, trying to stretch her lower back out, with her head in JJ's lap. "I wanted her to know that she can get through this."

"Sweetie, if you talked to her, I have no doubt that she's at least ready to try and get through it." JJ stroked her fingertips along Emily's cheek and into her hair. "You probably helped her take the first step toward recovery."

Emily sighed, "She asked me how I can handle carrying my rapist's child?" JJ's hands slowed and shook almost imperceptibly for a split second. "I haven't ever thought of her as his. I just kind of assumed that she's going to look like me. What if she doesn't? What if I when I look at her all I can see is his child?" JJ's hand found hers and held onto it. "I just love her so much, I can't handle the idea that that could change."

"Emily, look at me," JJ ordered. Emily rolled onto her back and looked up into the honest blue eyes. "What she looks like isn't going to change the way you love her," she cupped Emily's face in her hands. "She's your daughter, Em. And we all can see you already want to give her the world."

"No," Emily sat up and held onto both of JJ's hands. She smiled, "She's our daughter." JJ's smile lit up Emily's world. She tucked some blonde hair behind her ears, gently took her face in her hands and kissed her slowly. They parted and just looked into each other's eyes, smiling. Their arms found their place around the other. "Thank you."

"For what?" JJ asked.

"For being so incredible," Emily answered. "Stay there." She got up and got her pants from the bathroom. As she back down next to JJ, she dug through the pockets and pulled out the little white velvet jewelry box. She opened it in front of them. "They're promise rings."

JJ reached out slowly and pulled one of the rings free from the cushions around it. She studied it, taking in the shine of the crossing, gentle gold waves and the sparkle of the three diamonds; the biggest sat in the middle of where the waves of gold met, and the two smaller ones connected it all. The top wave on one side and the bottom on the other were inset with small round diamonds. She noticed an inscription on the inside of the band and brought it closer to read it. "Em," she breathed out as she read it.

_Mon Chouchou, always. My Endless Love._

Emily sat the box on her lap and took the ring and JJ's right hand. She slid the ring onto her ring finger, looking directly into those beautiful blue eyes the whole time. Silently telling JJ exactly how much she loved her.

JJ picked up the box and took out the matching ring to read the inscription.

_Pretty Girl, always. My Endless Love._

"Pretty Girl?" she laughed quietly as she reached for Emily's hand.

"You're mon couchou and I'm your Pretty Girl," she grinned as the ring slid onto her finger. "I wouldn't have anything else put on it."

Emily took JJ's right hand in her right hand and kissed the back of JJ's hand as the rings sparkled gently but vibrantly. JJ did the same. They leaned forward, their held hands getting caught between their bodies, and their lips met lovingly, then brushed softly for a second. They pulled closer together and rested their head on the other's shoulder.

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><p><strong>Also, I can't believe how hard it is to shop for these two ladies.<strong>


	50. Alone

**Wow, 50 chapters. I am amazed by everyone that has read this whole story up to this point. I didn't plan on this being a long story when I started writing it. You guys are awesome, and I'll keep writing until it's done as long as I have someone reading.  
><strong>On a kind of side note; I am not pregnant, have never been pregnant, and haven't had anyone close to me go through pregnancy. So all of the information in this story is from the internet. As is pretty much any medical information. And I have no idea how accurate the legal parts of this story are, I do some research when I include legal stuff. I don't know how accurate any of the psychology or profiling is either.<br>So, I apologize for any inaccuracies.****

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><p>It had been one week and three days since Emily had started working strictly from DC, and so far the team hadn't been called away. So Emily and JJ spent their spare time together. They planned the nursery, bribed Morgan into helping paint it at some point, and found the furniture they wanted for it. When they'd relax, JJ did her best to relieve some of the aches Emily had recently developed with a back massage or a foot rub. When they were settling down for the night, they would both lie in bed and be very still, JJ held her hands under Emily's shirt and on the baby bump, and she could feel the little flutters of movement. Before they'd go to sleep JJ would crawl backwards down Emily's body and say, 'Good night, Gummy Bear. I love you" against the bump. JJ sang to the growing baby too, always while Emily was asleep. That's what Emily let her think anyway.<p>

It was time to get up and get ready or work, it was absolutely the latest Emily could stay in bed and both of them make it to work on time. JJ was up already. Emily was stubborn and sleepy, which made it adorable and impossible to be angry. She sighed and knelt on the bed behind her and leaned down over her abdomen carefully. "Good morning, Baby," she cooed. "You wouldn't know how to get your Momma up, would you?"

"Oh, hey!" Emily exclaimed, suddenly very awake as Gummy Bear started kicking and wiggling. "That's a neat trick you got her to do there." She maneuvered her way out from under JJ.

"Whoa, what's the hurry, Em?" she laughed as the other woman hurried out of the bed.

"I have to pee and it feels like she's jumping on my bladder," Emily closed the door behind her.

They made it to work on time, barely. Morgan spotted Emily coming through the door and made a loop around the bullpen so that he had an excuse to stop at her desk at the same time as she was getting there. She tucked her bag under her desk and when she looked up Morgan had pulled her chair out and was leaning on the back of it. "Morning, Princess," he grinned at her. "How's Mini Princess doing today?"

"She did some acrobatics last night until 1:30 and was kick boxing my insides earlier, but she's settled down now," Emily shook her head apologetically. "Although she does have one of her little body parts wedged against my ribs." She shifted and rubbed her belly, trying to coax Little Prentiss into changing position. Morgan moved back and offered her the chair. She sat down and he pushed it in.

"Maybe she just doesn't like you," Rossi teased.

"Hey, she hasn't moved for you either," Morgan shot back.

"This kind of behavior is actually completely normal for babies in the uterus," Reid told them and then looked up from his file. "She probably likes to sleep during the day because Emily's movements cause her to experience a gentle rocking sensation."

"I know that you guys want to feel her kick, but I am glad she takes a break every once in a while," Emily told them.

Morgan looked at her curiously, "It can't really be that bad." Emily glared at him.

"Unborn infants often kick hard enough for it to be seen on the surface of the abdomen by people observing it," Reid said.

"She can, just ask JJ," Emily assured them, pointing at her stomach. "And you," she pointed at Morgan. "Let me poke you in the kidney for a few hours, and then you can say it's not that bad."

"Is she kicking? Was she moving? Was she kicking? Did I miss it?" Garcia asked as she hurried across the bullpen to the small group of her teammates. Emily shook her head the same way she had with Morgan earlier. She huffed disappointedly, "Then what are you all doing huddled around Emily's desk?"

"Morgan's being an idiot," Emily told her, still glaring at him. He held his hands up as to surrender.

"He's lucky he's pretty," Garcia sighed and patted him on the shoulder.

"Lesson learned," he told her, going to his own desk.

"You should really know better than to question a woman on this kind of thing," Rossi told him.

"Come with me, Gumdrop," Garcia requested and tugged on Emily's chair. "I have a question for you and JJ."

"Ok," Emily said a little confused, but got up and went with her. They went together to JJ's office. She walked in first and JJ smiled warmly at her, but looked curious when Garcia followed her in. "Garcia has a question for us," Emily said as she moved to perch next to JJ on the edge of the desk.

"Oh, really?" she asked, resisting the urge to reach out and play her hands along the baby bump so temptingly presented in front of her.

"Yes," Garcia was noticeably excited, even for her. "I wanted to know if you two were planning on having a baby shower."

"We weren't really planning on it," Emily told her. "Who would we invite?"

"Yeah, Garcia, we don't really have a lot of female friends that know everything that's happened in the past months," JJ added.

"What about the team?" Garcia asked.

"I don't think the guys want to sit through a baby shower," Emily laughed a little.

"Not a traditional one," Garcia said. "But they'd like to come to a little party to celebrate Baby Prentiss complete with presents. Rossi even offered his house."

Emily smiled and amusedly asked, "And let me guess, you'd like to be in charge of planning it?"

Garcia nodded enthusiastically.

"We are going to tell Rossi that we take no responsibility for whatever you plan on doing in his house," JJ said. She reached for a pen and paper and leaned closer to Emily as she told Garcia, "You should invite my family too."

"Oh! Garcia, come here, quick!" Emily motioned to her. As soon as she was within reach, Emily took her hand and put it over where the baby was kicking.

"Whoa," Garcia was hushed as she felt the movements. "That's so amazing."

"It really is," JJ agreed. "I love getting to feel that."

As JJ talked Garcia felt the baby wiggle around more. "Oh hey, keep talking."

"Why?" JJ laughed curiously.

Garcia took one of her hands and put it on Emily's belly and looked at Emily expectantly, Emily put her hand with the other two. "Just do it," she begged as the movement died down again. "Talk to her."

"Ok," JJ said, a little self-consciously as she moved closer to Emily. "Hi, Gummy Bear. That other voice you hear is your Aunt Penelope." She smiled as the movement started again. "You've got her all excited about something. You know, if you keep moving for her, you're going to have everyone else really jealous." As she kept talking they could feel the continued movements.

"She knows your voice," Emily said, smiling down at JJ. "Come on," she broke free from their hands and hurried them back to the bullpen.

"What's going on? Is something wrong?" Morgan asked, worried by the sudden bustle of the women moving with Emily.

"No, come here," Emily said. But by the time she'd said it she was already standing in front of him, so she just took his hand and put it on the baby bump.

He frowned a little, "I don't feel anything."

"Just hold on," Emily scolded and motioned for JJ to come over.

Garcia pushed Emily's chair over to where they were and JJ sat down, smiling a little. "Hey, Little One, your Uncle Derek's waiting for you to say hi." She glanced up at him and smiled shyly as Gummy Bear kicked and wiggled. No one noticed Garcia step back with her camera out.

"Hey," he grinned widely. "That's our Little Princess," he looked up at Emily. "Kid, come here. You've got to feel this."

"Ok," he said awkwardly and hesitantly sat down in the seat Morgan had just vacated. "I can't feel anything," he said after a few seconds and pulled his hand away.

Emily started to protest but Rossi was already ushering Reid out of the chair and taking his place. "Let me try." Emily put his hand where she'd been kicking.

"Grandpa Dave's here," JJ cooed. By now they had caught the attention of some of the other agents. "He'll probably spoil you rotten if we let him." She watched him smile.

"There she is," he smiled up at Emily and JJ. "We're all just out here waiting for you to join us," he said to Emily's stomach, which surprisingly, didn't annoy her or make her uncomfortable.

"I want to talk to her," Garcia said.

"Oh, me too," Morgan said almost overlapping with Garcia. "Hotch, come here man. The baby's kicking."

In the flurry of activity around them, both Emily and JJ noticed Reid hanging back. But they happily continued to show off Gummy Bear's kicking, until everyone was satisfied.

"Congratulations," Hotch smiled at them and excused himself as his phone rang. Everyone kind of spread back out; Rossi went back to his office, Garcia followed Morgan to his desk, and Reid sat at his desk. All the other agents around them stopped watching them from the corner of their eyes.

"Hey, Spence, come on," JJ motioned for him to follow her and Emily to the empty break room. "Come here," she said as she sat down in a chair next to Emily. She took his hand and put it on the baby bump. "Sweetie, we've got one more person here for you to meet. This guy out here is your Uncle Spencer. We know you're going to love everyone as much as they love you, but your Momma and I, we have a feeling he's going to be your favorite."

"Wow," Reid breathed out. "That's feels so weird." He looked up at both of them. "Is she usually like this?"

"Sometimes," Emily told him. "We've got her a little excited right now."

"You can talk to her, if you want to," JJ said. "We kind of want her to be used to everyone's voice."

"I don't know what to say," he admitted.

Both women smiled endearingly at him, but before they could say anything, Hotch stuck his head in. "We've got a case."

"We've got a case," JJ repeated in a sighed dry humor of the predictability of it.

They came out of the room to see Morgan hovering around his desk. As they made for the stairs, Morgan hurried a little to catch up to them and walked almost directly behind Emily. "What are you doing?" she asked when she noticed his hand hovering over the small of her back.

"Nothing," he said and sat down. Emily looked at him suspiciously.

"We're going to Oak Harbor, Washington." Hotch told them. "There have been four violent assaults on students from the local public high school in the last week. The most recent attack was a few hours ago, victim ended up in the hospital and required surgery to repair the damage. Locals have no leads and there's no evidence of the unsub slowing down or stopping. Wheels up in twenty minutes, we'll discuss more on the jet."

Emily followed JJ to her office to collect her go-bag. They were both quiet. "I'll call every night, more if I can," JJ assured.

She pulled JJ into hug. "Just make sure you come back," she whispered against her ear.

"I will," she vowed. She leaned back, tucking some of Emily's hair back and looking into her brown eyes. "I will."

"You should get going, or they're going to be waiting for you," Emily said quietly. A hint of sadness tinted her insistence.

JJ slid a hand up to the back of Emily's neck and gently led her in for a slow, loving kiss. "I'll be back soon," she promised and gave Emily a short, soft kiss. "I really should go now," the way she said it was more than a little apologetic.

"I know," she said reluctantly. "Be safe out there."

JJ gave her another short kiss. "I will," she promised. JJ pulled away and kissed her hand and touched it to Emily's belly. "I love you."

"I love you too," Emily told her.

JJ made herself walk out of the room. Emily sighed and sniffed unnoticeably. She swallowed her emotions and went to Garcia's office to be ready to help when the team called from the jet.

That night the team was going to go back to their hotel, so Emily went home to wait for JJ's call. She sighed as she closed the door behind her and walked into the empty apartment. She wasn't quite ready for exactly how lonely that would make her feel. She made dinner for herself and got ready for bed because there wasn't anything that she wanted to do. It was nine there, which meant it was midnight in Washington. JJ should call soon.

It wasn't long before her phone rang. It wasn't JJ's cell, but it was a Washington number. "Hello?" she answered.

"Hey," JJ's voice greeted her. She sounded tired.

"Hi," Emily couldn't help but smile at the sound of her girlfriend's voice. They hadn't gotten to talk again today. The media was proving to be a handful for JJ and the team was running separate leads, all of them working with her and Garcia to try and work this case out.

"How are you doing?" JJ asked in a quiet intimate voice.

Emily sighed, "My back hurts and my feet are a little swollen. But working with Garcia's kind of nice. Somehow it's easier to deal with the idea of kids getting hurt with her in the same room, telling you stories."

"I know what you mean," JJ smiled. "Should I be worried about the stories she's telling you?"

"Let me just say," Emily could hear the smirk in her voice. "I cannot believe that you wouldn't let Garcia write down Prince William's phone number."

"Oh god," JJ laughed. "I can't believe she told you about that! Well, did she tell you she hit me when I left the room? What else did she tell you?"

"She did mention a conversation you had with her about your opinion on showering with other people," Emily told her matter-of-factly. "I think your words were something along the lines of 'Doesn't showering with someone always seem like a better idea before you're actually doing it?' and I thought it was a little funny because you never seem to mind showering with me."

"No, I really don't," JJ chuckled. "I guess that means I'll have to make sure you stay around."

"That shouldn't be too hard," Emily told her and her voice was light but there was a dark undertone. "After some of the other stories she told me I just want to hold you and pretend that the world outside of our room doesn't exist."

"What else did she tell you?" JJ asked curiously.

Emily sighed, "This isn't the way we should talk about it."

"On the phone?" JJ prodded.

"No, across the country," Emily told her.

"Come on, Em. If it's bothering you, I want to know what it is," JJ told her gently.

"She told me about some of the time when you were the only woman that flew out with the team," Emily said slowly. "The time when you faced off with Jacob Dawes. Or at least she told me what she knows about it."

"Ah," JJ's voice was quiet again, but a different quiet, more reserved. "I try not to remember that particular hand of poker."

"I wish she would have waited until you were closer to coming home to tell me about that," Emily told her. "I would have liked a lot better to be talking to you face to face about this." JJ was quiet. "I'm sorry to bring it up now. I have an idea of what that must have been like."

"Karl Arnold," JJ breathed out. "I remember. And now you know why I insisted I stayed with you that night."

"Something about putting yourself in the same room as someone who you know would get absolute pleasure from killing you in a truly horrific way is scarier than pretty much anything," Emily said. "I couldn't stop thinking about what would have happened if Hotch had lost."

"Em, don't do that," JJ told her. "He didn't lose and you know he never would have let that monster anywhere near me."

"Yeah," Emily breathed out. "You still manage to amaze me Jennifer Jareau."

"Oh yeah," JJ asked, a little more like herself. "How's that?"

"We're talking about something upsetting that happened to you and you're comforting me," Emily told her with a slight laugh.

JJ hummed, "I don't like it when you're upset."

"Have I told you how much I love you today?" Emily asked.

JJ felt her lips turning up, "Yeah."

"Well, let me tell you again." Emily told her, "I love you so much. When you get home, I'm going to curl up in bed with you and the whole night is just going to be about us."

"I love you too," JJ full out smiled. "We'll see if we can get Gummy Bear to cooperate with that plan. I miss you both. How's she doing tonight?"

"She's been pretty calm since you left, but I'm in bed now so I don't think that'll last long." Emily told her. "She's got the hiccups."

They were both quiet, wishing they were with the other and sensing the same wish from their Love. "The cell reception out here is almost nonexistent in places," JJ told her. "I will call every night though."

"Ok," Emily accepted quietly.

"Can I talk to her?" JJ asked shyly.

"Sure," Emily smiled. "Just give me a second to put it on speaker." She pressed the button and held the phone to her midsection, and gave JJ the go ahead.

"Good night, Gummy Bear. Try to take it easy and let Momma get some sleep. Mommy loves you, little girl," JJ said tenderly.

"Try to get some sleep, Jen," Emily suggested against her want to keep talking to JJ.

"Ok," JJ said. "Good night, Em."

"Good night, Jen. I love you. Be careful out there tomorrow," she said.

"I will. Love you too," JJ said. Neither of them was in any hurry to end the call. After a few seconds of silence they reluctantly put their phones down.

Another day went by without much progress on the case, JJ called that night. Another day passed the same way, and another. The day after that they thought they might have caught a break in the case and JJ called from the police station, it was a short call, but it was something. It turned out to be nothing and another kid was attacked.

Emily was home and had just hung up the phone with JJ. She curled up under the covers and after a few minutes she felt Gummy Bear move. "I know, I miss her too."

She had only been asleep for a few hours when she was woken up by a sharp, pulling pain in her calf. "Oh, holy," Emily bit off her curse. She drew in a slow deep breath through her nose and pushed her heel down while pulling her toes up. She let the air out through her mouth and continued to flex her leg, determined to work that cramp out. When it let up a bit she stood up and carefully walked around. She pouted a little, normally JJ would rub her leg after it cramped up like that. Emily settled for a warm compress and went back to bed.

And the next day, the unsub took it too far and killed a kid. But it caused him to panic and the team was hot on his tail. Neither of them were anywhere near going to bed when JJ called, but the both found some privacy; Emily at Quantico and JJ in the police station.

"Hey," Emily answered her cell, sitting alone in JJ's office. "How are you doing?"

"I'm ready to come home," JJ told her honestly. Emily could understand why. They had been out there for a week, JJ had told one family that the criminal that the team had been called in to catch had attacked their child, and another that their child had been killed and they still hadn't caught the man responsible. "Is that Carrie Underwood playing?"

"Oh, yeah, it is. I, um… found the ipod you keep in your desk and turned on your 'faves' playlist," Emily told her.

"I thought the only reason you put up with my music was because I listen to it," JJ smiled.

"I guess, maybe I miss hearing it when you're not here to listen to it," Emily explained.

"Who would have thought? Emily Prentiss listening to country music and admitting to it," JJ teased. "Perhaps there's hope for you, yet."

"I don't like all of," Emily protested.

"But you do like some of it," JJ pointed out. Emily mumbled something snarky. "What song are you listening to?"

"Forever Changed," Emily told her. "It might be the most listened to song on you ipod when you get back, so I apologize in advance for that. I really like the chorus and the second verse."

"It's ok, I like it too," JJ said. "Do you remember when I wore that yellow dress out on one of our first dates?"

She laughed a little, "Yeah, I do. I like that dress. If I remember correctly, you were wearing some yellow clothing under that dress to."

They were both quiet for a second. "Can I sing to her?" JJ asked.

"Of course," Emily turned adjusted everything and turned the music off. She listened to JJ sing her song for a few minutes. She'd heard JJ sing parts of it and JJ had listened to it a couple of times recently.

"But always loved by me, you're gonna be, always loved by me," JJ finished softly. "I love you Gummy Bear, good night." She heard Emily turn the phone off speaker and they could almost hear the strain of the distance between them in the silence.

"What song is that?" Emily asked quietly.

"It called You're Gonna Be," JJ said. "I'm surprised you like it. It's Reba, you don't like Reba."

"Maybe I like Reba when you're singing it," Emily grinned.

"God, you're such a flirt on the phone," JJ laughed.

"Oh, please, I flirt with you in person all the time," she laughed back. "Must have something to do with the fact I haven't seen you in almost a week," Emily was flirting but JJ knew what she really meant.

"We're closing this case, Em. I'll be home soon and then we can do whatever you want," JJ promised.

"Whatever I want?" Emily asked and her voice was lower and rougher.

The implications of Emily's tone sent a shudder along JJ's spine. She could imagine the darker brown eyes, alight with a playful sparkle. "Whatever you want," JJ repeated and heard the same tone in her own voice.

"I think that the first thing you're going to need to do when you get home is take a shower, and then you should probably get to bed as soon as possible," Emily outlined her plan.

"I think," JJ started the same way. "That is a really good idea."

"We've got to get you home first to have a night together," Emily sighed.

"I'll be home soon and we will spend all day in bed and just do nothing," JJ promised.

Emily smirked, "We're not very good at doing nothing in bed."

"Ok," JJ agreed playfully. "We probably won't do nothing, but we'll relax."

"We're close to getting the unsub," Emily said. "Be safe out there when you go get him."

"I will," JJ promised. "I love you."

"I love you too," Emily told her. "Let's go solve this so I can get you home." Emily put her phone away and tried to rub the tired feeling out of her temples.

Seven days spent away from each other and all of the emotions that had built up were released within four hours of being together again; thirty minutes from the front door to the bathroom, holding each other, kissing slowly at first and then more insistently, clothes slowly being removed and skin being rediscovered with hands and lips, fifty minutes in the shower, only parting from the rapture of their lover's arms after their passion because the warm water ran out, forty minutes after that drying each other off and allowing their bodies to reacquaint with each other, slowly this time, and finally hours together in bed, making sure they knew exactly how much they missed each other and saying 'I love you' without words.

Relaxed under the covers, tangled together next to each other, Emily said, "I missed you." JJ could hear the deep emotions she was barely containing. "I didn't like not having you here. I didn't like coming home alone."

JJ tightened her arms around Emily and kissed her sternum, followed it to her collarbone, up her neck, along her jaw, and shared a leisurely open mouthed kiss. "I'm sorry," she mumbled against Emily's cheek. "I didn't like that you were here alone."

"I know," Emily sighed against the top of her head. "But the team needs you."

"I'm here now," JJ said and Emily kissed her forehead. Their breathing slowly evened out and they fell asleep peacefully.

The next morning Emily woke up to an empty bed and she briefly wondered if she had dreamed last night, but JJ's go-bag and the scattered clothes told her it hadn't been something her subconscious had given her in her sleep. She slipped on an over-sized t-shirt and a pair of skimpy sleep shorts. She wandered blearily to the kitchen and found a note from JJ.

I have a surprise for you. I had to go get it. Sorry, you woke up without me there. I'll make breakfast when I get back.

Emily plodded back to bed and easily fell back asleep.

She was woken up again by a gentle tugging on her hair. She smiled a sleepily, feeling JJ's weight on the bed behind her. The playing with her hair stopped and then she felt something odd. A small weight moved shakily down from the pillow and it felt like something tried to climb over her back. Emily heard JJ laughed quietly as the little unsteady weight moved down to her legs until it could get over to her front. And then she felt soft fur on her arm. And she set her eyes on a tiny off-white kitten, with a brown marking that looked like a broken triangle on its head, right between its eyes, and a brown sock on one of its front paws, it had big green eyes, and its brown tipped ears were too big for its head. "Hey," she said and reached out, scooping the little fur ball up in her hands. "Who is this?" She sat up and turned to JJ.

"This little guy is Norris," JJ told her. "I know we'd only talked about getting a pet, but with you staying back on cases you can take can take care of him while he's a kitten, and he'll be a little older when Gummy Bear gets here," they watched the little kitten topple over when he pounced a bunch in the comforter. "And this way you won't be here alone when I have to fly out."

"Garcia's going to have a field day," Emily said as Norris yawned.

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><p><strong>I can see JJ being a country music fan, I don't think that's all she listens to, but I could see her listening to country.<strong>

**For those of you who don't listen to country the songs I talked about in this chapter were "Forever Changed" by Carrie Underwood, off her latest cd, and "You're Gonna Be" by Reba McEntire.  
>For anyone who might have been confused by the references in this chapter: There's a line in Forever Changed, "She remembered the nights he'd come calling, his yellow silk tie" And that's why JJ talks about a yellow dress.<br>I'm a cat person, so I'm bias. They get a cat.**


	51. Two Months

**AN: Let's just take a couple of seconds to address some things I've realized while working on this story and planning a head for future chapters.  
>1) Paget and AJ are two of the most gorgeous people ever and picking things for their characters to wear in real life must be incredibly easy and impossible at the same time, because I have a feeling they look good in any reasonable outfit (and some of the unreasonable ones too) and I'm having a hard time picking for these characters in my own fanfiction.<br>2) JJ and Henry/ AJ and Mekhai are adorable and the show did an amazing job with the season finale. So I will probably be borrowing ideas in chapters to come. It's inevitable.  
>3) Planning these future chapters is really fun and I can't wait to write them. The idea is incredibly distracting and I'm spending a lot of time on this planning.<strong>

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><p>"Morgan, I swear to god, if you don't stop hovering I will shoot you," Emily exclaimed when she came back from the bathroom and Morgan met her at the edge of the bull pen. "I'm pregnant, not helpless. I can pick up a pen if I drop it. I can make it up and down the stairs by myself. I can sit down in my chair and even pull it up to my desk. And I can certainly walk to and from the bathroom by myself," she ranted as he walked with her to her desk.<p>

"Yeah, because it's not like your doctor threatened to put you on bed rest if you didn't start taking it easy," he said, depositing her at the desk.

"I am thirty two weeks pregnant, Morgan," she snapped at him as he pushed her chair in, being careful of her prominent and still growing belly. "And a week away from prenatal leave. I've been just fine and I'm still fine without you doing everything for me."

"Prentiss, thirty two weeks of a human growing inside of you," Morgan said. "Have you looked at yourself in a mirror?"

"Is there something wrong with the way I look?" she asked angrily.

Reid looked over and smirked. He never got tired of Morgan getting himself in trouble with Emily, although he did sometimes worry that Emily would actually hurt him.

Morgan knew he had put his foot in his mouth, big time. "That is not what I meant, Emily. You are gorgeous."

She muttered something in response that sounded like, "Damn right, I am."

"Can you even see your feet anymore, Emily?" he asked.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" she asked incredulously.

"Emily, seriously," he said kindly and turned her chair so she was facing him. "I'm just making sure that you're ok," he put his hands on her shoulders. "Because I don't want anything to go wrong."

She put her hands on his forearms. "I am fine," she emphasized. "And I love you for being so concerned, and all the help you've been with the nursery, but stop fussing over me."

"I am not the only one that fusses over you," Morgan laughed at her a little.

Emily looked obstinate as she turned her chair back to her desk and Morgan went to his own desk, "You're just the one who does it the most."

"You don't seem to mind JJ fussing over you," he grinned at her.

"JJ and I have a much different relationship than you and I," Emily shot back at him with a suggestive sparkle in her voice. "She's allowed to pay extra attention to me."

"Well, get used to it Princess, because not even you are going to stop me from fussing over my niece." Emily shot him a glare that he had pretty much become immune to in the past few weeks, since the mood swings had come back with a vengeance. "You know that if I wasn't doing it Rossi and Garcia would be out here," he told her and leaned back in his chair.

"Shut up, Morgan," she ordered. Her moody tone clearly meant she was done with this conversation.

They were both saved from any further aggravation by JJ coming down to Emily's desk. "Hey," she got Emily's attention and the brunette FBI agent went from irritable to smiling in an instant. "I've got the thank you card for Rossi, you want to sign it and bring it to him?"

"Why doesn't anyone else get a thank you card?" Reid asked innocently.

"Well," Emily started sarcastically, not looking up from writing her note in the card. "No one else paid for all of the baby furniture we ordered."

"None of us other than Rossi could afford to do that as a present," Reid pouted, confused.

"We have cards for all of you," JJ told him. "Dave and Garcia get special cards though." Emily put her pen down and it took her a few seconds to get the card in the envelope because of her swollen fingers and hands. "Ready?"

Emily nodded and started to get up. Morgan made to get up from his chair and come help her. "Morgan, if you stand up I will break your leg," she swore. JJ gave him a suppressed grin as he looked at her for her help and shook her head. Emily managed to struggle out of her chair and up the stairs with JJ; by the time she got to the top she was a little out of breath.

Rossi wasn't in his office, so they left the card on his desk.

"How are you doing with that What to Expect When Your Partner's Expecting book that you have to read for our childbirth class?" Emily asked as they wandered back to JJ's office.

"It's an interesting read, very helpful," JJ nodded. "Based on what I've read so far, I have a feeling you're going to be quiet the hell raiser while you're in labor."

"Aren't you supposed to be reading that book to help you prepare to help me through labor?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, but I have to have an idea of how you're going to handle labor to be able to prepare for it," JJ told her. She gave Emily the chair and sat on her desk.

"I love that you think I'm going to be a handful and still can't wait," Emily sat back and unconsciously rubbed circles over her belly as she looked at the most recent sonogram, sitting on JJ's desk. "We haven't really thought a lot about names," she said.

"We've talked a lot about names," JJ said, Emily looked at her seriously. "I know we haven't picked a name yet, but we have a list."

"Yeah, two lists," Emily pointed out cynically. "One for first names and one for middle names, and we haven't narrowed either of them down."

"Hey," JJ smiled as she got a little worked up. "It's ok. We've still got time."

"Two months," Emily said a little panicked. "We don't have a birth plan. And there's still so much we have to do to get ready."

"Emily, Sweetie listen to me," JJ knew it was Emily's nesting instinct that had her acting like this. "We're going to be ready and we'll figure it out."

"Ok," Emily nodded and smiled as she picked up the sonogram.

"She's going to have your nose," JJ said as she looked at the picture. Emily hummed a little uncertain, melancholic hum through her nose. "It's going to be adorable. She's going to be the most gorgeous girl ever, just like her Momma." She watched the blush creep up Emily's neck and her smile spread a little further.

"We should finish child proofing tonight," Emily told her. "And we need to talk about"

JJ shook her head a little and interrupted her, "Names and the birth plan, I know." She smiled and pulled Emily up from the chair. "Go finish your stuff so you're not worrying about it at the class tonight; we're going over labor." She pecked Emily on the lips and ushered her towards the door. "And don't hurt Morgan."

"Fine," Emily grouched and went back to her desk.

Later that night, after their childbirth class, at home, after they'd gotten past their annoyance at the couple that openly disapproved of their relationship to everyone's face except theirs, JJ was on the ground putting baby proof outlet covers in place and Emily was fitting corner covers onto the coffee table. Emily watched happily as Norris played with a drawstring on JJ's loose knit cardigan sweater. JJ joined her on the couch and they looked around their now child proofed home.

"Ok," JJ said as Emily settled against her side and she wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "We've figured out our birth plan, we baby proofed the place, we talked more about names, we've got the hospital bag ready, and we ate dinner, I'd say we had a very productive day."

"But we didn't pick a name," Emily groaned a little as she pulled her feet up onto the coffee table. "And I really want some of that Sweet Chai Latte ice cream with mango and sea-salt caramel on top, and one of those sweet peppers."

JJ grinned at her, "Do you want some of the caramel on the pepper too?"

"Yes please," Emily told her as she stood up and moved to the kitchen. Norris curled up next to her on the arm of the couch and purred loudly as she scratched behind his ear. "And can you bring me?" she started to add to her snack request.

But JJ finished for her, "Cream soda with orange juice and cinnamon?" She peaked over at Emily, grinning cheekily.

"Thank you," she smiled back. "I've been thinking a lot about names, as you know," Emily said as she turned and propped her feet up on the couch. "And Alexandra has been on the list since that case in Michigan, and we both know why." She heard JJ stop moving around the kitchen. She could just see her head bent forward slightly and wished she could easily go to her and hold her while they talked about this. "I think it should be her middle name, Jen." JJ didn't say anything so Emily decided the extra effort was needed and got to her feet and walked to stand behind her. "If you want it to be," she wrapped her arms around JJ's waist the best she could.

JJ's hands shook as set the knife she was using to cut up the mango down, her head still bowed, shoulders slumped, "I would like that," she said quietly. "So much," she turned around carefully and wrapped her arms around Emily's neck the best she could with her mango juice stickied hands. She tilted her head forward sincerely. Her eyes shown with deep emotion as Emily ran her fingers lovingly up and down her back. Norris meowed adorably and weaved between their legs.

"Ok, Alexandra it is then," Emily smiled and kissed JJ's cheek. She grabbed the little sweet pepper that JJ had drizzled some of the incredibly specific caramel sauce, which Emily insisted on having, over. She turned and leaned back against the counter as JJ finished making her ice cream and took a bite of the pepper. "This is actually really helpful. It narrows down our options for first names. Nothing that starts or ends with 'a', so we can count out almost half our list."

"We'll know what we want to name her when she gets here," JJ told her confidently as she finished with the ice cream and led Emily back to the couch. "Even if we do pick a name now, we might change our minds when we're actually holding her."

Emily hummed happily as JJ handed her the snack she was craving. JJ sat down next to her and pulled her feet up across her lap. Emily reclined against the arm of the couch and balanced the bowl on her stomach and started to eat it while JJ massaged her feet and legs. Norris curled up in a ball next to JJ, between Emily's legs and the back of the couch, purring happily. "This is perfect," Emily told her.

"I've gotten pretty good at making it the way you like it, it's pretty much your favorite food recently," JJ laughed lightly as Emily helped herself to another spoonful of ice cream.

"That's not what I was talking about, Jen," a bright smile blossomed across her face at JJ's innocent misinterpretation. "I meant this," she motioned vaguely around them with her spoon. "You and me together, and little no-name Alexandra Prentiss getting ready to make her arrival, but the ice cream is perfect too."

JJ's face lit up with her smile, "I couldn't agree more; about us, not the ice cream. I maintain my opinion that fruit just doesn't go with chai."

"You tried the chocolate covered, deep fried pickles, but you won't eat the fruit topped ice cream," Emily shook her head. "You make no sense sometimes."

They fell into a comfortable silence until Emily finished her snack and JJ noticed her lightly scratching the swell of her belly. "Is it itchy again?" JJ asked and helped her sit up when she nodded. "Ok, start heading up stairs and I'll meet you up there," JJ told her and took the bowl to wash out. She caught up with Emily at the top of the stairs and followed her into the bedroom, then went into the bathroom to retrieve the shea and cocoa butter lotion that Emily really liked. She came back and Emily was already lounged against the head board of the bed with her shirt off. She carefully crawled onto the bed and climbed onto Emily's lap; she sat back on her knees, resting on either side of Emily's legs, and kept her weight off of Emily. The subtle chocolate smell floated around both of them and Emily's big, brown eyes drifted closed as JJ rubbed slow gentle circles across her skin. "Have you counted her movements yet today?" Emily hummed happily and shook her head. "I'll help then." She continued to softly work the lotion into the skin under her hands and waited until she felt a kick, it didn't take long. "One," she said intimately.

They stopped counting after they got to ten. JJ abandoned the cover of pampering Emily with the lotion to soothe the itch of her stretching skin not long after that. They ended up in the same position two hours later, with their heads resting together adoringly, Emily's arms locked around JJ's shoulders, JJ's hands moving smoothly over Emily's pregnant belly. "I'm glad we let Garcia talk us into doing a maternity photo shoot," Emily said. "I think we'll get some good pictures. It'll be good to have them later."

JJ moved her hands up to Emily jaw, letting her thumb skim over the strong cheek bone before she tilted her head, their noses brushed and JJ sweetly joined their lips. "Come on, let's get some sleep," she handed Emily her shirt back. Emily pulled the shirt on and settled on her side. JJ pulled the covers over them and cuddled up behind her, her arm draped over her girlfriend.


	52. It's Not Over

**Oh boy, the website gave me a heart attack when I was loading this file. I got the page cannot be displayed internet error thing. And I thought the site was having problems. But I tried again and it worked. YAY!  
>This mini-story-plot line- thing was supposed to be short, and like, half a chapter. But no, inspiration struck. So, light and fluffy happy stuff in the next chapter, promise.<strong>

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><p>JJ groaned sleepily and rolled over, reaching for her ringing phone. She felt Emily stir next to her. Pausing just long enough to take in the fact that Hotch was calling her and it was three in the morning, she climbed out of the bed and shuffled out of the room. JJ answered the call with a ragged, "Agent Jareau."<p>

"I know it's early," Hotch apologized. "But I need everyone at the BAU as soon as possible."

"Alright," JJ mumbled. "I'll be there in thirty minutes." She dragged her fingers back through her loose hair and held it at the back of her head, while she rubbed the other hand across her forehead. She quietly crawled back into bed and kissed Emily's cheek.

Emily wiped the sleep out of her eyes. "You've got a case?"

JJ nodded apologetically, "Call if you need anything, and try to take it easy. I'll see you later." She kissed her and said "Go back to sleep," before moving to get ready to go into work.

Thirty minutes later JJ walked into the BAU and was greeted by Morgan. "How's Emily doing?" he asked.

"She's going crazy," JJ told him as they walked to the conference room. "But on the plus side, the apartment has never been so clean and organized."

"Emily is exhibiting a common behavior of women late in the third trimester of pregnancy, known as nesting," Reid chimed in.

"Yeah, she's 'preparing a safe and clean home for the baby she is about to bring into the world'," JJ quoted one of the pregnancy books she'd read. "But if she starts throwing away perfectly good sheets or food, I am going to have to find a way to keep her out of all of the closets and cabinets."

"It's been proven that most expecting mothers will go through the most intense urge of the nesting instinct in the week leading up to going into labor," Reid added.

"Well, she's been like this for almost two weeks," JJ sighed. "So I guess she's not 'most expecting mothers' but she's thirty-six weeks now…full term, and the doctor says soon so..."

"I'm sorry you all had to be called in at this hour, but this case was brought straight to me by the director," Hotch told them as he walked quickly into the room. "I'm sure you've all been following the serial killer that's been moving up the east coast, he's been named the I-95 killer by the media." He passed the files out and pulled pictures up on the plasma screen. "The body of his fourth victim was found in Fredericksburg two hours ago, and she'd only been dead for an hour at the most. All of the cities north of there have been put on alert and given descriptions of the vehicle the unsub is believed to be driving. We need to get a profile out to help."

"Fourteen days ago, the first victim was found in Brunswick, Georgia, and the next day another woman was abducted from Darien, Georgia, seventeen miles away. The connection wasn't made until three days later when the body of the abducted woman was found in Dillon, South Carolina. The next day another woman was taken from Little Rock, five miles from where the second body was found." As he spoke the map on the screen showed the path that the killer was taking. "He repeated the cycle again; body dumped in Dortches, North Carolina, next victim abducted from a nearby city; this time in the same day. And now the most recent body has been dumped twenty- two miles from us. All of the victims had signs of physical and sexual trauma linked to forced bondage and sex toys as well as various torture implements."

"He tortures them to death in three days?" Morgan asked horrified as he flipped through the file in front of him.

JJ's face had gone pale and she flipped passed all the pictures. "Maybe it's better they only lived three days."

"Why were these collars only found on the last two victims?" Reid asked.

"The case didn't gain media attention until the second body was found," Hotch explained. "It's likely that this is what caused him to add the collar to his MO."

"He's literally claiming them as his," Rossi said. "Not just the victims, but the act and their death as well."

Reid said, "He certainly doesn't need the attention to fuel his desire to kill, but it does affect him. Once the crimes had the attention he took another victim the same day as he dumped the last body instead of waiting until the next day."

"This guy probably has to work hard to appear even slightly normal, someone's bound to have noticed him," Morgan told them. "He's a sociopath and a sexual sadist. And he feels like it is his right to do whatever he wants to these women to get the satisfaction he's looking for, so he's most likely a narcissist as well."

"Look at the injuries he's left," Reid said, studying the pictures in the file. "These are more than just causing pain, there's a lot of rage behind these attacks."

"Great," JJ said quietly. "So he's sick and has a temper." Hotch turned his attentive gaze on her.

"It's more than that, actually," Reid continued. "This shows he has a deep hatred for women. Even when he has them in a situation when they are completely under his control, and for him to use, essentially right where he wants them, he is so angry that he's leaving serious and fatal wounds; if this was just about his sexual gratification all he would need was to see them in pain, instead he's killing them. But yes, he likely does have a temper as well, which is also something a witness could notice about him."

"We know that he takes his time moving when he has a woman with him, but right now he's looking for another victim," Hotch said. "We need to get the word out to every city off I-95 north of Fredericksburg, we have to get the profile to locals, and we need to figure out the significance of I-95."

"We need to look into Brunswick, Georgia and Florida too, the unsub probably started there. He might have a record," Reid added quickly.

"We're doing this case long distance," Hotch said. "Rossi and Morgan, I want you to head south to Woodbridge and coordinate with forces there. Reid and I are going to stay here. JJ, I need you to talk to the media, try to keep them from running the latest body." JJ just nodded. "Let's stop this guy before he gets another woman." The team gathered their files and started heading out. "JJ," Hotch stopped her and they quickly had the room to themselves. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah," JJ assured him. "I'm just a little on edge with Emily this close to having the baby and everything else."

He nodded understandingly, "Do you want to take time off so you can stay with her?"

"No, I want to help with this case" JJ told him. "You guys need everyone with this one. But maybe I'll take some time after we catch this guy."

"Ok," Hotch accepted. "We need control of the media, most outlets have set up in Brunswick."

JJ knew where this was going and she cut him off before he finished, "Hotch no, I can't go out. I can handle the media from here, but if you really want someone down there you know I've already trained my replacement or I can recommend so really good agents from other units."

"JJ," he started again in his boss voice.

"No," she said firmly. "She had Braxton Hicks contractions while we were in Oklahoma. A neighbor drove her to the hospital and Garcia met her there. She was scared and alone, and I was half-way across the country. We just had an appointment with her OBGYN and she's close, the Doctor said it could be any day now. I'm not going all the way down to Georgia, Hotch."

"Alright," he relented. "You think you can do it from here?"

"Yeah," she told him. "I can help from here."

"Alright," he said and led the way out of the conference room.

JJ took the stairs a little faster than usual, thinking about who she had to call and how she was going to keep the media under control from this distance. Reid was hurrying up the stairs. "Hey, JJ," he called out to her as they passed. "Are you ok?"

She drew her lips together for a second before she answered. "Why is it always these cases?"

"We've actually had fewer cases involving sexual assaults in the past ten months than we would on average," he said without hesitation. "I think it feels like more because we're all more emotionally invested in those cases now." He offered her his small smile and she nodded.

It wasn't long before another woman was reported missing, from Alexandria, her name was Jami Mcneary. And there was a witness this time. Road-blocks were up within the hour. Descriptions of the vehicle and unsub were given to the media and police of the cities north on I-95. And the race was on. They knew that they had to find this woman soon. Rossi and Morgan came back. JJ was alone in her office the entire day. If any of her teammates had the time to come in, they would have noticed she was quieter than normal. Even in her subdued mood, she wasn't taking any crap from the media and carefully controlling what information was revealed to the public. When it all started to be too much, she did the only thing she could; she called Emily.

She framed the call in a context of just checking in, and they talked mostly about Emily, but her profiler-girlfriend could tell something was wrong. After another heavy silence fell between them, Emily asked, "What's wrong, Amore?"

"I'm sure you've seen the news today," JJ started to explain.

"You guys are working the I-95 Killer case," Emily concluded for her.

"It's hard," JJ confessed. "I just want to catch him before he kills another woman."

"I know, Sweetheart. But you're taking one more killer off the streets, and you're making it that much safer for our daughter," Emily told her.

JJ's eyes went to the corner of her desk that had a small four picture frame. It held the first and the last ultra sound and two of the pictures from the maternity session they did; one of them both holding hands on top of the baby bump and looking lovingly at each other, and one of JJ kneeling in front of Emily with her hands on the bump, pressing a soft kiss between her hands with her eyes closed, and Emily smiling endearingly down at her. "I love you both," JJ breathed out.

"I know," Emily said. "We love you too."

They were her light, they were her reason for doing this job. She kept doing her job, and it seemed to be helping because by the next day there had been no sightings of the unsub or his vehicle anywhere north of Virginia. So, as far as they knew, he was still close. But the longer they went without catching this guy, the more she worried about Jami.

She drained the last of the coffee out of her cup and leaned back in her chair with her eyes closed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Have you eaten today?" Rossi asked from the door. JJ sat up and shook her head. "Come on, it's on me," he motioned with his head in the general direction of the exit. "I've already talked to Agent Port, you've trained him well. Give him a bit of a test run before you actually take maternity leave."

She glanced around at all the files on her desk, and her two cell phones and her desk phone. "This case is so big, and the media is," she started reasoning.

"He can handle it for one hour," Rossi interjected and motioned her to come with him.

They were sitting and eating, they'd talked mostly about her and Emily but JJ knew what was really going on. "Hotch sent you to talk to me," she said forwardly.

"I'm not even going to bother asking if you're alright, because I know you're not," Rossi told her. "We've all noticed. Morgan told me about the extra locks he helped you and Emily put on your windows and doors, and the new alarm system."

"Can you blame us?" She asked quietly. "I mean, in one week, five of the cult members are put up for parole and the defense lawyer rips apart our testimony based on our personal connection to Emily and they all get released, and then Nott appeals with the same defense and he gets out on parole." She laid out the events, still as devastated as she was when they happened. Rossi let her go on. "Two months and they're all free. And as if all of that wasn't enough, there was the letter, hand delivered to us. After being linguistically analyzed, it's determined to be a genuine threat against us and our unborn daughter, from the cult that nearly destroyed the woman I love, slipped under our door three days after we were notified that Nott had officially been released." JJ said fiercely, "We haven't seen the last of Levi's cult. They're going to come after our family, they've promised us that much. So yeah, we're both scared and I'm a little stressed."

"JJ, I need you to listen to me now, ok?" Rossi said slowly. "I know that you and Emily don't need any of this right now. But you have us, and we are not going to let anything happen to Emily, or you, or the little girl you are about to add to this family; because that's what we are, a family. And I can understand that you feel helpless because there's nothing you can do to stop this danger to your family, so you're doing what you can to make sure they're safe. You're giving every case everything you have. But Emily needs you. You said it yourself; you're both scared," JJ looked at him and he saw the truth of his words on her face. "You are both about to experience something so beautiful and you're going to make new, happy memories with your family. Trust me when I say that you don't want those memories to feed into the new ones."

"Dave, what am I supposed to do?" JJ asked.

"Stay with Emily until your daughter is born and then hold onto every moment with your baby girl, because there is nothing more important in the entire world," he told her.

"Thank you," she said a little emotionally. Before anything else could be said both of their phones went off. They both read the text message that there was a confirmed sighting of the unsub and Jami Mcneary.

"I'll get you a taxi," Rossi told her.

JJ hurried with him to the door, "No, I'm coming with you." He didn't argue and they were speeding off in the SUV. They were trying to catch up to the case, and listening to it on the police scanner. "He's going to hit a road block if he keeps going this way," JJ said.

Rossi was thoughtfully quiet for a second. "Hold on," he said and took a turn without slowing down. "He's not going to hit that road block. He has managed to avoid every single road block, check point, and cop between Alexandria and here; I think he's using back road."

"Well, where does this one meet up with the interstate?" she asked.

"Passed the road block," he told her as they continued to speed down the country road.

"Wait, what is that?" JJ asked, pointing out in front of them. She held on and squinted as the figure moved towards them and they sped towards it. And it wasn't long before the figure became clearer and JJ realized it wasn't an it, but a who. "Rossi pull over and let me out," she said quickly. "That's Jami Mcneary, that's our victim." At that moment the unsub's vehicle came into sight, barreling towards them and Jami. JJ unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed into the backseat, looking for a blanket.

"What are you doing?" Rossi asked, glancing into the backseat where she was now seated next to the door.

"Does it look like she's wearing anything?" JJ asked. "Get me as close to her as you can and then put the SUV between us and him. Get everyone else here, and paramedics." He looked back at her again and she just nodded and braced herself on the seat in front of her. The SUV slowed down violently and as soon as JJ thought she could get out safely, she opened the door and jumped out. She stumbled a little but was on her feet when the tires squealed as Rossi sped up to get in front of them.

Jami turned her head to look after the SUV as it passed her, she struggled to run with her hands locked literally together in chainless shackles in front of her and, what JJ horrifyingly recognized as, a thick, heavy, metal, chastity belt locked around her waist; she was trying to get to JJ, to get as far away from the unsub as possible, to make it to safety. She turned her head back to JJ, still half running half stumbling, dark hair flying around her face, and for just a split second JJ's mind told her that it was Emily running away from a man who had tortured her for the past day, naked except for the collar around her next and the awful device around her waist and pelvis, scared, bleeding, and desperate. And just for that fraction of a second, JJ's world was completely destroyed, but then it wasn't Emily anymore, her world righted itself, and as the sirens of the rest of the police force came from the road behind her she closed the distance between them and gathered her in the blanket.

Jami was literally sobbing in pain a relief as JJ helped her to the side of the road so all the other cars could get passed without worrying about them. The entire thing, from JJ spotting Jami to when JJ got to her, hadn't taken more than two minutes. She helped Jami sit down and let her lean back against her front. And even though her mind was passed the split second trick or suggestion and she knew that Emily was safe at home, JJ couldn't shake the ghost of absolute agony that had gripped her.

"Get it off, please," Jami cried and JJ did her best to comfort her as she grew more hysterical. "Get it all off. Please, just get them out."

JJ froze momentarily as the implications of those words weighed on her chest. "Ok, it's ok. Jami, let me see what I can do about these ok?" Jami nodded, still pulling her already bloodied and bruised wrist against the shackles. "I'm going to get this collar off, ok?" She carefully removed the thick leather that had been strapped too tightly around Jami's neck. "There," she soothed. "Now your wrists."

JJ maneuvered herself around from behind the shaking woman so that she could take her hands in her own. When she eased Jami's arms out away from her body so she could examine the restraints, the blanket fell from around her shoulders and JJ could see more than she really wanted to from her place beside her. The metal of the chastity belt around her waist and hips was biting into her skin to the point that she was bleeding. There was bruising on her hips that continued down to her thighs, where the purple and blue bruises met with crimson red of blood that was still wet and coating the skin. Angry, bright welts stood raised along the outside of her thighs and down her back where there were more bruises starting at her lower back and continuing down until JJ couldn't follow the injuries anymore. And a single, vicious bite mark sunk into the flesh of her shoulder.

JJ struggled to keep her emotions distanced and pulled the blanket back up for her before moving back down to the shackles. She noticed one of her arms had some swelling and bruising. "Is your arm broken?" she asked gently.

Jami nodded. "He twisted it when he first," she started to explain but was quickly overtaken by emotions again.

"It's ok," JJ hushed her. "Let's see if we can get these off." She could hear sirens of the paramedics approaching.

"Agent Jareau," a female officer approached them carefully. "There's a David Rossi that wants to talk to you."

"Jami, the paramedics are here, they're going to take care of you," JJ told her and waited until the paramedics were working around her to make sure she stayed calm.

"Agent," one of them called as she was walking away. "Do you have the keys either of these?"

"No, can't you just cut them off?" she asked.

"There's nowhere to cut, there are no chains, it's all metal and hinges," the man explained.

"Can you pop the hinges?" JJ asked exasperated.

"We can, but it'll take some work. We might not be able to do it until we get to the hospital," he told her.

She shrugged very apologetically and followed after the officer to Rossi. He didn't waste any time. "He wants to talk to you," Rossi told her. "Face to face, but we're not going to give him that, he can talk to you from his truck to our line."

"What does he want?" she asked.

"He hasn't said anything," Hotch told her. "He only says that he wants to talk to the blonde. woman who jumped out of the moving SUV to get to Jami."

"You might be able to talk him down," Morgan said.

"Does he have a weapon?" she asked.

"He doesn't have a gun, but he could have a knife," Hotch told her.

"Alright," she said looking around carefully.

"His name is Hugh Daulbert," Reid told her as she stepped up to the area that had been cleared for her.

The officers around her fell silent. "Agent Jareau, isn't it? I believe you've got my plaything over there in that ambulance. I'd like her back, but I know that's not going to happen." Daulbert called from across the about ten feet separating them. "I heard your public announcement on the television this morning." He motioned to the truck camper sitting in the bed of his truck. "I was actually rather flattered; to be named the number one priority of FBI's brightest, it's quite an honor."

"Daulbert, turn yourself in. You're smart enough to know that there's no way you'll make it out of this if you try something."

"Why don't you call me Hugh? We haven't known each other very long but I think we know enough to be on a first name basis, I watched you jump out of a moving vehicle to get to my plaything, and I can see that you've seen my work, up close and personal," he motioned towards her and she looked down at her blood stained clothing. "What did you think?"

"Daulbert, I'm not going to play with you, turn yourself in or officers will be coming to get you," JJ warned.

"What's wrong Ms. Jareau? Maybe it was the belt I put on my plaything." Even from this distance the way he smirked made her skin crawl. "You know it has two points to attach toys," the way he said the word was obscene.

"I will send police officers in to arrest you," she warned.

"Thick, long toys that made her scream when I put them in, and they made her bleed. They're my favorites." Her stomach rolled at his words. "But if you don't appreciate it, maybe you'd like these," he held up a short jewelry chain with a small key ring on it. Once he was sure he had her attention he continued. "As you said though, I'm smart. I'm not going to just give them to you. If you want the keys you'll have to do something for them, or you can let poor Jami wear my belt until she gets to the hospital."

"You're not going to walk away from here," JJ told him coldly.

"I thought you thought I was smart," he returned smugly. "I don't expect to come away from this a free man, but unless my demand is met, I will destroy the key you need before you can stop me."

"What do you want?" She asked after a long second.

"I will turn myself in and give you the keys, I'll even tell you which one you need, if you are the one who arrests me, alone," he told them.

She looked over to her team. Morgan was shaking his head. Reid looked worried and against the idea. Hotch had his boss face on. And Rossi could tell she'd made up her mind. "Alright," she agreed.

"No," Morgan's voice called her attention back to the team. "No way, JJ, you are not going over there alone."

"I can take care of myself," JJ assured them. "I'll be fine," she met her bosses stoic dark eyes and he nodded. As she turned and drew her gun, she saw Morgan draw his and train it on Daulbert. She closed the ten feet slowly, never taking her eyes off him, watching his every move. "Put your hands up," she ordered from about five feet away.

"This plaything was my favorite so far, I'm disappointed it had to end early," he told her as she continued to get closer. "Her eyes were so expressive, the pain and the fear were always right there, all I had to do was look. And she was vocal. The way she begged was so inspirational."

"Shut up," she hissed. "Move around to the hood of the truck."

"That reminds me, she was polite too. I didn't have to put as much time into teaching her manners and the rules as I did some of the others," he said while he followed the instruction.

JJ was now just outside of an arm's length away from him. "Turn around and put your hands on the hood." She reached one hand to the small of her back to get her handcuffs. Daulbert made a quick move to knock her gun out of her hand.

It wasn't enough to disarm her, but it was enough give him enough of an advantage to start a struggle for the weapon. And he was smart, he kept JJ between him and the line of armed law enforcement. He moved them behind the open door of his truck and backed JJ against it, but control of her gun was still neutral. She threw and elbow to his face and moved to put him between the door and herself. But he caught her by the arm, and spat blood in her face. And she stumbled and pulled it out of his grasp.

One gunshot range out and ended it all. It didn't come from JJ's gun. It came from Rossi's, when JJ had stumbled and changed stance to pull her arm away, she'd moved from the line of shot and he'd taken it.

Daulbert fell forward against JJ, his blood sprayed across her shirt and neck. And his bloodied hands gripped onto the sleeves of her shirt, smearing red as he fell to the ground, dead.

JJ grabbed the keys from the driver's seat and marched back to the ambulance, just as they were loading the gurney. She handed one of the paramedics the keys and turned to walk away.

"Is he dead?" Jami asked.

JJ turned back and moved to the woman's side. "He's dead." Jami started to cry. "He's not going to hurt you or anyone else ever again," she promised. "It's over now."

"Thank you," Jami managed to get out. And JJ took her hand supportively before they finished loading her into the ambulance and sped away.

JJ ran a hand over her face and felt the blood staining her skin spread. And it all hit her, everything. The cult. The threatening letter. The case. Jami. Emily. The fight. The blood. The words. The fear. She ran to one of the FBI SUV's at the back of the mess of police cars, the keys were still in the ignition. She drove home, speeding the entire way. She made it to her front door and unlocked the locks, including the extra deadbolt.

Someone must have told Emily what had happened and that she was coming, because Emily was already disarming the alarm system by the time she closed the door, and she didn't seem to even notice the blood the JJ felt like she was completely covered in. They just met in a fierce embrace and they both cried. "I can't handle the idea that they could take you from me again. I don't know what I'd do," JJ managed to get out before emotions took her ability to speak again.

"They won't come near our family," Emily promised. "Do you know how I know?" She took JJ's face in her hands. "Because you won't let them. We won't let them." JJ nodded weakly. "We won't let them win."

"It's not over," JJ said quietly.

"Maybe not," Emily told her. "But we can't let that get in our way."

JJ remembered Rossi's advice to her earlier and knew the truth of it now. "We won't," she smiled and kissed the palm of one of Emily's hands.

"Good," Emily smiled back. "Let's go get cleaned up and then we can just rest for a while. Hotch said you're on excused leave and he doesn't want to see you back at work until after maternity leave. So it's just you and me until our daughter decides to join us."

"I like the sound of that," JJ told her.

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, I know it's another one of these cases and I put one of the ladies in danger again. But like I had Reid say earlier, I think that this kind of case would just be something they would remember and struggle with more. And since the story is about Emily and JJ, that's the parts that I feel the need to write. Obviously, as the story progresses (in the next few chapters specifically) the things that affect them could shift and I'll have a reason to write different kinds of cases.<br>And as for JJ being the one put in danger (again), I needed something that was going to be a breaking point, and while I realize I could have used one of the boys, this was how it played out. My muse will not be denied. I'll see if I can try something new if I decide to put someone in peril again.**


	53. 20 Hours

Emily could hear the blender going in the kitchen. JJ was making smoothies for breakfast and she couldn't wait because it sounded delicious. She paused at the top of the stairs and blew out a breath and rubbed easing circles over her pregnant belly. She made it down and went straight to the couch to rest for a few minutes and catch her breath. "Jen, I am so bored," she called out.

JJ came into the room, carrying two large glasses full of the creamy, colorful, cool, and fruity drink. "Do you want to repack the hospital bag and make sure we have everything?" JJ asked. Emily gave her a look over her cup and managed a little frown around the straw. "Ok, you're probably right. We don't need to do it again. We've got everything."

"I'd hope that after doing it ten times we'd have everything packed," Emily said. "Jen, we have everything ready, there's nothing left to do."

"We could have a movie day," JJ suggested.

"We can't sit in the house for another day," Emily told her.

"Well, do you want to go for a walk?" JJ asked.

"I really want to go to the BAU and see everyone," Emily told her. JJ looked at her skeptically. "Garcia's been texting me, they're not on a case, we have to go that way for my appointment today anyway, and I think it'll be nice to get together one more time before the baby gets here."

"Alright," JJ smiled at her. "We'll go in for lunch. What do you want to do until then?"

"I would love a bath," Emily told her. "And then maybe my lovely girlfriend will give me a back rub and cuddle with me."

"You got it," JJ kissed her on the cheek. "When we're finished with breakfast we'll go start your bath."

Since Dr. Card had told them that their baby could be born soon, a week ago, they'd been washing their dishes after every meal. JJ picked up the two empty glasses and stood to go to clean them. "Nope," JJ said when Emily started to stand up and go with her to the kitchen. "Don't worry about it."

"I can help," Emily offered with a little or her endearing stubborn insistence in her voice.

"Em, it's two glasses, two straws, and the blender." She managed to grasp Emily's head with her wrists while holding the glasses. "You're cute, but I think I can handle it. You just relax."

Emily leaned back into the couch and closed her eyes as her hands fell into the familiar pattern of the circles over her stomach. JJ came back and she opened her eyes and smiled up at her. She slid her hands into JJ's and was helped to her feet. JJ slid her arms around Emily's shoulders and Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's waist the best that she could with their unborn daughter between them. "You smell fruity and tropical," she told her. "I like it."

"Maybe I'll have to spill coconut and pineapple juice on my shirt more often then," JJ came back at her jokingly. She playfully kissed Emily on the tip of the nose and sighed when she nestled into the loose hair at her neck. "Let's go start that bath." Up in the bathroom with the water running into the tub she asked, "How are you feeling today?"

"My back hurts a little bit more than normal, but I think I just slept kind of off," Emily told her.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" JJ asked a little excited. Emily nodded contently. "Alright, but are you sure you want to go and see everyone, incase it's not all it is?" she was a little worried.

"Jen, I'm not due for another two weeks. I'm fine," Emily said with an easy little smile. "I promise."

"Ok," JJ gave in with a slow smile of her own. Emily turned the water off. "I'm bringing the hospital bag anyway."

Emily chuckled as she stripped her clothes off, "I'd expect nothing less."

A little before lunch started, Reid and Morgan spotted the two ladies walking into the BAU; well JJ was walking, carrying two bags of take out from a restaurant the team liked, Emily's walk was a little more like a waddle and it was adorable. JJ headed up the stairs to put the food in the conference room and get Hotch and Rossi. "Hey," Morgan said happily and pulled out the chair at her desk for her. "What're you doing here?"

She gratefully sat down. "We're both a little too excited and I couldn't stay at home again today, so we decided to bring you guys lunch."

"If you need something to keep yourself busy, I can recommend some interesting books and movies," Reid offered.

"It's actually not me," she told them. "It's JJ, the waiting is making her anxious." Both Morgan and Reid looked at her skeptically. "Ok, I've been bored too, but she's been unpacking and repacking the hospital bag, and checking the nursery and the car seat; it's making me nervous."

"How are you doing?" Reid asked.

"I am so sore," she groaned. "I swear if this little girl goes any further down between my hips she will just slide out." After a beat she looked to Reid. "No explanation of why my pelvis hurts or suggestions of what I can do about it?"

"I was just waiting to see if Morgan might have something to say," Reid said, grinning at the other man. "He's read a few pregnancy books, so I thought he might want to offer you some advice." Emily looked pleasantly surprised at Morgan. "And he and Garcia baby proofed their homes."

"That was Garcia's idea," Morgan defended.

"That doesn't surprise me," Emily said, grinning a little childishly at him. "You guys are all going to be so good with her when she's born."

"Can we go eat lunch?" he asked a little avoidant of the way the conversation was going.

"Yup, sure," she told them. "Help me up," and with a little assistance she was out of the chair.

"No," Garcia's distressed cry caught their ears. "You shouldn't be here! What are you doing here?"

"We brought lunch for the team," Emily told her. "Why am I not supposed to be here?"

"Because," she started despondently. "My bet was that you were going to have the baby today. If it's going to be today you shouldn't be here."

"I've got tomorrow," Morgan put in his input.

"It's entirely possible that she could still have the baby today," Reid said as they walked up to the conference room. "She could be in labor right now and not know it yet." Garcia looked at her questioningly and concerned. Emily shook her head reassuringly. "Or she could have a fast labor; it's possible for the first part of child birth to take anywhere between 20 hours and only a few hours."

They were all sitting around the table, eating, laughing, and enjoying the atmosphere and company. JJ excused herself when her parents called. Rossi and Emily were sitting next to each other, listening to the conversation but not part of it. Emily drew in a sharp breath, her hand going to her belly.

"Are you ok?" Rossi asked quietly.

Emily just nodded.

"You sure?" he checked.

"Yeah," she told him even as her hand rubbed in soothing circles.

Lunch ended and everyone was still loitering around the table. Emily was a little tense and distracted. Garcia and JJ started back to Garcia's office for some girl talk. Emily smiled and passed, told them she was good where she was when they invited along. Reid was eyeing her watchfully. Morgan's gaze joined Reid's on her when she winced. "Are you alright, Emily?" he asked.

"Yeah," her voice was strained and breathy even to her own ears. "I'm fine," she managed.

"Are you sure?" Reid asked. "I noticed you tensed up a few times during lunch."

After a few seconds she relaxed and breathed deeply through her nose. She nodded. "Can someone get JJ back in here?" she asked calmly. Reid hurried out of the room to do as Emily asked. Rossi sat down next to her.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked, looking between Hotch and Rossi to confirm his fear and excitement. "Are you in labor?"

JJ hurried back into the room. "Are you ok?" she kneeled in front of Emily. "What's going on?"

"I'm having contractions," Emily said calmly. There was a flurry of excited panic from the team but she hardly even noticed; the way JJ was looking at her, with delight, exhilaration, and slight anxiety mixing in her eyes, had her full attention.

"How often?" JJ aksed.

Emily swallowed nervously, "In the past hour they went from every thirty minutes to every ten minutes."

JJ just smiled. "Morgan go get our car, you're driving," she handed him the keys without looking away from Emily and he hurried out of the room. "Reid, go tell Garcia we're going to the hospital. Someone grab Morgan's stuff. I don't care who rides with whom. Meet us there."

"I want to ride with you two," Rossi told them.

Emily looked up at him and smiled a little. "Ok," she nodded.

"Come on," JJ said, helping Emily up. The team didn't leave their sides until the car doors closed and they were ready to drive. Emily was in the back seat, behind Morgan, who was driving, with JJ sitting in the middle, between her and the car seat. Rossi was in the passenger seat and keeping an eye on Emily. They could both feel Morgan's tension as he drove and checked on them in the rearview mirror. "This is it," JJ said quietly to Emily as the car pulled away, grinning and holding her hand.

"We're going to meet our daughter," Emily smiled. "We're going to be parents."

JJ lovingly rested her hand on Emily's cheek. She softly kissed her lips and repeated, "We're going to be parents."

They made it to the hospital without any trouble or incident. Morgan was verging on frantic by the time Emily was admitted. JJ and Emily were as calm as expecting parents could be during labor and completely grounded in each other. At first Emily was uncomfortable at the most, at the worst of her contractions JJ held her hand and eased her through them without any fuss.

As the time went by Emily went from uncomfortable to irritable. Reid was the first to squeamishly excuse himself from the room when the intensity of Emily's labor drew more than a wince from her. "I'm just going to wait in the lounge." Everyone else chuckled a little at him as he left.

Hotch was next, he also excused himself from the room when Dr. Card came in and checked how far Emily had progressed. "I'm going to call Strauss and let her know what's going on," he put forth as an explanation, even though they'd been out of the office for a while.

Emily's skin was coated in a thin sheen of sweat and she was beyond irritable. JJ was ever present at her right side, holding her hand, stroking her hair, talking her through the contractions and helping her rest before the next one came. Rossi, Garcia, and Morgan circulated at her other side. It was quickly becoming clear that Garcia and Morgan were both starting to get uncomfortable with the level of pain that Emily was dealing with. The more intense the contractions got, the more intense Emily became, the harsher her language became, and the harsher her responses to the people around her became.

They'd been in the hospital for seven long hours and according to Dr. Card Emily had probably been in labor for at least 17 hours. Emily was sitting up on the bed with JJ behind her, and soothingly rubbing her back. The strongest contraction yet hit her. JJ put her arms out at Emily's sides. Emily took JJ's hands and squeezed hard, her face scrunched up, and a tight scream skidded from deep in her throat. It passed and she leaned back into JJ, exhausted and breathing heavily. JJ rubbed soothingly up and down her arms and held onto her.

After a minute, Morgan wiped a damp wash cloth across her forehead. "You're doing so good Princess." He offered her the cup of ice chips.

Even in her drained state Emily managed to level him with a terrifying glare and snatched the cup out of his hand. She forcefully set it down on the table next to her bed and growled, "Just shut up, Morgan, and make yourself useful. Go find out what's taking Dr. Card so long."

Morgan and Garcia exchanged a look and scurried for the door. As their backs were disappearing from sight Emily moved to reach for the cup of ice chips she'd just refused. Another incredibly intense contraction gripped her. JJ was immediately behind her, in the same position as before. It quickly overwhelmed her ability to stay quiet. A strained string of expletives spilled from her mouth and shifted to a broken combination of English and Italian before falling entirely into her fluid Italian. It ended in a frustrated sob as she slumped back against JJ.

JJ easily supported her weight and smoothed her hair back as she could feel her heavy breathing evening out. Rossi handed her the cup she'd been reaching for before the contraction and she gave him a grateful smile and took a few of the ice chips. He put it back on the table and took her hand. One of JJ's hands was resting soothingly on Emily's head, and the other was intertwined with Emily's hand that Rossi wasn't holding. Emily's head was resting on JJ's shoulder and JJ pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek as they waited for the next contraction.

"Ok, Emily, it's time," Dr. Card announced from the end of the bed. "With the next contraction I need you to push."

Rossi leaned over the bed and kissed her forehead. "You're going to do great kiddo," he told her and squeezed her hand before he left the room as he had been instructed he would have to at this time. The rest of the team looked curiously at him when he joined them in the brightly colored waiting room of the Maternity Floor. "She's getting ready to start pushing," he told them. "It shouldn't be too much longer." The atmosphere was tense with nerves and excitement as they sat and waited for the newest member of their little family to join them. But there wasn't really anything to do but wait. Hotch had arranged to have Jessica stay with Jack. Morgan and Garcia sat next to each other and kept checking the time. Reid was reading a book. And Rossi was waiting anxiously, like the proud grandpa he was about to become. And, honestly, there was nowhere that any of them could imagine being other than right there with Emily and JJ, not after everything that they'd already been through.

Emily collapsed against the raised bed, literally shaking from the effort she had just exerted pushing. "Come on, Em." JJ encouraged her, holding her hand. "You're doing so good. You're almost there."

"One more big push, Emily," Dr. Card instructed her. "With the next contraction push harder, push as hard as you can."

"Jen," Emily called out weakly, tears and sweat mingled on her face, she squeezed JJ's hand tiredly.

"I know. I know you're tired, Sweetie, but just one more push and she'll be here," JJ coached her. "You can do it, Pretty Girl."

Emily dug down deep and somehow found more energy and strength. And she pushed, squeezing JJ's hand, her face scrunched up and body trembling with the force behind it.

"That's it, Emily," Dr. Card praised. "Keep going."

"You're doing it, Em," JJ cheered. "That's the way. You're almost there."

A cry broke from her throat and then that was it. She fell back against the bed, breathing heavily, trying to control the shaking of her hands and the beating of her heart.

There was some commotion and then an infant's wail broke the air of the busy room. Emily opened her eyes to watch the activity, happy tears leaking from her eyes as her heart swelled with emotion.

JJ stepped away from her side for a moment, to cut the cord. "You did it," JJ exclaimed quietly. "She's here and she's beautiful."

Dr. Card stepped up to the side of the bed with a pink bundle. "Congratulations, Emily. She's completely healthy." She carefully handed the tiny baby girl to Emily to hold for the first time.

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter doesn't really need a note. But I'll put the disclaimer that I've never been pregnant, or had someone close to me get pregnant and go through all that. So any information is from the internet and personal testimonies I could find on the internet.<strong> **Sorry for anything that's inaccurate.**


	54. In Trouble

**AN: It's more of a short drabble than a chapter. But I think you'll like it. There's some important information in it.**

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><p>JJ meandered into the waiting room, smiling widely at the excited looks on her friend's faces. "I think there's someone you all should meet." The team followed her back to Emily's room.<p>

She was sitting up in the bed and had cleaned up a bit. Her hair was pulled back into a sloppy ponytail and parts of it had come loose, but she didn't notice or care. Both Emily and JJ had taken some bonding time with their daughter before getting ready for the team. They loved the skin to skin connection when they held her against their bare chests. Now she held her perfect baby close, wrapped in the pink blanket, just looking down at her. She had a full head of dark hair, Emily's nose, and her eyes were the same warm shade of deep brown as Emily's except they had flecks of pale blue instead of the honey-brown that Emily's had. She just seemed so tiny, and it all felt right.

Emily looked up as the team filed into the room. "Hey guys," she greeted quietly.

"How are you feeling?" Hotch asked.

She smiled, looking from JJ, sitting perched on the bed next to her, to her daughter, to the team. "I'm great," she told them honestly.

Everyone was smiling serenely as they gathered around to get a look at the little baby. "Em, she's beautiful," Garcia said in awe from her place standing next to JJ.

"Just like her Momma," Morgan added standing at the other side of the bed. "She looks just like you."

"What's her name?" Rossi asked, moving to stand next to Emily as Morgan stepped to sit at the end of the bed.

Emily shifted and carefully passed the little baby girl to Rossi. "This is Rachel Alexandra Prentiss," Emily told them as Rossi gazed adoringly down at the bundle of joy in his arms.

"You're not going to get emotional on us, are you Gramps?" Morgan teased.

Rachel was passed to her uncle Morgan. He mostly just smiled down at her. He gently stroked her cheek with one of his fingers, making Emily's heart flutter a little at the sweet gesture from her close friend.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier," she said to him.

He looked up at her and grinned. "Oh sure, apologize now, while I'm holding this little darling and it's impossible to be mad at you."

Uncle Spencer got to hold her next, then uncle Hotch, and then she was handed over to her aunt Penelope. Everyone took turns holding her and talking to her and doting over her. They congratulated Emily and JJ on the adorable addition to their little family.

"When was she born?" Garcia asked, fawning as the little baby in her arms yawned.

Emily grinned a little. "11:48, you won the bet," she told her friend.

"You are all in so much trouble," JJ smiled as she took Rachel from Garcia. "She already has you wrapped around her little pinky."

"It's pretty hard not to be," Garcia countered. "With those big gorgeous eyes and her adorable nose."

"She's perfect," Emily sighed under her breath. "My perfect little girl."

"We'll let you three get some rest," Rossi said. He leaned over and kissed Emily on the head and rested a hand on JJ's shoulder. They all congratulated them again before filing out and leaving the new family alone.

It wasn't long before both Emily and JJ were ready to give up to their exhaustion and settled in to sleep. JJ woke up some time later and was momentarily confused about where she was. A smile graced her face as she remembered that she was on the couch in Emily's room in the maternity ward. She didn't know what time it was or how long she'd been asleep. She could hear Emily talking softly and rolled over silently.

Emily was sitting up feeding Rachel and Rachel's eyes were open wide, looking around a bit, but mostly focused on Emily's face. "You and your Mommy have been my light. I know I've only been able to hold you in my arms for a few hours now, but you've already brought me through some dark times. I'm not always sure that I believe in God, but I'm sure that something good gave me you. And I know that someday I'll have to tell you about everything that brought you to me," she spared a hand to wipe a tear off her cheek. "But I love you, bellissimo angioletto."


	55. Turned Out Alright

**I know it's been so long, but I had to do some research to figure out somethings for the story (Rachel). And it's short. I had like no idea what to write. I'll figure it out and the next chapter will be longer.**

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><p>"Em, they're here," JJ called up the stairs when a knock sounded through the apartment. She hurried to the door and opened it. Almost immediately she was walking backwards from the door, wrapped in both of her parent's arms. JJ extracted herself and closed the door after a few seconds.<p>

"Now, where's this little heart-stealer we've been hearing about nonstop for a month?" JJ's dad asked, putting his arm around JJ's shoulders.

"Emily's changing her," JJ told them, ushering them to the living room and scooping up Norris. "I can't believe how big she's gotten already. But everyone, especially Rossi and her aunty Garcia, seem to be buying her new clothes just as fast as she's growing out of them. They're spoiling us rotten, lucky for us."

"How've you all been doing?" her mom asked.

JJ smiled a little, "Good, Rachel's a happy baby. She's smiling already, and she's so alert; she's always looking around, but she looks right at us and smiles and laughs when we hold her. She slept through the night for the first time this week. It was a little rough at first, adjusting and everything. The not sleeping, and we were both freaking out; worried we were going to do something wrong. But I got over that, and Emily's a natural. She's so good at just knowing what Rachel needs whenever she's fussy."

"You're selling yourself short, Jen," Emily said from the stairs. "You're amazing with her too." She smiled down at her baby girl. She had dressed her in a pale purple onsie with white polka dots that had little, short ruffles just above the hips, like a skirt; JJ's new favorite since Rachel had outgrown the 'I love my Mommy' jumper that Emily had given her when she asked JJ to be Rachel's mom; they framed it and put it up in a corner of the nursery. They tended to dress Rachel in more pinks and purples than anything else, but she also had quite a few cute outfits that were in other colors.

Sandy met Emily partway through the room and took Rachel in her arms. "Oh, she's absolutely precious," she said and sat down on the couch next to her husband. "Look at those eyes."

"Lucky for us, everyone else thinks so too." Emily said with a grin, perching herself on the arm of the couch, next to JJ. Rachel fussed a little but easily settled down and Norris squirmed out of JJ's arms and took off up the stairs. "Well, almost everyone. He's not so fond of sharing the attention with her," she laughed.

"And what did the Ambassador have to say?" Tom asked kindly.

Emily and JJ both paused. "The Ambassador hasn't met Rachel yet," JJ told them when she realized Emily was struggling.

"She, um, she wants to see her," Emily explained. "But she wants it to be on her terms; not here, and without Jen." JJ reached over and took Emily's hand for support because this was hard for both of them. "And I know why she's doing it; she wants to separate my life with Rachel and my life with JJ. That's just not how it is though. JJ and Rachel are my life."

"What about you dad?" Sandy asked.

"He doesn't want anything to do with me, and I guess that includes my daughter too." Emily said measuredly. "It's probably for the best. We don't really need any more hate in our lives."

JJ slipped her arm around Emily's waist. "It's his loss anyway," she said affectionately as one finger gently traced over the promise ring on Emily's hand.

"It's not fair though," Sandy said sadly, looking down at her now sleeping granddaughter.

"There's been a lot of things that weren't fair in the last year, but it all turned out alright," Emily responded, taking Rachel back.

"We send them both pictures of her," JJ told them.

"Oh, Jen," Emily spoke up suddenly. "I forgot the thing upstairs, can you go get it?"

JJ smiled excitedly, "Sure, just a second."

Emily watched her disappear and turned to JJ's parents quickly. "Ok, now while she's gone-"


	56. Sleep

**AN: I know, it was a long wait. I'm sorry. I got a little caught up with life and I've started working an original piece of work. I will finish this story. I'm open to suggestions for baby stuff. It's proving difficult.**

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><p>JJ could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she sat in bed, sweat clinging her hair and pajamas to her skin. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and ran her hands over her face before she looked over to the occupied part of the bed and smiled to herself as some of the residual fear from the nightmare faded. Emily was still sound asleep next to her, but she wasn't really surprised. Rachel had been sick all week, runny nose, cough, ear infections, low fever, decreased appetite, and she'd been fussy. Both of them felt terrible every time she'd start crying, but Emily was the most stressed between the two of them, especially when she noticed Rachel wasn't eating as much. The pediatrician assured them that she was still eating enough, and she was certainly starting to get better, but the slightest sound from Rachel over the baby monitor would wake Emily up and she'd be up all night after that. Emily was stressed, not sleeping, and just plain exhausted, so JJ was happy she was still asleep as she slipped out of bed. JJ was just happy that she was there. She wouldn't let herself ever take that for granted again, not where there was a real threat of her being taken again.<p>

To be fair, neither of them had been sleeping very well. If Emily was out of bed, JJ wasn't sleeping well. And JJ had been having the same nightmare for almost two months now, pretty much since Rachel had been born. It was her worst fear and it haunted her in her sleep; losing Rachel, losing Emily…

She paused in the doorway to the nursery and the last of the fear from her nightmare lifted when she saw her baby girl sleeping peacefully in her crib. She could hardly believe how much this angel had changed her life, she loved this little girl and the woman sleeping in the other room more than words could say, more than anything in the world. Doing this job, her job, her part of what the team did, talking to the families of the dead, lost, or taken victims, she'd seen what losing a loved one did to a family… She couldn't let Emily go through that. She couldn't go through it. It would destroy both of them.

_JJ had just gotten back from a hard case the night before. Their first day back together started with a lazy morning in bed until Emily got hungry. They made a quiet brunch together. And when they were finished eating and cleaning up, Emily led them over to the couch. She intentionally sat down with some distance between them. She knew that in the next few minutes JJ would need that. "Jen," she said softly. "Let me in." JJ took a moment and a deep breath. She seemed smaller, like she was carrying a load much too big for her. Emily knew the tears would come, and it would break her heart. But JJ needed this, she needed to turn her emotions back on and deal with it all. In the end, JJ was wrapped in Emily's arms, as at peace with the things she'd seen as anyone could be. They were both emotionally exhausted and went back upstairs to nap cuddled together contently._

_ Emily woke up first, she smiled to herself as she felt the warmth next to her and realized that she wasn't in bed alone, and she remembered that JJ was home with her again. She carefully maneuvered so she was facing JJ. Her eyes scanned over JJ's face, memorizing it again, like she'd never seen it before. Her fingers softly brushed through her hair and down her neck. Emily grinned as she brushed light kisses down her face to her lips. JJ started to wake up and kiss back quickly, but just as she was really becoming conscious Emily moved to leave lingering kisses along her jaw and teasing brushes down her neck where she rested her head on JJ's shoulder._

_ JJ chuckled, her eyes still closed, "That was some wake-up call."_

_ Emily hummed, "I missed you." She played her fingertips along JJ's arm and intertwined their fingers._

_ JJ smiled, tilting her head to talk in Emily's ear. "I missed you too," She whispered, her lips just barely grazing her skin, her breath wrapping around the sensitive shell. Her hands slipped up Emily's shirt, onto her pregnant belly. She felt Emily smile against her shoulder._

_ Their breathing fell into place, opposite each other's, and their heartbeats found a rhythm together. They both enjoyed this time, the time that could be just for them. No victims, no murders, no work, no family problems, just them, together and happy, making sure the other knew just how much that she was loved._

_ "Jen?" Emily said quietly after a while._

_ "Yeah?" JJ asked._

_ "I want ice cream," she told her bluntly._

_ JJ laughed, light, joyful, and pure. "Well come on then, let's go out for dinner and then get some dessert to fix that."_

_ On a whim, JJ took Emily to her favorite diner, all the way across town. They ate, they laughed, they talked about things neither of them would be able to recount in a month, and then JJ didn't let Emily order dessert._

_As the waitress walked away to get the bill, Emily told JJ, completely seriously, "You'd better have another plan for ice cream, or you're sleeping on the couch tonight."_

_JJ gave her a sly grin, "You'll see."_

"_Come on, Jen, I'm eight months pregnant, now is not the time for this." Emily huffed and rolled her eyes. JJ just came around to her side of the table and took her hands, pulling slightly, leading her to stand before her. "Wipe that smirk off your face." Emily pouted. "I want ice cream."_

_JJ kissed her pouty lips, "And you will get ice cream." She guided Emily out to the car, smirking at Emily's grin as she rolled her eyes again. It had become like a game that they'd play whenever they did something special, ever since their first date when Emily had taken JJ to the little confectionary. They'd both sass about it every time, but they loved it. They loved that memory it came from, it was something so simple and playful and happy._

_ JJ came around and opened the car door for Emily, "Am I still sleeping on the couch tonight?"_

_ Emily's response was to pull JJ in, cupping the base of her neck, and kiss her. JJ was more surprised by the intensity than the response itself. After all, they were standing outside of a custom ice cream shop; you pick the ice cream flavor and what you want in it, fresh made waffle cones, the possibilities were endless. It was a pregnant woman's fantasy._

_ Emily took JJ's hand and started for the door. "I'll take that as a no," JJ laughed._

_ The laughter didn't stop. In the shop Emily had a difficult time picking her dessert. There were just so many options and she wanted all of them. JJ couldn't help but giggle, watching her staring at the menu, slack jaw, with wonder on her face and a sparkle in her eye. Eventually they placed their order and were on their way home. And Emily was laughing at JJ as she juggled driving and keeping up with her melting ice cream that was dripping down the side of the almost unreasonably large cone and prevent it from making a mess._

_ They finally parked and JJ took the opportunity to get her ice cream under control, and could appreciate how good it actually was. The ice cream had definitely been a splurge and she knew it but, grabbing the little paper bag with two pints of ice cream she had bought for no other reason than Emily had wanted them, she knew it was worth It too._

_ At their door, JJ started to hand her cone to Emily so that she could get the keys out, but she stopped pulled back before Emily could take it and looked at her suspiciously. "Don't eat all of it," she warned, with a teasing smile. _

_Emily pulled a face and took the ice cream cone from JJ, looked her right in the eye, and took a large lick all the way around the scoop and to the top where she took a bite off of it. She grinned at the shocked look JJ gave her and kissed the corner of her mouth. "You going to open the door?"_

"_You're lucky you're so cute, Emily Prentiss," JJ chuckled and shook her head as she unlocked the door and let Emily in first._

"_Nu-uh, I'm lucky I've got you," she said with an honest smile at her girl as she passed her and sat down at the counter. Norris came running to greet them and put his front paws up on Emily's leg, meowing insistently. "Oh yes, and you too, buddy," she told him and scratched behind his ears. He scurried towards the door and pawed at an envelope that had ended up under the little table next to the door. "What've you got there?"_

_JJ peeked around to see what Emily was talking about. "I bet it's Ms. Cranler complaining about us again, she probably saw you getting handsy in the hallway on the way out," JJ smirked. She put the ice cream in the freezer and came back to pick up the unmarked envelope. "This one's all you." JJ took her ice cream and gave the envelope to Emily._

"_Eh," Emily shrugged and tore the envelope open. "She's just jealous because her boyfriend has a thing for you. Not that I blame him."_

_JJ laughed lightly, settling on the counter, focusing on her messy melting ice cream. "I think that is probably why we keep getting these notes slipped under our door."_

"_As long as she doesn't put in an official complaint," Emily said. "She can leave all… the notes…"_

_JJ looked up after she trailed off, "What? Something interesting…" her playful question caught at her lips as Emily's ice cream hit the ground and it became very clear that something was wrong. Emily's face was blank shock, the color had drained from her skin, and as her eyes continued to scan the page over and over her hands began to tremble and fear dulled her eyes. "Em? What is it?" JJ question was laden with worry. Emily's eyes slowly came up to meet JJ's and she could see the fight or flight response telling her to run. JJ reached for the paper and took it from the shaking hands of her obviously terrified love._

**Emily Prentiss and Jennifer Jareau**

**Will Pay.**

**The Child of Levi is ours.**

_JJ dropped the letter on the counter like it had shocked her. She swayed on her feet and set her unfinished cone on the counter, she clutched the counter for stability and tried to draw in a deep breath through the tightness in her chest. Thoughts and questions flew in fragments through her mind. And after a second she looked o Emily, all her attention on her. She could tell that she wasn't there with her; she was lost in her memories. She was trembling and stiff, her hands clenched into fists, eyes glazed with terror, and perched precariously on her seat. "Em?" JJ kneeled in front of her, trying to get her to focus. "Emily, come on, look at me." She got her hand into one of Emily's and held on hoping to ground her. She got no reaction and eased her to her feet and numbly over to the couch. She grabbed the phone along the way, calling for help. With the phone wedged between her ear and shoulder, she split her attention between waiting for an answer on the other end and worriedly keeping an eye on Emily as she still stared blankly._

"_Hotchner," their boss answered._

"_Hotch," JJ started breathlessly, shakily, the stress in her voice clearer than what she was trying to tell him as she stumbled over her worry and fear, struggling to explain what was going on._

_Emily's eyes suddenly focused and her head whipped around to JJ, she clung desperately to JJ's hand. "They were here," she whispered horrified. "Jen, they were here," she repeated louder._

"_Hotch, please," she interrupted his questions. "Just get here," JJ begged and hung up. She looked around, Emily's words ringing in her ears. She sprang into action, went to the front door, locking it, picking up her gun. "I'll be right back," she promised and went around the apartment checking and locking the windows and making sure no one else was there. She came back to find Emily with her arms crossed protectively in front of her, a fingernail trapped between her teeth, waiting intensely with wide-eyed worry for JJ to return. She crossed the room and helped her to her feet. "Hotch is on his way, I'll wait for him, you go upstairs to the bedroom, lock the door."_

"_Jen," Emily's unrestrained begging reflected in her big brown eyes, swimming with tears, she clung to JJ._

"_The window is locked, close the curtains, if you hear anything, lock yourself in the bathroom," she pulled out of Emily's hands and pressed her gun into them. She hated that lost look in those chocolate eyes and still she pushed her towards the stairs. She could hold Emily, calm her, comfort her later, right now all she could think about was keeping her safe._

_It didn't take long for the team to get there. Hotch was coordinating everything with the local police. He was on and off his phone. In between talking to the officers coming in and out of the apartment, he had Garcia on her computer, pulling up pages and pages of information. Morgan was leading the team of LEOs clearing the building. Reid had evaluated the note and then, after a quiet conversation with Hotch and glances in JJ's direction, went to sit with Emily. Rossi was with JJ, he tried to calm her down and keep her from breaking apart at the seams. He would step out of earshot to have muted discussion with Hotch and Reid, when he'd come downstairs periodically for a few minutes at a time, but always kept JJ in the corner of his eye. JJ paced, off to the side, out of the way. She had no idea what to do; she wanted to know what was going on, why this had happened, how this had happened, who had done this. _

_She watched everything closely, unable to grasp at anything other than her team's actions to keep her from sinking under in the pit of her own dread. She saw the fear being passed between her team as the first real answer was found, first on Garcia's face, and then it briefly flashed through Hotch's eyes, and then in Rossi when he told her. He told her that, in a sick change of tides, all of the cult members that had been convicted and put away to rot in jail like they deserved were out on parole. And then there were so many more questions. When? How? Why weren't we told? What about the protection order?_

_She stopped pacing, frozen, wide-eyed, chewing on her thumb-nail, and just watching the team suddenly acting with such direction that it made her head spin. Her mind felt like it was trying to wade through cold maple syrup. Nothing made sense right away. Rossi had to explain things to her. Still all she could comprehend was the emotions. Anger from Hotch on the phone. Shock and outrage as more and more information was uncovered. Sympathy, worry, and careful contemplation, all directed at her._

_The building had been searched for any sign of the cult and nothing was found. Anything useful to an investigation had been taken from the apartment. The police had cleared out. Garcia had found, flagged, searched, pinged, and tracked everything they could think of. Morgan was sitting with Emily now. She suspected the whole team thought it would be good for both of them if she would go and be with Emily, but Morgan had suggested it to her early and she had insisted that she needed to help them. After that he had gone upstairs and Reid had joined the team in their discussions. She couldn't go to Emily until there was a plan, and right now she didn't have one. She didn't know how she would keep them safe from these people._

_JJ had no idea how much time had passed when Morgan joined them again. The team was quiet as he said his piece. They clandestinely watched JJ as Rossi joined her at the other side of the room where she'd perched herself on the couch. JJ managed to notice that Morgan didn't go back to Emily._

"_Why don't you go and check on Emily," Rossi suggested._

"_No," she shook her head. "I want to stay and help." Even as the words left her mouth she knew the suggestion that her presence had been helpful up to this point was laughable, because the truth was that she was so worried about Emily that she felt completely useless. Rossi studied her for a moment and she felt the need to continue. "I don't want to go up there and tell her that it's going to be ok until we have a plan." She didn't want to tell Emily it was going to be ok until she believed it herself._

"_JJ, she needs you more than we do right now," he told her._

"_You guys don't understand," she said sharply, some of her agitation she had been keeping in check all night leaking into her voice. "She told me exactly what Levi said there people were going to do to her when he was done with her. She remembers every word and sick detail, and I can't get it out of my head. I can't- I- I won't let her live everyday looking over her shoulder, afraid that they're going to catch up to her and do that to her. I can't go up there until I can tell her what we're going to do to make sure that she doesn't have to be afraid. And they're threatening our daughter-"_

"_And you," he interrupted gently._

"_What?" she asked, feeling the fog in her head beginning to lift._

"_They're threatening you too," Rossi repeated himself._

"_I-I know that," JJ stuttered._

"_So think about Emily," he said and kept going, quieting any protest she had. "You're sitting down here, worrying about her, what do you think she's worrying about? She already knows what'll happen to her if they get her. But what about you? She knows what these people are capable of, she's lived through it. What do you think they'll do to you? She's facing the idea of losing her daughter, losing you, ending up at the hands of those people again."_

"_I-" she choked on her sentence as the weight of it all rained down on her._

"_She needs _you_ right now more than she needs a plan," he said._

_She nodded and let Rossi help her to her feet. Now that her head was cleared she wanted to be with Emily through this. She needed to be. The door to the bedroom was closed but she could see the light flowing through the crack under the door._

_Emily was sitting against the headboard, the soft light of the room reflected in her eyes. She was remembering again. The muscles in her jaw pulsating, tears dampening her pale cheeks, shoulders stoic, and her hands tense around the solid metal wrapped within them. JJ had seen her go through this enough times to know, and she wondered how long Emily had been fighting off these demons tonight._

"_Em," she called to her, stepping into the room and into Emily's space._

_Emily's instincts snapped at the sudden intrusion pulling her partially into reality. JJ froze to the spot, just two steps into the room. Every muscle in Emily's body was tense with the possibility of action. Her chest was heaving erratically. Her finger hugged the trigger of the gun aimed directly at JJ. Her eyes stared absently at JJ, glassy, not really seeing._

_A beat passed and JJ just waited. Her eyes followed a path between Emily's face and the gun pointed at her. She carefully raised her hands in front of her. After a second she slowly started to walk forward. "Em," she kept her voice gentle. Emily just blinked slowly, but didn't lower the gun. "Sweetie, it's just me. It's ok, it's me, it's just me, babe," she placated softly until she was within arm's reach. "Hey, it's just me, Em." She reached out and settled a hand on the gun._

"_Jen?" her voice cracked._

"_Yeah, yeah, it's me," she settled her other hand on Emily's cheek. "It's ok." The gun under her hand began to tremble. She gripped it and took it from the relaxed grasp. JJ felt the warmth from Emily's hands that had seeped into the metal from holding it so tightly for so long as she sat it away on the bedside table._

_Emily stared at her hands, holding them away from her body like they were covered in something dirty. "Oh god," she choked on her shock. "I- I-"_

_JJ gathered her in her arms, soothingly shushing her until Emily held onto her._

She silently crossed the room and smiled down at her little angel, sleeping safely in her crib. JJ gently ran her finger along the soft skin of Rachel's hand. She was just so scared. It had gotten better after the note, they'd made improvements in their security around the apartment, but after Rachel was born that fear was so much more real than she could have ever been ready for. She easily lifted the sleeping baby into her arms and settled into the rocking chair, humming quietly that slowly turned into words. "And like a boat out on the ocean, I'm rocking you to sleep. The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart. You'll always be a part of me… Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream. Someday your child may cry and if you sing this lullaby then in your heart there will always be a part of me. Someday we'll all be gone but lullabies go on and on, they never die, that's how you and I will be." She looked up at Emily, who had been lurking in the doorway and now walked over to stand behind her. "What are you doing up?"

"I heard you over the baby monitor," Emily told her.

"I'm sorry," JJ said sweetly. "I know you need your sleep."

"We both need some sleep." Emily smiled and ran her fingers through JJ's hair. "Come back to bed, babe. She's ok." She continued when JJ didn't say anything. "I'm ok too. Jenn, we're ok." She said seriously.

JJ nodded and smiled back at Emily. She believed her, they were ok. JJ laid Rachel back in her crib and Emily wrapped her arms around her from behind, settling her chin on JJ's shoulder, and they both watched their daughter for a moment longer. JJ ran a finger delicately down Rachel's cheek, and she could feel Emily's grin as she kissed her shoulder.

"I love you," Emily mumbled into the back of her shirt.

JJ turned to hug Emily, stole a little kiss, and told her, "I love you too." And then she lead them back to bed where she planned to hold Emily in her arms as they got as much sleep as they could.


	57. A Chance

**I am making you a promise, here and now, that you will get a Valentine's Day chapter within the next week. Also, I need to stop watching Firefly, because I had to edit some of this dialogue three times to get it right. I really do appreciate all of you who read this story and I will finish it. I'm trying to devote more time to writing.**

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><p>"Who's getting all dressed up today?" Emily cooed to Rachel as she dressed her. "Who's so adorable that she's going to win hearts?" Rachel laughed and babbled, smiling and she reached up to her Momma when Emily stepped back. "That's right, you are!" She baby-talked with a big smile. "Yes, you are," she continued when Rachel gave a big gummy grin and laughed some more. "And your Mommy and I need to do something very-very nice for you Aunt Penny, because she gets you the cutest outfits even when we tell her to stop."<p>

"Do you think she would consider letting her babysit count as us doing something nice for her?" JJ asked coming into the nursery. "I thought we were saving that outfit for the office holiday party."

Emily chuckled giving the dress with a black and white striped top, floofy white skirt with black polka-dots, and a vibrant pink rose on the belt, with pants that matched the rose and had a little black bow at the bottom of each leg. "We were but Garcia got her something better." She motioned to a long-sleeve, pink dress with a white bow that had intricate sparkly swirling patterns along it sitting on the seam at the skirt, white fur at the wrists, a shiny tulle layer to the skirt, and pink and white striped leggings to wear under it. "There's a silver, jeweled headband that goes with that; which is why we should really get her something, or do something for her." She picked Rachel up. "Our daughter's not the only one looking pretty today," she smiled at JJ. "That's new."

JJ looked down at the navy skirt, pale lilac turtle neck sweater with a lace neckline, and blazer to match the skirt. "I figured I should dress to impress."

Emily scoffed, "The Ambassador knows that if she tries anything today I will have none of it."

JJ lifted Rachel from Emily's arms when she reached out to her. "But who could deny this precious face?" she Eskimo-kissed Rachel's cheek, turning the topic to fend off the tension starting to edge in.

Emily gave a wry smile and leaned in to kiss JJ softly on the cheek. "I'm more worried about her denying this face," she pecked her on the lips.

"She knows I'm coming, right?" JJ asked.

"Of course," Emily insisted. "I didn't give her a choice so she's not happy about it, but she knows."

"Oh, this'll be interesting," JJ sighed. "What do you say?" She asked Rachel, who had two of her fingers in her mouth, bouncing her gently. "Are you ready to find out if you're going to have two sets of grandparents in your life?" They both smiled when their daughter gurgled happily around her hand.

Emily stood, waiting, at the big front door of her parent's house, nervously her tongue traced over her lower lip, glancing in the direction of the car, parked around the corner. After a few seconds the door opened to her mother's cold-as-ever gaze looking her over. "Mother," she greeted after the long second of the scrutinizing regard.

"Where's the baby?" she asked.

"JJ's getting her out of the car," Emily told her and shifted the baby bag on her shoulder. Really, Emily had insisted on going to the door first to make sure that the Ambassador Prentiss was going to be civil, at the very least. "They'll be here any second." Emily didn't miss the disappointment on the Ambassador's face, undoubtedly from the fact that Emily had decided to bring JJ along despite her mother's protests, but she only nodded a well-mannered acknowledgement. Even when JJ walked around the corner with Rachel there was nothing that made her feel the need to defend herself and JJ. Maybe her mother was willing to do more that she thought and meet them halfway, overlook the romantic relationship for the chance to know her granddaughter.

"JJ," the Ambassador welcomed her politely as she closed the last few feet to the door. "It's good to see you again." She didn't wait for a reply, but moved to lead them into the impressive home.

As they followed Emily's mother, JJ and Emily exchanged a curiously surprised look over Rachel, still drowsy from her nap during the car ride. JJ knew that no matter what happened Emily would stand by her, but she didn't want to see Emily in the emotional devastation that another encounter with the Ambassador might cause. Emily just smiled that gentle smile that put her at ease every time. By the time they settled down in a large, open room with a long couch and sophisticated furniture Rachel was looking around with her wide dark eyes. She was happy to just sit on JJ's lap for now.

"She looks a lot like you," the Ambassador said. "Certainly has your nose after all."

Emily smiled at that fact that everyone pointed out. It wasn't as if she couldn't look at her daughter and see the similarities in their noses, but she loved hearing it. "She has my eyes too."

"It's impossible to know for sure, but if she keeps that hair color she'll probably end up with your pallor as well." After a second she finished with, "I guess she gets her cheeks and jaw from her father."

"I guess," Emily answered guardedly at the thought of Rachel as something more than her daughter floated disturbingly at the edge of her mind. Over all, Rachel looked like a mini Emily, the hair, eyes, and nose enough of a definite resemblance for anyone to see, but her face was rounder, her cheeks and jaw still strong features, but softer than Emily's.

"Did you want to hold her?" JJ asked hesitantly when her desire to protect Emily won over the instinct to lay low and not draw attention to herself. She immediately started to pass Rachel over to the Ambassador.

Both the Ambassador and Rachel weren't entirely sure they liked this situation at first. But one smile from the baby girl and Ambassador Prentiss melted. They talked, all small talk, about Rachel, the Ambassador's work and where she might be getting positioned, even a little bit about the team and the things they'd done for them since Rachel was born, but nothing that could start a fight, not about Emily and JJ's work, not about Emily and JJ, not about JJ's family, not about JJ. It was a compromise, and as long as they didn't fight everyone was ok with it.

"These flowers are gorgeous," Emily said as she fingered a delicate petal of the arrangement. "And didn't I see a few sitting in the kitchen and dining room too?"

"And there was one in the hallway," JJ pointed out. "And the bathroom."

"Yes, we've been getting all kinds of things; wine, flower arrangements, fruit baskets with condolence cards all week," Elizabeth explained. "Your father was close friends with the Ambassador that was killed in the embassy attack in Libya. You two should take a bottle of wine or two with you, if you can drink, I assume that you're switching Rachel to formula, you're probably not planning on breast feeding when you go back to work."

"Thank you," Emily faltered through the heavy silence that filled the room. "How is he doing?"

"He's handling it well. He went to the funeral and he's grieved and started healing," she told them calmly.

"I wish I had known they were close," Emily said. "I, um, I would have tried to call…"

A dry laugh cut the silence that trailed Emily's hesitant admission. "I don't think it would have done you any good. Even if you'd caught him he wouldn't have answered your call, and if he listened to your message before deleting it he wouldn't have taken it sincerely, it wouldn't have changed anything."

"Oh," Emily answered shocked. "Would you tell him that I'm sorry to hear about his friend? I know that if you tell him, he'll know I really mean it."

"Oh, Emily," the Ambassador patronized. "I'm not going to stand up to your father for you."

"I'm not asking you to," she stuttered. "All I want you to do is tell him that I'm sorry for his loss."

"No," she answered loudly, as soon as Emily had finished her sentence. Rachel fussed at the tense, raised voices and JJ shushed her calmingly. "You are asking me to be the way that you reach out to him. We have both made it perfectly clear that we do not approve of your choice to throw your life and career away because of an emotional upheaval that left you confused, and until you have changed this lifestyle that you have picked over us we will not be letting you back into our lives." Emily tried to say something to defend herself but the Ambassador just plowed over her. "And I am willing to tolerate it because I want to be a part of my granddaughter's life, but I should not have to deal with you throwing it in my face like this." She motioned at JJ and Rachel. "I do not have to accept it, and I certainly don't have to defend it."

"I think we should go," Emily said coldly. "Jen, take Rachel out to the car, I'll pack up and be right there."

"I'll walk you out," the Ambassador announced and walked along once JJ had Rachel ready.

At the door, JJ paused. "Do you understand what you're doing to her? She just wants you to be happy for us."

"My daughter hasn't needed my approval to live her life the way she wanted since she was a teenager. I doubt that any of it has changed now."

JJ shook her head. "You're daughter's life was turned upside down and she's reaching out for support from the people that are supposed to be there for her no matter what. She doesn't need your help or your approval, she doesn't need anything from you, she wants your support, not you hashing up that hell she went through, reminding her and using it to try to convince her that the only thing she is sure of anymore is wrong."

"It's her choice," was the firm answer that she was given.

"Goodbye, Ambassador," JJ had to use all of her training in dealing with the media and all of her self-restraint to make that sound even remotely respectful when just below the surface she was raging and sad.

As Emily was pulling her coat on, the Ambassador walked back into the room with two bottles of wine. "Here, I'm not sure what kind you like and you're rude departure doesn't exactly give us the opportunity to find out."

"I'm not going to take these as a- a bribe to overlook the way you've acted, and everything that you've done," Emily ground out.

"It's not a bribe," the ambassador informed her. "I don't see a need for a bribe, you'll see-"

"Well, I don't want them," Emily insisted, hauling the bags onto her shoulders.

"I told you that you could have them," she followed after Emily as she stalked to the front door. "So take them."

"Fine," Emily bit out. "It doesn't change anything."

"Thank you," the ambassador sighed exasperatedly. "I hope that we can do this again soon."

"No, Ambassador," she coldly emphasized the use of the title. "We won't." And she walked out the door and down the path quickly without looking back.

JJ had only been settled in the back seat of the car with a fussy Rachel for a few minutes waiting for Emily, when her dark haired FBI agent came into view. Emily opened the trunk to store away the bags and wine. JJ moved to the driver's seat and Emily climbed into the passenger seat. They were quiet for a few seconds, not looking at each other. "Are you ok?" JJ asked.

"No," Emily answered honestly as they buckled their seat belts. They looked at each other and Emily took a calming breath then smiled reassuringly. Satisfied and knowing Emily didn't want to talk about it, JJ nodded and started the car. "But I'm pretty sure that there's a party that we've been looking forward to for a while tonight. And I bought a dress just for the occasion."

"Right, the one you won't let me see," JJ hummed, throwing a glare out of the corner of her eye.

"Uh-huh," Emily smirked. "That one."

"You know I hate it when you this," JJ's voice took on that playful whine.

"It's a surprise," Emily tried but JJ just continued to scowl playfully. "You'll like it," she promised.

JJ's eyebrow arched at that, "And why are you so sure about that?" She chanced a glance at over at Emily.

Emily's eyes twinkled, "Because I was definitely thinking about your reaction when I bought it."

"Why don't we give Garcia one of these bottles of wine?" JJ asked as they came into their apartment. "I mean, if they're from your parent's friends they've got to be good and you know how Garcia loves her wine."

"Yeah, that's a good start," Emily said softly as she put her purse and bag down without unsettling a sleepy Rachel. "Why don't you wrap one of them up while I put Rachel down so she won't be fussy all through the party while she's awake?"

"Okay," JJ said contemplating the two bottles. "Which one should we give her?"

"What did we get?" Emily asked, grabbing a onesie off of a pile of folded laundry.

"Umm, a 2007 Moulin-a-Vent," JJ said checking the labels. "And 2007 Chateau Paul Mas Clos der Murs."

Emily rocked gently as she considered the question before answering with complete certainty, "Give her the Moulin-a-Vent."

"Is the other one better?" JJ chuckled.

"No, they're both good." Emily smiled, "I just happen to know something that goes perfectly with the Chateau." And with that she disappeared up the stairs. She quickly changed Rachel's diaper. "Alright," she whispered. "Let's get you changed into something more comfortable and then you can sleep." She dressed her in the pale pink onesie with little mint green tiaras on it ('tiaras for Princess's princess' was what Morgan had said when he gave it to her), talking to her the entire time. "And after that we're going to get you into that pretty dress over there and go see the team." Emily lifted her against her chest. "Yeah, there we go." She murmured, swaying gently back and forth until Rachel was asleep and Emily could hear her soft baby breaths at her shoulder. She eased Rachel into her arms and then settled her into her crib. After changing into something more comfortable, Emily sighed and walk down stairs, picked up the baby monitor from the coffee table, and headed for the kitchen where JJ had also changed and started putting together lunch for them.

JJ heard Emily set the monitor on the counter. "You got her down fast," she commented.

"Yeah, I wasn't too surprised," Emily breathed out. "You'd just fed her before we left the Ambassador's so I figured she'd be ready for a nap by the time we got home."

"Em-" JJ started.

"No, Jen, please," Emily cut her off. "I'm not changing anything for them. They are wrong; I love you more than they could ever understand."

"Ok," JJ nodded, with an unstoppable smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "What are you going to do?"

"My parents don't get to pick and choose what parts of my life they want to be a part of. They can't just-" Emily took a breath to control her rising anger. Her teeth grazed over her lower lip followed by her tongue as she composed her thoughts. "They have come in and out of my life as it was convenient for them for as long as I remember. I'm done. If they want to be a part of my life they have to be all in."

"I'm sorry," JJ wrapped Emily in a gladly accepted hug.

"Don't be," Emily told her. "It doesn't matter what it is, I'll pick you; every time."

JJ tilted her head to see Emily's face. "I love you too." After a short kiss and a little bit longer in the hug she pulled back and said, "Let's eat before the soup gets cold."

Not long after that, lunch eaten, dishes done, baby bag packed for the party, and Norris had been cuddled and scratched and pet until he fell asleep, purring contently, curled up against Emily's side, the time to start getting ready for the party came around. In their room, Emily went to the bathroom to do her makeup first and JJ headed for the closet. "Jen, can you pull the dress out for me?" Emily called to her.

"Sure thing," JJ called back. Emily could hear the excitement edging into her voice.

"Don't peak," she ordered, knowing that there was no way JJ would see any part of the dress unless she opened the bag to look.

"This dress had better be worth all this teasing," JJ grumbled.

Emily just grinned and kept applying her makeup. The party was a casual thing. No gowns, no suits, no flashy jewelry, or time consuming hair styles. It didn't mean that they couldn't use the excuse to dress up for each other. And Emily wanted this excuse, she'd worked her butt off after having Rachel, to stay in shape for work and for herself; she didn't think she would ever be truly comfortable with her scars, so in her mind she wanted to have the body to make up for the skin she couldn't show anymore. This reveal was what she had spent hours working towards, and she deserved it. Just like JJ had deserved her big reveal after a day of buildup and teasing Emily at work with holding glances, lingering touches, breaths from little whispers skating over her skin and sending shivers down her spine, and fleeting glimpses of a garter and black lace.

When JJ strolled into the bathroom, Emily got a little surprise of her own. JJ was wearing jeans that hugged her curves like they were painted on, ankle boots, and the turtleneck that she had worn to the Ambassador's house. But without the blazer on over it, Emily could see that the lace panel neckline dipped a little lower that she'd thought and the back had a plunging lace panel, showing off almost a third of the just slightly tan skin covering the toned muscles of her Jennifer's back. JJ's lips turned up in a smug grin as Emily's eyes roved her curves and skin appreciatively. "Jennifer Jareau, you were holding out on my earlier," Emily smirked on her way passed her girlfriend to the bedroom. JJ just shrugged, a coy twinkle in her eye and an innocent smile on her face.

JJ took her time in front of the mirror, pulling the top of her hair back and making sure every strand was in place, making her blue eyes pop and shine. It felt good to dress up a little bit to go out with their friends. She took one last look in the mirror to make everything was the way she wanted it and then her jaw hit the ground at the sight waiting for her in the bedroom. Emily was standing in front of their full length mirror wearing a dull, greyish-teal color dress with full length sleeves, just short enough that you had to look at her legs but long enough to be classy, and a fit everywhere else that didn't need to show skin to make someone notice her body.

"Do you like it?" Emily asked, meeting JJ's eyes in the mirror.

"You look…" She trailed off, looking her up and down, "Absolutely amazing." She slid her hands onto Emily's hips, turning her around. JJ smiled, seeing Emily's eyes light up. She watched Emily's smile grow as the moment continued, just the two of them, quietly, perfectly connected. Mahogany and Cerulean eyes gazed over the face in front of them. JJ slipped her hands around to Emily's lower back, pulling them closer, their hips and legs just brushing in the shared personal space. They could both sense the space between them beckoning them closer and they were ready to listen to that call between their bodies but fussy cries from Rachel over the monitor on the bedside table sprung them both into action.

"I'll go make a bottle," Emily said and they parted in the hallway.

JJ flipped the light on in the nursery and lifted Rachel out of her crib. "Hey, look who's awake," JJ cooed to her, doing the bouncy walk that her daughter loved and humming to her. "Don't worry, Momma's getting you a bubba. We've got to get you dressed for the party so we can go see everybody. Yeah, we're going to go see everyone."

Between the two of them they got Rachel ready and she was smiling and babbling at them. She looked adorable in the pink dress, the sparkling silver headband stood out fantastically against her hair, and as long as she didn't throw up on it they would get a perfect family picture. Of course, always prepared for an accident, they had an extra outfit packed and a backup onesie, just in case. Emily shuffled through the diaper bag, going over the checklist: diapers, wipes, changing pad, hand sanitizer, bottles, bib, burp cloth, pacifier (they called it her Zuggy), extra Zuggy, a few or her favorite toys, blanket, extra clothes, and of course the teddy bear Garcia had gotten for Rachel their first day home. Downstairs, everyone in their coats, Emily had Rachel and her stuff, and JJ had the bottle of wine for Garcia and a small go-bag with a change of clothes for both of them, in case a Rachel accident got on their clothes. It had been a suggestion from Reid, to keep a change of clothes in the car or at the office, specifically for if they got drool or spit up, or something even less pleasant on their clothing, so that they didn't have to worry about going home to change, or wearing the soiled clothes the rest of the day, or taking something out of their case go-bags.

"Okay," Emily managed to get her purse over her shoulder. "I've got Rachel and her stuff."

"And I've got our stuff," JJ added.

They both looked around, doing one last mental checklist. "I think we're good," Emily said.

The Jareau/ Prentiss family got to the party a little later than the team had agreed to meet, which was a little earlier than they might usually meet up at an office party. "Oh, look, Rachel!" JJ gasped excitedly. "It's Uncle Spence."

"Hey, guys!" Reid greeted them with enthusiasm. "Do you want me to help you carry something?" He motioned to the abundance they were carting with their slender bodies.

Emily shrugged the baby bag off her shoulder. "Thanks," she shifted Rachel into a more comfortable position. "Is everyone else here already?"

"Yeah, Rossi got us a great table," he told them on the way to the team. "Hotch already dropped Jack off at the kid's party."

"Well, look at you three ladies," Rossi said.

Morgan whistled, "Looking good, looking good."

Everyone gave a comment of agreement and JJ noticed the absolute pleasure these compliments gave her girlfriend, the confidence in her smile, the sparkle in her eyes.

"I think you might make us the prettiest table at the whole party," Garcia added.

"Doesn't she just?" JJ asked, looking right at Emily. A blush crept up from Emily's chest when she looked into JJ's adoring gaze.

Reid frowned, confused by the interaction, "I don't think she meant-"

"She knows what she meant, kid," Morgan cut him off. "Now you two stop being cute and hand over my favorite girl in the world."

Emily smirked and allowed Morgan to lift her daughter into his arms. "Sorry we're late," she and JJ settled into the two open chairs. "I know that Jack wanted to see Rachel."

"Don't worry about it," Hotch told her. "We can make sure he gets to see her before we leave."

Garcia turned a skeptical face to Morgan, "What was the about your 'favorite girl in the world'?" she asked.

"Aww, Sweetness, you know you're my one and only Baby Girl," he grinned at her cheekily. "Besides, look at this little princess. How could you not love her?"

"She is exceptionally adorable tonight," Garcia conceded.

"Speaking of which," JJ spoke up. "This is for you." She handed the gift over to their friend.

"I thought I told you, no gifts," Garcia chastised, opening the box and pulling out the wine.

"Garcia," Emily insisted. "We had to do something, I mean, look at everything you've done for us in the last three months. Besides, the Ambassador gave it to us, we didn't buy it."

"When did you see the Ambassador?" Hotch asked, a little apprehensive of where this conversation could go.

"We went to see her today," JJ told them.

Garcia interjected with, "Oh boy," before Emily could continue.

"She wanted to meet Rachel and, despite her wishes and best attempts to prevent it, I insisted that JJ would be there too," she explained.

"And that went not well, I'll take it?" Rossi asked.

"I gave her a chance, but she won't accept Jennifer and that leaves no place for her in my life," Emily said with conviction. "I'm done trying to be someone that I'm not, to make them happy. It's been like that my whole life, compromising my own happiness to try and reach the unattainable goals that would earn my parents' approval. I'm done." Everyone simply looked at her; her coworkers, her friends, her family. Her partner holding her daughter. The man that she had only known for a matter of years and had become more of a father to her than she'd ever had growing up. These people who had accepted her and appreciated her for exactly who she was. They protected her. They supported her. They cared for her in a way she hadn't known before them. She could feel that overwhelming love from them engulfing her and overwhelming her fortress walls. "Excuse me," she quickly left the table and disappeared around the corner.

"God, that woman just makes me so…" Garcia growled.

"I should go and make sure… go after her," JJ motioned in the direction Emily had disappeared, biting her lip nervously. "Do you guys think you can keep an eye on Rachel?"

"Of course, Sweet Cakes," Garcia told her. "Go take care of Mama Bear."

"I'm pretty sure I remember how this works," Hotch added, lifting Rachel onto his lap.

And with a grateful nod, JJ walked towards where Emily would be. She checked the bathroom and all the corners that could have tucked her girlfriend out of sight. She wandered out the door, and the cold air stung her nose and ears. As she looked around she crossed her arms and tucked her hands against her body. It only took a second for her eyes to find the form they were looking for, illuminated by the lights on the building and sidewalk; her body was slouched, arms resting on her legs and crossed to try and ward off the cold, head bowed, silent and still. JJ sat down next to her; the cold from the bench immediately seeped through her jeans.

Emily needed no encouragement to let JJ's arm around her body comfort her. "I am so lucky," she breathed out. "To have friends like them, this supportive extended family, and they're so good with Rachel. And I have a gorgeous baby girl. And I had given up on the idea that I would ever have a family of my own." She paused taking a breath and wrapping her hands around JJ's hand that had been rested on her leg. "And I have the most loving and completely beautiful, perfect girlfriend."

JJ's hand softly cupped Emily's jaw, taking notice of the slight chill of the cool air sticking to the rosy skin. She let the back of her knuckles follow the strong curves of her face before her fingertips caressed the hair at the nape of her neck. And JJ kissed Emily the way she deserved to be treated. Their foreheads rested together, breath visible like steam and mixing together between them. The tip of Emily's nose brushed JJ's cheek bone as her lips brushed against her cheek. The combination of cold on Emily's nose tracing over the sensitive skin and the full, soft warmth of her lips caused a stirring contradiction of attraction, affection, and good natured concern for how cold Emily must be. "Do you want to go back in?" JJ asked. Emily didn't say anything, but JJ could tell that she was ok. "I mean, because I kind of left Rachel with Hotch so you know…" She smiled when Emily chuckled and sat up straight.

Emily took an exaggerated breath and grimaced as the cold irritated her sinuses causing her to have to sniffle a little. "I guess we should, shouldn't we, before they start to worry."

They walked back to the table together. Emily had her arm wrapped around JJ's waist, her hand resting on her hip, thumb playing against the top of JJ's jeans, and she had two fingers hooked into a belt loop. The sight that met them at the table made their hearts flutter and jump. Someone had brought Jack from the kid's party, and he was sitting between his dad and Garcia, with Rachel sitting in his lap, cradled carefully in his arms. He was fascinated by her tiny features and he laughed when she touched his face or grabbed his shirt and she would giggle with him. He got to see her and hold her, and feel like a big boy. But it didn't take him long to get bored, so Garcia took Rachel and Hotch walked him back to the kids party. Members of the team came and went from the table, socializing with other agents, getting drinks and food from the buffet and bar, Morgan and Garcia hit the dance floor a couple of times. JJ would get up to talk to someone, come back. Emily went to refill their drinks and came back. JJ went to the buffet for a plate of food, she came back and they both ate off the plate and fed each other. One of them was always at the table, like the idea of leaving Rachel at the table without one of them again made them uneasy.

"Hey," Rossi addressed the two ladies. "Why don't you two go and dance for a bit."

"Oh," JJ stumbled just a little bit, buying some time to think of an excuse. "I don't know."

"Yeah, guys," Emily stepped up when JJ couldn't come up with anything else. "It's getting kind of late, and Rachel's been kind of cranky in the evenings the past few days."

"Emily," Garcia sighed. "This little girl has thrown up on all of the guys, and we have all fed her, had her drool on us, and changed her diaper, and applied diaper rash cream to her little baby bottom."

Neither of them moved, Emily chewing her lip, and JJ eyeing Rachel nervously, their minds turning the logic over trying to find the fault in it.

"We've got this," Morgan insisted, holding up Rachel's teddy bear for emphasis. "You two just go and enjoy yourselves on the dance floor for a bit."

JJ showed the first signs of giving in, she turned her eyes to Emily and ran her fingertips along Emily's wrist. And that was all it really took for Emily to cave. "Maybe it's not such a bad idea."

"Go on," Hotch urged them.

With one last hesitant look at their daughter, they headed for the dance floor hand in hand.

"Should we worry about the level of separation anxiety they're displaying?" Reid asked when they made sure to stay where the table was within sight.

"With the psychos from that damn cult still looming over them, I'm surprised they even leave their apartment," Morgan said.

"What are they going to do when they have to come back to work?" Garcia worried.

"Maybe they won't come back," Hotch postulated.

Garcia's hand dropped to the table and she turned to look at him directly. "Don't even say that," she dead panned.

It had taken JJ and Emily a few songs to really relax, but JJ had her arms wrapped around Emily's neck and Emily had hers around JJ's waist. They both smiled, watching their closest friends playing with their daughter. "You know, sometimes I hate that they always know what we need because they know the way we're thinking," JJ sighed.

"Yeah," Emily agreed. "But if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have gotten the chance to do this." She caught JJ's lips softly in a kiss that stole the blonde's breathe and made her heart flutter. Their lips only parted when they felt multiple people watching them. Emily pulled JJ against her, arms wrapped securely around bodies swaying to the slow pace of the music. JJ's head fell comfortably on Emily's shoulder so that Emily's cheek could rest against the top of JJ's head. JJ's breath from her content sigh through her nose, brushed over the skin of Emily's neck and chest. They had no way to tell how long they stayed like that, mostly because they didn't care to keep track, but the sound of Rachel crying broke their reverie and they were quickly back at the table. Rossi handed the screaming, squirming infant off to Emily. "Oh, hey, what's wrong?" she asked soothingly, and Rachel quieted only slightly in the familiar arms.

"She started getting fussy earlier, and she didn't want any of her toys and her diaper was clean, so we changed her out of the dress so she'd be more comfortable." Garcia explained, while Emily continued to hush and sway Rachel. "And she was ok for a while, but then she started again and her diaper was still dry, and she still didn't want any of her toys, or her Zuggy, and she wasn't hungry. And I don't know what else to try," she was clearly flustered.

"She's probably just tired," Emily explained, nodding at JJ and to the table. "Thank you guys for watching her for us."

"Ok," JJ said, starting to gather up their things. "We should head home," she looked around self-conscious of the attention they were receiving.

They all said fast goodbyes, and Emily and JJ left their friends at the party and headed home.

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><p>I completely forgot to include this in the last chapter. I made up the kinds of ice cream that Emily and JJ bought.<p>

**Cherry Cordial**: Sweet cream- chocolate swirl ice cream, fudge swirls, cordial swirls, chocolate chunks and cherry chunks. **(Emily's cone)**  
><strong>Bad Monkey<strong>: Peanut butter ice cream, caramel swirls, fudge swirls, chocolate covered- caramel filled pretzels, banana chunks, white chocolate chunks, chocolate chips, and dark chocolate peanut butter cups. **(Pint)**  
><strong>Brownie Cheesecake:<strong> Vanilla bean ice cream, chocolate cheesecake pieces, brownie pieces, dark chocolate chunks, and white chocolate chips. **(Pint)  
>Triple Chocolate- Hazelnut Espresso:<strong> Chocolate- hazelnut- coffee swirl ice cream, fudge swirls chocolate covered espresso beans, crushed hazelnuts, chocolate chunks, and white chocolate chunks. **(JJ's cone)**


	58. Too Long

**Happy late Valentine's Day!  
>Adult content warning.<strong>

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><p>JJ rolled over and hit the snooze button on her phone then cuddled back into Emily's side. A few minutes later the alarm was going off again, this time she found the will to turn off the alarm and actually get out of the warm comfort of their bed. She groaned as her sleep weighted muscles grumbled at the effort of stripping off her pajamas. She used her hand to pin her hair at the back of her head, leaning against the wall next to the shower as the falling water slowly filled the room with steam.<p>

The water soaked into her hair, running over her face, and down her shoulders, back, and legs. The water and the scent of her shampoo and soap slowly woke up her mind and muscles. As she stepped out of the protection of the shower and the cool air in the bathroom clung to her skin, goose bumps stood up all along her body. JJ quickly dried off and wrapped herself in her plush robe, and turned the heat up in the bathroom; again appreciating Emily's intense hatred of being cold after a shower or bath that led to her splurge on a heating system for her master bathroom. Dropping the towel from her hair, she thought that with a cup of coffee or two she'd be ready to go. She noticed the empty bed and quickly dressed, and hurried down the stairs with a pair of heels in hand.

Rachel was in her bouncy chair, her bib already dotted with drool, and her chilled teething ring was in her mouth. JJ bent down and wiped Rachel's chin clean with the burp rag sitting next to the chair. "Good morning," she kissed her head and stood back up. She wandered into the kitchen just as Emily poured coffee into a mug next to a plate with a half a mini- bagel and cream cheese, fruit, and an egg white omelet. JJ leaned against the counter next to her, "You didn't have to do this," she amusedly told Emily.

"But I felt bad that I'm going to get to take a nap when Rachel falls asleep in an hour, and you're not," Emily explain. "So I did it anyway."

"Fair enough," JJ laughed lightly, reaching for her coffee. "Why don't you go and shower before I have to leave?" Emily nodded and stole a piece of fruit off JJ's plate on her hurried way up the stairs. JJ finished her breakfast quickly and put the dishes in the sink. "Hey, you." She got Rachel out of the chair, "Let's change your diaper before Mama comes back." After she had finished that, JJ sat down on the couch with Rachel on her lap. "Now, I'm not going to be around as much as I have been, and there are going to be times when I'll be gone for what seems like a long time," she said softly, her finger's cradling her daughters head and stroking hair dark baby-fine hair. "But, you just need to remember that no matter how long I'm gone, or how far away I have to go I will be thinking about you and how much I love you the whole time, and I will always do my best to make sure that I come home." She kissed Rachel's cheek and held her against her chest. "I'm going to miss you two so much." She head Emily at the top of the stairs and blinked back the tears burning behind her eyes.

JJ handed Rachel to Emily and took the all but forgotten teething ring to the kitchen with Emily following her. "Hotch promised that the team won't be on major case rotation for another week," she said, throwing a smile over her shoulder, as she washed the purple and pink striped rubber ring.

"Ok," Emily answered from next to her.

"So, I'll be home tonight," she put the teething ring in its container in the refrigerator and grabbed her travel mug.

"Good," Emily said. Rachel babbled a little and then giggled happily around her hand.

"I should probably get going," but the smell that she could only describe as Emily and Rachel's baby smell filling her senses was making it hard to fight the fact, that she was burying deep under everything else, that she didn't want to leave. She forced herself to walk towards the front door, away from Emily and Rachel.

"Before you go and stop all the bad guys," Emily held out a small package for her. "I've got something for you."

"Em, I've got to go," JJ insisted.

"I know, open it work," Emily instructed.

"Ok," she tucked the mysterious box into her brief case. "I'll see you later."

"Bye," they both leaned in for a peck on the lips. "Say buh-bye to Mommy," she baby talked to Rachel.

"Bye, Sweet Pea," JJ kisses Rachel's cheek and reluctantly left.

Emily wandered over to the couch and settled Rachel on her lap. "Don't worry," she said as Rachel resumed her happily replaced her fingers in her mouth, while reaching for Emily's loose hair. "It'll be less eventful tomorrow."

JJ was surprised how normal it was to be back after so long. She felt different, but being back in the BAU felt normal. Not many other people were in the building yet, JJ had given herself extra time because it was a certainty that her office was piled with files that she would have to sort through and organize before she could start working. She unlocked the door and was again surprised. Her office was cluttered, stacks of files on her desk, on the file cabinets, and along the walls; just as she'd expected to find it. But the files had already been organized, and labeled with little pink post-it notes with kittens around the boarders, and on her desk was an envelope with her name scrawled across it. JJ tucked her go bag into its place, and sat down in her chair with her briefcase on the ground next to her. She pulled the card out of the envelope; it was simple, with a color scheme of purples, greens, and blues. 'Welcome back!' was printed across the front in flowing font, and there were elegant flower accents under the text. Everyone had written a nice message on the inside, Garcia's explained the most. 'We all missed you like crazy. It just wasn't the same without you around. I thought that we should do something to welcome you back. Reid figured out the organization system, and everyone helped. I hope this makes the transition back into work easier.'

JJ sat back in the chair, looking at all the work that the team had put into doing this for her. It was such a sweet gesture. She sighed and pulled her personal things from the drawer that they had been safely tucked away in while she was gone. Something was missing and she couldn't put her finger on what it was. As she contemplated what it was she pulled the package from Emily out of her briefcase and sat it on the desk. It was a simple black box, and the size gave no real clue as to what it was. She lifted the lid off and set it aside, a simple smile spread across her face. It was a modest black picture frame, just slightly bigger than the one that was already on her desk; the one that held the four small pictures, the first and last ultrasounds of Rachel and two pictures from the maternity photo shoot. This one only had one picture in it. It was of her and Emily and Rachel. JJ held both of the frames, looking them both over like they told the same story in different ways, with different meanings that changed the ending. She tucked the old frame into her briefcase and put the new one on her desk.

It didn't take long for Garcia to make an appearance in JJ's office. "Hey, Sunshine," she greeted perkily after JJ looked up when she knocked on the door frame.

"Hey," JJ smiled and closed the file she'd been working on as Garcia took a seat across from her.

"I should have guessed that you'd be in early," Garcia chuckled.

"Well, I thought I'd have some work to do in here before I'd actually be able to get to work," JJ motioned around the office.

"So you just dove right in, I see," Garcia noted the pile of files that JJ had already made her way through. JJ just nodded a little, with a slight shrug. The black picture frame at the corner of JJ's work space on her desk caught her eye. "Oh, this is new," she picked it up to see the picture.

"Yeah, Emily go it for me," JJ explained.

"What'd you get for her?" Garcia asked.

"We're, ummm, not doing Valentine's Day this year," she mumbled quickly. Garcia's eyebrows shot up and she quickly added her defense, "We're both a little distracted with Rachel, and me going back to work, we both agreed that we just didn't need that added pressure of remembering to get a gift or do something special."

"First of all, why in the world did you come back to work on Valentine's Day, your first Valentine's day as a couple?" Garcia asked.

"I couldn't take anymore family leave," JJ told her.

"Oh, well that makes sense," Garcia admitted. "Second, what do you call this?" she held up the picture frame.

"That's not a Valentine's Day present," JJ told her.

"It's a present and she gave it to you on Valentine's Day," Garcia argued.

"That doesn't mean it's a Valentine's Day present," JJ insisted. "She gave it to me today because I came back to work today."

"Does not matter, she knew she would be giving it to you today. Did she say that it's not a Valentine's Day present?" Garcia asked.

"No," JJ admitted.

"Point proven," Garcia said, handing the possible Valentine's Day present back to JJ.

"She didn't mean for this to be a present," JJ said. "We both agreed we weren't going to do it."

"So, what?" Garcia asked. "Do something anyway. God knows you both deserve it."

JJ thought about it for a second and then rolled her eyes in defeat. "Ok fine, but I didn't get her anything, what am I going to do on such short notice?" She put the frame back in its place on the desk. "I can't get her favorite chocolates without preordering them. I guess I can get her a card and some flowers, watch Rachel while she takes a bath tonight."

"No," Garcia told her. "You guys have done the flowers and chocolates and baths. You had your promise rings fitted with Rachel's birthstone, so jewelry's out. It's got to be something really meaningful, like the picture. You two need some alone time. Why don't you get a babysitter and take Emily out for dinner?" JJ looked at her skeptically. "Morgan and I will do it, and we'll do it at your place. She'll be comfortable, and you don't have to worry about packing a bag with all of her stuff. And you know she'll be safe because it's me and the chocolate super hero. And you take the money that you save by having us babysit and spend it on doing something special."

"Garcia, it's a nice idea. But I don't know, I think the traditional flowers and a card, and letting her take a bath will be enough," JJ sighed.

"When was the last time the two of you kissed?" Garcia asked.

"We kissed this morning, right before I left. She kissed me goodbye," JJ answered a little taken aback and wondering what this had to do with a Valentine's Day present.

"No, I mean, when was the last time you _kissed_?" she clarified. "Like passionate, 'don't stop', 'wouldn't do it in public' kissed."

JJ had to stop and think about it.

"Just let me know when you want us to get there," Garcia said and pulled a heart-shaped sucker out of her bag. "Happy Valentine's Day."

Later that night, JJ and Emily climbed into bed. "Hey, Em?" JJ started. "Garcia was asking about babysitting for us today. How about we let her and Morgan watch Rachel for a few hours and go out to dinner, just the two of us?"

"Jen, I would like that, really I would," she said, clearly struggling with a conflict of emotions. "But I don't like, I'm… Jen, you know-"

"Yeah, I do. I understand," she told her. "I know that it's hard, and it's scary; I went to work today, Em. I was away from her, and you, for a whole day. But we have to do it."

"I don't like the idea of being away from her with the cult still out there. It scares me," Emily admitted, sitting up.

"I know," JJ sat up too. "The team is doing everything that they can to make sure that they don't get near us. Garcia's got every known member under electronic observation, she knows who they're talking to and where they are pretty much all the time. Morgan and Reid have been putting together profiles on the cult and its key members. Hotch called in favors and has people watching them. And I'm pretty sure Rossi used some old connections and had the Mafia threaten them."

"They want her, and they'll find a way to get to her," Emily shook her head.

"We haven't heard from them in months," JJ said. Emily shook her head, chewing on her bottom lip. Her eyes said that she knew JJ was right but she didn't like it at all, that she didn't know what to do. JJ slid behind Emily and wrapped her arms around her. "I know that it's scary, and that's ok, Em, it's ok to be scared for her. But we can't stop living our lives because of them. If we do that they win."

"I can't lose her, Jen," Emily leaned back into JJ.

"You won't lose her," JJ promised. "Garcia and Morgan will be watching her. You know they won't let anything happen to her."

"Garcia doesn't have a gun," Emily said.

"No, but Morgan does, and he's the best shot in the FBI," JJ told her.

"No, he's not. You're the best shot in the FBI." Emily argued.

JJ chuckled, "He's the best shot until I re-qualify tomorrow." Emily sighed. "They're not going to let anything happen to her. We're going to keep her safe, Em."

"Ok," Emily whispered.

"Ok?" JJ asked, leaning to be able to see Emily's face. Emily nodded with a small smile. "Ok," JJ kissed her cheek and the settled down to sleep.

It was almost 4:30 on Saturday, Emily and JJ were finishing up getting ready, hoping to be ready when Garcia and Morgan got there. Right on time, their friends arrived, JJ and Emily said their thanks and goodbyes, and were quickly ushered out with the demand that they enjoy themselves.

"Jen, this is one of the best restaurants in DC!" Emily exclaimed as they pulled into the parking lot of a five star hotel that housed a restaurant and spa.

"Yes, well, I think we deserve the best tonight." JJ told her. "We've got sometime before our reservation, why don't we go and check into our room?"

"Our room?" Emily asked.

"Well, the hotel rents rooms by the hour for clients in the spa."

"Spa?" Emily inquired.

"The rooms have whirlpool bathtubs, and I've heard that the spa's hot stone massage is absolutely heavenly," JJ continued.

"Jen, we're only supposed to be gone for three hours at the most," Emily said a little panicky.

"Garcia and Morgan are in on it," JJ smiled. "They know that we'll possibly be out late."

"It was only supposed to be dinner and coffee," Emily worried.

"We're going to have dinner and coffee," JJ told her. Emily just looked at her. "They can handle it. Look, we'll call them and check up on how it's going. If you feel like we need to go back after that, then we'll go home. Ok?"

Emily looked at her uneasily. "Ok," she agreed. "Now what's this about a hotel room and the spa? I'm assuming that you've packed everything I need for this."

"This is going to be really nice, Em," JJ promised.

JJ and Emily walked to the front desk together. "Jareau," JJ gave the reservation name. The concierge welcomed them and handed them their room keys. "We have reservations at the restaurant, send this up to the room," she handed their bag too the bell hop. "Thank you." She took Emily's hand and led her to the restaurant. It was gorgeous, the dim lighting playing across the dark redwood tables.

They ordered their food and Emily took a second to look around. "Is this a Valentine's Day thing?" She asked.

"No, we said we weren't going to do Valentine's Day this year." Emily quirked her eyebrow suspiciously at that answer. "The idea may have come out of a discussion about Valentine's Day, but I thought that we might enjoy some adult time."

"So this is a Valentine's Day thing?" Emily smiled as she took her revenge and JJ got flustered. "You're cute when you think you're in trouble."

"That's not nice," JJ told her. "I thought all my planning was ruined if I couldn't talk my way out of that Valentine's Day crap."

"I'm sorry, for the record, you had me at spa," Emily told her honestly. "This is really sweet and the perfect thing for us to do on Valentine's Day weekend." She slid closer to JJ in their booth, reached the far hand across her body and to JJ's hand that was between them, and her other hand rested on JJ's thigh.

"Am I allowed to know what all of this planning came up with?" Emily asked as their food arrived.

JJ pretended to consider it as she ate a bite of her dinner, "I guess." She smiled at Emily from the corner of her eye as she set her utensils down. "We have appointments at the spa at 7:30 and we have the room until 11," She told her.

"We're going to have time between dinner and the spa," Emily observed.

"That was part of the plan," JJ responded in a mischievous, matter-of-fact tone.

After their romantic dinner was finished, JJ led the way up to their room to spend the time until their spa appointments. It was amazing, furnished with a table, large couch, a cabinet with a large tv, sound system, and entertainment system, a king size bed, and fireplace, a small kitchen with a stone countertop separating it from the rest of the room and a silver refrigerator, the bathroom held a large marble bathtub. It was warm and comfortable and luxurious. Emily's eyes caught on the tray with two spoons sitting on the table. "Is that-" she started to ask.

"Molten chocolate cake with chocolate mascarpone frosting and sweet cream gelato?" JJ interjected. "Yes, it is. Come on," she picked up the tray in one hand and took Emily's hand in the other and led her over to the couch. Emily sat down, her back resting in the corner between the back and the arm of the couch. JJ pushed a button on one of the remotes, turning the fireplace on, and then joined her, fitting her back to Emily's front, her legs out straight along the back of the couch. Emily enveloped JJ in her arms, holding her close. And they ate their dessert together, in the glow of the fire. "Do you want to call and check on Rachel?" JJ asked. Emily nodded. "Ok, go ahead and do that, I'm going to put this out to be picked up while we're at the spa."

JJ set the tray outside the door and stayed in the entrance way, just watching Emily on the phone. She knew when Emily was talking about Rachel, her eyes lit up and her soul shined through with an aura of love, her smile was pure. JJ loved seeing her mothering side, but she felt like Emily had forgotten that she was more than just a mother, she was a woman too, and JJ missed that part of her lover.

"They haven't had any problems with Rachel," Emily told her as she stepped into her personal space. "They're getting ready to put her down for the night."

"So… Do you want to finish our night?" JJ asked.

As an answer Emily's teeth grazed her lower lip, she wrapped her arms around JJ, her fingers caressed the back of her neck, and tangled into her hair, pulling her into an intimate kiss.

"We have to go to our couple's massage," JJ told her breathlessly when they parted.

Emily was completely shameless while they were out of the room. Little sly smiles, her tongue tracing her lowers lip, gratuitous touches, JJ didn't think that their thirty minutes in the sauna could pass soon enough. It was just enough to keep JJ barely on the edge of worked up, just enough to keep her distracted. The massage was perfect. The tables were set up opposite of each other, so that they're upper bodies were close and they could hold hands, but the masseurs could still work efficiently around them. Emily sighed and JJ could feel the tension leaving her body and she smiled. That was exactly what she had wanted, Emily to relax and enjoy herself in the time that they had. JJ let herself start to drift under the relaxation of the massage, as the waves pulled her towards the soft, warm, nothingness of meditation she felt Emily's finger slide delicately along her promise ring. _I love you._ JJ's thumb traced over the back of Emily's hand._ I love you too._

After they finished their spa time they meandered back to their hotel room. "So," Emily leaned against the back side of the counter. "We've still got time, what now?"

"Well, that bathtub looked pretty nice," JJ suggested.

"Are we both going to be using it?" Emily asked expectantly.

"I was planning on it," JJ told her.

"Good," Emily smiled and headed into the bathroom. JJ couldn't help but watch the way her hips swayed.

JJ quickly changed her clothes and took an object from their bag before following after Emily. She paused in the doorway to the bathroom to admire the gorgeous being that is Emily Prentiss, standing before her with the dim lights shining on the heat and steam curled hair and warmly playing along the alabaster length of her back and legs. She took long strides, her bare feet almost completely silent on the heated tile floor, and melded with the sound of running water as the tub filled. She dropped the special item from the bag onto the counter, freeing up her hands. JJ slid her hand around her hip, to her front and up her taut stomach, and her other arm wrapped all the way around her waist, holding her close. JJ kissed a line along her shoulders.

"Why do you always seem to be so unfortunately overdressed at times like this?" Emily huskily chuckled.

"I wouldn't say it's unfortunate this time," she mumbled against the soft skin. "But I should really let you decide that."

"Oh, really?" Emily turned around in JJ's arms. She pushed lightly on JJ's hips, stepping back from the embrace. JJ was in her silky, sky blue robe, her blonder hair falling in uncontrolled waves and random curls. Emily slid her fingers under the robe's belt, laying along the curve of her hips, to where the knot held it closed; hiding what she wanted to see. With a slight tug the belt came loose and the edges fell open revealing a slim strip of skin and hints of pale pink lace, perfect complementation to her naturally tan complexion. Her hands glided under the silky fabric at JJ's waist, opening it further, following the curves of her body up to her shoulders. The blue satin fell around their feet.

JJ watched Emily's warm brown eyes shift to their darker shade as they started at her feet, traveled up her legs, pausing at her hips to and the translucent lace, across her toned stomach, over the swell of her chest being held tantalizingly in matching pale pink lace, and up to her face where their eyes met. She gasped as Emily's fingertips grazed up her sides and sent a shudder up her spine. Her hands settled on her upper back pulling her closer. Emily's breathing hitched when JJ's hands slid up her spine. And for a moment they just stayed like that. "So beautiful," she sighed. Their lips came together and they stilled as they just soaked in the feeling that their bodies had missed like a lost friend without them noticing. And they leaned into each other, their bodies flush together, as they deepened the kiss. JJ sighed through her nose when Emily's tongue skated over her lower lip, tracing the seam of her lips. Their mouths fell into their dance like they had never stopped doing it.

They stopped to breathe. JJ leaned back, picking up the forgotten item from the counter. Emily smiled seeing her hair brush in JJ's hand. "It's been a while," she sighed.

"Too long," JJ whispered. She led Emily to the now full bathtub.

"I think there's something that we should do first," Emily turned to face her. "You're still overdressed," she explained. "And, after all, half the fun of wearing these," she ran a finger down the curve of the delicate lacey cup, "is taking them off." JJ smirked and cocked her eyebrow expectantly. Emily's hands traveled along the pale pink material, teasing the skin at the edges. The clasp popped open and Emily's hands continued to her shoulders to guide the straps down her arm until the garment fell away. Emily's hands continued down the front of her body, making JJ's breath hitch as they traced through the valley of her breast. They met the top of the lace panties and the tips of her fingers slid under them and around to her hips. She hooked her thumbs into them and pulled them down. They landed at JJ's feet and she stepped out of them and into Emily's space.

Emily lowered her body into the water and JJ sat on edge behind her. The brush fell through her hair and her eyes fell closed with the sensation drifting along her body. It wasn't long before she pulled away. She reached behind her and took JJ's arm in her hand, pulling her into the water behind her. Emily let her head fall back against JJ's shoulder as her lover's arms held her close. She grinned when JJ's lips fell on her shoulder and left a line of random warm kisses along her skin. She tilted her head, giving JJ access to her neck and jaw. The first shudder ran through her body when JJ brushed her lips over the point where her shoulder met her neck and then left a long open-mouthed kiss. The trail continued slowly up her next, pausing to pay attention to the sensitive spots drawing breathy moans from her chest. As the kisses moved along her jaw, she reached her arm back and around JJ's head, her fingers tangling into her hair and connecting their lips insistently. Emily's lack of ability to touch JJ in this position quickly frustrated her. She managed to quickly flip them around so that JJ was straddling her lap, and captured her lips again.

Emily was kissing her own trail along JJ's skin, leaving her breathless and flushed. "We're not doing this here," she managed to get out before Emily's mouth made a line down her chest and added her hands to the mix, temporarily stealing her ability to speak. "The bed, more room," she gasped out. Emily nodded in agreement, and they got out of the tub, but almost immediately Emily had her up against the wall, kissing fervently, hands running along every inch of skin they could reach. Emily grabbed JJ under her thighs and lifted her up, pinning her against the wall again for leverage. JJ hooked her legs around Emily's back, her arms holding tight around her neck. Their lips never breaking the passionate connection. Emily adjusted her grip around JJ and stepped away from the wall, carrying her to the bed, where they fell tangled together and were quickly carried away in a haze of pleasure. Sighs and shudders passed between them. Heavy breathing and trembling muscles, gentle touches, building tension, hands grasping at flesh and sheets, gasps, and release into total oblivion, tangled together in the affectionate afterglow.

Emily and JJ came through the door and Morgan and Garcia met them in the kitchen. Rachel had been no problem at all, a complete angel. They thanked their friends and sent them home to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Before they went to their room for bed, they stopped in the nursery to see their daughter and say goodnight, even if she was asleep already; they needed to do it.

In bed, curled together, peacefully, Emily broke the relaxed silence. "Hey Jen," she said. JJ hummed against her shoulder in response. "Thank you for tonight, it was perfect, and you were right; we needed this."

JJ shifted and pressed a kiss to her lips, "You're welcome, Em." They shared another short kiss before settling down for the night again. "I love you."

"I love you too," Emily told her, holding her a little closer as they drifted into peaceful, content, sleep.


	59. Not Even

Emily wandered into their bedroom, where JJ was changing into a pair of pajamas, and crawled onto the bed. Her exhaustion almost to the point that she would consider sleeping in what she was wearing; dress pants, a button up shirt, and a blazer.

JJ slipped into bed behind her, pulling Emily's back tight against her front. "She go down ok?" she asked softly, noticing the tension throughout the body held against her own.

"Yeah," Emily told her. "Just like she always does." Like they hadn't been away from her for days, like there hadn't just been multiple, full days without seeing her, where they couldn't hold her, or nights when they didn't get to rock her to sleep and put her in her crib.

"Was it as bad as you thought it'd be?" JJ asked her.

"No," Emily scoffed. "It was worse," she whispered.

JJ sighed and pulled Emily to sit up at the edge of the bed. She moved to get Emily a pair of pajamas. Standing in front of her, she ran her fingers through the silky dark strands, pushing them back from her face and holding it there for a second and watching her. "You have sweet potatoes in your hair," she told Emily before her hands continued down to the buttons on her suit jacket, she slid them under the now open material and up to her silent and unnervingly compliant love's shoulders to lead it down her arms, and discarded it next to her on the bed.

Emily breathed out a short, dry chuckle, "Yeah, she's figured out eating from a spoon, but not so much the whole keeping the food in her mouth thing."

One by one, JJ popped the buttons of Emily's shirt loose and freed her of that as well. She leaned forward, her lips resting tenderly on her hairline as she reached around and unhooked the clasp and led the straps down her arms. JJ made quick work of the last of her clothes and then pulled her to her feet and into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and stripped out of her pajamas. She interlaced her fingers with Emily's and pensively rested her lips on her bare shoulder. It wasn't fair that the team was called away on Emily's first day back at work. At least when she had come back, she'd had time to adjust to the idea of being away from Rachel before she'd had to fly out on a case.

JJ stripped out of her pajamas and encouraged Emily to step into the shower. She managed to wash the sweet potato out of Emily's hair from her place outside of the shower without getting too wet. She turned the shower off and Emily stepped out of the shower. JJ wrapped her in a towel, gently drying her off and easing the last of the tension from her body. "You're so quiet," JJ observed softly. Emily sighed in response, letting JJ know that she would talk soon and they pulled away so JJ could redress.

"I don't know what to think," Emily admitted. "I haven't been this conflicted or confused since…" she trailed of searching for words.

"Since Levi and everything after that," JJ finished for her, walking them back to the bedroom.

"No, not even then," Emily told her, taking the sleep shirt when JJ offered it to her. "When I found out I was pregnant, I knew what my choice would be before I was ready to accept it. It was right, and I knew that, deep down, it was what I needed."

JJ handed Emily the rest of her clothing and when she was done, Emily perched on the edge of the bed and JJ sat at her feet, looking up at her. Emily brushed the back of her fingers along JJ's cheek and JJ gently took that hand and kissed the palm of it before letting her cheek rest against Emily's thigh.

"Even when Levi had me," Emily tucked JJ's hair behind her ear, resting her hand there on her head. "And he was telling me that if I didn't do what he wanted, he would let me go when he was done with me and he would go after you. And I would have to live knowing that everything he did to you was my fault, and if you survived I would see it every day and have to deal with it every day." She could feel JJ trembling against her leg. "I knew that I would do whatever he wanted me to, and I could take whatever he did to me because you were safe."

JJ wrapped an arm around her leg, feeling the familiar overwhelming guilt starting to claw at her chest as Emily's fingers continued to play tenderly through her hair. She blinked back her tears and pressed a lingering kiss to the side of Emily's knee.

"But how can I leave my daughter for days at a time, sometimes longer? How can we do that?" Emily asked.

JJ moved so that she was standing in front of her, Emily wrapped her arms around JJ, pulling her to stand between her legs, JJ's arms naturally went around Emily's shoulders, holding her head against her stomach. "Do you want to transfer to somewhere else in the Bureau or the Pentagon, with normal hours so you can be here with her?" JJ asked. She felt Emily take a deep pondering breath. "I'll support whatever you want, one hundred percent."

"What about everyone else? Hotch would understand, but the rest of the team…" she worried.

"They'd all understand, but they don't matter," JJ swore. "This is about you, and what you need to do." Emily was silent, clinging to her through her internal battle. "Can you walk away from what we do, Em? You love this job. Are you ready to leave the BAU, and the team?" JJ asked, knowing her real hesitation.

Emily sighed, pulling back too look JJ in the eye. "No," she told her. "But I shouldn't have to hire a former bodyguard as a nanny. I shouldn't have had to give her a file of mug shots of the people to look out for, or even have to have that file. I shouldn't have gone around and been updated about what the team is doing to keep us safe on my first day back at, or have replaced all the locks on the windows, or three different kinds of deadbolts on the front door, or double check the security system when we get home and when we go to bed, or go to work terrified that this is the day that they're going come back and one of you will disappear or they'll get me."

"Oh, sweetheart," her hands fell to frame Emily's cheeks. She used her thumb to wipe away an ornery tear. "Come here," she sat down next to her, pulling her into a warm comforting embrace. Emily's arms went around her and she fitted her head against JJ's shoulder and neck. "It's going to be ok," JJ whispered, pressing a kiss against the top of Emily's head as she felt a few more tears escape against her neck.

That had become something like a mantra to them. It's going to be ok. It's going to be alright. It won't be like this forever. It'll change. It'll get better. We can fix it. We will fix this. It'll be ok. It was a promise.

Emily calmed down, her grip around JJ loosened a little, and JJ flipped the lights off and lied them down and pulled the covers up around them. She wrapped her arm around Emily from behind again, her fingers splayed across her stomach and playing thoughtfully along the soft fabric. "We'll never let anything happen to her," she reminded her. Emily nodded and relaxed into JJ. "It gets easier," she assured her with a sigh and kissed the back of her neck.


	60. Amazing

"No, it's fine, Melissa," Emily said into her cellphone. "I understand, really, it's ok. I can send Garcia over to pick her up right away… Ok, thank you. Bye." She sighed, frustrated, running her free hand through her hair as she called Garcia.

"Hey," JJ stepped up next to her, running her hand soothingly along her shoulders. "What's going on?" The team had just finished a case, unsub caught, victims saved, families reunited, a happy ending tied up in a neat little bow. So it was puzzling for Emily to be stressing now.

"That was Melissa," Emily explained. "Something came up, a family emergency, and she needs someone to pick up Rachel right away." Her attention switched as her call was answered.

"Girl Wonder and Boy Genius speaking, what can we do for our favorite crime fighters?" Garcia asked.

"Hey, Garcia, I need you to go and pick up Rachel from Melissa's. She's got to head out of town tonight," Emily explained.

"No, can do, Sweet Cakes," Garcia said. "I don't know if you've looked outside today, but Mother Nature decided that Winter had one more kick in the pants for the state of New Hampshire. All flights are grounded until further notice, so I have to find lodgings for you to wait out the snow."

"Reid?" Emily ventured pleadingly.

"Me?" Reid squeaked. "No, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Please, there's no one else, Reid," she begged. "You can take JJ's car, the car seat is already there, and the keys are in my desk."

"Emily…" he tried to make an argument.

"I just need you to pick her up and bring her back to the office so that Garcia can take her until we get back," Emily told him. "She'll probably sleep through the entire car ride."

"Ok, fine," he conceded. "But you have to bring me coffee on Monday."

"Thank you," Emily sighed. "I'll call you later Garcia."

"I shall be waiting for your call," And with that Garcia disconnected the call.

"Reid's picking her up," Emily told JJ, already looking up the weather forecast. "And flights have been grounded because of this blizzard until tomorrow, so Garcia's taking her until we can get home."

"Reid?" JJ asked, surprised. Emily nodded. "Alright then, we'll see how that goes."

Reid pulled up to the gate at the end of the driveway, double checking that he had the right address before pushing the call button.

"Please state your business," a voice asked over the com system, very professional but slightly rushed tones of stress underlying it.

"I'm- uh- I'm here to pick of Rachel Prentiss," Reid answered.

"You're not Garcia," the voice came back with currents of accusation. "Ms. Prentiss told me that Garcia would be picking her up."

"No, I'm one of Emily and JJ's co-workers, Dr. Spencer Reid," he explained, taking notice of the camera set in the panel. "Garcia couldn't come so they explained that it was urgent and asked me to come get her."

"Alright, just one minute," she requested. He waited patiently because he understood that this kind of thing was exactly what Emily and JJ had hired her for. "Alright, I've got her ready for you, you can drive up."

The gate opened and Reid drove the rest of the way up the drive way to a modest house. He was a little surprised to see Melissa waiting for him, with Rachel and her bag, just inside the door. She wasn't quite what Reid had expected, not yet middle aged but approaching it, tall for a woman, not quite what he would describe a burly but her muscles were probably clearly defined under her worn jeans and pullover blouse and cardigan, with short curly blonde hair, just long enough that she could pull it back into a ponytail with the help of a handful of clips or bobby pins to keep it up and out of her face. By the time he had parked and came around to the other side of the car Rachel was already being passed into his arms.

"Do you need any help getting her into the seat?" Melissa asked, putting the bag in the backseat.

"No, I read the instructions and I've seen Emily and JJ do it," Reid informed her with an assuring air.

"Alright," she nodded. "Well, I hope that you don't mind that I don't hang around to talk," she motioned to her house. "I've kind of got a flight to catch."

"Yeah, no, of course," he told her, easing his scarf out of Rachel's hand as she pulled on it and emitted a playful giggle. "I should probably get back, before anyone starts to worry." They awkwardly parted ways, in typical Spencer Reid fashion, and he moved around to strap Rachel into the seat.

"Dr. Reid," Melissa called from the door.

"Yes?" he glanced up.

"If she gets fussy on the way, try talking to her," she told him and disappeared into the house.

He finished getting her strapped into the car seat, gave her one of her toys from the bag Melissa had given him. In the driver's seat, with his seatbelt buckled, he checked on Rachel in the mirror. She had the toy clutched in her hands, waving it in front of her, but she was looking around expectantly. He started the car and pulled out the driveway, but it was too quiet, it made him nervous. So he turned on the radio to his favorite classical station, remembering all the studies he'd read about the positive effects it has on brain development.

It didn't take long for Rachel to make it clear that she was not happy about something. Reid tried talking to her, telling her all the faulty logistics of various science fictions and the applications in today's society. And for a while it worked to keep her calm. But she started fussing again, and he was more than a little worried that he was going to have a full on melt down on his hands. He fumbled with his phone, starting to panic just a little bit, trying to mute the radio so that he could call Garcia and ask her what to do. In his multitasking scrambling he hit a preset dial on the radio and a deep voice accompanied by the twang of country music drifted through the car. And after a few seconds, Rachel calmed down a little bit. Reid turned the volume down and continued to talk to her until they made it back to the BAU.

"See," Garcia said lifting Rachel from Reid's arms when he walked into her office. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Did you know that she likes country music?" he asked.

"Well, yeah, that's what JJ listens to. She probably sings it to her all the time," she told him. "Watch her while I call and let Emily and JJ know that I've got her, so we can go home."

"Why do I need to watch her?" he curiously watched her put Rachel on the blanket she'd spread out on the floor.

"Just make sure she doesn't crawl away and get into the wires or anything," Garcia instructed as she started getting the playpen set up.

"She's crawling already?" he repeated with surprise.

"Yeah, she's crawling already," she told him with a laugh. "She's eight months old, Reid."

He watched Rachel, fascinated as she sat up and reached for one of her toys. Her hand fell short of the toy and ran along the blanket for a moment before she fisted her little hand into the fabric and pulled on it, tugging it up and towards her. She stopped, surprised that the blanket moved under her. She pulled on the blanket again, and looked between her hand and the blanket under her. "I guess I didn't realize how long it's been," he said as Rachel abandoned the blanket and reached for the toy. "Has she mastered object permanence yet?"

"What?" she asked with her phone up to her ear and gathering her things. "I don't know."

By the time she had gotten JJ and Emily on the phone, Reid was kneeling on the ground with Rachel, playing with her. "Hello, my ladies," Garcia greeted. "Is the hotel ok?"

"Yeah," JJ sighed. "Everyone's settled in. Emily's in the shower. Did everything go ok with Reid picking up Rachel?"

"Oh, yes," Garcia laughed, watching Reid interact with the baby girl, slipping further into an enthusiastic and childish inflection as he talked to her. "And I think our young Spencer has finally fallen in love with a girl?"

"Really?" JJ was clearly shocked. "He and Melissa hit it off?"

"Hold on," she said and quickly snapped a picture of the scene in front of her. "Check your messages."

"O-Okay," JJ told her curiously.

Garcia just waited. She smiled when JJ's laughing 'awww' came through the phone.

"What?" Emily asked, apparently out of the bathroom now.

"Come look at this picture Garcia just sent me," JJ called to her.

Emily knelt behind JJ, looking over her shoulder at the picture of Reid playing peek-a-boo with their daughter. "That is so cute!" she gushed.

"Anyway," Garcia started. "I'm just going to take her back to my place and I'll meet you here with her tomorrow, assuming the weather breaks by then."

"Right," JJ laughed dully. "It looks like it's letting up for now. We're scheduled to fly out tomorrow morning."

"Go get some sleep, my lovelies," Garcia ordered. "You both sound exhausted. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright, thanks Garcia," JJ said.

The next day, Emily called Garcia before they took off. Garcia told her that she was surprised Reid hadn't followed her home last night, just to stay with Rachel. Now, Garcia and Reid were in the bullpen waiting for the team to arrive from the air strip. Garcia was sitting in Reid's chair and Reid was sitting on floor with Rachel, he'd help her pull herself up onto her feet, her most recent trick, and was supporting her as she stood, wobbled, bounced, and danced around. Garcia just looked on amused as the resident genius made exaggerated faces and silly extremes in his voice. The rest of the team walked through the door, and Emily and JJ's faces lit up seeing their daughter and close friend waiting for them. When Reid spotted them, he settled Rachel onto his lap, and she turned her head to look up at him, reaching for his face and grasping his hand. Emily and JJ went straight for them, dropping their bags next to Emily's desk, everyone else right behind them.

"Look who it is," Reid said and Rachel reached out toward her parents. "Yeah," he started passing her up to Emily. "It's your Mama and Mommy."

"Mu-mmuh-" Everyone froze for a second, shocked by what had just occurred.

Rachel continued to reach for Emily, until she was scooped up by her laughing mother. "Yeah, that's right," she beamed; smiling at an equally excited JJ that had gotten wet eyes at the huge moment that had just happened and had been engulfed by Garcia. "Mama and Mommy."

"That's amazing," Reid observed. "She's cognitively advanced for her age."

"You better watch you're back, kid," Morgan teased. "You never know, she might give you a run for your money someday."

Hugs and congratulations were passed around. Emily and JJ shared a sweet kiss. And everyone gathered their things, parting ways to go home and enjoy some much deserved rest. Reid followed Emily and JJ out, telling them all of the things he'd observed about her development and personality. When they'd gotten Rachel buckled into her car seat she reached for Reid.

"Wave buh-bye to Uncle Spence," JJ told her. And the baby girl reached her arm out towards her new friend, waving it up and down, and curling and extending her fingers.

Reid smiled and waved back, "Bye, Rachel."

* * *

><p><strong>You guys, I am so excited!<strong>


	61. Forever

**This is what I was so excited about.  
>I hope I did this justice. I've been planning and thinking about this chapter forever. I hope you guys like it.<strong>

* * *

><p>Emily leaned back in her chair, stretching her arms over her head. She could feel Morgan's eyes on her as her eyes settled on JJ's office and her lips fell into a smile.<p>

"What's got you grinning like the cat that got the canary?" he asked.

She linked her fingers behind her head, turning her chair to face him, extending her legs and crossing her ankles. "I'm just planning a date for next week."

"Planning on it going that well?" he asked. She just cocked an eyebrow at him and gave him her saucy, crooked grin. "Are you going to have Garcia take Rachel overnight?"

"Maybe, or Reid," Emily mused. "It might be a good idea to have the night to ourselves."

"Hey, what about me?" Morgan asked.

Emily rolled her eyes and sat up, "We both know that if we ask Garcia to take her overnight, she'll recruit you to help and Reid will be there too, and if we ask Reid, Garcia will be there too and she'll recruit you to go with her."

"You could still have my name on the list," Morgan grouched.

Emily smiled, "Don't worry, she still loves her Uncle Derek." She pushed her chair back from her desk.

"Where are you going?" He asked as she walked away.

"I am going," she turned around leaning against the railing at the bottom of the stairs. "To take Jennifer Jareau to lunch and ask her on a date." As she took off, hurrying up the stairs, Morgan just shook his head. "Hey beautiful," she greeted, leaning on the door frame.

"Hey you," JJ replied happily. "What are you doing up here?"

"Oh, I just thought that I'd take my fabulous girlfriend out to lunch," Emily said crossing the room and pulling JJ to her feet.

"Oh, you did, did you?" JJ asked leaning into Emily, who nodded. "Let's go then," JJ took her hand.

They bypassed the usual diner for a nice little bistro. "So," Emily started as the waiter walked away with their order. "We have next week off."

"Yes, we do," JJ confirmed.

"I thought that we should have a date night," Emily said.

"And, would it be safe for me to assume that you have something in mind already?" JJ asked with a smile.

"I got a call from Monica, at the dance studio," Emily explained. "She and her husband are starting another lesson cycle and would like to know if we'd like to join up again, same deal as last time we pay per class and lesson, not for term."

"We should, I miss it," JJ said eagerly. "I mean, if you want to."

Emily smiled, "I want whatever will make you happy." JJ smiled shyly. "Monica wants us to come in for a private session, to decide what level to put us in and I thought that we could make a real date out of it, dress up, dinner, dancing, a stroll downtown, dessert and a glass of wine or two at home, and the whole night to ourselves."

"Who are we getting to watch Rachel?" JJ was clearly sold on the idea already.

"I was thinking Garcia," Emily said. "I mean, really Morgan, Reid, and Garcia will watch her, but at Garcia's place."

"When?" JJ asked.

"Monday," Emily told her.

"Ok," JJ smiled. "That's two days to plan what I'm going to wear."

Two days, two normal days both seemed to drag by for Emily and JJ. The whole team was excited for their break. But none of them had specific plans, other than babysitting for them, of course. But Emily and JJ had something specific to look forward to. Emily had made reservations at a fantastic restaurant with perfect reviews from the best critics in the city. The plan was for Garcia to pick Rachel up, and they would take a cab to the city and home. Plenty of time for walking in a garden in the warm June evening, or coffee on the patio of a coffee shop, or window shopping, or swimming in their buildings pool, anything they wanted. They couldn't wait.

Both Emily and JJ were sitting on the living room floor with Rachel. Their daughter, at nine months old, had mastered pulling herself to her feet with the help of an object; she could even stand unsupported for a few seconds. They would sit on the floor with her and let her hold herself up by her grasp on their hands and encourage her to take steps, or support herself with the comfort of knowing that they were there. A knock on the door pulled the small family from the laughter brought by the bouncing dance Rachel was doing as Emily helped her stay standing.

JJ gasped excitedly, getting to her feet. "You're Aunty Penelope is here!"

"You're going to have so much fun tonight," Emily got up off the ground, scooping Rachel into her arms. "With your Uncle Spence and Uncle Derek-"

"And don't forget your Fairy Godmother!" Garcia gushed, lifting Rachel into her arms when Rachel reached for her.

"Thanks again for taking her tonight," JJ said and passed Rachel's bag to Garcia.

"Of course," Garcia assured them. "It's my pleasure. And you two need time to yourself every once in a while to do whatever you please with."

"What would we do without you?" JJ asked teasingly.

"Probably spiral into insanity," Garcia told them.

"Not that we want to get rid of you or anything," Emily said, "but you should probably go before she loses interest in the fact that you're here. She's got some separation anxiety," Emily told her.

"Right, go get ready and have a good time," she said, heading for the door.

JJ and Emily both kissed Rachel on the cheek before Garcia stepped out the door. "Thank the boys for us too," Emily instructed as she pushed the door closed behind them.

"So," JJ leaned against the door. "Shower?"

"Did you want first turn?" Emily asked.

"It'll go faster if we just shower together," JJ said softly.

"Oh really?" Emily asked. JJ just raised her eyebrows invitingly and took off towards the stairs. "Hey, if you want to shower with me, you've got to wait for me!" Emily laughed, running up the stairs behind her.

"I'm not sure that showering together is actually faster," Emily laughed, toweling excessive water from her hair. "But I will never get tired of it."

"Mmmhmmm," JJ hummed, wrapping her hair in a towel and pulling her robe closed. "Right, wet and naked with my gorgeous girlfriend, I don't know why I'd enjoy that so much," she drawled over her shoulder as she sauntered into the bedroom.

Emily laughed pulling out her blow-dryer and curling iron. After a quick once over with the hair dryer, just to get it mostly dry and workable, she wandered into the other room and found JJ in the closet, staring and flipping aimlessly.

"I don't know what to wear," JJ sighed. "It's our first real night out in a long time, I'm actually nervous. I just want it to be perfect."

Emily came up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist, looking over her shoulder at JJ's clothes lining the closet. "I know," she said distractedly. Her deep pensiveness broke suddenly and she leaned forward, up on her tip-toes, and kissed JJ's cheek. She reached around, taking hold of a hanger. "Wear this one. I love you in this." Emily grabbed her dress and disappeared into the bathroom.

She emerged from the bathroom, almost ready to go, in a knee length, full sleeve sheath dress. It was metallic, emerald green lace with a contrasting deep, dark brown; almost black, sleeveless, under-layer, and a flattering deep swooping neck line, leaving just a layer of lace covering her arms and a good portion of her back. Her hair was loose in perfect, natural, open curls. She'd done her makeup with smoky black eyeshadow, hinted with green, and red lipstick.

"I don't think I tell you how beautiful you are enough," Emily said as she laid eyes on JJ dressed up for her in a Latin influenced, figure hugging, tea-length, soft coral dress, with a flow-y square skirt hem, and sheer, fluttering, short sleeves and her navy blue, knit lace, sling-back, peep toe, pumps. Her eyes highlighted with shimmering dark blue eyeshadow and lined in silvery periwinkle, her lips popping with a vibrant pinkish rose color. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a classy ponytail, with slight volume to the top. "It's not just when you dress up to the nines, or when you're in lingerie, or dressed for work. You're beautiful in your worn out sweatpants and your favorite t-shirt from college, when you get home from work and put on mismatched pajamas. You are breath taking when you first wake up in the morning, when you get out of the shower, and when you come back from a run, always, you are always stunning."

"Em," JJ whispered, smiling, and blushing.

Emily gently cupped JJ's face in her hands and brushed a simple kiss across her lips. "Shoes?"

JJ looked thoughtfully at Emily for a moment. "Wear your strappy black leather heels, the ones with the thick strips. They'll keep you a few inches taller than me."

"I still can't believe you managed to get reservations at The Lafayette," JJ said in the cab, running her thumb along the back of Emily's hand.

"For all the problems that come with the Prentiss name, it does have its advantages," she smirked. "And while we've got the time, we get the best that my name can get."

"I'm glad that some good comes of being your parent's child," JJ laughed lightly. Their eyes caught, smiling gently, hands connected, and sitting close so that their knees almost brushed.

The cab pulled to a stop. "Come on," Emily paid the driver and climbed out, offering JJ her hand to help her out. She then escorted JJ into the restaurant. At the table, she pulled out JJ's chair for her and then pushed it up to the table before taking her own seat.

"This is amazing," JJ announced.

"You are amazing," Emily just smiled at her, holding eye contact.

"God," she reached across the small table and held Emily's had. "I love you so much."

The waiter arrived with their meals, interrupting Emily's response before she'd started it. Emily smiled, taking a sip of her water, not breaking eye contact with JJ. They ate dinner and made easy conversation.

"Can you believe that Rachel is almost a year old already?" JJ asked.

"It's crazy how fast it went by," Emily sighed. "It's probably not the first time we'll be saying that."

"Do you think Garcia's going to want a party?" JJ asked.

Emily laughed, "If we don't throw one, she will." JJ nodded her amused agreement. "No one's going to listen if we tell them no presents."

"Nope," JJ assented. "They've probably already ordered or thought about what they're going to give her. Garcia's probably got at least one present for her already."

"What are we going to do with all of the stuff that she's growing out of?" Emily asked still laughing easily. "I guess we can donate some of it to women's shelters or something."

"We can send my mom some of Rachel's old clothes," JJ suggested. "She can make them into a blanket."

"Yeah?" Emily asked.

"It'd be a good keepsake," JJ told her. "She made one with my baby stuff. She still has it and can tell all kinds of stories from the different fabrics. She embroidered my name and birthday in the corner."

"That sounds perfect," Emily told her. "We'll go through her old things and get them sent out to your mom after you talk to her. We can donate anything else," she paused, studying JJ for a minute. "Unless you think that there's a reason to hang onto it," she suggested.

"I hadn't ruled out the possibility of having a use for them again, at some point in the future," JJ admitted.

"Ok, we'll keep it all in storage," Emily told her, smiling reassuringly.

"No, we should donate some of it," JJ said. "We really do have too much."

"Alright," Emily agreed. "Come on," she moved around to the other side of the table and pulled out JJ's chair. "Let's get over to the dance studio," she offered JJ her hand to stand up, and walked out with her.

"This weather is so nice," JJ mentioned off hand.

Emily steered them to a path that wandered between a few ponds in a small park along their way. There were fully leafed trees reaching to the dimming sky being tinged with sunset pink and orange along the horizon. The still water in the ponds reflected the flowers of the trees, pale and bright against the dark glass like liquid. Flowery fragrance of the early summer plants surrounded them. As they arrived at the dance studio, the first stars were just starting to peak out.

"It doesn't look like they're here," JJ pointed to the dormant lights above the door to the studio as the approached the windowless suite of the building.

"It's not like them to forget an appointment," Emily said curiously, examining the lights and door. "They probably just didn't turn the lights on because it's just supposed to be us." She tried the door and it was unlocked. "See?" Emily opened the door, standing back to let JJ into the hallway outside the studio.

JJ walked to the door to the dance studio and Emily hung back, making sure the front door was shut. JJ opened to door and looked surprised at the room in front of her. She looked over her shoulder to see Emily with a smug grin on her face.

Emily slipped past JJ and turned around, taking both of JJ's hands in her own and walked backwards, leading JJ into the middle of the room.

"Emily," she turned slowly taking it all in. Quiet instrumental music drifted through the sound system. The entire studio was lit with yellow lights, hung from the ceiling, along the walls, in three wine bottles serving as a centerpiece on the small round table set to the side of the dance floor and bunches of pink roses around the room in large vases and small arrangements tied together with ribbon hanging along the walls. The table had two black chairs and was covered with a soft cream tablecloth and had a small cracked-glass vase with a handful of pale pink, long-stemmed roses. There was a small dark red plate with a gold branching pattern, holding a half-dozen chocolates, two wine glasses, and a bottle of wine in a gold colored ice bucket. She faced Emily again, a shocked smile along her lips. "How?"

"I asked nicely," Emily said softly.

"Where is Monica?" JJ asked.

"Well," Emily explained. "She did ask us to come in to see what level class we should be in. I offered my suggestion on what class we should be in, she agreed, and I presented another possible use for the studio tonight." She led her over to the table, picked up one of the chocolates, and offered it to JJ to take a bite from.

JJ bit into the truffle and took what was left over from Emily's fingers. Her brow furrowed in thought, "Are these the same chocolates from…?"

"Our first date," Emily nodded. "Remember, I told you that when I could drink again we would have these with a perfect red wine?" Emily pulled the bottle out of the ice bucket and held it out for JJ to see.

"A 2007 Chateau Paul Mas Clos der Murs," JJ read, smiling gently up at Emily. "This is the bottle your mother gave you?" Emily nodded, opening the bottle and pouring the deep red liquid into the two glasses. "You've been saving this idea for a while."

"I've been planning this for a while," Emily told her, passing a glass to her. She held onto the glass when JJ wrapped her hand around it and pulled her in for a kiss. They sat at the table for a while, eating the chocolates and sipping their wine. "I believe that I promised you dancing tonight," Emily said, again offering JJ her hand.

JJ smiled, taking Emily's hand. "We are in a dance studio, on a dance floor, after all. It would be a shame not to dance, wouldn't it?"

Emily smiled, and her heart fluttered excitedly. She let go of JJ's hand and went to the sound system, setting her iPod to a playlist. They danced around the room to fast songs and slow songs, laughing a goofing off, held tight against each other as they swayed back and forth, all business with steps and turns and dips, whatever they felt like doing at the time. Everything by Michel Buble came on and JJ's smiling laugh sent butterflies through Emily's stomach. Emily led them in a spinning, turning, fun dance and JJ giggled brightly the entire time. She whispered the last chorus in JJ's ear, slowing their dance down. "Because you're my everything," she laughed softly as JJ looped her arms around her neck.

The next song that came on was Zac Brown Band's, Whatever It Is. "I love this song," JJ smiled. She stepped closer, and laid her head on Emily's shoulder. As the music led into the bridge she raised her head to be face-to-face with Emily. They're eyes met through the chorus. 'Every time I try to tell her how I feel it comes out, I love you,' JJ mouthed along.

'I do,' Emily mouthed the next line in a matter-of-fact way.

JJ chuckled and started a kiss that lasted until the song ended. The next song started and there was no mouthing the lyrics of giggling. JJ dropped her forehead against Emily's and their eyes locked together as the lyrics to God Gave Me You sank into their souls and filled their hearts. JJ's hands let loose from around Emily's neck and came around to cup her face. Emily's eyes fell closed. JJ brought her lips reverently to rest against Emily's and her eyes closed too.

The acoustic guitar opening started and Emily's heart jumped into her throat. She straightened up and pressed her lips lingeringly on JJ's hairline at her forehead. Pat Monahan's voice sang the lyrics of the Train song. 'Forever could never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you.' The chorus played 'Marry me, today and every day. Marry me.' and JJ pulled back, looking at her with wide, questioning eyes. Emily swallowed thickly.

"Emily…?" JJ asked slowly.

Emily stepped away, pulling something from the top of the sound system. "I-uh- I kind of missed the first date and first 'I love you' anniversaries," she said, slowly walking back to where JJ was standing, still watching her with those huge blue eyes. She reached out and took JJ's right hand, brought it up and kissed the promise ring. "But it was a year ago today that I gave you this, and it was a promise. I promised you that I loved you no matter what. Now, I'm ready to make another promise. I want to promise forever." She dropped to one knee, presenting the perfect ring that she had spent months looking for. The white gold ring with three sparkling round diamonds at the center and smaller round diamonds set into the top half of the band, and where the detail of the settings met, on the side of the band, a tiny marquise cut diamond was set into the metal. "I told you, Jen, you're it for me." Emily looked up and into JJ's misting up eyes, took hold of her left hand. "Jennifer Jareau, will you marry me?"

JJ nodded. "Yes, I'll marry you," she laughed tearily. "Yes," she repeat and Emily slipped the ring onto her finger. JJ grabbed onto Emily's arms, encouraging her to stand up. She took her face in her hands and kissed her. It was passionate, and insistent, and patient, and demanding, and giving, it was like tangible, pure love.

They parted and JJ tucked Emily's hair behind her ears. Emily's hands came up and cupped her jaw. The next song started and they kissed softly. The song was Endless Love, their song. Emily wrapped JJ's left hand in her right and slipped her other arm around JJ's waist. JJ's other hand came to rest in the middle of Emily back. Their held hands fell against Emily chest. JJ's forehead rested against Emily's temple, her nose just below the strong curve of her cheek bone. "I love you," she whispered and kissed Emily's cheek.

Emily pulled back and pressed their lips together, "I love you too." They finished the dance, cheek to cheek. Emily broke the embrace and led JJ back to the little table and poured another glass of wine for both of them. JJ's eyes lingered on her hand as she handed her the glass.

JJ set the glass of wine down and took Emily's from her, also placing it on the table. She reached out and took Emily's right hand and pulled the promise ring from her finger. She brought Emily's left hand across the table and slid the ring onto her finger. "Just until I get you a real one," she explained.

Emily smiled and picked up her glass. "To forever," she toasted. JJ joined her and they drank to their endless love.

They finished the bottle and JJ was leaning her head against Emily's shoulder. Emily's fingertips ran along JJ's knee and she sighed. JJ kissed her neck softly. Emily captured her lips in a heated kiss. JJ deepened it. Hands tangled into hair and slid to grasp a hip, around to the back to pull them closer together.

"Are you ready to go home," Emily mumbled against JJ's lips.

JJ smirked as Emily's mouth moved to her jaw. "I thought we were going to get coffee."

"I'll get you coffee tomorrow morning," Emily promised, feeling JJ shiver as her breath tickled her neck.

"Are you in some kind of a hurry to get home?" JJ teased, running her fingernails along Emily's exposed leg.

Emily looked JJ in the eye. "I was kind of hoping to take my fiancé to bed." She caught JJ's lips again and led her to her feet, and out to the street.

The cab ride back to their place was comfortably silent, they would occasionally catch the others eyes and just smile. The door closed behind Emily and they came together, their lips meeting in another gentle kiss. They crawled into their bed even though they were wide awake and had little intention of sleeping at the moment. Eventually, exhausted, relaxed, and happy their eyes drifted closed as they laid wrapped together wearing nothing but the rings on their left hand.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh my god, you guys. Seriously... I got emotional writing this because I was listening to the songs too.<br>Well, it only took 60 chapters to get to this.**


	62. Happy for You

Sunlight filtered through the window, warming JJ's back and the side of her face as it slowly drew her out of sleep. She sighed, realizing the position she was in; laying on her stomach, her head resting on Emily's chest, her left arm across Emily's waist, and their legs twined together under the rumpled sheet and the comforter in disheveled disarray at the foot of the bed. She kissed Emily's shoulder and propped her head up on her right arm, running mindless patterns up and down Emily's arm, gradually across her shoulder and collar bone, and down her sternum, to her stomach.

Emily hummed, her back arching slightly as she stretched without dislodging JJ from around her. "Morning, babe," she mumbled.

"Good morning yourself," JJ smiled down at her, brushing her hair out of her face.

Emily took JJ's hand, holding it in front of her face. She felt JJ lay her head on her chest again. The late morning light that was warming the room played along the diamonds and white gold of the ring, making the diamonds shine and the metal gleam. She smiled brightly, running a fingertip over the knuckle just beyond the ring, as JJ crawled up and kissed her cheek.

"Who knows?" JJ asked softly.

"Your parents know that I was planning on proposing," she grinned. "I asked for their permission the first time they came to see Rachel." JJ's face was a humorous mixture of surprise, curiosity, and happiness. "I'm a bit of a traditionalist," she admitted. "And I suppose my mother wouldn't be entirely surprised to hear that I did?"

"The Ambassador?" JJ was definitely shocked to hear that.

"I didn't really tell her that I was going to, or anything," she explained. "But when we had lunch with her, while I was still pregnant, and I sent you out to the car and had it out with her and the next day she apologized-"

"Right after you met my family," JJ nodded.

"She was going off at me and asked what I thought I was going to do, marry you. And I said that I'd thought about it," Emily finished.

"None of our friends know?" JJ asked.

"Nope," Emily told her. "Well, at least, I didn't tell any of them."

JJ's cellphone going off broke their quiet conversation. JJ rolled over, looking for her phone and then realized that it was in her purse, on the chair in the corner of the room. She wiggled away from Emily and leapt from under the sheet.

"Hello?" JJ answered. She grinned feeling Emily's gaze traveling over body.

"Where are you guys? Are you ok?" Garcia asked hurriedly. "You were supposed to pick Rachel up ten minutes ago, I was really worried."

"What?" She crossed the room quickly, nabbing her watch off the dresser. "I'm so sorry, Garcia. We didn't realize how late it is already."

"You're not even out of bed yet are you?" The smirk on Garcia's face was clear in her voice.

"We'll be right there," JJ promised.

"Good night, huh?" Garcia teased.

Emily sidled up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist. "What about coffee?"

"You can stop for coffee on the way here, and then tell me about your good night," Garcia ordered.

"Half-caff, extra shot, venti, two pump, non-fat, hold the whip, caramel macchiato?" JJ asked.

"Uh-huh," Garcia answered. "And the boys."

"We'll be there in thirty minutes," JJ promised.

"I look forward to it," Garcia sing-songed and hung up.

"I'll drive so you can call your parents," Emily offered.

When they climbed into the car, JJ pulled out her phone. "Speaker?"

"If you want," Emily told her.

JJ made the call and put it on speaker. Sandy answered the phone. "Hey mom, is dad there?"

"Yeah, he's right here," she told her.

"Can you put me on speaker?" she asked.

"Sure, what's going on?" her mother was good naturedly worried.

"Are you both there?" JJ checked.

"Yeah," Tom answered. "What's going on, Pumpkin?"

"Daddy, Mom," the smile broke out on her face. "Emily proposed last night, we're getting married!"

"Jenny! That's so great!" Sandy exclaimed. "Congratulations, to both of you. Let her know I'm thrilled!"

"I'm here too, guys," Emily announced.

"It took you long enough," Tom teased. "You asked us if you could almost a year ago."

"I had to find the perfect ring," she defended.

"And she did find the perfect ring," JJ told them. "It's gorgeous, I'll send you a picture later."

"Eight months for a ring, I'd hope it's perfect," Sandy said.

"I'd had to wait for the perfect time," Emily explained. "I just wanted to do it right. She deserved an unforgettable night."

"How'd she do with her remarkable proposal, Pumpkin?" Tom asked. "Did she give you a night to remember?"

"Yeah," JJ smile at Emily. "She did." And she told them all about the proposal.

She'd managed to tell the story by the time they got to the coffee shop around the block from Garcia's apartment. "Hey, Em," JJ said as they waited for their orders. "It wouldn't have mattered how you asked me, you know. It would have been unforgettable no matter what because the love of my life proposed to me."

"I know, Jen," she started slowly. "But you," she grasped her hand and leaned into her personal space. "You, Jennifer Jareau, you deserve more than done right, and unforgettable. You deserve perfect."

"You still don't see it, do you?" JJ smiled at her again, slipping her hands onto Emily's hips and hooking her fingers into the belt loops. "Any proposal from you would have been perfect, and remarkable, and unforgettable; everything I could want and need. It could have been frozen pizza and cheap wine, or beer, in old worn out sweat pants and your old Yale t-shirt, doing laundry and the dishes, with Rachel in her playpen screaming, you could have not even had a ring, and it would have been perfect because it was you." She tugged and pulled Emily against her, "That's all I need, Em. It's you."

Emily smiled diffidently and stole a modest kiss as their order came up. "Come on," she picked up the tray of coffees and took JJ's hand. "Let's go see Garcia."

With coffee in hand, they knocked on their friend's door. "Garcia, we are so sorry," Emily insisted when the door was opened. Both of their brows furrowed as they could see Morgan and Reid coming out of the bedroom with Rachel.

"It's ok, I don't mind looking after my precious niece," Garcia told them, stepping back to let them in. "We were just worried when you guys didn't show up and we hadn't heard from you. Have you guys had breakfast yet? Morgan made pancakes and eggs. He does this thing where he makes them like he's going to make and omelet, like with vegetables and cheese in them, but then he scrambles them and it is delicious. And he puts just a little bit of syrup in the batter for the pancakes," she rambled, leading them to the kitchen.

Emily went to the boys and picked up Rachel, kissing her cheek as she hugged her. "Hey, baby girl, did you have fun last night?" She kept an eye on JJ and Garcia and they made up two plates of food. "Now, let me get this straight, Morgan. You're an FBI agent, according to Garcia you have the body of a sculpted chocolate god, you're good with your hands," at the smug grin on his face at the double entendre, she added, "supposedly," then continued, "you're useful around the house, you're a dog lover, you clean, and you cook?" He nodded acquiescently. "How have you not been snatched up by a woman yet?"

"What can I say?" he shrugged. "Mama raised her baby boy right. I'm just waiting on the right woman."

In the kitchen, as Garcia and JJ were putting some fruit on the plates, Garcia asked, "What'd you do on your date last night?"

JJ kept her eyes on her task, smiling, as she thought about how she was going to break the news here. "We went out to dinner at the Lafayette, and then we went for a walk through the park as the sun was just starting to set."

"Sounds romantic," Garcia interrupted briefly.

JJ nodded. "And then she had set it up that we had the dance studio to ourselves, and it was decorated with pale pink roses and romantic lighting. And she had the chocolates from our first date and the perfect red wine to go with them, just like she'd promised. We had the chocolates and wine and we danced, and then she proposed. We headed home not long after that to finish the night off. And then we lounged in bed until you called."

Garcia sighed happily, "Dinner, chocolate, wine, dancing." JJ watched her, waiting for it to sink in. "You are so… Wait. Proposed?" JJ held up her left hand. "JJ, Oh my god!" she squeal taking JJ's hand to examine the ring.

"What's going on over there?" Reid asked.

Emily smirked, putting Rachel into her playpen. "JJ probably just told Garcia that I proposed to her last night."

"What?" Reid deadpanned, smiling as he looked on in elated surprise.

"No way," Morgan laughed and pulled her into a hug. "Way to go, Princess."

The other two girls hurried over to the rest of them. "We're engaged!"

"JJ," Reid stood up to hug her. "That's great!"

"Girl, let me see your ring," Morgan demanded, reaching for JJ's hand as Garcia wrapped Emily in a hug. He whistled, impressed. "Princess, this ring is stunning." He smiled up at the joyful blonde whose hand he was holding. "Just like the one wearing it." He hugged JJ too, "Congratulations, you two."

Garcia let go of Emily and JJ went over to her, wrapping her arms around Emily's waist and letting her head fall onto her shoulder. Both of them just couldn't stop smiling.

"Have you told Hotch and Rossi yet?" Reid asked.

"No," she moved to pick Rachel up when she started to protest being left out. And Garcia went to get the two plates of food they'd forgotten about. "Just my parents and you guys, so far."

"You've got to tell them," Garcia insisted as she bustled back and set the plates down in front of them. "We've got to have everyone on the same page before we can start planning! There's so much work to do!" As Garcia ranted on, Emily and JJ shared subtle glances and amused grins as they ate. They had barely settled back into their seats from putting their now empty plates in the sinks when Garcia told them, "Ok, now call our fearless leaders and fill them in."

"Do you want Hotch or Rossi?" Emily asked.

"I'll call Hotch," JJ told her as they both pulled out their phones.

Emily smiled at the gruff response of, "You had better have a good reason to be calling me during our time off, Prentiss."

"Oh, I do," she told him. "I've got some news for you."

"Hotchner," always the professional, Hotch answered JJ's call.

"Hey, Hotch, it's JJ," she announced.

"Did a case come up?" he asked.

"No, no. We're still off work," she told him. "I've just have something to tell you."

"Well, spit it out, Emily," Rossi joked. "I'd like to go back to my break."

"Emily proposed to me last night, we're engaged," JJ couldn't have stopped the excitement and happiness in her voice if she'd tried.

Emile's face lit up, "I proposed to JJ last night."

"She said yes?" he asked.

"Yeah," her voice glowed with unadulterated love. "She did."

"Congratulations," Hotch said. "Let Emily know that I'm thrilled for both of you."

"I was wondering when you were going to pop the question," Rossi told her. "And I think that this calls for a celebration."

"Thanks, I'll let her know," JJ told him, but Emily caught her attention motioning for her to wait before disconnecting the call. "Hold on, Emily's on the phone with Rossi. I think she has a question."

"Do any of you have plans tonight?" Emily asked. "Dave is offering his place for a little celebration."

Rossi knew how to throw a little get together; at just the right time that Rachel would be napping, cooking his Italian masterpieces with some help from the team every now and then as Emily and JJ told them all about the proposal, with occasional interruptions for commentary from their friends. JJ told them about the ways that Emily made her feel special, telling her that she was always beautiful, being very polite, the sunset walk through the park just because she wanted to, going out of her way to make sure she knew that she was loved. Emily told them about how nervous she was the entire time, the way her knees went weak every time they made eye contact, the way her heart would beat in her chest every time she smiled, and she got butterflies when JJ would hold her hand or lean against her. JJ explained the incredible set up and decorations and the meanings behind each part, the flowers, the chocolates, and the wine. Emily explained that the only thing she could think of was how much she loved this woman and that she wanted to give her the world and nothing less. JJ told them about dancing to those three songs, thinking about the way she could never want anything more than what she had right in front of her. Emily told them about the way she just wanted them to get to that moment.

"Wait!" Garcia interrupted. "Show us."

JJ and Emily looked at her apprehensively.

"Come on, give us a reenactment," she begged. Everyone else agreed in the high spirits of the little get together party. And after some good natured begging and persuading, Emily and JJ gave in. JJ stepped in close to Emily and laced her fingers at the back of her neck as Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's waist, and their forehead's fell together. "You two are so cute," Garcia gushed.

"And as she realized what was going on she looked at me," Emily said and JJ looked into her eyes, but this time there was no question in those blue oceans, only joy.

"And she stepped away and took my right hand and she kissed my promise ring," JJ said and Emily did what JJ was narrating. "She told me that she gave me the promise ring a year ago, and that it was a promise-"

"That I'd love you, no matter what," Emily took over. "Now, I'm ready to make another promise. I want to promise forever."

JJ smiled brightly, "Then she got down on one knee and was holding the perfect ring up to me." She watched as Emily knelt in front of her again. "And she said, 'Jennifer Jareau, will you marry me?'"

"And she said yes," Emily smiled up at her.

"Who knew, Princess was so old fashion?" Morgan laughed.

Emily stood up and turned to face the team, JJ wrapped her arms around her middle and pulled Emily's back against her front as she leaned back against the counter. "If treating my fiancé like the gorgeous lady that she is makes me old fashion, then so be it," she confidently announced. She felt JJ smiling against her cheek.

"Fiancé," Rossi grinned, popping open a bottle of champagne. "You must like hearing that."

JJ grinned, leaning around to look at Emily. "I love hearing it."

With the glasses passed out, Rossi raised his, "To this beautiful stage of love in your life together," he toasted.

Everyone smiled and raised their glasses as Emily and JJ looked lovingly at each other and shared a short kiss before joining their friends in the toast.

As everyone fell back into the general conversation, Garcia came over to them. "So you guys have told everyone?"

"Yeah, I think so," JJ looked at Emily for confirmation. "You guys, my parents, my brother and his family, a couple of other friends, there aren't really a lot of people to tell."

"What kind of a wedding are you guys thinking? Big? Small? I need to know so that we can start planning." Garcia excitedly went on.

"Garcia, I don't know." JJ said slowly. "We might just do it at the courthouse ceremony. It'd be so much easier."

Before Garcia's face could fall Emily interrupted. "Jen, we don't have to do this the minimalistic way because it's convenient. You can have the fairytale if you want it, the ceremony, the reception, flowers, your dad walking you down the aisle to me in your wedding dress, all of it."

"I think I like that idea," JJ smiled at her.

"Dinner's almost ready," Hotch announced.

"I'm going to wash up and check on Rachel," Emily excused herself. She glanced carefully down the hallway and slipped into a small office across from the bathroom, and closed the door behind her. She perched on the edge of the chair near the door, supporting herself by her elbows on her knees, shoulders tense, and her shaking hands cradling her phone in front of her. She shook her head, letting out a calling breath and making a call. "Hello, Mom," she said when the Ambassador answered.

"Emily," she greeted her enthusiastically. "It's been a while."

"I know," Emily apologized. "Work's been busy, but we're off for a couple of days now."

"Well, that's good. How is Rachel?" she asked, following the pattern that their sporadic phone calls always took.

"She's good," Emily told her. "Completely healthy, and our pediatrician says she's a little ahead of the curve developmentally."

"Of course she is, she's your daughter after all," the Ambassador told her.

"Mom, I didn't call to just catch up," Emily interrupted before the Ambassador could go on. "Could you get Dad to talk to me?" she requested. "Please," she added for good measure. "I have something important to tell you both."

"What is it, Emily?" she asked curiously.

Emily hesitated, steeling herself for whatever may come from this. "Jen and I are getting married, I proposed to her last night," she said confidently. The Ambassador was silent for a long time. "Are you still there?"

"Yes, Emily, I'm still here," she answered and her tone made Emily's stomach drop.

"Would you, please, say something then?" Emily requested quietly. "I just told you that I asked my girlfriend to marry me, most mothers would have something to say about that."

"What would you like me to say, that I'm happy for you?" she asked.

"Yes," Emily answered exasperatedly.

"Fine, I am happy for you," the Ambassador told her. "I'm very happy that you can so easily throw away your future, and that you don't seem to care that you're throwing away everything that your father and I have done throughout your whole life to give you the best that we could."

"Jen is what is best for me, Mom," Emily tried. "I love her so much that I don't need anything more than her."

"Emily, you need help. This isn't really you. This isn't really what you want," the Ambassador said desperately. "This is what that man did to you that is making you act this way."

"This has nothing to do with what happened to me," Emily insisted. "I had feelings for Jen for years before the compound. When she got me back, we decided that we couldn't go on pretending that there wasn't something there between us anymore."

"Your mind is just telling you that to make it easier to feel like you have real feelings for her. Don't you see that this is all because of the trauma you went through and she's taking advantage of you?" it was like the Ambassador was begging her to agree with her.

"No! Don't _you_ see that I am happy?" Emily asked her. "This is what I _wan_t."

"You're confused, Emily," the Ambassador started talking over her.

"I love her, this has nothing to do with anything other than her and I," Emily continued to fight the losing battle. "I am in love with her."

"No, you're not!" Elizabeth Prentiss yelled, silencing both of them.

"Why do we have to have this fight every time?" Emily demanded. "Why can't you just be happy that I'm happy?"

"Because you are making a choice that will destroy your life," the Ambassador forcefully and calmly explained.

"No," Emily growled. "This has nothing to do with my life. _Nothing_ in my life has fallen apart because I'm with Jennifer. This is about your life and your beliefs." The Ambassador began to deny it. "Don't," Emily ordered. "I know what your problem with me marrying Jen is. It's that it threatens your career; you seem to think that have a daughter in a loving, same-sex relationship will damage your political image." This time the elder Prentiss was silent. "My father might have cut me out of his life from the beginning because being with a woman made me happy, but at least he was honest about it from the very beginning instead of hiding behind defending my future like a coward. Admit it," Emily demanded. "I already know so just stop denying it and say it! Admit it!"

"Fine," she snapped. "_I_ have a problem with it. And_ I _don't agree with your choice to be romantically involved with a woman because it's wrong and unnatural. But don't you dare accuse me of putting my career over you, everything I have ever done has been to promise you a good future and you are giving all of it up." As her anger ebbed she calmly asked, "Is that what you wanted me to say, Emily? Is that what you wanted to hear?" And the Ambassador hung up on her.

Emily gripped her phone and drew it back like she would throw it, but thought better of it and put it down next to her as anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, and hurt started beating at her fortress walls. Her eyes teared up, and she sniffed in denial of the emotions demanding acknowledgement, desperate to crush them all into a box to be tucked away in her mind for now. She sat there gasping back emotional weighted breaths, trying to take one deep, slow, calm, breath, because that would mean the tears would dry up before they fell.

There was a knock on the door broke the heavy quiet and Morgan opened the door, "Dinner's ready-" he started to announce before he saw Emily. "Princess, what's wrong?"

She shook her head, forcing herself to take that deep breath and control her emotions. "It's nothing."

"It's obviously not nothing, Mama," he told her. "What happened?"

"I talked to my mother," she told him. "I wanted to talk to my dad. I wanted to try and change their minds about Jen and me. I told her about the engagement and she just completely went off at me again. She tried telling me that I don't love Jen, that it's actually a response to the trauma what Levi did to me, and that she's taking advantage of my vulnerability, and if I'd just get professional help I'd see."

"Oh, Emily," Morgan sighed.

"I can remember when I was little, and I'd think about my wedding, my parents were always part of it. My mother cried happy tears. And my father walked me down the aisle and dance with me. That's how it's supposed to work. I know it's stupid, and I don't need it to be happy on my wedding day, but I still want that."

Morgan just hugged her gently. "It's not stupid."

Emily pulled back and smiled at him sadly. "But for right now it doesn't matter because tonight is about me and Jen and our happiness, so let's go celebrate that."

"Ok," he conceded. "Talk to JJ about this though."

"I will," Emily assured him.


	63. I Want the World to Know

**Sorry about the disappearance. Life got busy. I'm back, and have a surprise in the works.**

* * *

><p>JJ sat in her office, working through stacks of files and towards lunch. Her cellphone rang and she reached for it without looking up from the folder that was open in front of her. "Agent Jareau."<p>

"Ms. Jareau, this is Boone and Sons Jewelers. I'm just calling to let you know that your ring is ready," the clerk told her. "We just need you to come by and heck that it's what you wanted, and then you can take it home."

JJ smiled brightly, "Great, I will stop by to pick it up before the end of the day." She hung up and looked out the window of her office to Emily. She played with her engagement ring, thinking and planning. Her face fell as she realized that they had driven into work together, and she didn't want to ask Emily for the keys. Dating a profiler made keeping secrets and surprises like this difficult. Rossi walking into his office and she got an idea, and headed for him. "Dave," she knocked on the door frame. "I need a favor."

"What kind of a favor?" he asked.

"A ride," she told him.

Rossi pulled into the parking lot and JJ told him, "You didn't have to come with me."

"I figured I'd take you out to lunch on our lunch break," he told her.

The car was parked and the engine off, but JJ hesitated when Rossi didn't move to get out of the car. "You can come with me," JJ offered. "If you want to."

They went into the store together. Rossi opened the door for JJ and then accompanied her to the counter. A well-dressed woman standing behind a jewelry case smiled politely as the approached. "Can I help you with something?" she asked.

"I'm here to pick up an engagement ring," JJ told her with unhidden excitement.

"Of course," she turned to the computer. "What's the name?"

"Jennifer Jareau," she told him.

"Alright, I'll be right back with the jeweler and your ring," she said and disappeared into the back.

"Where did you want to get lunch?" JJ asked as they waited.

Rossi shrugged, "What do you want?"

"Coffee and a sandwich?" JJ grinned as Rossi shook his head. "Sometimes you just want case food."

"At least it's not take-out," he relented.

A man in a nice suit came from the back room carrying a small jewelry tray. "A custom design using an heirloom stone and band," he listed, setting the tray on the counter between them. "We restored the band and added the embellishments, while keeping the original vintage engraved scroll work and milgrain beading. JJ picked the ring up to examine it. "It's a fantastic design," he said to Rossi. "You have excellent taste."

"I didn't design it," Rossi told him. "She did."

"Is it what you wanted?" he asked JJ.

"Yes, it's perfect," she nodded.

"Would you like to try it on and make sure it fits?" he slowed down and fell quiet as he noticed the ring already on JJ's hand.

"No, it's not for me," she told him. He looked between JJ and Rossi and the ring on her hand and the one on the counter between them, and figured out what was going on. "I just need a box for it."

He nodded and reached under the counter, coming back with a royal blue jewelry box. "This is a beautiful ring," he told JJ as he placed it in the box. "She's a lucky woman. And it looks like everything is in order," he checked the computer and the receipt. "So now all you've got to do is give it to her."

"Thank you," JJ smiled and took the little box.

Back in the car, JJ flipped the box open and just stared at the ring. "May I," Rossi asked.

JJ nodded and passed the little jewelry box to him. "It was my Dad's Mother's, well the diamond and the band were."

It was understated and perfect. The center-stone was a gorgeous, round diamond. It was framed with smaller, vibrant, round diamonds, making the arrangement glitter and shine in the sunlight. The arrangement was set on a white gold band that was adorned with stunning engraving and craft work, and encrusted with tiny diamonds that started at the corners of the setting and got smaller and smaller, tapering off before they could disappear over the curve. "She's going to love it, JJ," he told her and handed it back. "How are you planning on giving it to her?"

"I have no clue," JJ admitted. "I really just want her to have it."

"You'll know when you think of it," Rossi assured her. "And now for lunch, if we're getting coffee and sandwiches we're at least going to get good coffee and sandwiches."

A little while later JJ walked back into the bullpen with a sandwich in a small paper takeout bag and two to-go cup of coffee. She came up behind Emily and lightly leaned against her.

"Hey you," Emily smiled and abandoned the file she'd been working on. She never had to check who it was when JJ hovered or came up behind her; she could always feel that it was her JJ.

"Have you eaten?" she moved to perch on Emily's desk. Emily just checked the time and scrunched her nose apologetically with a guilty smile. "That's what I thought," she put the paper bag and one of the coffees on her desk.

"You know me so well," Emily grinned adoringly. "Thank you."

JJ smiled thoughtfully, eyeing the little paper bag as Emily reached into it and pulled out her lunch.

"Didn't you get us anything?" Reid asked.

"Why is my fiancé responsible for feeding you two?" Emily responded.

"You're a grown woman," Morgan came back at her. "Why is she responsible for making sure you eat?"

"I forget to eat sometimes because I am passionate about certain aspects of my life, like my job," she explained. "And passion," she smirked at Morgan, "is not a bad thing."

"She also gets cranky when she doesn't eat," Reid interjected.

"Oh, I see," Morgan wagged his finger at JJ accusingly. "You feed her so that she's not cranky at the end of the day, but we'll see how jolly she is after spending the afternoon with a hungry Derek Morgan."

"Calm down," JJ told them. "Rossi has yours." She could feel the little blue jewelry box in her pocket and considered leaving it on Emily's desk before she walked away. "I'll see you later," she headed up to her office. She'd just passed up two opportunities to give Emily the ring. She'd thought about leaving it in the bag with Emily's sandwich and writing 'Endless love' on the coffee cup, and just slipping it onto her desk where she'd be sure to find it. But they hadn't felt right, like Rossi had said. She set the ring box on her desk and stared at it thoughtfully. She flipped it open and smiled gently at the thought of how much she loved the woman who would wear that ring.

There was a knock on the door and it started to open. JJ scrambled to close and hide the ring. "Hey, Kitten," to JJ's relief Garcia greeted. "I've got some files for you and… What is that?" she noticed the diamond sparkle in the light as the box snapped closed and JJ hurried to get it into her pocket.

"Nothing," she said hastily. "You've got some files for me?" she asked flustered.

"Is that Emily's ring?" she asked a little louder than necessary in her excitement.

"Garcia," JJ hushed her and glanced out to the bullpen to make sure that Emily's attention hadn't been caught.

"It is, isn't it?" she pushed.

JJ sighed and checked on Emily again, "Close the door."

Garcia grinned and did as JJ told her too, and dropped the files she'd been carrying on the desk. JJ wordlessly passed her the ring box. She flipped it open and gasped. "JJ, it's so pretty." JJ nodded as Garcia looked at it more closely. "It goes really well with yours too."

"Yeah, I wanted to make sure there was a little cohesion while I was designing it," JJ told her.

"Why don't you go give it to her?" Garcia asked.

She looked at the ring for a second and then her eyes wandered to where Emily was sitting. "I want to make it kind of special, do it right."

Garcia smiled at her, "It's Emily though. She loves you so much that she won't care how you give her this ring."

"I know," JJ told her. "That's why I want to do something special. She doesn't need a romantic proposal to be happy, even though she gave me a perfect night. She doesn't even want a special ring. All she wants is me and to make me happy." She paused and took the ring back from Garcia. "But she deserves all of it and doesn't seem to get that."

"You two are so perfect for each other," Garcia shook her head. "Those files are top priority and I've got some wedding stuff that I want to talk to you about too."

"Thanks Garcia," JJ said as the technical analyst opened the door.

The rest of the day was endless and concentrating took a dreadful amount of effort. But she miraculously managed to get all of her work done. Emily came up to get JJ from her office at the end of the day. As JJ was gathering her things she could feel Emily's eyes studying her. "What?" JJ asked when she turned around to face Emily and she was grinning.

"What?" she replied innocently, still grinning.

"You were doing it again," JJ told her.

"I was just looking," Emily said. JJ just smirked and led the way out of the office.

They got home and JJ took their bags and put them away, and Emily paused with Rachel carried on her hip and set the security system before carrying her to the kitchen. "I bet you're hungry, huh?" she said as she put Rachel into her high chair. "Yeah, let's get you some dinner." She put a small handful of her cereal in front of her while she got the rest of Rachel's dinner together. "How about you try peas again tonight?" she pulled a little container of cooked peas from the refrigerator and glance over her shoulder as Rachel babbled a response. "That's what I thought," she responded and pulled out a jar of baby food, "And some turkey, you like that." She put some left over casserole in the oven to heat up for her and JJ to eat and settled in to feed Rachel. "And after we've all eaten dinner, you'll get a bath," she told her as she helped her get the spoon full of food into her mouth.

"Mommy," Rachel said as she refilled her spoon with peas.

"Mommy's upstairs," Emily told her. "She'll be here soon."

"Mommy," She insisted and waved her sippy cup.

Emily took the cup and set it down in front of Rachel, and felt JJ behind her. "There's casserole heating up in the oven."

JJ hummed her approval and rested a hand on Emily's shoulder. "I'll finish feeding her. Why don't you go and get a shower?"

"Ok," Emily agreed and handed the green and purple plastic spoon to JJ, who took her seat and watched her walk up the stairs from the corner of her eye. She stripped of her clothes and took a fast but relaxing shower, then slipped into an old pair of lounge pants and her old Yale t-shirt, and went back down the stairs. JJ was serving up the casserole onto two plates. She grinned and set the plates down as Emily came into the room. The dishes from Rachel's dinner had already been washed and put away. They sat to eat dinner while Rachel finished her meal with a few pieces of banana. "Do you want to talk about wedding stuff tonight?"

JJ studied Emily for a quiet second as she chewed the bite of dinner that she'd just put into her mouth. She was contently worn from the day, like she needed exactly the kind of night JJ had planned. It didn't involve wedding planning. "No, not tonight," she answered. "I think it's bath time." JJ grabbed the washcloth and wiped banana mush from Rachel's hands and face and lifted her into her arms. "Come on, Mama" she said when Emily started gathering the dinner dishes. "We'll do that later." Emily grinned and followed after her.

They stopped in Rachel's room and JJ set the baby girl down in the playpen to grab a pair of pajamas. "Are you going to try to walk for us tonight?" Emily asked. JJ turned around and saw that Rachel had stood up and seemed pretty steady. Emily picked her up and sat her down on the floor. They sat down within arm's reach of each other and watched as Rachel clumsily got to her feet. "Go on, walk to Mommy," Emily encouraged and pulled back from her a tiny bit.

Rachel struggled for a few seconds to maintain her balance and look around at Emily before she set her eyes on JJ. She reached out to her Mommy and JJ reached out, almost within reach of her little hand, as both JJ and Emily cheered her towards her first step. She stood there wobbling a little as it looked like she was trying to lift one foot and then the other, never getting them off the ground. After a minute of doing that she just bounced a few times before she lost her balance and JJ caught her before she fell.

JJ laughed gently and kissed Rachel's cheek. "Let's try one more time, huh?" She set Rachel down on her feet, holding her until she was steady.

"Come on," Emily called and held out her hands. "Come on, Pumpkin." Again they both watched as she tried to walk. JJ held her breath hoping she would take her first step toward Emily. Rachel got down on her hands and knees and crawled right to Emily. They both just laughed as Rachel pulled herself to standing in front of Emily. "She's getting there," Emily said happily, as she picked her up. "Yeah, you are… What do you have there?" she reached into the little pocket on the front of Rachel's jumper and pulled out a little royal blue jewelry box. She flipped it open and looked over at JJ. "Jen, you didn't have to do this."

"Yes I did, because I love you and I want the world to know it." JJ came over to Emily and eased the box from her hand. "And I'm a bit of a traditionalist too, I guess." She grinned and took Emily's left hand. "I know this is a little redundant, but I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway." Emily was smiling endearingly at her so she went all in and got down on one knee. "Emily Prentiss, you are the only one for me. I want to wake up with you every morning for the rest of forever and see you smile, and know that you're smiling like that because you know that I love you." She slipped the ring onto Emily's finger. "And I am so happy to be spending the rest of my life with you."

JJ stood back up as Emily smiled quietly at her. JJ flashed her a warm smile and Emily leaned in and met her in a gentle kiss. "I love you."

They pulled back and Rachel reached for JJ and quietly babbled demandingly. "Is someone getting cranky?" JJ asked and lifted her daughter into her arms. "Let's get your bath done so we can put you to bed. Huh?" she kissed Rachel's cheek, "I bet that sounds good, doesn't it?" Emily took a short moment to just take in the scene before leading the way to the bathroom. They were almost done bathing Rachel when their daughter seemingly decided that the bubbles slowly floating and disappearing in front of her were hilarious. She let out a joyful laugh and swiped her tiny hand at the water and bubbles. JJ flinched as her front was showered with tepid bathwater. Emily half stifled a laugh and JJ turned a smiling glare at her. "You think that's funny?" JJ aimed the lightly spraying shower head at Emily, getting her directly down the front of her shirt.

Emily gasped and looked at JJ stunned. "Jennifer Jareau, I don't think you understand what you're about to start," she warned.

"Yeah?" JJ challenged and flicked water in Emily's face. "I think I can handle it."

JJ had no warning as Emily made one smooth motion, filling up a small cup, and flinging the water into JJ's face.

JJ laughed in shock and raised the shower head to spray Emily in the face. And within seconds they were laughing and scuffling for control of the shower head and slipping on the wet tiles. They stopped after just a few minutes, when Rachel started fussing a little bit, and they were soaked. Emily reached for a towel and started to dry the floor while JJ got Rachel out of the tub and carried her into her room, wrapped in one of the baby towels Rossi had gotten them.

After JJ had Rachel dried off, redressed, and down for the night she went to their bedroom and found Emily had already changed out of her wet clothes. She peeled her own soaked clothing off and put on a dry pajamas before going down stairs. Emily was washing the dishes from dinner when JJ wrapped her arms around her waist. "It's good to hear you laugh like that," she told her. Emily just smiled.

Later, they were lying in bed, cuddled together and Emily was using the fingers of her left hand to play with her engagement ring. JJ propped herself up a little and took Emily's left hand in her left hand and settled her head on Emily's shoulder to look at the two ring's diamonds sparkling in the dim light. Emily played the tips of her fingers along their twined fingers sending little shockwaves along JJ's skin, and then caressed the rings making JJ's heart flutter.

"It's gorgeous, Jen," Emily told her. "Perfect." JJ kissed her shoulder and Emily kissed the top of JJ's head.

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><p><strong>This chapter was so scattered. Sorry about that too.<strong>


	64. Their Loss, Kid

**AN- November 8:Alright, so I've got a bit of a surprise for you. I have gone back to the begining and edited the first ten chapters and reuploaded them with the changes. Some of them are fairly minor, some of them have addes bits, none of it changes the story. So go back and check it out if you so please.  
>I plan on continuing to edit this story as I'm writing it and post the updated chapters in chunks like this bunch.<br>A huge shout out to Nightlancer600 for editing all of that and giving me feed back. So helpful, in many ways.  
>And without further ado, I present to you, for your reading pleasure: Chapter 64<strong>

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><p>JJ hurried happily to Garcia's lair. "Hey," she greeted brightly. "Are you busy?"<p>

"I'm never too busy for you, Angelfish," Garcia told her.

JJ was vibrating with excitement and the words just spilled from her mouth with no preamble, "We've set the date."

"Oh, my gosh! When?" Garcia asked meeting JJ's level of excitement.

"Last night," JJ told her. "We decided on May, May 23rd."

"A spring wedding," Garcia sighed. "That'll be so pretty."

"Yeah," JJ agreed. "We want it to be a small thing, probably just the team and family. We're going to have it on a piece of land that a family friend of Emily's owns in Oklahoma." She explained, "It has a lake with big house that's been converted into a bed and breakfast on it. They didn't have any reservations for that weekend yet and they let us rent out the whole thing for next to nothing. And there's this big garden with a gazebo. It's perfect."

"I can't believe my Wonder Woman and Super Girl are getting married," Garcia sighed.

"I can't believe it either," JJ told her. "We have so much that we have to do now that we have a date set."

"And now my fun begins!" Garcia exclaimed. "First things first, save-the-date cards; did you look through the samples I gave you?"

"Yeah, we've got the save-the-date cards picked out," JJ told her. "But there's just something that we wanted to make official before we sent them out, which is why I needed to talk to you." Garcia looked at her expectantly. "You need to know what to mark when you get the invitation."

"And what should I be marking on the invitation to my best friend's wedding?" she asked with feigned curiosity and bubbling excitement.

"Maid of Honor, of course," JJ told her. She was immediately swept up into Garcia's arms in a tight, slightly awkward standing-friend-to-sitting-friend hug as they both laughed happily. "It's going to be you and Hotch on my side and Morgan and Reid with Emily."

"Oh, Angel, please tell me that she's going to ask my Baby Boy to be her Best Man?" Garcia's voice turned up into a question at the title. "Man of Honor?"

"I don't know, Garcia," JJ laughed lightly.

"Come on," she grabbed JJ's hand and led her out of the office. "Can you imagine Reid planning a bachelorette party? What is Emily calling her wedding party? Bride's men?"

Up in the bullpen, Emily, Morgan, and Reid were lounging at their desks as JJ and Garcia approached them. Emily spotted JJ's raised eyebrow and grinned. "Hey guys, I was just wondering if you'd be my bride's men when JJ and I get married in May?"

"You guys set a date?" Reid grinned.

"Yeah," Emily nodded and wrapped her arm around JJ's hips when she came to stand next to her, "May 23rd. You guys are my closest friends, you've always got my back, I wouldn't want anyone else there with me at my wedding," she looked to Morgan, "and I'm going to need a Man of Honor, and I can't think of anyone better than my partner for the job."

"Of course, Princess!" Morgan exclaimed. "You and me, Pretty Boy, we're going to make a good looking bridal party."

"The tradition of bridesmaids is similar to that of the bride wearing a veil, it originates in ancient Rome, where law required ten witnesses to a wedding to protect the new couple from evil spirits that might want to do them harm because of their happiness," Reid spouted. "Today, bridesmaids are close family and friends of the bride. Many bridesmaids help with the planning of the wedding and throwing a bridal party, but the only duty required of a bridesmaid is to attend the wedding ceremony and to assist the bride on the day of the wedding."

"We need to talk bachelorette party," Garcia told Morgan.

"No strip clubs," Emily asserted.

"A little possessive, are we, Princess?" Morgan teased.

"Our super heroines are so territorial, it's cute," Garcia said to Morgan and Reid as if JJ and Emily weren't there.

"If you want low-key parties you should have picked Reid and Hotch and your men of honor," Morgan told them.

"It's not too late," Emily threatened quietly.

"We'll talk later," Garcia stage whispered to Morgan.

"Hey Morgan," JJ said nonchalantly as she ran her fingers lightly through Emily's hair and smiled down at her. Morgan quirked an eyebrow at her in acknowledgement. "No strippers."

Emily chuckled and looked up at JJ, "Lunch?"

"Oh! Let's do take out in the conference room with everyone and get our time off requests done," Garcia suggested.

"Lovely, more paperwork," JJ sighed.

"It's less likely that there will be trouble with the requests for time off when they're filed with ample notice and all together," Reid said.

"Alright," JJ agreed. "Lunch and leave requests." As the conversation turned to what restaurant lunch was going to be ordered from and away from herself and Emily, JJ felt a gentle squeeze to her hand and Emily stand up behind her. And watched her silently leave the group and make her way up the stairs.

Emily knocked on the doorframe before taking measured steps into Rossi's office. "Hey," she greeted and sat down across from him.

"Hey," he responded. "How are you doing?"

"Good." Emily nodded distracted as Rossi watched her expectantly, "JJ and I are getting ready to really start planning the wedding."

"So you've picked a venue and a date?" He prodded after she had fallen silent for a moment.

"Yeah, there's a little bed and breakfast in Oklahoma," Emily told him.

"Oklahoma?" his eyebrows rose at the question.

"It's owned by an old friend and her husband. Her father worked with my mother and, well, word gets around in our circles," she said. She continued when he waited silently, "Her parents don't exactly approve of what she's done with her life. She went to college, graduated with honors, and then ran off and married a farmer's son that went to school with her on a full ride academic scholarship. She left everything her parents expected for her behind, left that world behind," she told him. "She made a real life for herself. And that was scandalous. It was disgraceful," she finished reflectively, sad and angry. "She got in contact with me, when she heard about me and Jen. She offered her bed and breakfast for the wedding, and it's a gorgeous place, so we found a date that worked. She didn't want to charge me anything to rent out the entire place for a whole weekend."

"She understands," he concluded.

Emily nodded. "Anyway, since we've got a date and everything set the team's ordering take out and filling out requests for time off together at lunch," she licked her bottom lip quickly. "And since we're sending out save-the-date cards JJ and I are letting everyone know which boxes to check on the RSVP cards. JJ's asked Garcia to be her maid of honor and Hotch to be her bride's man and I asked Reid to be my bride's man and Morgan to be my man of honor."

"I was wondering about your bridal parties," Rossi admitted. "It was never really a question where Garcia and Morgan would be, but Hotch and Reid were up in the air. You're both pretty close to both of them."

"We are," Emily admitted. "But it wasn't a hard decision. We're both close to both  
>of them in different ways. It makes sense this way."<p>

"Of course, which of us stands with who at you're wedding doesn't really matter to any of us, we're like a family. We're all just happy to be there with you to celebrate." He was as reassuring as he always was with her. Familiar and comforting and safe and understanding.

Emily could feel the catch in throat and swallowed easily before continuing slowly, "You guys are my family. I mean," she swung her eyes along the wall behind Rossi to distance herself, "Jen has her parents and her brother and his family, and they'll be at the wedding. And I know they're going to be there for us, not just Jen. But I just..."

"Your parents aren't coming to the wedding?" he only half asked.

"I don't know, I haven't heard from my mother since I told her that Jen and I are engaged" she told him quietly.

"Have you talked to JJ about this?" he asked gently.

"Yeah, of course," Emily told him, shrugging her shoulders to tell herself that it was no big deal. "She knows that I want them to be there for my wedding. And I know that she's going to do everything that she can to try and make that happen for me, because it's the only thing about the wedding that I've said I wanted. But it's more than that. I want them to be there because I want them to be happy for me. I don't think that it's going to happen and I can find a way to live with that. But Jen, she can't imagine a parent not having that loving relationship with their child." She shifted her eyes away from his and he knew that she was done talking about that. "Anyway, we're going to send them an invitation but I don't know if they'll come," she trailed off and it was quiet for a second before she continued. "Outside of my parents this team is my family. You guys are all more of a family than I've ever had. You've been more of a parent to me than I had growing up. You were there for me through everything over the years, even when I didn't expect anyone to be there. You're like a father to me, Dave." He knew enough about her that he could hear the emotion in her voice, see the honesty and feeling in the slight shimmer in her eyes. "I want you to be at the wedding as part of my family, whether my parents come or not."

He leaned forward and reached out for her hands, and when she placed them in his, he gently closed his fingers around them and held eye contact with her. "Your parents don't see the wonderful woman that you are and the beautiful love that you have with JJ, but what they don't know is that it's their loss. And I would love to stand up with you at your wedding day as your family, kid."


	65. Like That

**AN: I guess I just can't stop writing the angst. I'm going to try and make the next chapter a happy chapter.  
>I also blame Jennifer Nettles' new cd for the super angst at the end. It's fantastic, if you like her or Sugarland at all you should check it out. But my inspiration hit while I was listening to 'This Angel'.<strong>

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><p>"Look who it is," JJ sing-songed as she walked into the room with Rachel.<p>

"It's our birthday girl!" Emily exclaimed and swooped in to cover her daughter's face with kisses until she was laughing in that way that a baby does that made JJ and Emily smile too. "Are you ready to see everyone?" she asked. "Everyone's going to be here, and Jack's going to be here to play with."

"You've got the camera charging?" JJ asked.

"Yup, it's on the counter in the kitchen along with the extra battery," Emily told her. "Ready?"

"Let's go," JJ agreed and led the way out, feeling Emily's hand hover over the small of her back as they walked out the door. She slipped her hand into Emily's and intertwined their fingers. "You know that Garcia's going to want to talk wedding stuff while we're getting ready for the party, right?"

"Yeah," Emily acknowledged. "I've got the tablet."

"Ok," JJ said, and kissed Emily on the cheek. "I just wasn't sure that after last night that you really wanted to do anymore planning yet."

"It's ok," Emily told her. As JJ buckled Rachel into her car seat, she thought about how she'd left the room in a huff when Garcia had pushed her to talk about dresses, and JJ coming into their bedroom a few minutes later, a little sad and a little worried. She'd apologized immediately, hating that look on JJ's face and knowing that she'd put it there with her brash actions.

JJ stood up and noticed Emily looking kind of blankly at her, "You know," she took her hand again. "You're allowed to have opinions about this too. It's our wedding, not my wedding."

"Jen, I hadn't thought much about the details of _our_ wedding," she admitted. "And you know that I always wanted the fairy-tale wedding, or at least the last time I'd thought about it before you that's what I wanted. And that never changed, I want the beautiful ceremony and the dress, and you." She smiled, "I hadn't thought about the details because the part that matters the most to me is that you're the one that I'm marrying. If it makes you feel better I'll be more involved in the plans."

"Ok," JJ smiled back. And they got into the car and headed out.

"It's the birthday girl!" Garcia announced as they walked over to the table she was sitting at in the coffee shop. "And after we have caffeinated we're going to go and get supplies for your first birthday party."

"I'll get them," Emily volunteered, her hand lingered on JJ's shoulder as she walked over to the end of the line.

"So," Garcia started as JJ got Rachel settled in her lap, apparently ready to dive right into the awkward topic. "Have you two talked anymore about wedding stuff?"

"We talked about it last night, after you left," JJ told her. "She's not getting cold feet or anything like that. The way she reacted when she saw me upset, she just kept telling me over and over again that she was sorry, and she loves me so much." She said it with absolute certainty and awe.

"What was that all about then?" Garcia asked.

"She said that it's just that she hadn't thought about wearing a dress and the idea took her by surprise." JJ sighed, "She's always put me ahead of everything. She wants me to be happy, all she wants is me. I want to make sure this is us, I want it to be about us."

"I'm sure that she can understand that if you tell her," Garcia said gently.

JJ nodded absently, and muttered, "Yeah."

"So, you talked about wedding stuff?" Garcia asked.

"Yup, we picked colors," JJ told her with a budding grin.

"Shades of blue and purple," Emily added as she came up to the table with their coffees and a juice box for Rachel.

"Do you have a scheme or combo in mind yet? What are you thinking?" Garcia asked.

"We really like the idea of dark and dull blues and vibrant purples," JJ told her as Emily poured the juice into Rachel's cup.

Emily made sure Rachel had the cup and was going to drink the juice and not throw it or drop it as she explained, "We think they'll look good with the green of the garden and grass and trees and the lake."

"I like it." Garcia said. "Ok, we can definitely work with this." And she was off, with ideas for seating and decorations and flowers that worked with those colors.

JJ and Emily met eyes over their coffees and shared a smirk.

Later that evening Emily closed the door behind Garcia, the last of the team to leave their apartment after the party. She turned around and took in the now empty kitchen and living room. It had been decorated with colorful teddy bears, pink balloons, and a banner that was scrawled with 'Happy 1st birthday!' The balloons were mostly deflated now, smaller and half hovering and sunken completely to the ground. Two hand towels were on the kitchen counter, smeared with pink and purple frosting and chocolate cake, along with a white keepsake onesie that was stained purple and pink from the frosting on the smash cake that they'd gotten for Rachel to make a mess all over herself with.

Both JJ's and her phones beeped with a message on the coffee table next to the gifts from the team. Hotch had gotten her a colorful set of blocks in different shapes and sizes and patterns and a toy keyboard, Garcia got her a set of wooden puzzles and a pink and purple toy wooden dragon attached to wheels, Reid got her a few picture books, Rainbow Fish, Where the Wild Things Are, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, If You Give a Pig a Pancake, and the complete set of Dr. Seuss, Morgan made a colorful growth chart for them to keep track of Rachel's height on, decorated with teddy bears and tiaras and the alphabet and numbers, with 'Little Princess' across the top, Rossi got them a certificate for a toddler bed when Rachel was ready for it, and the camera that their friends had used more than them but Emily and JJ managed to capture some moments on, Reid holding Rachel on his lap and reading one of the picture books to her while she looked up at him, Rossi helping her put Garcia's party hat on his head, Hotch helping her walk and hovering behind her while she walked wobbly on her own, Garcia accepting a bite of cake from Rachel off of her fork. On her way to check the message she noticed the bow off of one of the presents that Garcia had put on Rachel's head, and Rachel had spent the next thirty minutes playing with instead of opening her presents before giving it to Hotch, and then later finding it again and continuing to carry it around and play with it. She picked it up and picked up her phone.

The message was from Garcia. It had four pictures attached to it. The first was of Rachel with the bow on her head. The second was of Morgan eating frosting off of Rachel's fingers after she'd made a mess with her smash cake and had the frosting all over her hands. The third was from only seconds after the second, when Rachel had wiped both of her frosting covered hands on Morgan's face. The last was taken from the kitchen, the team was all sat on the couch with Hotch holding a drowsy Rachel and Emily and JJ standing behind them, leaning against each other, JJ's arm around Emily's waist, and their heads resting against each other, watching adoringly. Emily saved all of the pictures to her phone and moved to throw the ribbon away, pausing to look at it and smiled before dropping it into the garbage with the rest of the wrappings from the presents.

JJ came down the stairs and sat down on the couch. "The party must have really worn her out. She barely even woke up when I was getting her ready for bed and she fell right back asleep." Emily leaned back against the counter and looked at JJ. "I can't believe she's a year old already."

"Almost two years since it all started," Emily said distantly.

"Almost two years since us," JJ followed up, studying Emily carefully.

Emily smiled at that remembering how their feelings had unfolded even after everything that had happened and how amazing those two years have been. She pushed off the counter and walk over to JJ. She took her hands and pulled her to stand with her and held onto her hands. "When did you think that whatever it was you were feeling for me was more than just friendly affection?"

"Well," JJ said thoughtfully. "The first time that I remember would have to be after that time you'd had a really crappy day and cancelled a girl's night, and I came by to check on you. And we fell asleep watching cheesy movies in your bed. The next morning we turned the alarm off and fell back asleep, and you didn't have time to do your hair. You said that it was completely unmanageable and unruly, and that you hated not having time to do something with it because it looks horrible. And I told you that I thought it looked good and I liked it when you didn't do anything with it because it looked softer. You smiled and when I got to work I mentioned that you were having a bad couple of days to Garcia, because I knew that she would get the boys in on it too. Because I wanted to see you smile like that again. The way you're smiling right now." JJ kissed her softly. "What about you?"

"It was on the kidnapping case in Louisiana, I'd gotten so involved in the case. I was determined not to lose another woman to that unsub. When we caught him, and saved her, I walked out of that shack in the middle of the bayou with her, and you looked at me with this look, like I was something special, something you adored and appreciated and like I was your hero. I never wanted you to stop looking at me like that." Emily said and looked down at their hands, she looked back up but played nervously with JJ's fingers intertwined with her own. "After Levi, I thought that I had to get back to normal right away, do it on my own, and be that person that you looked at like that, I was so scared that you'd never look at me like that again." A tear slipped down her cheek. JJ reached up and wiped it away, cupping Emily's face in her hands. "The first time we kissed, I was sure that you'd still look at me the same sad way you had since I got out of the hospital, but you looked at me with that look and it was the first time I felt like I was still me."

"Em," JJ brushed Emily's hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ears. She slipped her arms around Emily's waist and held her close, tenderly kissing her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, her forehead, her nose, and her lips again. Emily tucked her head against JJ's shoulder and JJ rocked back and forth slowly as Emily's entire body trembled against her. JJ hummed softly, almost right against Emily's ear.

Emily recognized the song and could hear the lyrics in her head as JJ hummed the chorus. 'And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck. I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet. And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.' Emily raised her head and wrapped her arms around JJ's neck as they kept swaying to JJ's quiet humming. 'Kiss me like you wanna be loved, you wanna be loved, you wanna be loved. This feels like falling in love, falling in love. We're falling in love.' JJ looked into her eyes with that look, the way she wanted JJ to always look at her, like she thought the world of her, and her eyes drifted closed and JJ brushed her lips against her forehead before resting her own forehead against Emily's. 'I've been feeling everything from hate to love, from love to lust, from lust to truth. I guess that's how I know you. So I'll hold you close to help you give it up.'

JJ stopped humming and waited a second. She kissed Emily gently when she didn't open her eyes. Emily's deep brown eyes opened and JJ whispered, "I look at you like this because you are something special Emily Prentiss, you are amazing, you are a hero, my hero. I see it all in you every day. And I am so lucky to have someone like you in my life. Sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve you."

JJ teared up as she finished what she had to say and Emily held her close and kissed her gently. And she gave her a small but genuine smile. "Come on," she suggested. "Let's go to bed."

Once they were snuggled up in bed with Emily resting her head on JJ's shoulder and JJ running her fingers through Emily's hair, JJ said the last thing she needed to say. "The first time we kissed I was scared that I had gone too far and messed everything up. But you smiled. And I was so happy to see that smile that I knew that no matter what, I was going to do everything I could to make sure that you were smiling because I loved you. I look at you that way because I love you."

"I love you too," Emily sighed.


	66. Soft

**AN: Wedding stuff. And it's not angsty or dark. I'm going to try and do a case soon.**

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><p>"Quit dragging your feet Prentiss," Garcia ordered as Emily took her time pouring coffee into her travel mug. "You're not going to be allowed to have that in the boutique anyway." Emily just glared at her. "You can look at me like that all you want it's not getting you out of this. The only reason we could even get appointments at this place was because you threw your mother's name around and if you two don't find your wedding dresses soon you might not be able to get them in time for the wedding. It's only eight months away. And JJ's mom drove down here to help her pick out her dress."<p>

"I know, Garcia," Emily said. "Just let me have my coffee and I will happily try on wedding dresses and parade around for Morgan."

"Oh, come on Princess, don't you want to use this opportunity to make me tell you how pretty you are."

"Will you two please take this seriously," Garcia begged. "Aside from you and JJ being completely and entirely jealousy inducing in love with each other, the dresses are the biggest moments of your wedding. When you walk down the aisle everyone is going to be staring at you in that dress." Morgan and Emily shared a look. "If she doesn't come out today with a dress I am holding you responsible, Derek Morgan," she threatened.

"We're taking it seriously," Morgan promised as Emily busied herself with washing the coffee pot.

JJ hurried down the stairs, "Alright, Reid's all set with Rachel. You guys ready to go? We're running late."

Emily hung back and watched as JJ hurried Morgan and Garcia out the door. She absolutely glowed with excitement and the sheer happiness was radiating off of her making Emily smile absent-mindedly.

"Come on, Em, mom's probably going to beat us there," JJ said with the impatience of a child that had been promised a trip to get ice cream and was waiting for her parent to be ready to go.

"Coming," she answered and hurried to the door, handing JJ the travel mug she had prepared for her. She enclosed her hand around JJ's and entwined their fingers, feeling the ring on JJ's left hand against her middle and ring fingers.

The drive into the city went by a lot faster than Emily wanted. But they got to the bridal salon just as Sandy was getting out of her car, and the way JJ jumped out of passenger seat and ran to hug her pushed all of Emily's self-consciousness out of her mind for the time. Emily was immediately swept into a hug by Sandy when the rest of them caught up to JJ. "Look at you two," Sandy said as JJ encased Emily's hand in both of hers.

"Mom, you can't start crying yet," JJ said with a little laugh.

"Right, come on," she agreed and ushered Morgan and Garcia in front of her towards the door, with JJ and Emily following behind.

JJ tugged slightly on Emily's hand, bringing the two of them to a stop. She wrapped an arm around Emily to anchor her in place and kissed her.

Emily smiled and led them into the shop, right behind the rest of their group. They were immediately greeted with two consultants from the store greeting them. "Which one's my bride," the young, tall consultant with a dark brown pixie cut asked.

"Depends on which one you're looking for," Morgan told her.

"JJ," she told them.

"That's me," JJ stepped forward. "And this is my mom, Sandy, and my best friend and maid of honor, Garcia."

"Alright, I'm Danny," she said as she led the three of them to a small dressing area towards the back on one side of the store.

This left Morgan and Emily with a short, older woman, with greyed hair and the styled confidence of time. "That must make you Emily," she greeted. "I'm Dianna."

"Emily," she confirmed, "And this is Morgan, my man of honor."

"Ok, are you ready to get started?" Dianna asked.

Emily only nodded. Dianna led them to a dressing area at the back of the store, on the opposite side from where JJ and the others were.

"Alright, JJ, tell me a bit about the wedding and what kind of dress you're looking for," Danny requested.

"Well, the wedding is in May. It's going to be at a bed and breakfast in Oklahoma," JJ told her. "I want a dress that has a classic feel to it, but is a little modern too. I don't want to look like a cake topper."

"So," Danny flipped through a rack of dresses. "Nothing like this?" She held up a typical, spaghetti strap ball gown with a satin bodice and full tulle skirt.

"Exactly," JJ said. "I'm definitely thinking strapless but I don't know what kind of style I'm looking for. I don't want something loud or busy, you know, show stopping. And I'm not looking for a ball gown, but a fit and flare or A-line with a full skirt could be ok."

"Alright, I'm just going to go and pull a few dresses for you to try on and see if we can narrow down the dress you're looking for," she told her and motioned to the simple robe hanging on the chair in the corner. "I'll be right back."

JJ had just stripped off her pants and was reaching for the robe when there was a knock on her dressing room door and it started to open as she said, "Just a second." And she scrambled to get the robe to cover herself

"You have to try this one on." Garcia slipped in with a wedding dress. "I think you might like it and I want to see you in it."

"Alright," she took the dress and hung it up. "I'll try it on."

Garcia went back out and waited with Sandy to see JJ in the first dress. They didn't have to wait long. JJ walked out of the dressing room in a strapless A-line dress with a full tulle skirt and a satin cummerbund sash around the waist, and delicate lace floral overlays with subtle metallic thread along the bodice and skirt. Sandy gasped and Garcia let out a soft, "Oh," at the first sight of JJ in a wedding dress. JJ stepped onto the small platform in front of the mirrors and examined herself.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Danny said.

"It's pretty," JJ told them. "But I don't… It's not my dress."

Danny smirked and interjected, "You can say you don't like it."

"It's too young," JJ motioned to the bodice and the sash. "The top makes me think of a dress I'd wear to church or a homecoming dress."

"Alright, onto the next one," Danny said and held open the dressing room door for her.

The next dress was a stunning satin A-line gown with a fuller skirt than the last one, and gorgeous, romantic bead appliques along the bodice and skirt. JJ again stepped up onto the platform and considered herself in the dress. After a minute Garcia spoke up. "No," was all she said at first. "The dress is gorgeous. You look gorgeous in it. But that is not your dress."

"You're right," JJ agreed. "It's stunning, but I want something softer," she said still scanning her reflection in the mirror.

Garcia almost squealed in delight when JJ walked out of the dressing room in the dress that she had pulled. Danny stood next to the mirrors as JJ looked at herself in the dress. "This one is technically a ball gown, but the dropped waist doesn't allow for a really full skirt, even with the ruffles it sits more like and A-line. Is this more of the soft look that you're looking for?" she asked.

JJ examined the dress, the rouching on the bodice, the ruffles, the full skirt, with the dropped waist. "It is the softer look that I'm talking about but I'm just not liking the full skirts."

"Alright, let's try something else," Danny said. She put JJ in a tulle and beaded lace dress with a dropped waist that was something between and A-line and a trumpet shape, fitted just past her hips and then flowing out from there.

"We're getting closer," Sandy said when JJ walked out.

"Yes, we are," JJ agreed. "I don't like this fit-and-flare shape," she motioned to her hips.

"Awwww," Garcia whined. "But your butt looks fantastic in it." Sandy shook her head and JJ smirked and rolled her eyes a little. "What? I'm just saying, I'm sure Emily wouldn't have anything bad to say about it."

"I saw the way you two were when you came the shop," Danny said. "I'm pretty sure she won't have anything to say about whatever you wear."

JJ smiled, "I don't like the lace and beading, it's still too much."

Danny nodded, "I think we're almost there." She came back to JJ's dressing room with four more dresses. "Ok, all of these dresses are organza and they have that soft look that you like."

The first dress of the two had an empire waist, flowing skirt, and a rouched bodice with a deep sweetheart neckline. JJ walked out and both her mom and Garcia audibly gasped. "JJ, that's beautiful," Sandy said.

"It's so graceful," Garcia added.

"I love it," JJ responded. "But the shape doesn't do anything for my body. It almost feels like I'm all shoulders and neck."

Danny nodded, "Let's try another one." And she followed JJ into the dressing room, picking out the next dress from the three left of the four she'd brought in. She got JJ into the dress and stepped away, letting JJ see herself in the mirror.

The door to the dressing room opened and JJ stepped out, tears misting up her eyes, and a huge smile on her face. "Guys, I think this is it," she said. And when she stepped onto the platform she only fell more in love with this dress.

"You look angelic," Garcia said, dabbing at her eyes. "It's absolutely ethereal."

"It's perfect," Sandy added as they both stood up to hug her. "This is your dress."

This was her dress. This dress with a dropped waist, rouched bodice, and gentle flowing skirt, that was soft and beautiful was perfect. "This is my wedding dress."

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><p><strong>Up next: Emily's dress.<strong>


	67. Let's Find Your Dress

**AN: I swear the universe somehow knows. Every time I would start to work on this chapter I'd get a few new follows or favorites. Also, every time I go grocery shopping I pass a highway JJ and I think about working on this story.**

Emily settled into her chair in the dressing room with Dianna, she unconsciously picked at her fingernails.

"Tell me a bit about JJ," Dianna said kindly.

"We met at work. She worked with our team long before I did. JJ kind of showed me the ropes of the place, but she never treated me like I had something to prove to her." She smiled to herself at the memory of the smile JJ had given her when they'd had coffee in her office and walked Emily through the paperwork. "She's my best friend. It was this slow, but complete growing and changing feelings toward the other. And here we are two years later, and we're raising our daughter together, I proposed and we're getting married. We fell hard for each other without even realizing that was what was happening."

"The best ones always start that way," Dianna told her with a smile, noting that Emily wasn't picking her fingernails any more. "And how about the wedding?"

"We're having a spring destination wedding. It's going to be at this really nice bed and breakfast in Oklahoma with our close friends and family." Emily told her. "It'll have just a touch of that simple country feel to it."

"Tell me about the dress you're looking for," she prompted.

"Full back and long sleeves," she answered quickly. "But I really want the dress to be elegant and feminine."

"What kind of style are you looking for?" Dianna asked.

"I don't know," Emily answered.

"No idea at all?" She asked, a little surprised.

"I know it's probably not something you hear very often, but I haven't thought about my dress, or many of the details of the wedding at all for that matter. I keep having to remind myself that's there's more to this than just getting… her," she finished slowly. "I must sound like such a sap."

"Don't even worry about it, we can work with this. Go ahead and change and I'll be right back," the older woman eased with a hint of promise in her voice and left.

Emily stripped out of her shirt and adjusted the strapless bra she'd worn for this before quickly pulling the soft, satin robe and tying it securely, then shimmied out of her pants, neatly folding and draping them over the back of the chair. She then took a calming breath and smoothed both her hands over the fabric of the robe from her waist to the hem as she released the air through her nose.

Dianna came back into the room after a few minutes with her arms full of a bunch of dresses. "Alright," she said as she hung them up. "I've got the six main styles that full sleeve dresses come in, so we can start with these and get pickier with specifics from there. Is there anything right off the bat that you don't like?"

Emily stepped up to the dresses and glanced over each one. "I don't like the ball gown or the fit and flare."

"Alright," Dianna moved those two dresses away from the others, "what about these four? Does one of them jump out at you?"

Emily picked one and Dianna started taking it off the hanger. As she started removing the robe she kept her eyes off the mirror, avoiding being able to see herself or Dianna through the reflection. She told herself that this woman had seen every kind of mole, stretch mark, skin discoloration, freckles, and scars imaginable in her years helping women find their wedding dresses, and that her skin was no different. But she still felt the hesitation when the older woman saw her bare back and arms.

The sight was a slight shock to Dianna and it momentarily halted her in the task of getting Emily into the dress. She made a point not to stare, but it was impossible not to look at the marred skin as she worked the fabric over her hips and up her arms before securing the dress closed up the back. It wasn't her place to comment, but she could see the way those scars affected the woman before her.

Emily looked herself over in the mirror. The dress was a simple A-line, modest, a lace overlay over a strapless base. Well, it was a wedding dress, she thought as she gently bit the inside of her cheek. Morgan was all smiles when she walked out. After she was situated on the small pedestal she took another minute to take in the dress.

"What are you thinking?" Dianna prompted.

"I don't like this," she motioned to the sheer lace that covered her arms, shoulders, and back, and created a modest open V-neck shape. "It looks like a cover up."

Morgan nodded, agreeing with her when Emily looked for his opinion. "The shape is too rigid. It's too stiff."

"Alright, on to the next one," Dianna said as she let Emily step down and lead the way into the dressing room.

As soon as the next dress was on Emily knew it wasn't going to be her dress. "No," she said as she looked at herself in the mirror.

"I want to see it," Morgan called from his seat not far from the dressing room door.

"It has a collar, Morgan," Emily called back. "You don't need to see it because I don't like it."

"Let me see it, Em," he responded.

"Fine," she huffed and stepped out.

The dress was an A-line gown, with a sweetheart neckline, and sheer lace covering her arms and back. The lace only covered the bodice of the dress, leaving the skirt a crisp, smooth, white. And, like Emily had said, the lace continued up her shoulders and finished in a turtle neck collar.

"So, not a fan of the collar?" Dianna asked.

"No, it's too straight laced. It makes me feel a little pompous," Emily told her. "And I don't like that the whole dress doesn't have the lace."

"I kind of looks like something I'd expect your mother to suggest you wear," Morgan added.

"Exactly," Emily snarked, as she made a beeline for the dressing room.

"You're not too fond of your mother's sense of style?" Dianna asked as she helped Emily out of the rejected dress.

"The dress made me feel a little pompous," Emily told her. "My mother is pompous and the way she dresses shows it."

"Let's try something else then," she said, picking from the remaining dresses.

The lace gown featured long sleeves with small buttons and a tasteful v-neckline. An empire waist gave way to an A-line silhouette. And when Emily walked out of the dressing room Morgan smiled widely.

"This is better," Emily announced.

"It's gorgeous, Em," Morgan added.

"But…" Dianna prompted after a minute of Emily just silently contemplating her reflection.

"I don't like the waist up here," she motioned to the waist line sitting just under her bust line, "it doesn't do anything for my body shape. And it's not the kind of elegant that I'm looking for. It doesn't make me feel feminine."

Dianna nodded thoughtfully, "I've got a dress I want you to try." She helped Emily out of the dress and took the others from the hanging rack before disappearing for what Emily assumed would be the stock room. Emily pulled the robe back on and tightly closed around her body. She felt ridiculous, Morgan was right, each of these dresses was gorgeous, and she looked gorgeous in them, even the one with the collar. But none of them gave her that feeling that she always heard about. They didn't make her feel like a bride. Wasn't this supposed to be when she really felt that? These dresses didn't even let her feel confident about herself; they didn't make her feel beautiful. Wasn't that how she was supposed to feel in her wedding dress?

She cringed at her own linguistic choice and couldn't help but scowl slightly at her reflection. Make me feel feminine. Make me feel beautiful. Because she couldn't feel those things without some kind of outside help? Just get it together, she told herself, pick a dress.

Dianna knocked on the door and slipped in with a dress. Hopefully, her dress. As Dianna pulled the dress out of the protective bag, Emily took it in. It had full sleeves and back, like she wanted, and the entire dress was soft lace. "This dress has what you liked from the other three, and has more of a feminine feel to it," Dianna told her. Emily nodded, examining her reflection.

Morgan took in this dress as Emily walked out of the fitting room. It was beautiful. The gown was all pretty lace, sheer over her arms, from the sweet-heart neckline up to a modest décolletage that sat just on her collar bones, and the scoop back cutout that ended just below the curve of her lower back. The sheath form hugged her curves and accented her body. "Wow, Em," he breathed. "That's gorgeous."

He wasn't wrong; Emily had to agree as she looked at her reflection. The dress was everything she'd asked for. It was elegant and feminine and had a full back and long sleeves. She felt confident in this dress. But she still didn't feel beautiful, or feminine. This dress felt safe. But it didn't make her feel like a bride. Her jaw clenched, and her mouth set in a line as her eyes narrowed on this dress that was her last hope of finding her wedding dress but was just another disappointment.

"What do you think?" Dianna asked.

"I don't know," Emily evasively, feeling the frustration getting the better of her as her throat tightened up on her. "I need a minute," she said quickly, heading for the dressing room before the tears could start. She caught Morgan's worried glance as she closed the door. Securely hidden away, she caught sight of herself in the mirrors again; her slightly hunched shoulders, bowed head, her eyes tearing up, and in a beautiful wedding dress. She swiped away the first tear that slid from her eye and told herself that it was just a dress. But she was quickly starting to realize that it was more than that as the tears wet her cheeks and she sat down in the chair so she didn't have to look at the mirrors. As much as she had acted like she had dealt with her ordeal with Levi for the others, she had managed to convince herself. She hadn't dealt with it, god she hadn't even learned to live with it, she'd just buried it.

Someone knocked on the door and Emily wiped the tears from her face. "Do you want to get out of that dress?" Dianna asked gently.

"Yeah," Emily flicked the lock open. "Thank you."

"Would you like to be done with the appointment?" Dianna asked.

"I think I just need a few minutes," Emily told her.

"Alright," Dianna said and left the dressing room. Morgan looked up when she came back out. "I don't know what's happened with her," she told him, "but if she doesn't feel good about herself, she's not going to find her dress today." Morgan nodded but stayed quiet, and after a few seconds she added, "She could really use a friend right now. Just give her a minute," and then walked towards the main floor of the boutique.

Morgan waited as long as he could, and then walked over and knocked quietly on the door. "It's me, Em."

Emily opened the door, stepping back to let him in. She was in the lounge pants and sweater, but not her shoes or socks. He took that as an encouraging sign. "Hey, so which one did you like best?"

"I liked this one," he pointed to the dress with the high collar. Emily's eyebrows shot up and her head whipped toward him. Spotting his smirk, she rolled her eyes. "The last two were beautiful," he answered honestly.

"They were the least objectionable," she responded.

"Your wedding dress is not supposed to be the least objectionable, Emily," He said.

"Do you want to sit here while I play another round of dress up?" she poked fun at him.

Morgan fixed her with a pointed look, "If I let you leave here with a dress that you don't love and Garcia finds out, I will never be able to set foot in Quantico again." He said completely seriously. "And besides, I'm your best man; I'm supposed to help you find your dress." Emily only gave an acknowledging head nod. "Look at where you are. You have the choice of any kind of dress you want from the best bridal shop in DC."

Emily kept quiet for a moment, her eyes never even flicking towards Morgan. "I think I liked the last one more."

"It was an amazing dress. You looked gorgeous," he agreed then waited. Her body posture, red rimmed eyes, and lack of eye contact screamed that there was more that she wanted to say.

"Isn't this supposed to be exciting?" she asked quietly and finally looked towards him. "I'm supposed to feel something, beautiful, confident, feminine. I'm supposed to feel like a bride, right?" She looked back at the dress. "It just felt safe. It felt like a dress that I would wear on a date to a nice place or on an anniversary or something special…" she trailed off, remembering the feeling of JJ's legs brushing against hers as they looked deeply into each other's eyes, dancing to God Gave Me You in that empty dance studio just before she proposed to JJ, the emerald green lace with a contrasting deep, dark brown; almost black, sleeveless, under-layer, knee length, full sleeve sheath dress with a flattering deep swooping neck line, leaving just a layer of lace covering her arms and a good portion of her back. Emily couldn't help but shake her head and chuckle dryly at her own density.

"What's funny?" Morgan asked.

"This dress feels safe because I proposed to JJ in one like it, this one's just the wedding gown version of it." She told him. "Now that I'm thinking about it, this has been my go-to dress style since JJ and I have been together."

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"The other dress was really pretty." Emily said, "It would look really good in the outdoor garden setting."

"You didn't love that dress, Em," Morgan pointed out.

"Maybe I shouldn't wear a dress," she put out there. "I look pretty good in a nice suit."

"I thought you wanted to wear a dress," he asked.

"I don't know," she stumbled a little.

They could both hear the next part of the conversation hanging in the room.

_It doesn't make me feel feminine… I'm supposed to feel something, beautiful, confident, feminine. I'm supposed to feel like a bride, right?_

"Emily, why don't you feel feminine and beautiful?" he asked after a long heavy silence.

Neither of them could meet each other's eyes as the subject was laid out between them.

"I was hoping you wouldn't pick up on that." Emily told him quietly and moved to sit down in the chair again.

"You know me better than that, Princess. After years with you and Reid, if you didn't think I would pick up on your linguistic cues, I'd be a little offended. You just didn't want me to call you on it." He told her, knowing that he was toeing the line between digging and profiling. "And now you're evading my question." She had a fingernail wedged tightly between her teeth and made no move to remove it. "Emily," he leveled with her, "whatever it is, it's not going to change anything. It can't change things between you and me."

"It's the scars," she told him in a hoarse whisper, her eyes barely flickering to him.

"Em," he said sympathetically, "JJ doesn't care about any of that."

"Of course she doesn't. She practically worships me for them because I do care about them. I am so disgusted by them," she said suddenly vehement. "I can't even bring myself to just let you guys see them!"

"We've all seen them," he cut her off, "outside of the case file." She swallowed thickly, wide-eyed and stunned. "Your sleeves ride up, and the back of your shirts." He watched her tug her sleeves down past her wrists and into the palms of her hands. "The case when you dove into a lake and saved the last victim from being drowned by the unsub. You took your vest off and we could see them through your shirt." Her face fell and her eyes clouded with shame. "It was worse when we hadn't seen them, for us," he told her. "We knew what had happened and we saw the gauze in the hospital and we saw the pictures. In our heads all we could picture was the fresh wounds, even though you kept them covered up."

"Helping me through everything has been so hard for JJ. The whole thing with the compound was hard on everyone but you didn't have to see the healing process. She was so scared that she was going to lose me and it hurt so much to see me hurting," she said barely controlling the tears blurring her eyes. "I don't want that pain and the memory of Levi and everything he did to me, taking up part of this day that is supposed to be all about our future."

"That is not what those scars mean to any of us," he said adamantly. "They are not Levi's marks left on you, and they're not what's left of that compound and him. Those scars are a testament to your strength and the strength of the trust and love you have with JJ. Emily your scars are part of you, and JJ wants all of you, your past included. No one that is going to be at the wedding is going to notice the scars."

"Are you sure?" she asked with a rare hint of vulnerability as she wiped her eyes to clear the tears.

"Princess, if the past two years are any indication to go by, there's no way anyone will be able to see past the joy and love between you and JJ." He told her. "The dress is just going to make you as stunning as that happiness. Do you want to try again?" he asked. She nodded, smiling gratefully. He pulled her into a short hug and slung an arm around her shoulders. "Let's find your dress."


	68. Despite of Them

**I have a surprise for you guys. I created a Pinterest for image references from this story. It's under the user name ADA April Morgan. Just type it into the search bar and then click on the little "pinners" button.**

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><p>"JJ's got her dress," Morgan called from his seat outside the dressing room. "She and Garcia are going to look at bridesmaid dresses."<p>

"They're done already?" Emily called back while Dianna helped her into a new dress.

"Well, she probably didn't spend her appointment trying on a style that she didn't really like, Princess," he teased.

"Don't push your luck, buddy," she warned as she came out of the dressing room.

"I thought we just had a moment," he continued to joke around with her.

Emily rolled her eyes as she stepped up onto the platform, "We did, so don't ruin it." She looked at herself in this dress, this sleeveless, strapless dress. The scars were there, maybe not exactly on display. Dianna and Morgan, apparently, had already seen them. They were there, but it didn't change that she was there in a wedding dress, a wedding dress that she hated, but still a wedding dress none the less.

"Ok, this dress is not the kind of feminine or elegant that you are looking for," Dianna said and Emily wasn't going to argue with her. The bright white, open patterned, full, tiered lace of the skirt, and embroidered sweetheart bodice of the A-line dress was definitely not her idea of feminine or elegant nor was it exactly flattering. "I just wanted you to see yourself in a dress and get some ideas of what you like now that we're looking for something entirely different."

Emily took a few more moments to examine the dress, "I don't like that it's such a pure, bright white or the layering of the skirt," she started with. "I'm not crazy about the difference between the bodice and skirt, but it may just be the lace to embroidery. I'm not sure I like the strapless, having all of this," she motioned to her neck and shoulders, "just be an expanse of skin."

"Alright," Dianna prompted. "What do you like about it?"

"I like that it has some texture to it, but I'm not sure I'm sold on the lace," Emily explained.

"Ok, still don't like fit and flair or ball gown?" she asked.

"Let's try them," Emily said with a shrug.

"Alright," Dianna said with a smile.

When Emily came back out of the dressing room, she was in a strapless, satin, A-line dress with a full skirt and asymmetric dropped waist. "I don't like that it's strapless," she started with. "I don't think I like the full skirt, or the material. But I do like the beading and this," she motioned to the asymmetrical waist, that started just below her natural waist and sloped gently down to a gathering at her hip, and then cascaded down the skirt in elegant pleats that gave some dimension to the dress.

"I like that there's a little something to the top and the skirt," Morgan said. "But I don't really like this style of dress."

"Alright, let's give the ball gown a try," Dianna said.

Even though the dress didn't have a huge skirt, it was definitely a ball gown. It was another satin gown, with a dropped waist, a classy v-cut neckline, and dainty cap sleeves. The bodice and the bottom of the skirt were decorated with intricate beading. "No," Emily said. "It has sleeves but I still don't having this exposed," she waved her hand over her chest and neck. "I don't like the full skirt or the satin."

"What isn't working about these dresses, besides the open necklines?" Dianna asked. "Why don't you like the full skirt and satin?"

"I still want something elegant and feminine," Emily said. "The satin is so harsh. And this dress is beautiful, but it's almost more regal than anything else."

"Princess, shouldn't that make the dress perfect for you?" Morgan teased.

"Ha ha," Emily responded dryly. "I don't need to look like some movie princess on my wedding day. I'm going to feel like one of the luckiest people in the world already." She flushed a light pink.

"Ok, let's try something completely different and see if we can find something a little more you," Dianna said. "Morgan, you know Emily pretty well, why don't you see if you can find one you think she'll like."

Emily had to take a few minutes to examine the next dress. It was completely different than the other dresses she'd tried on, but it reminded her of the last full sleeve on she'd tried. It was a one shoulder dress, made of flowing chiffon. "I like the overall feel of this dress but I don't like the dress," she managed to explain. "I like the fabric, and the ruching on the bodice, and obviously I like that it has a more covering neckline." She let her fingers play over the floral fabric appliques along the dropped waist where the gentle chiffon seemed to cascade into the skirt of the dress and the more subtle ones on the single shoulder. "I don't like these." She played with the fabric of the skirt. "Maybe there's just a bit too much to this dress."

"You found one for her to try on, Morgan?" Dianna asked, indicating the dress draped over the back of the chair next to him.

Morgan grinned a Cheshire cat grin. "I sure did," he said, sounding awfully proud of himself.

"You're pretty sure I'll like this one," Emily said to him.

"I know you pretty well," he told her.

"We'll see," she teased, as she stepped towards her dressing room.

Yeah, Morgan knew her well. The dress was simple, but still had something to it that make it elegant too. It was feminine, it reminded her of the Greek Muses. The dress intentionally looser fitting and was made of flowy chiffon strapless under layer with a understated sweetheart neckline, and a layer of thin lace that covered it, embroidered with simple floral patterns on the bodice that highlighted a natural waist and along the skirt. It had tank top straps and a classy neckline.

"I kind of hate to admit it, but you did a good job, Morgan," Emily said as she stepped out of the dressing room. "This is my favorite that we've tried so far."

"It looks good," Morgan gloated, admiring his own fashion sense. "But…" he prompted.

"It's still not it," she said slowly as she organized her thoughts. "I want the idea behind the style of this dress but with the design of the last one." She looked to Dianna who looked thoughtful, "Does that make sense?"

"I think I have a dress that fits that description," Dianna said and disappeared to the back to get the dress.

"Wow," Emily said. "She's really excited about this one."

"She must be pretty sure it's going to be your dress," Morgan said.

"Yeah, I hope it is," Emily said. "I'd better go wait in the dressing room."

"Hey, Em," he caught her attention as she started to turn away. "JJ's lucky to have someone as strong and beautiful as you."

She smiled a little flattered but thoughtful smile, "I'm lucky to have her to make me that strong and beautiful." And she walked off to the dressing room.

When she came back out of that dressing room she had a huge smile on her face and she was radiating glee. Morgan was surprised by the quiet gasp the left his mouth when he saw her. "Princess, you look stunning."

The dress had everything she was looking for. It had a halter top, creating a tasteful v-neck, and covering the right amount of her chest and shoulders that it didn't feel like an open expanse of skin. The dress was made of chiffon, giving her an elegant and feminine silhouette. It was simple, but still had definition to it with a ruched bodice and asymmetric waistline that swept into a side draped, flowing skirt. She felt feminine and beautiful, not quite with her scars, but at least despite of them.

"I love it," Emily told them, completely unable to wipe the smile off her face. "This is my dress."


End file.
